Do you have a really good joke to tell?

Do you have a really good joke to tell?

Posted in the Zion Forum

Tooney

Zion, IL

#1 May 30, 2010
If you have some really funny, sick, weird or strange jokes to tell, do it here. Remember everything goes. No holds barred.
Svengoolie

Zion, IL

#3 Jun 27, 2010
Black One-liners 2 (Submitted by users)
Q: Two black guys decide to jump off a building; who lands first?
A: Who cares?

Q: A black guy and his black girlfriend are in a car. Who's driving?
A: The cop!

Q: Why are black peoples nostrils so big?
A: Because that's what God held them by when he was painting them.

Q: What do you get if you search for baboon in dictionary?
A: You get a picture of Robert Mugabe.

Q: What is black, purple,and yellow?
A: A black person going to church.

Q: How do they make roads in South Africa?
A: They make the black people lay down and have every other one smile.

Q: What do you call a black guy who goes to college?
A: A Basketball player.

Q: How can you tell a black person is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

Q: Why are there more black folk then Indians?
A: Because we haven't played Cowboys and Black folk yet!

“Just me”

Since: Jun 10

Montgomery, IL

#4 Jun 27, 2010
Joe and Henry are residents at a retirement center, They are sitting in the yard talking when Joe tells Henry I feel so bad lately. My arthritis is getting worse, and my as-ma is getting so bad i don't know what to do any more. Henry replies I feel just like a new born baby. Joe says Really....a new born baby? Henry says Yep.. just like a new born baby....No hair, no teeth, and i think I just peed my pants.

It's one of my favorites hope you like it.
Moldybread

Zion, IL

#5 Jun 28, 2010
An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra.

The pharmacist said "That`s no problem. How many do you want?"

The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen, but can you cut each one into four pieces."

The pharmacist said, "That`s too small a dose. That won`t get you through sex."

The gentleman said, "Oh, that`s all right. I`m past eighty years old, and I don`t even think about sex anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don`t pee on my shoes.
Vambo

Zion, IL

#6 Jun 30, 2010
I'm coming to the rescue.
John Smith not my name

Zion, IL

#7 Jul 2, 2010
This is an actual true story. It proves how dumb some cops can be. It happened May of 2009 in Zion.
One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.
Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.
The results showed a reading of 0.0.
The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
HMR

Zion, IL

#8 Jul 7, 2010
That was me. And the cop who stopped me was Sgt. Parks, who we all know is a retard anyway.
Sidney

Zion, IL

#9 Oct 6, 2010
A iker walks into a convenience at about 2:30 in the morning. He walks up to the cashier and asks "Where are your tampons?" The clerk goes, "Right down on aisle three, on the end to the left." The biker disappears down the aisle and finally, about 45 min. later he returns carrying toilet paper and cotton balls. The cashier starts to ring him up and goes, "You know, I know it's none of my business, but I thought you were here for tampons." Biker goes, "Well, last week I sent Kristen out for smokes and she comes back with ziz zags and tobacco, by God that fucking bitch can roll her own too."

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#10 Oct 6, 2010
John Smith not my name wrote:
This is an actual true story. It proves how dumb some cops can be. It happened May of 2009 in Zion.
One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.
Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.
The results showed a reading of 0.0.
The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
too funny !!!
phillip

Zion, IL

#11 Nov 6, 2010
A State Trooper responds to an accident and upon reaching the scene he find a woman has been throw out of the wrecked vehicle. Upon further investigation, he realizes that he knows the naked woman. He feels sorry for her and takes of his hat and puts it over her pelvic area to protect her dignity. He then continues with his investigation. After awhile, he notices that one of the EMT's keeps lifting up the hat and looking under it. The Trooper walks over to the EMT and asks him what he is doing. The EMT scratches his head and says "Trooper, that is the first time I have ever looked under one of the hats and not seen a prick.
Lane

Zion, IL

#14 Dec 21, 2010
Q: What do you call the entire Zion City Council
in a swimming pool?

A: The Bay of Pigs.
Hot Here

Zion, IL

#15 Jan 18, 2011
Q-Mayor Harrison and Shantal Taylor decide to jump off the roof of the new Market Square at the same time. Which one lands first?

A-Who cares.
Dildolina

Zion, IL

#16 Jan 19, 2011
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA. I laughed out loud at work.
I work in Zion's City Hall. I can't stand either of them.
Vendetina

Zion, IL

#17 Sep 16, 2011
What did the cal the first black priest?

Holyshit
employee

Willowbrook, IL

#19 Mar 20, 2012
A guy walks into a bar sits down and orders a beer, he notices a fishbowl with a whole bunch of $50 bills in it. He asks the bartender what that's all about. The bartender explains that if he puts $50 in and completes 3 tasks, he gets all the money in the bowl. He's looking at the bowl and its over flowing with money. So being very intrigued he asks of the 3 tasks. The bartender starts to explain, " first, c that bounced down at the end of the bar?" " you gotta knock him out, but in one punch."
The patron is eyeing the bouncer and decides he can't do it.
"The second, my pit pull is out back, and he's got a loose tooth, you gotta pull it"
The guy is thinking he can do that as well.
"Last, my grandmother is upstairs and she hasn't gotten laid in about 40 years, you gotta have sex with her"
The patron automatically denies.
He is sitting at the bar for several hours, and is totally trashed and continuously eyeing that fishbowl overflowing with $50 bills. He says screw it, its worth the money. He takes $50 out of his pocket and throws it to the bowl, goes down to the end of the bar and knocks out the bouncer with one punch, goes into the back yard, you hear the dog howling. He comes back in his arms all scratched up and bloody, he says okay, where's the old lady with the loose tooth.

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