OK Health Care Freedom Amendment, State Question 756

Created by CitizenTopix on Oct 11, 2010

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United States

#37002 Mar 23, 2013
Zane was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly went to the bathroom to check on him.

"Sir, what are you yelling about? You're scaring the customers."

"Every time I try to flush the toilet something keeps biting my balls!"

"Sir, please get off the mop bucket."

United States

#37003 Mar 23, 2013
You wish you could be 117 pounds, instead of 295 after you take an enormous shit in the mornings!

United States

#37004 Mar 23, 2013
One Friday night in San Francisco, Elohimsokie hops a bus to go home.

To his surprise, he sees a very good-looking nun in the back of the bus. He goes to the back of the bus and sits right in front of her.

After about 5 minutes pass before he turns around and starts flirting with her.

After about 10 minutes, he suggests that they get a drink and then maybe go to his place.

The nun is scandalized and orders the man to leave her alone.

The man's stop finally came and he got up furiously and started walking away.

On his way out, the bus driver asks him in a high-pitched voice what his problem is.

He tells the bus driver about the nun and how she won't go out with him.

The bus driver tells him that he could dress up as Jesus and tell her that, for the sake of her religion, she has to have sex with him.

The bus driver says he can even tell her where she lives and that she usually prays late into the night.

The man thanks the bus driver, but got off the bus wondering why a gay bus driver would care so much about his problems.

Later that night, the man goes to her house dressed up as Jesus.

He walks in and sees her praying on a tiny little pew. She sees him and looks shocked.

The man, as Jesus, tells her if she wants to go to heaven, she must have sex with him first.

The nun says okay, but she'll only do it up the rear because of her religous beliefs. The guy does so.

After he's done, the guy pulls of his Jesus mask and says “HA! I am the guy from the bus!”

The nun then pulls off her mask and says,“HA! I am the bus driver.”

United States

#37005 Mar 23, 2013
What a woman says:
This place is a mess! C'mon, you and I need to clean up. Your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear if we don't do laundry right now!

What a man hears:
Blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON, blah, blah, YOU AND I, blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR, blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES, blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW.

United States

#37006 Mar 23, 2013
A redneck teacher named TAMARA decides to give her class a small pop quiz around Halloween.

"Okay, how many of you have seen a ghost?" About 30% of the class puts their hand up.

"Okay, how many of you have actually touched a ghost?" About 10% of the class puts their hand up.

"Okay, how many of you have had sex with a ghost?"

Dead silence, until a little redneck Donnie in the back row puts up his hand.

"You've actually had sex with a ghost?"

"Ghost? Oh. I thought you said goat!"

United States

#37007 Mar 23, 2013
A man calls the Packing Heat Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed gorilla on his roof, and he can't figure out how to get it down safely.

Soon, a van pulls up, and an old man gets out, carrying a small dog, a baseball bat, and a gun. He hands the man the gun.

Packing Heat says, "Okay, here's what we do. I'm going to go up onto your roof, and threaten the gorilla with this baseball bat until he falls down. When he falls down, this little dog will bite him in the balls until he's incapacitated."

"Great," says the man. "But what's the gun for?"

"In case I fall down instead of the gorilla -- shoot the dog."

United States

#37009 Mar 23, 2013
TAMARA standing nude in front of a mirror asks her husband, "I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly - pay me a compliment!"

He replies, "You have perfect eyesight!"

United States

#37010 Mar 23, 2013
A woman walked into the kitchen to find Packing Heat stalking around with a fly swatter "What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh! Killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

United States

#37011 Mar 23, 2013
Packing heat and wife were delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them that they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.

On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?"

The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby, and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him."

United States

#37012 Mar 23, 2013
Dear TAMARA, My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job twelve years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and BS with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I may be a lesbian. What should I do? Signed, Clueless

Dear Clueless, Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman - you don't need him anymore! You're a former United States Senator from New York and a former Secretary of State running for President of the United States. Act like one!

United States

#37013 Mar 24, 2013
Dear Shit for Brains, Chelsea graduated long ago and is a married woman with a successful career started. As far as Bill goes any woman married to the dog would consider being a lesbian a better option....

United States

#37014 Mar 24, 2013
Smaller towns in California had already filed for bankruptcy but now the bigger ones are following..this time Stockton, California. More will follow...

How's those higher taxes working out for you guys?
Detroit is already broke and bankrupt and in receivership because the city leadership was totally corrupt. Chicago is in total disarray with 1 billion dollars in the red. Just this last week Rahm Emmanuel dropped the bombshell of closing 54 elementary schools in predominantly poor black neighborhoods.

All this hope and change and vote me in and rainbows will shine in the sky and we'll have jobs and better educational opportunities.....pure bullshit!

United States

#37015 Mar 24, 2013
We are now in the 5th year. We are now seeing with our own eyes ObamaCare doesn't work. This bad plan won't hit us completely until 2016 with all the new regulations... OMG your insurance prems are going through the roof!
Packing Heat

Vinita, OK

#37016 Mar 24, 2013
"Obama Lord Of The Lies"

The "Lord Of The Lies" Obama keeps letting the Bail Outs happen because he is gets campaign contributions from them. This last week a bunch more are applying for bailouts.

Democrats as well as Republicans are expensive puppets in an elaborate show, paid off and already behind the progressive agenda. He is moving to put 11 million of minimum wage illegal immigrant baby machines into our country. Jobs that would normally go to legal starving students or middle aged people that need work are on unemployment and on food stamps here.

Only to securing more campaign contributions from La Raza. It's funny how some mentally simple people can't see a $9.00 minimum wage is given with one hand. But a $600 Billion in Bank Bail Outs, Higher Taxes, Nationalizing "Corrupt Workman's Comp Style Healthcare" another 100 thousand jobs are lost and a High Tech industry is sold off to the Chinese with the other.

This would almost be funny but now people are starting to be conveniently manipulated against each other like in the ending of the book "Lord of the Fly's". When blatant greed, tyrannous behavior and corruption in Washington as a whole is the real problem.

The Real Subjects Are:

Like an arrogant thief Obama is the one shoving a third world communism down our throats and putting it in our schools curriculum, shipping our jobs off to China, selling off American's oil resources and land, and smugly ripping up our constitution. As he puts us further in debt helping the Muslim Brotherhood form their Democracy and Nations.

This is America not Vietnam or North Korea if Obama wants to be dictator it will get ugly fast. Like I said all this Chinese or Russian Style Communist "Progressive" crap is all about moving money and industry from our nation to China, slave wages, slave labor and is inherently dangerous.

Obama may be in office in America to run it under our Constitutional guidelines. But that does not give him any right to fully sale us out to the Bankers, The Muslim Brotherhood or China and change our government to some third world form of Marxist nightmare. An arrogant Benedict Arnold was an opportunist, got his hand caught in the cookie jar and abused his office just like Obama is doing.

&fe ature=youtu.be

Red Oak, TX

#37017 Mar 24, 2013
One day, Jesse was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Packing Heat driving a brand new pickup. Packing pulled up to him with a wide grin.

"Packing Heat, where'd you git that truck?!?" "TAMARA give it to me" Packing Heat replied.

"She give it to ya? I know'd she wuz kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?"

"Well, Jesse, let me tell you what happened. We wuz drivin' out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowheres. TAMARA pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said,'Packing Heat, take whatever you want.' So I took the truck!"

"Packing Heat, yore a smart man! Them clothes woulda never fit you!"

Red Oak, TX

#37018 Mar 24, 2013
JAG is riding in his stretch limo. He tells the driver, pull over here.

Outside he sees a man, a woman, and 2 kids eating grass near the road.

JAG asks, "Say, what are you people doing?"

Man says, "We're poor and have nothing to eat."

JAG says "get in, I can help you."

Man says inside the limo "Thank you kind sir! How can we ever repay you?"

JAG says "Don't worry about it. The grass at my house is almost four inches high>"
Packing Heat

Red Oak, TX

#37019 Mar 24, 2013
Q & A Time

The following information was gained through much arduous research involving men and women from all backgrounds and walks of life. It consists of the most frequently asked questions of women (i.e. relationships, sex and life in general). All women who read this are encouraged to use the wisdom contained therein to change their behaviour in accordance with the truths established below.

A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it comes to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're not as emotionally confused as women. It's a proven fact.

A: YES. Before, if possible.

A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to remember is that you must do whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes, however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem strange to you. Do them anyway.

A: This is a natural and normal part of nature, so don't feel ashamed or embarrassed. After you've finished making love, he'll have a natural desire to leave you suddenly, and go out with his friends to play golf. Or perhaps another activity, such as going out with his friends to the bar for the purpose of consuming large amounts of alcohol and sharing a few personal thoughts with his buddies. Don't feel left out - while he's gone you can busy yourself by doing laundry, cleaning the apartment, or perhaps even going out to buy him an expensive gift. He'll come back when he's ready.

A: After a man has finished making love, he needs to replenish his manly energy. "Afterplay" is simply a list of important activities for you to do after lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette, making him a sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few beers, or leaving him alone to sleep while you go out and buy him an expensive gift.

A: Yes. Although many women believe that quality, not quantity, is important, studies show this is simply not true. The average erect male penis measures about three inches. Anything longer than that is extremely rare and if by some chance your lover's sexual organ is 4 inches or over, you should go down on your knees and thank your lucky stars and do everything possible to please him, such as doing his laundry, cleaning his apartment and/or buying him an expensive gift.

A: What about it? There's no such thing. It's a myth.

Red Oak, TX

#37020 Mar 24, 2013
Mandy was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her.(As all men will.)

Before she could offer her apologies for so rudely staring, Donnie leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00 only on one condition..."

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20.00 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said... "Clean my house."

Lancaster, TX

#37021 Mar 24, 2013
Jesse wrote:
Reminds me of the joke about WMDs:
How did the US know Iraq had chemical weapons?
They kept the receipts from the Reagan administration.

Lancaster, TX

#37022 Mar 24, 2013
tHE rEPUBLICANS EVEN TRY TO REINVENT nIXON AND CLEAN HIS IMAGE UP BUT THE DIR JUST KEEP ON COMIN ABOUT HIM. bECAUS OF HE ACTIONS OF nIXON DURING the Peace Talks between the south and North Vietnam coming to a stop during the 68 election by some conniving of Nixons to use it politically to win the white house ---the Johnson white house tapes proves he probably committed treason. The stallng of the eace talks cause the deaths of 15,000 more U.S. troops in Vietnam. The tapes on thsi info are at the President Johnsons presidential library.

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