A light in the window

A light in the window

There are 52 comments on the Register-herald.com story from Oct 14, 2009, titled A light in the window. In it, Register-herald.com reports that:

Purple candles will carry a silent message to increase awareness about domestic violence.

Join the discussion below, or Read more at Register-herald.com.

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United States

#41 Nov 7, 2009
last year I wrote a letter to the editor of the Nicholas Cronicle concerning this matter. I wanted to tell people not to ignore abuse in hopes that it would get better.....it was never published....

Saint Louis, MO

#42 Nov 7, 2009
wonderin wrote:
My best friend was in a very abusive situation but she was also an abuser, she would hit on him and verbally abuse him unmercifully but the minute he would push her away or anything to avoid her the real fighting would begin. Even after he moved out and let her have his apartment she would go to where ever he was wanting another chance with him. I finally realized it was as much her fault as his--she just wouldn't let go--and he was trying to get on with his life. The men are stereotyped for it and it is mostly the man that does it but I know for a fact that women can be just as bad. She is mad at me now for trying to get her to get help and pointing out to her family some of the basic facts of their abusive relationship but I was so afraid for her and knowing that she kept on at him but still making it look like it was all his fault just wasn't right. Society tends to take the side of the woman without asking questions. Now she is in yet another situation....why do they keep going back for more? Don't tell me it is because he made her feel like she couldn't do any better because she admitted to me that he never put her down or anything like that, he was crazy about her--she was beautiful and very smart--but had an agressive personality that got her pretty far academically and in her job. I don't know where he ever went to but heard he is doing very well, married 7 years with 3 kids. I still love and miss her, we were friends for many years but I can't stand to see her in such turmoil. By the way she came from a very loving family--2 parents, a brother and a sister and none of them are like her.
I know a girl who would push and push and argue and hit until she got into a fight with her guy as well, but the majority of abused women do NOTHING to incite their psycho's. I remember one time one of my ex's was in the kitchen, we hadn't even been conversating, I stepped out of the bathroom, he gives me this weird look and slams a bowl of salad onto the floor. No words, no fight, just slams the salad, looks at me and says "now pick it up". I said nothing, walked outside to try to avoid what I knew was going to happen, but of course, it doesn't stop.

Beckley, WV

#43 Nov 8, 2009
Wonderin....some people get off on being in relationships like that. It is sad, but true.

United States

#44 Nov 8, 2009
It could be said that some people do get off on this type of relationship. If you have ever had any invovlement, direct or indirect, in spousal abuse; you know there is only one way out. You must encourage the injured party to leave before it is too late. I personally hoped it would get better, but that was not to be.
Where do we guys go

Los Angeles, CA

#45 Nov 8, 2009
Is there a place for the men to go for help. I have called some places and was told it was just for women, because a man could work.. One place told me to live in my car and save up some money til I could afford an apartment. But i cant pay for two places.
Its cold and I miss my home and feel like my heart is being ripped out of me, but i cant go back to get hit on and cussed anymore. It hurts two much.

United States

#46 Nov 8, 2009
It is not just women who are abused. There needs to be a place for anyone. Yes, I am sure you do miss your home. This is a very big reason why lots of abused spouses don't leave.
sombody that knows

Mount Hope, WV

#48 Jan 29, 2010
well i was just looking at all the post and i didnt ever read this one for some reason but i have been there it started with me when i was 15 and it was really bad the only thing i got out of it was 2 kids and now that im older and i have grew up alot and i alwalys thought it was me but i was wrong because now i have been with yhis guy for over a year he was everything i thought i wanted in life and then he started pushing me away and we broke up for a while and now we are back together again and he told me i needed to change if i wanted to be with him and i did because i do love him with all my heart but when we got back together it was good i thought it was going to be ok and now i dont know because all he does is want me to clean cook do everything to the house and not go nowhere not to talk to nobody and that was ok at 1st then its like he dont even care about me or what i do for him its just like im not even here i say ilove you and i dont hear anything back and that hurts so bad because when i was away he loved me missed me and now im heare and i have done everything he wanted and changed for him its like its not good enough so i dont know what to to do i know that i love him but i dont know if he loves me we have been threw alot in the last year i have been hit talked to like trash and im not happy at all but in the same time i love him and dont want to loose him for nothing but if something dont change i cant stay and be his everything one min. and the next i dont shit to him there is more in life than that and i know it i just cant win with him no more and im tired or tryn all the time and givein it my all and not geting nothing back not even a thank you or i love you i know i could do better but im in love with him and dont know how to stop love is nothing but pain and i got that tatto becacse of the bad relationships i have been threw in my life
for men

United States

#49 Jan 30, 2010
go to www batteredmen com... they can give you advice or a local numer for help and encouragement.

Oak Hill, WV

#50 Jan 30, 2010
I was in that situation for 9 years. I was abused phtsically and very much verbally. I was totally controled. My boys were suffering so i planned it and i got away. I was stalked bad, abused, spit on and in threat of being killed. That has been 13 years ago and I know what it is, it is hard to get out.I struggled and fought with everything I had. He is gone now and we dont know where he is, but I still fear him ecery second.

Norwich, OH

#51 Jan 30, 2010
the thread ptsd should be read by you folks.that
is actually what you suffer from.take care.keep
talking here to get some of it out and get out
from underneath pressure to an extent.
1.there are competent,understanding people out there who can help.
2.it would be really nice and beneficial to keep
this going.it can be used as a support group and
to both teach and learn about physical/mental
abuse effects and treatments.
3.keep in mind that you most probably suffer from the effects of ptsd.research it,read about it,ask
questions from doctors,other qualified medical
personnel,and there are extremely good counseleors
out there who are true experts.
remember,a good mate will rub your feet for you after you do all the housework.

take care,billy
sombody that knows

Mount Hope, WV

#52 Jan 30, 2010
well its like this i dont really bother me that he dont rub my feet but it would be nice to hear a thank you or the house looks good and it would be great to know that i was wanted and loved for once you know i never thought i would put myself back threw this after the 1st guy that treated me like shit for almost five years but like i said i fell in love with him thought he was everything i could ever want in life and at times i still feel that way but there is a sayin that you dont know what you have until its gone i just wish he could see that because it is true and we broke up and then he missed me and he loved me couldnt wait to get me back as long as i changed but now that i have its like im not good enough in everything that i do but i really dont think he looks at everything that i have done just to be with him i dont know what else any man could want in life because i dont go anywhere i dont talk to nobody i stay home i cook i clean im there for him when he needs me to be i stay up when he has to work at night just so i can sleep with him when he gets home and all i ask for is for him to love me and let me know that im wanted and i love you every now and then would mean alot to me because right now its like he dont even care if im here or not i feel like im only here to do what ever he wants me to do its never about how i feel or what i want and if you love somebody it shouldnt be that hard to make them feel it or just to let them know that you do care about them like i said im givein it my all this time and i cant get anything back from him and it hurts i dont know what else to do im just about ready to give up cause i cant live with somebody that is always pushing me away and making me feel not loved and wanted all the time its pure hell to deal with

United States

#53 Feb 6, 2010
What about ME wrote:
<quoted text>I know wemen are abused, but what about the men? I am abused. I am not joking. It gets really bad sometimes and I don't know what to do. No one believes that a man can be abused and I have been laughed at for telling. So where do I turn?
I believe it is true that men are abused. Women create havoc, then call the police when the man reacts at all. The abuse is more common that you think.

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