Student arrested for 'passing gas' and turning off classmates' ...

[Doctor VooDoo]

I was standing in the checkout line at Walmart this morning and a big-bootied woman was right in front of me and she farted so big I seen her sweat-pants flutter, then she looks at me with an evil-eye like I did it! I said "somebody step on a duck?" and the checkout lady started laughing. Then it HIT. Stunk so bad my eyes started burning, then my knees began to buckle and I almost fainted. People all around were gagging and falling out on the floor. I had to drop to the ground and belly-crawl out of there, the funk was so thick. She must have eaten a dead body for breakfast.

[Pompano Beach Gail]

Doctor VooDoo wrote:

I was standing in the checkout line at Walmart this morning and a big-bootied woman was right in front of me and she farted so big I seen her sweat-pants flutter, then she looks at me with an evil-eye like I did it! I said "somebody step on a duck?" and the checkout lady started laughing. Then it HIT. Stunk so bad my eyes started burning, then my knees began to buckle and I almost fainted. People all around were gagging and falling out on the floor. I had to drop to the ground and belly-crawl out of there, the funk was so thick. She must have eaten a dead body for breakfast.

OMQ! Too funny!

[Saluki Rod]

Mommy and Dave wrote:

<quoted text>
Hi Saluki,
Wow that beer must be a methane producer! That was a great movie and book too. Are you gathering all the Saluki's together for the holiday? We gotta start planning our menu.

Wazzup Mum? We gather the dawgs at Thanksgiving, and it's always a fartfest. Last year my youngest sharted after too many desserts. I'm always proud of him at these times.

[Turd Man of Alcatraz]

Does anyone remember the record back in the 30's called The International Crepitating Contest? I think there was Paul Boomer from Australia and Lord Window smear from Whopping Foghole England. It almost sounded like an anouncement from the Olympics.A blow by blow description of those two in a farting ring in Canada. As far as farting at the dinner table, in Viking times a good belch and fart let the host know that they liked the food.Whenever I farted at the table, I always said not Bad manners, good food.

[Turd Man of Alcatraz]

I found it.Here is part 1

http://www.youtube.com/watch...

[Da Man]

In this economy, this is key guidance to protect your job!

Flatulencia Toilleta wrote:

Back again with bathroom etiquet.
Yes folks .......
We've all been there but don't like to admit it... We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the *WORK POOP* is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, the following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.
*CROP DUSTING* When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff, but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.
*FLY BY* The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a *FREQUENT FLYER*. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
*ESCAPEE* A fart that slips out while taking a pee or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are a man and are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it.. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
*JAILBREAK* When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
*COURTESY FLUSH* The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the *WALK OF SHAME*.
*WALK OF SHAME* Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bath room.. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the *COURTESY FLUSH*.
*OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER* A colleague who poops at work and is doggone proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
*SAFE HAVENS* A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
*TURD BURGLAR* Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the *Turd Burglar* leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact

[Turd Man of Alcatraz]

http://www.youtube.com/watch...

This should be part 2. I have dial up so it is a bit slower

[Da Man]

It depends on the smell of the fart -- Usually I blame the dog, but it's good to know plan B is grandpa.

Mark Skidmark wrote:

<quoted text>
Many grandpa's have had the blame pinned on them during Thanksgiving Day especially after dinner.
Another bonus is when putting up the Christmas tree, induce grandpa to start sneezing and there's your icicles already hanging.
Be sure he's around for Christmas for some more farting.

[Smartypantz]

Doctor VooDoo wrote:

I was standing in the checkout line at Walmart this morning and a big-bootied woman was right in front of me and she farted so big I seen her sweat-pants flutter, then she looks at me with an evil-eye like I did it! I said "somebody step on a duck?" and the checkout lady started laughing. Then it HIT. Stunk so bad my eyes started burning, then my knees began to buckle and I almost fainted. People all around were gagging and falling out on the floor. I had to drop to the ground and belly-crawl out of there, the funk was so thick. She must have eaten a dead body for breakfast.

Eeeeew ! LOL!

Well , they say if you go to Walmart you get what you pay for ! Sounds like you got Sharted ! LOL!

[Saluki Rod]

Turd Man of Alcatraz wrote:

Does anyone remember the record back in the 30's called The International Crepitating Contest? I think there was Paul Boomer from Australia and Lord Window smear from Whopping Foghole England. It almost sounded like an anouncement from the Olympics.A blow by blow description of those two in a farting ring in Canada. As far as farting at the dinner table, in Viking times a good belch and fart let the host know that they liked the food.Whenever I farted at the table, I always said not Bad manners, good food.

I embrace my Scottish roots daily by making it a point to belch and fart at the table. Sometimes I've done them simultaneously. Only problem is I'm not really Scottish....

[Saluki Rod]

Doctor VooDoo wrote:

I was standing in the checkout line at Walmart this morning and a big-bootied woman was right in front of me and she farted so big I seen her sweat-pants flutter, then she looks at me with an evil-eye like I did it! I said "somebody step on a duck?" and the checkout lady started laughing. Then it HIT. Stunk so bad my eyes started burning, then my knees began to buckle and I almost fainted. People all around were gagging and falling out on the floor. I had to drop to the ground and belly-crawl out of there, the funk was so thick. She must have eaten a dead body for breakfast.

Dude, a shart usually makes a Wal-Mart smell better.

[Art the Fart]

Doctor VooDoo wrote:

I was standing in the checkout line at Walmart this morning and a big-bootied woman was right in front of me and she farted so big I seen her sweat-pants flutter, then she looks at me with an evil-eye like I did it! I said "somebody step on a duck?" and the checkout lady started laughing. Then it HIT. Stunk so bad my eyes started burning, then my knees began to buckle and I almost fainted. People all around were gagging and falling out on the floor. I had to drop to the ground and belly-crawl out of there, the funk was so thick. She must have eaten a dead body for breakfast.

I'll bet that none of her purchases included cans of Lysol spray or anything to make the smells go away.
She figures if her house smells all farted up, then so should Wal-Mart.
There must have been skid marks in back of her sweat pants.

[Mommy and Dave]

Saluki Rod wrote:

<quoted text>
Wazzup Mum? We gather the dawgs at Thanksgiving, and it's always a fartfest. Last year my youngest sharted after too many desserts. I'm always proud of him at these times.

Yeah, I hear you. Dave is a good one for this activity here. He thinks it funny to stand up, pump his arm and life a leg to anounce his farts. He is not only odiferous, he is LOUD and PROUD!!!!The funny is the giggles that are going on at the same time from all the other kids, young and old. He is my show boater.

[Smartypantz]

Art the Fart wrote:

<quoted text>
I'll bet that none of her purchases included cans of Lysol spray or anything to make the smells go away.
She figures if her house smells all farted up, then so should Wal-Mart.
There must have been skid marks in back of her sweat pants.

Art the fart ? LMAO!

[Mommy and Dave]

Da Man wrote:

It depends on the smell of the fart -- Usually I blame the dog, but it's good to know plan B is grandpa.
<quoted text>

Yeah a plan B is a must.

[Mommy and Dave]

Saluki Rod wrote:

<quoted text>
I embrace my Scottish roots daily by making it a point to belch and fart at the table. Sometimes I've done them simultaneously. Only problem is I'm not really Scottish....

How is that a problem? You do good work.

[Mommy and Dave]

Art the Fart wrote:

<quoted text>
I'll bet that none of her purchases included cans of Lysol spray or anything to make the smells go away.
She figures if her house smells all farted up, then so should Wal-Mart.
There must have been skid marks in back of her sweat pants.

You forgot the Air Wick back ups just laying all over her house and vehicle. Maybe even in her purse or pockets.

[Big Guy]

Has anyone lit their fart with a lighter? We did it in the army. You know the old saying; "Be all you can be."

[Art the Fart]

Mommy and Dave wrote:

<quoted text>
You forgot the Air Wick back ups just laying all over her house and vehicle. Maybe even in her purse or pockets.

She probably uses Airwick to kill bugs / mosquitoes / flies, etc.
For farts she uses an odorless, ineffective spray so her farts get extended life.

[Mommy and Dave]

Big Guy wrote:

Has anyone lit their fart with a lighter? We did it in the army. You know the old saying; "Be all you can be."

I have heard of this. I understand that a fart near a live flame can be something to see.