Girlfriend has packed on some pounds

There are 276 comments on the Chicago Tribune story from Dec 30, 2008, titled Girlfriend has packed on some pounds. In it, Chicago Tribune reports that:

Girlfriend has packed on some pounds Not everyone can call man 'Pooh Bear' Amy Dickinson Ask Amy December 30, 2008 Dear Amy: My long-term girlfriend has gained some weight during the course of our relationship.

Join the discussion below, or Read more at Chicago Tribune.

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E E E

Tinley Park, IL

#312 Jan 5, 2009
JBug wrote:
<quoted text>
Yes, I'm sure that being morbidly obese had nothing to do with it. A fit, healthy person would have reaped the benefits of stress relief that comes with exercise, looked and felt better, and saved hundreds if not thousands of dollars in healthcare costs. But you choose to blame a teenager.*rolls eyes*
Technically "morbidly obese" is defined as a BMI btwn 45 & 50.

5'5" 240#=~40 - well UNDER that classification.

Not that I am a fan of BMI. It is a far too simplistic measure and does not fit all body types. It fails to take lean body mass, bone density etc into consideration.

AND why does everyone assume that unhappiness is the RESULT of weight rather than the CAUSE?
E E E

Tinley Park, IL

#313 Jan 5, 2009
Fat is not unhealthy wrote:
...Problem was related to stress from rebellious teen.
Got rid of the teen -got ride of the stress.
Also got rid of the doctors.
Fat does not necessarily make you unhealthy - the problem is it's just not attractive to most people so those people complain about fat people.
While I agree that weight alone does not necessarily cause many health issues that are often associated with it, I do think that it is childish and immature to lay the blame for YOUR problems on a CHILD.

Grow up.
Gloria

Milwaukee, WI

#314 Jan 5, 2009
E E E wrote:
<quoted text>
While I agree that weight alone does not necessarily cause many health issues that are often associated with it, I do think that it is childish and immature to lay the blame for YOUR problems on a CHILD.
Grow up.
Exactly. But whatever, people can make all sorts of excuses for being overweight. Fact is you can't expect the rest of us to really give a crap. Unless you just gave birth 6 months ago, a child is not an excuse. Makes me wonder what kind of bad food you feed your family that you got so overweight.
JBug

Belgium, WI

#316 Jan 5, 2009
dtowncondoowner wrote:
I cannot speak for all men, but I can say that excessive weight gain is one component to the turn off. It's also the laziness and self-pity that goes along with it that makes it such a deal breaker.
That goes BOTH for men and women.
I agree completely, and this is the perfect tie-in to what Tonka was saying about appearance, weight included, being part of "the package".

If you marry someone who doesn't work out and has gradually gained weight since you've known them, that's part of who they are; change the behavior or expect more of the same. If they exhibit a certain lifestyle and the behaviors that go with it, you can't be shocked when they eventually get too heavy for your tastes or they don't look the way you've wanted. Then you are asking them to change who they are. Is it fair? If you're concerned about their health or your sex life, sure. But should you be at all surprised that it happened or if you encounter resistance when you ask them to change? No.

On the other hand, if you marry someone who exercises regularly, is concerned about their apperance and health, and really puts effort into his or her body and appearance, this is part of who they are and it is reflected in their appearance as well as their lifestyle. If they stop working out, lose their drive to look good, and just stop making an effort then they are being unfair to themselves and to you. You didn't marry someone who was gradually putting on weight and expecting them to pull a 180 and suddenly make their appearance a huge priority; you married someone who had a lot of drive and cared about their appearance and then stopped.

Looks are part of "the package" as Tonka suggests, and the behavior that influences appearance is also in that package so much so that a person should notice and be concerned when their partner stops exercising or eating healthy because the package changes then, well before they start gaining weight. And they should actually be surprised (whether good or bad surprise) if a partner who never took any initiative to promote his or her health starts spending time at the gym and bringing healthy food into the house becuse the package has changed, whether or not it can be seen in their appearance.
E E E

Tinley Park, IL

#317 Jan 5, 2009
JBug wrote:
<quoted text>
I agree completely, and this is the perfect tie-in to what Tonka was saying about appearance, weight included, being part of "the package".
If you marry someone who doesn't work out and has gradually gained weight since you've known them, that's part of who they are; change the behavior or expect more of the same. If they exhibit a certain lifestyle and the behaviors that go with it, you can't be shocked when they eventually get too heavy for your tastes or they don't look the way you've wanted. Then you are asking them to change who they are. Is it fair? If you're concerned about their health or your sex life, sure. But should you be at all surprised that it happened or if you encounter resistance when you ask them to change? No.
On the other hand, if you marry someone who exercises regularly, is concerned about their apperance and health, and really puts effort into his or her body and appearance, this is part of who they are and it is reflected in their appearance as well as their lifestyle. If they stop working out, lose their drive to look good, and just stop making an effort then they are being unfair to themselves and to you. You didn't marry someone who was gradually putting on weight and expecting them to pull a 180 and suddenly make their appearance a huge priority; you married someone who had a lot of drive and cared about their appearance and then stopped.
Looks are part of "the package" as Tonka suggests, and the behavior that influences appearance is also in that package so much so that a person should notice and be concerned when their partner stops exercising or eating healthy because the package changes then, well before they start gaining weight. And they should actually be surprised (whether good or bad surprise) if a partner who never took any initiative to promote his or her health starts spending time at the gym and bringing healthy food into the house becuse the package has changed, whether or not it can be seen in their appearance.
Excellent points.

The thing is that many young women are "naturally" svelt in their teens and early 20s but as nature settles in, their figures settle in too.

THEY haven't changed, but their bodies are no longer as forgiving as they once were.

Live only gets harder as we get older.

Since: Jun 08

Omaha, NE

#318 Jan 6, 2009
I have only read through a few pages of comments and cannot make it to the end without adding my own 2 cents. I'm sick of hearing about his LW1 is the bad guy. Did anyone ever think that maybe, just maybe, he IS worried about her health??

My boyfriend is in the military and very physically fit. I'm a very healthy weight for me height and while, like most women, I wouldn't mind losing 5 lbs, I'm not overweight.

We were not as healthy as we usually are during Christmas (it is the holidays) but New Year's Day he suggested that we go out and play tennis. We did. For almost 3 hours!! It felt great and I know that he was looking out for my health as well after our unhealthy binge. Not that he was afraid I would get fat but because he wanted to get back to our healthy lifestyle, for his sack as well as my own.

Since: Jun 08

Omaha, NE

#319 Jan 6, 2009
And on another note: If the girlfriend did actually gain quite a bit of weight (10-15% or more percent of her previous weight) then I really have no problems with him leaving her. Women and girls pull the "you've changed" and "not who you used to be" all the time when breaking up with their boyfriends/husbands. Why can't he? If she used to work out and be healthy and now has turned into a cow - then she is NOT the woman she used to be. If they used to run and be active together and now she sits on her bum eatting bon bons then the attraction that he first felt for her (their similar healthy lifestyles) is gone and she has turned into someone that he wouldn't have dated. It's not his fault the status quo of the relationship has changed - it's hers!!
Jane

Wallingford, CT

#321 Jan 7, 2009
This couple could try sexercising. The NHS has some new advice for people struggling to schedule a fitness routine into their daily lives - a workout between the sheets. According to the NHS Direct website, "sexercise" can lower the risk of heart attacks, reduce wieght and helps people live longer. Endorphins released during orgasm stimulate immune system cells, which also helps target illnesses like cancer, as well as wrinkles, it states. "Forget about jogging round the block or struggling with sit-ups. "Sex uses every muscle group, gets the heart and lungs working hard, and burns about 300 calories an hour." The advice suggests "regular romps this winter" could lead to a better body and a younger look. Increased production of endorphins "will make your hair shine and your skin smooth," it adds."If you're worried about wrinkles - orgasms even help prevent frown lines from deepening."

Since: May 08

Sylvania, GA

#322 Jan 7, 2009
E E E wrote:
<quoted text>
Excellent points.
The thing is that many young women are "naturally" svelt in their teens and early 20s but as nature settles in, their figures settle in too.
THEY haven't changed, but their bodies are no longer as forgiving as they once were.
Live only gets harder as we get older.
I agree 100% OK. My husband an I have been together for almost 10 years, we both have put on weight. We are nearing our 40's. I have NEVER had a "hard body" (I wish) and pregnancy, for some women can be unforgiving.(Like mine) I have put on 20 pounds over the course of 10 years. I go through cycles where I can lose it but I get "happy" with my life and start to slip on my eating habits. We are both outdoor types so the weight is more of an issue in the winter than to summer. He has told me if he wanted a "big girl" he would have married one, but doesn't seem to be concerned about my weight at this time. I am,due to health history with in my family. I'm 5'4" and currently 165 lbs. The pic to the left is me at 145. Keeping each other motivated is the key and a little praise goes a long way. The older we get the harder it is, just my opinion.
MsPixie

Enterprise, AL

#324 Jan 12, 2009
Take her aside and say, "Nadia, I just want you to know that my husband's actual name is 'Tom.' The other name is one he and I use privately. It's really just for us to use. You and others should call him Tom."

This doesn't sound like a "very respectful correction" to me. It sounds condescending. You know, like you're talking to a 2 year old who is too stupid to understand basic social occasions. Whether or not she's from another country doesn't have anything to do with it--just because she's not an American doesn't mean she's a blithering idiot. If she's clueless it's probably because she thinks that "Pooh Bear" is just a nickname that everyone uses, or something.

I don't know. Basically, I'd be offended and embarrassed if someone spoke to me the way Amy suggested.
FISH OFF

AOL

#325 Mar 25, 2009
tell lil chubby ,....you will go on eharmony ,.....if she doesent loose 75 pounds --
FISH OFF

AOL

#326 Mar 25, 2009
E E E wrote:
<quoted text>
Excellent points.
women are "naturally" svelt in their teens and early 20s but as nature settles in, their figures settle in too.

Live only gets harder as we get older.
i just knew EEE was a fatie chubster blimpazoid

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#327 Mar 25, 2009
Does that make you hot?
FISH OFF wrote:
<quoted text> i just knew EEE was a fatie chubster blimpazoid
Chris

United States

#328 May 11, 2009
My GF has gained 55 pounds in the past 2 years. She went from a size 8 to a size 16 so fast it was shocking. I in contrast, have actually lost weight (about 20 lbs). Currently 6'-5" 200 lbs, because I jog and stay active.
.
But trying to get my GF to be more active is like pulling teeth. I have tried encouraging her (lets go for a walk together or go jogging in a park etc.), but its always the same old excuses. "I need motivation, I need you to push me, I'm too tired from work, its so boring blah, blah, blah. Then she says things to me like, I want to be smoking hot, I want to lose 30 or 40 lbs. But NOTHING ever happens with her.
.
And to most of you Women on this forum, how would you like it if your partner gained 50 lbs, and was just plain lazy and unmotivated to be healthy and sexy for you. Its different when your on the recieving end isn't it? Most of the men on this forum are not not chauvistic pigs, they just have lazy partners who enter the comfort zone after a year or two of relationship/marriage. I'm tired of all the bitch attitudes, about men being shallow and pigs. Guess what! If didn't like your BF looks when you first met him you wouldn't have started dating in the first place. And that goes both ways (men and women). All this he should love you as you are is crap. If you or your BF let yourself go that badly, don't lie and say you wouldn't be looking elsewhere.
Crystal Blue Persuasion

Spring, TX

#329 Aug 12, 2013
Today's word is POUNDS.
Six Figures

Spring, TX

#330 Aug 18, 2013
My spouse has a full set of hair as do I. When I wear bigger than a size 7 underwear, I will worry. No matter how many people say otherwise, I know the truth and so does my husband. I demanded and got brand new items yesterday. Instead of eating, I will admit to being a shopaholic. I am demanding the replacement of all old items. We even rented a truck so we could go around and pick up items. We could have had them delivered, but we were taught to do things for ourselves. Continue pretending with all of your scenarios about me. You don't even come close.

If you stay active, weight falls off. That is the key. If you sit behind a desk all day, you're going to spread. You would think the "spreaders" here would get that. Book smart. Common sense fails them.

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