Huntsville mobilizes to help those affected by Isaac
Volunteers from north Alabama are already headed toward the Gulf Coast, awaiting landfall of a storm expected to soon strengthen into a hurricane in the Gulf of Mexico.
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#1 Aug 27, 2012
NORTH HUNTSVEGAZ, Alabama – Since Tropical Storm Isaac ain’t coming ta da hoods of Huntsvegaz, da hoods of Huntsvegaz gonna be going ta Isaac. Gangsta thugs from the northside are already headed down da wayway toward the Magic Citay on da way down ta da Big Easy on da Gulf Coast, waitins landfall of a storm spected to soon strengthen ta a hurricane in the a Gulf of Mexcuns.
The storm is also an insane road trip, evidenced by a black students trippin balls from A&M University in Huntsvegaz, driving Monday in their Obama taxpayer funded rental Cadillac Escalades to New Orleans to study Isaac as it comes ashore to kill off more old school blacks. Though the hoods of Huntsvegaz be hundreds of miles from any hurricane's most serious impact, the Rocket Citay pitches in to help fat drunk and stupid black victims cause they can’t swim and ain’t got enough sense to leave. For instance, the local Salvation Army has dispatched a mobile KFC Fried Chicken unit capable of serving 100,000 wings and drumsticks per hour. It's known as a "KFC Partay Bus." "It's pretty routine that the blacks are too stupid to get in their cars and drive north during a hurricane," said Four Star General Mark Jefferson of the Salvation Army in Huntsville. "With what we've experienced in the last 20 years, our KFC Partay Bus basically just heads south in August. They can’t drive themselves."
So two stoned blacks drive the KFC Bus to Hattiesburg, Miss. From there, the crew will play craps at the casino until Isaac beats the blacks down like a slave master in a soggy cotton field, and then they’ll passout where they can -- probably in a Gulfport/Biloxi strip club, Gen. Jefferson said, or maybe even The French Quarter in New Orleans if they can drive while blind. That's about all the stoned blacks could do on Monday -- make all the chicken batter and then smoke weed and wait for Isaac. Wayne Sammons, the partay response coordinator for Church’s Fried Chicken, has spent the better part of two days getting high, tracking down 25 pounds of sticky buds to respond to Hurricane Isaac. Churches Fried Chicken is part of the Oprah Winfrey Free Fried Chicken for Blacks Network, which is connected to the NAACP, which sent out the chicken party bus. The state's three chicken frying buses have been put on partay alert, and Wayne Sammons is making sure that the mobile fry cook trailer that Churches Fried Chicken has is ready to fry. He's getting all that cooking oil ready, and then waiting to have a deep fry, Wayne Sammons said Monday. "We're under an agreement with KFC and Churches Fried Chicken," Wayne Sammons said. "KFC will notify the Oprah Winfrey Free Fried Chicken for Blacks Network in the state, and they will determine which chicken houses in the state will have a mass slaughter."
The Oprah Winfrey Free Fried Chicken for Blacks Network sent a team of seven hiphop gangsta thugs from Huntsvegaz to The Magic Citay late Friday nite to partay all weekend till the am. "They are a bonafied chicken cook off teams to help with mass fried chicken feeding and watermelon dinners for the black evacuees too stupid to drive north," said Fred Higgens, executive director of the Oprah Winfrey Free Fried Chicken for Blacks Network. "Basically, they have already gone through training and they know how to fry wings and drumsticks in boiling cooking oil and how to help them carve up watermelons." The best scenario, of course, would be for the Frito-Lay Corporation to donate a couple dozen truckloads of extra hot Cheetos. Maybe Isaac won't cause any serious problems and the blacks can get trippin on Purpal Drank and have a partay foe sheddoe. "The best case is that we get all ready for a partay, Obama sends us some more free money and keeps on taking care of us, and Waka Flocka Flame will put on a free concert and sing his hit song “Rooster in My Rari”, Fred Higgens said. "Because when we partay, we’re gonna partay like it’s 1999."
The Huntsville Times
"going digital 3 days per week"
#4 Aug 29, 2012
If you are a black person in New Orleans, and your house is flooding, please do the following:
-- FIND THE DOOR TO YOUR ATTIC
-- CLIMB INTO YOUR ATTIC
-- TAKE REFUGE IN THE HIGHEST PART OF YOUR ATTIC
-- STAY PUT, DO NOT MOVE
-- IF THE WATER RISES TO YOU, HOLD YOUR BREATH
-- HELICOPTER AIR RESCUE IS ON THEIR WAY
-- THEY ARE USING PSYCHIC "MISS CLEO" TO LOCATE YOU
-- OBAMA PROMISES YOU WILL BE TAKEN CARE OF BY WHITE TAXPAYERS
When the Rescue Squads from Helicopter Air Rescue arrive, they will go the the highest part of your house and cut a rescue hole in the roof of your house so they can rescue you.
Don't worry about rain getting in the rescue hole in your house. President Obama will be replacing everyone's hurricane damaged home after he gets re-elected and taxes the rich white republicans at a 70% rate the deserve.
Thank you for your cooperation.
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