Easy there Mister...I am planning on wiping out all gum-holdups, and gum-related crimes in this state.My name is Chris Dodd, and I am outraged at the thought of these criminals stealing gum from law abiding citizens.
I will be proposing legislation to make gum theft a felony, punishable by up to 10 years in prison.
I promise you I will continue my fight to keep the citizens of CT and the middle class safe and secure.
"Dodd for Senate in 2010"
Remember people, gum-crimes are a gateway to more serious offenses, like spitting on the sidewalk, not tipping 20%, not wearing a condom because...well they just don't make them large enough for me honey!.
Let's clean up the street of CT, and end this gum nightmare!
Chris Dodd, Democrat, and Obama likes me! Drink up the Kool Aid everybody!