OSU mom

Oklahoma City, OK

#21 Jan 9, 2013
my EX cheated on me. Told me one day, he just didn't want to married to anymore... I spent MONTHS trying to figure out why...it finally came to me when I saw pictures of his little twin boys, born six months after our divorce.

I did nothing to deserve that. I was raising this man's two kids from a previous marriage, working full time, and completing my degree. He gave up on us.. not me!
nope

Dallas, TX

#22 Jan 9, 2013
OSU mom wrote:
my EX cheated on me. Told me one day, he just didn't want to married to anymore... I spent MONTHS trying to figure out why...it finally came to me when I saw pictures of his little twin boys, born six months after our divorce.
I did nothing to deserve that. I was raising this man's two kids from a previous marriage, working full time, and completing my degree. He gave up on us.. not me!
You definitely didn't do anything to deserve that! Sorry that happened to you. No one causes a spouse to cheat, it is their actions and choice not yours. My husband wants me to trust him again, and I still have such issues in that area. He has bought me a new truck ( which I didn't ask for) new clothes, jewelry ,etc.and lavishes attention on me,but I don't want guilt gifts,and have told him it's not necessary. I want trust in him and security again,I guess it just takes time. God Bless, you sound like a good woman. I will pray for many blessings for you.
Chickenpicken

United States

#23 Jan 9, 2013
I worked in the oilfield long hours good pay .Wife had been party ing for a while .That I did not know I came in from work ,she told me she was moving in with her friend ( female ).Come to find out I had been financing The wife her friend her brother and his wife .When she left there was no money in the bank ,rent was 3 mos behind.all bill were not paid for 3 months 600.00 phone bill .All because she said I needed to go to the bars sometimes I did not drink saw no use in going .Divorce lost my ass ,good by don
t even think of cumming back So ladies its not always the Male s fault .There is always two sides of the story
OSU mom

Oklahoma City, OK

#24 Jan 11, 2013
nope wrote:
<quoted text> You definitely didn't do anything to deserve that! Sorry that happened to you. No one causes a spouse to cheat, it is their actions and choice not yours. My husband wants me to trust him again, and I still have such issues in that area. He has bought me a new truck ( which I didn't ask for) new clothes, jewelry ,etc.and lavishes attention on me,but I don't want guilt gifts,and have told him it's not necessary. I want trust in him and security again,I guess it just takes time. God Bless, you sound like a good woman. I will pray for many blessings for you.
Thank you! I would have been happy to work on the marriage.. but you know, I'm ok now. I'm happier than I've ever been and with a man that loves me and wants to be with me.:)
Cheaters suck

Oklahoma City, OK

#25 Jan 12, 2013
I can't understand anyone wanting to work on a marriage with someone who has so little love for them or so little concern for their feelings. All you who have been cheated on, it's best to shake the dust off your feet and move on. The cheater isn't worth a single tear. If you must weep then weep for the time you spent with such a horrible horrible person.
Cheaters suck

Oklahoma City, OK

#26 Jan 12, 2013
nope wrote:
<quoted text>never wanted to cheat on my husband,but he did on me with a woman 13 yrs older than us last year while on a construction job. I have been married to him since i was an 18 year old girl and have taken care of home,family, our farm, all errands, kids,books,and bills, everything but the job he goes to and this is how he repays me! We had been married almost 22 years when he cheated. Now he wants forgivness and trust again. It has just shattered me and I really have tried,but 1 year later I am as hurt and betrayed as I was when I first found out. I don't know why people would do something like that to their spouse. It ruins lives, it really does.
Tell him to go to hell. You deserve better than him and he doesn't deserve you.
nope

Dallas, TX

#28 Jan 15, 2013
Cheaters suck wrote:
<quoted text>
Tell him to go to hell. You deserve better than him and he doesn't deserve you.
Thank you :)
rancher

Oklahoma City, OK

#29 Jan 15, 2013
nope wrote:
<quoted text>Thank you :)
Why did your husband decide to cheat?
nope

Irving, TX

#30 Jan 18, 2013
rancher wrote:
<quoted text>
Why did your husband decide to cheat?
Oh boy long story short...I was at home raising kids, taking care of our home, farm, fencing,books,bills,etc. and he was off on a pipeline job. He's a welder. I would travel to go and see him as often as i could. Spring break so kids could come etc. I got my mom or mom in law to babysit when they would,but my youngest has hyper active disorder and getting them to watch them was hard to do and came very few and far between. So he told me he just felt like i didn't love him and this gal in the trailer park was coming over and giving him attention. So he cheated,but not just for a week or two,he gets a supervisors job in north dakota and puts her to work for him and carried on for 7 months. When i confronted him,and told him to either come home or never come home again he quit and came straight home. I don't accept any of the blame for him cheating. I was alone and taking care of everything except the job he goes to,and I was traveling to go and see him everychance I got. He finally told me that he had just been married to me for 22 years and wanted to experience being single. We are 41 now and I have remained faithful. He is trying to make it right with me,but forgiving doesn't help one to forget. Trust is given the first time,but must be earned the second. I just feel for anyone going through it, Male or female,it's a terribly hard thing to deal with.
thatonegirl

Perkins, OK

#31 Jan 18, 2013
nope wrote:
<quoted text>Oh boy long story short...I was at home raising kids, taking care of our home, farm, fencing,books,bills,etc. and he was off on a pipeline job. He's a welder. I would travel to go and see him as often as i could. Spring break so kids could come etc. I got my mom or mom in law to babysit when they would,but my youngest has hyper active disorder and getting them to watch them was hard to do and came very few and far between. So he told me he just felt like i didn't love him and this gal in the trailer park was coming over and giving him attention. So he cheated,but not just for a week or two,he gets a supervisors job in north dakota and puts her to work for him and carried on for 7 months. When i confronted him,and told him to either come home or never come home again he quit and came straight home. I don't accept any of the blame for him cheating. I was alone and taking care of everything except the job he goes to,and I was traveling to go and see him everychance I got. He finally told me that he had just been married to me for 22 years and wanted to experience being single. We are 41 now and I have remained faithful. He is trying to make it right with me,but forgiving doesn't help one to forget. Trust is given the first time,but must be earned the second. I just feel for anyone going through it, Male or female,it's a terribly hard thing to deal with.
It is definitely a hard thing to go through and I'm sorry u have to go through this. I have been there and still dealing with it 6 years later. The one that is cheated on is never to blame. It doesn't matter if someone is the worst spouse in the world, the cheater is responsible for their own actions. I mean, having an affair REALLY fixes things huh?

If anyone is cheating or thinking about it please stop. You have no idea what toll it takes in the person you are cheating on. It changes everything about them and affects every part of their lives. As a woman it affects them being a wife, a mother, a daughter, a person, everything that they do. You are cheating your children out of their her she could be. The worst betrayal is that you changed her life in a nanosecond and she had absolutely no choice. No one has that right to do that to another person.
thatonegirl

Perkins, OK

#32 Jan 18, 2013
thatonegirl wrote:
<quoted text>It is definitely a hard thing to go through and I'm sorry u have to go through this. I have been there and still dealing with it 6 years later. The one that is cheated on is never to blame. It doesn't matter if someone is the worst spouse in the world, the cheater is responsible for their own actions. I mean, having an affair REALLY fixes things huh?

If anyone is cheating or thinking about it please stop. You have no idea what toll it takes in the person you are cheating on. It changes everything about them and affects every part of their lives. As a woman it affects them being a wife, a mother, a daughter, a person, everything that they do. You are cheating your children out of their her she could be. The worst betrayal is that you changed her life in a nanosecond and she had absolutely no choice. No one has that right to do that to another person.
Correction: you are cheating your children out of the mother that she could be had you not changed her
nope

Dallas, TX

#33 Jan 18, 2013
thatonegirl wrote:
<quoted text>
Correction: you are cheating your children out of the mother that she could be had you not changed her
You hit the naill on the head. After all the times I was out chasing cows,feeding, fencing, working hard, in home and out, it has made me feel like i am the most worthless of people to have been done this way. As if all I did and still do to keep our family together meant nothing. He has cried and begged especially after I got a lawyer and told him I was getting a divorce. He kept saying please don't throw us away,but isn't that what he did? He had everything in his hands and was more impressed with a woman that had never done a thing for him or his children except screw him. He tries really hard now,but it just isn't the same anymore. I hear Please be happy so often it drives me crazy. It takes time to be happy again. I think what got me the most was my 8 yr old the other day. He was acting goofy and it genuinely made me laugh. He stopped what he was doing and said " I haven't seen you smile in a long time mom. You look pretty when you smile." I have decided to not let this situtation ruin me,I don't know how,but I am going to be happy. My children deserve that.
thatonegirl

Perkins, OK

#34 Jan 18, 2013
nope wrote:
<quoted text>You hit the naill on the head. After all the times I was out chasing cows,feeding, fencing, working hard, in home and out, it has made me feel like i am the most worthless of people to have been done this way. As if all I did and still do to keep our family together meant nothing. He has cried and begged especially after I got a lawyer and told him I was getting a divorce. He kept saying please don't throw us away,but isn't that what he did? He had everything in his hands and was more impressed with a woman that had never done a thing for him or his children except screw him. He tries really hard now,but it just isn't the same anymore. I hear Please be happy so often it drives me crazy. It takes time to be happy again. I think what got me the most was my 8 yr old the other day. He was acting goofy and it genuinely made me laugh. He stopped what he was doing and said " I haven't seen you smile in a long time mom. You look pretty when you smile." I have decided to not let this situtation ruin me,I don't know how,but I am going to be happy. My children deserve that.
Bc it will never be the same. And I will tell you this right now, unless he is a strong man of God, he will not permanently change. He has to have God to guide him and he has to have God to be accountable to.

I know the way it makes you feel. I now understand why abused women stay in relationships when I didn't understand it before. BC you think, what the hell else do I have to lose?? It can't get any worse than this. I also know the worthless feeling. I tried seriously 4 years to avoid mirrors. I couldn't stand to see myself bc the cheating made me feel so worthless, ugly, not.good enough, etc but I will tell u something that finally clicked to me after about 5 years and made things easier. 1. Do not try to force change the way you feel. Let urself go through the grieving process and don't listen to people that make it sound so easy to walk away bc he cheated. You are not him, u don't throw ur marriage and family away as easily as he did and a lot of others do. That is something to be proud if, not ashamed of. If people knew the mental and emotional hell you are in, they would know that trying to work this out makes you the strong one 2. No matter how worthless you feel, know this and think hard about this. Your husband is a man. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. Mans nature is to be a piece of shit. They actually have to put a lot of effort into being the kind of man God wants them to be. YOU are not worthless. How do I know? BC God made you, therefore you are worth everything and guess what? God is the ONLY one that matters. 3.(And this may be the most important one) there's nothing wrong with you even though its hard to believe. You did nothing wrong. You are loveable. Your husband loves you. The problem is he loves himself more than he loves anyone else. When he changes this, then and only then can the healing start and it will take a long damned time. Don't try to make things the same. Mourn what you had and realize its not coming back and build something new. I actually mourned the loss of the man I knew and fell in love with and start over. It was like being married to a stranger
thatonegirl

Perkins, OK

#35 Jan 18, 2013
nope wrote:
<quoted text>You hit the naill on the head. After all the times I was out chasing cows,feeding, fencing, working hard, in home and out, it has made me feel like i am the most worthless of people to have been done this way. As if all I did and still do to keep our family together meant nothing. He has cried and begged especially after I got a lawyer and told him I was getting a divorce. He kept saying please don't throw us away,but isn't that what he did? He had everything in his hands and was more impressed with a woman that had never done a thing for him or his children except screw him. He tries really hard now,but it just isn't the same anymore. I hear Please be happy so often it drives me crazy. It takes time to be happy again. I think what got me the most was my 8 yr old the other day. He was acting goofy and it genuinely made me laugh. He stopped what he was doing and said " I haven't seen you smile in a long time mom. You look pretty when you smile." I have decided to not let this situtation ruin me,I don't know how,but I am going to be happy. My children deserve that.
As for your kids, believe this. Your husband couldn't keep his shit together when nothing was wrong. You on the other hand are dealing with this AND ur life and everything in it. That makes one damned strong woman and way better than that home wrecking whore and ur husband will ever be
Suicidal Affair

Oklahoma City, OK

#36 Jan 18, 2013
It was on April Fool's Day, I came up with a prank with a neighbor to play on my husband. We confronted him at our home that we were having an affair and that I was pregnant. My husband completely lost control and became emotional and his last words were "I bought you a new car for your birthday" which has been hidden in storage. We were about to tell him April's Fool when he rushed into the bedroom, locked the door and shot himself to death. We had 4 children together. The car he bought was specifically "girl colors" ordered inside and out for me. To this day, I still remain single.
nope

Dallas, TX

#37 Jan 18, 2013
thatonegirl wrote:
<quoted text>
As for your kids, believe this. Your husband couldn't keep his shit together when nothing was wrong. You on the other hand are dealing with this AND ur life and everything in it. That makes one damned strong woman and way better than that home wrecking whore and ur husband will ever be
Thank you for the kind words. I have trusted God all my life and will continue to do so. It has been a little over a year now,and I am still messed up in many ways,but I have realized I am not to blame in any way for his actions and choices. I think what got me the most is in the beginning when he told me "It's not like I was fuc**** some whore. She is a decent woman like you." I hit him hard. Then explained to him that as a decent woman I had never cheated. Much less cheated with a married man who had 3 kids at home. I mean what the heck?
thatonegirl

Perkins, OK

#38 Jan 18, 2013
Suicidal Affair wrote:
It was on April Fool's Day, I came up with a prank with a neighbor to play on my husband. We confronted him at our home that we were having an affair and that I was pregnant. My husband completely lost control and became emotional and his last words were "I bought you a new car for your birthday" which has been hidden in storage. We were about to tell him April's Fool when he rushed into the bedroom, locked the door and shot himself to death. We had 4 children together. The car he bought was specifically "girl colors" ordered inside and out for me. To this day, I still remain single.
Wow. Don't even know what to say to that story. But thank u for posting it. It does show the emotional anguish affairs cause
sorry

Dallas, TX

#39 Jan 18, 2013
Suicidal Affair wrote:
It was on April Fool's Day, I came up with a prank with a neighbor to play on my husband. We confronted him at our home that we were having an affair and that I was pregnant. My husband completely lost control and became emotional and his last words were "I bought you a new car for your birthday" which has been hidden in storage. We were about to tell him April's Fool when he rushed into the bedroom, locked the door and shot himself to death. We had 4 children together. The car he bought was specifically "girl colors" ordered inside and out for me. To this day, I still remain single.
So tragic.
KMeloy

United States

#40 Jan 19, 2013
Suicidal Affair wrote:
It was on April Fool's Day, I came up with a prank with a neighbor to play on my husband. We confronted him at our home that we were having an affair and that I was pregnant. My husband completely lost control and became emotional and his last words were "I bought you a new car for your birthday" which has been hidden in storage. We were about to tell him April's Fool when he rushed into the bedroom, locked the door and shot himself to death. We had 4 children together. The car he bought was specifically "girl colors" ordered inside and out for me. To this day, I still remain single.
Bull@#$! I don't believe this at all. It's just another April's Fools day story.
Suicidal Affair

Oklahoma City, OK

#41 Jan 19, 2013
KMeloy wrote:
<quoted text>
Bull@#$! I don't believe this at all. It's just another April's Fools day story.
It did happen. It took a while for my children to have forgiven me and we got through it. If you have nothing nice to say, stay far away from here.

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