Is hanging out at a grave site offens...

Is hanging out at a grave site offensive?

There are 927 comments on the Chicago Tribune story from May 31, 2009, titled Is hanging out at a grave site offensive?. In it, Chicago Tribune reports that:

Dear Amy: Recently our newspaper had a story about families that gathered at a cemetery to honor their mothers on Mother's Day .

Join the discussion below, or Read more at Chicago Tribune.

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Deputy Dog

Orange City, FL

#2 Jun 1, 2009
LW1: I can't beleive it!

LW2: What is this world coming to?

LW3: Oh...My...Gosh...
Daria

Sterling Heights, MI

#3 Jun 1, 2009
Deputy!! Terri takes checks.
Deputy Dog

Orange City, FL

#5 Jun 1, 2009
Daria wrote:
Deputy!! Terri takes checks.
Woof!
Kate

Chicago, IL

#6 Jun 1, 2009
Before the turn of the century places like Chicago didnt have parks, people went to Rosehill Cemetary and Graceland Cemetary for picnics and to spend time outdoors. It was one of the few open places in a crowded city.
Ivory Dove

San Antonio, TX

#7 Jun 1, 2009
As long as the people in the cemetery are not disturbing others,
who is anyone else to judge them?

LW2 would have probably been told to wake up and smell the
coffee that her husband seems to be favouring this "friend" over
her. Amy's response was good.

LW3 could always laugh and say, "Why do you ask? Do you want to be my replacement or something?"

“Snow days!”

Since: Nov 08

A winter wonderland

#8 Jun 1, 2009
LW1- I like ID's response. Doesn't the LW have anything else to whine about today? What does he/she care if people want to spend time at a gravesite?
LW2- Good answer, Amy. For a change.
LE3- While I think it's great that he's still working, it seems a shame that he doesn't have something else he'd rather be doing in his retirement. I'm semi-retired & I'm one of the busiest retirees I know.

“I'm subtle in spades!!!!!”

Since: Sep 08

Mesa, AZ

#11 Jun 1, 2009
When we buried my dad, one of the graves nearby had a headstone that doubled as a bench. Well, it was more of a bench that doubled as a headstone. The person buried there was a teenager. I thought it was a nice idea, and imagined the family gathered there and sitting on the bench to visit their loved one. Maybe LW1 would have complained about that.
Coach

Duxbury, MA

#12 Jun 1, 2009
Whoa! Bob recently wrote about people questioning why he doesn't retire as well as his response. You may have many reasons why retirement makes sense for you but people who ask Bob why really are questioning his decision to keep working.
My answer to such a question is "what am I going to do? Play golf, chasing some silly ball around as a inadequate substitute for doing something truly fulfilling?" The notion of retiring is silly and arbitrary, cooked up over the last 100 years by people who are well-meaning but have created a society where older Americans lose their mental sharpness much earlier than necessary due to lack of use.
In fact, recent attention has been paid to the growing number of older Americans who work simply because it is fulfilling to them. Get with it!
BBB

AOL

#13 Jun 1, 2009
Kate wrote:
Before the turn of the century places like Chicago didnt have parks, people went to Rosehill Cemetary and Graceland Cemetary for picnics and to spend time outdoors. It was one of the few open places in a crowded city.
Which century?

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#14 Jun 1, 2009
Since grief is expressed differently by all people, whatever people do in cemeteries needs to be filed under "Live and Let Live" as long as it doesn't involve too much noise.

“Joy is the shadow cast by pain”

Since: Dec 08

Twin Cities, MN

#15 Jun 1, 2009
L1: I can understand a lawnchair for someone who has mobility issues. Otherwise, I see no need to hold a "celebration" or "party" at the actual gravesite. It seems quite potentially offensive to other people at the cemetary, especially on a day when you can expect more than the usual number of visitors to be there. Would you do this on Memorial Day? If not, then don't do it, period. It's one thing to gather, talk, pray, laugh, cry. It's another to HANG OUT.

L2: Have you TOLD your husband to stop? If not, then do so. If you have, then I agree wtih Amy: Get thee to a marriage counselor.

L3: So... when are you going to quit working?
Rita

Corpus Christi, TX

#16 Jun 1, 2009
LW1: I have mixed feelings about the graveside celebrations. I have no problems with a family gathering, but I also find that graveyards are places of meditation and other graves should be shown respect. I would hesitate visiting my own family member if there were loud partiers near the grave I wished to visit, but understand everyone grieves differently.

LW2: You know, I don't talk about my explicit sex life with my friends. Sounds like the LW has allowed him to have an affair of sorts.

LW3: If Bob wants to work, let him work! I'd be happy to take his retirement.
MaddyM

Henry, IL

#17 Jun 1, 2009
LW1 I have never seen this behavior at a cemetery, but if hordes of people were congregating in the area of my loved one's graves, it would ruin my visit.(However, if louis and Ruth Ann were having sex, I just might bring my lawn chair)

LW2 This man is having phone sex with Barb, plain and simple. The LW says he has gone underground. If my husband had done this, I would have put him "underground" myself. My bet is that he will not go to counseling.

LW3 I have a family friend who is 83 and she works 7 days a week during the summer running her golf course and works as a wedding planner in the off months. If she retired, she would just sit around the house and stagnate. To some people, work is a joy. Good for them.
Allison

Milwaukee, WI

#19 Jun 1, 2009
I just was having a conversation with my neighbor yesterday (a very young widow) about how a cemetery is for the living left behind. The dead either aren't there (if you are into an afterlife) or don't know you are (if you aren't).

Sure, no boomboxes. But no one uses boomboxes any more. So I'm not worried.
Ivory Dove

San Antonio, TX

#21 Jun 1, 2009
Deputy Dog wrote:
LW1: I can't beleive it!
LW2: What is this world coming to?
LW3: Oh...My...Gosh...
And now you've inspired someone to contact the oldies request line. Based on your morning smile, she wants to hear:
"I Just Can't help Believing", by
B.J. Thomas; "End of the World", by Skeeter Davis and "Oh, My My" by Ringo
Starr.
If you don't have the check for Terri
right now, another fun poster wants
to treat you and her to breakfast.

“Nakedness reveals itself”

Since: Oct 07

Location hidden

#22 Jun 1, 2009
LW1- Lighten up, it's a nice way of spending time with the loved ones you've lost in a way that they may have enjoyed if they were present. I would hope that while this is going on these people aren't being disrespectful stomping all over graves or being loud, but having a little fun while mourning a loss is nothing to get your panties in a knot about.

LW2- If your husband can't respect your privacy and chooses to lie about it instead then what else might he be lying about?
Beer at gravesites

Houston, TX

#23 Jun 1, 2009
No beer? Why no beer?

My family are by no means dependent on alcohol for fun, but the occasion round of a certain regional brand of beer is something of an inside joke between my brother and I. If--Heaven forbid--something happened to him and I could only visit his gravesite, I'd certainly bring a lawn chair and beer and hang out with him.
iconoclast59

Warrenville, IL

#24 Jun 1, 2009
LW1: Last month, I marked the 30th anniversary of a friend's death by going to the cemetery with a mini bottle of champagne and a lawn chair. I sat in the lawn chair, drank one of the bottles, and had a good "talk" and cry at my friend's gravesite. I put a rose in the empty bottle and left it on her grave marker. It was cathartic and comforting to me.

LW2: Since your entreaties to Fred are falling on deaf ears, if you have a good relationship Barb, maybe you can ask if she'll help you out and change the subject when Fred starts talking about your sex life. If Barb refuses, well, then you know you have a much bigger problem.

LW3: If the people asking "When are you gonna' retire?" are your boss and/or co-workers, sue the company for age discrimination. Your settlement will allow you to retire quite comfortably!

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#25 Jun 1, 2009
LW1 While I dont agree with sitting on headstones (unless is young children). I see no problem with people gathering in a cemetery. Amy is a witch to say that soda and milk is ok, but not beer! How about breast feeding amy? It that ok to do around dead folk?

LW2 No sex and he has nothing to talk about. Remind him of that.

BOB. I hope I make it to 87 working or not! Keep working, some guy's kick the bucket after they retire.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#26 Jun 1, 2009
Great minds and all that!
Beer at gravesites wrote:
No beer? Why no beer?
My family are by no means dependent on alcohol for fun, but the occasion round of a certain regional brand of beer is something of an inside joke between my brother and I. If--Heaven forbid--something happened to him and I could only visit his gravesite, I'd certainly bring a lawn chair and beer and hang out with him.

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