Why Does D-Vegas Suck?

Why Does D-Vegas Suck?

Created by Hunny Hoe on Apr 29, 2012

484 votes

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The Mayor

Not Enough Weed

Pot Holes

Black People

It's Close to Westville

D-Vegas High School

Mervis Industries

The Police

Too Many Churches

Ugly Hookers

Willy White

Westville, IL

#83 Jan 1, 2013
D-Vegas sucks because of all the lies told around town. I have been the victim of malicious lies online and from alleged rape victims countless times. I'm one of the fortunate ones. The States Attorney never pressed charges even one time despite all the DNA evidence, eyewitness accounts, fingerprints, hair samples, and the occasional videotapes of a man who looks suspiciously like me even down to my crooked penis and Prince Albert piercing. I'm so glad that law enforcement does their job so well in D-Vegas. It's why I won't live anywhere else. I know hundreds of other men falsely accused of rape, child molestation, kidnapping, incest, even murder, and they all agree that D-Vegas is the best place to be for all us innocent victims of lying girls (and boys, in some cases cases, and elderly women who really wanted it). D-Vegas is a haven for justice for people like me, the "true" victims of hate, and I wouldn't live no where else with all the persecution that happens in other towns. Go D-Vegas!
Schlameel Schlomo

Westville, IL

#84 Feb 13, 2013
My sainted mother was assaulted by the Lakeside Sleep Raper. She couldn't identify the man who pleasured her beyond her wildest dreams, but bystanders claimed he was a swarthy, big nosed Jew. Oy! They say their noses are so big because the air is free!
Flaky Finkelstien

Westville, IL

#85 Feb 13, 2013
Oy vey! What are the odds? My wife walked our dog on Old Ottawa Road when a sleeping man came up and raped her in the mouth. Police told us he was the Lakeside Sleep Raper, a man who sleep rapes and may not be aware of what he's doing. She said his nose was so big and his penis circumsized so precisely that she fainted from all the Jewness. And she demanded I get circumsized if I expect to get fellatio again. I pray other husbands never have to go through what I have to!
David Shalom

Westville, IL

#86 Feb 13, 2013
The Lakeside Raper has made my yarmulke spin, ya! He ran up behind my dear old grandma in the Gilbert and Winter area an oy, he made her feel like a newly bred German Shepherd. Oh, to make her feel like a German, it just not right but now even Grandpa can't bring her to appreciate his thrusts, even with kosher herring as a snack afterwards. It wouldn't have been so bad if that pack of wild black boys hadn't stolen he aluminum cans she was out collecting from everyone's garbage at 3 a.m. Yeah, Grandma till laughs about how everyone throws away free money.
Big Nose Jewison

Champaign, IL

#87 Feb 14, 2013
The worst career criminal is the Douglas Park Ball Kicker. A man has the right to stroll through the park without getting a steel tip boot to the nutsack. Me and my wife are planning on having another kid but I missed her period on account of this. It's not that I can't get it hard, I can. But my balls can't take the thrusting. We would experiment with oral but the doctors advised against it because my wife has gonorrhea of the mouth. I really hope they catch the Douglas Park Ball Kicker soon. I'm kicking him in the balls if I find him first!
trajivionez

United States

#88 Feb 15, 2013
Wes blacks jus wants da americum deam likes ebybodie eels. My momma didn't rose no foul, no siree. Likes she allways be sayin Daddy said befo his untimely demise at da bank in Indiana in 1997 wit his brother and get away driver, "I payed ya to swallow now gets off it you aint getting one red cent mo but I have some quarters." Danbill full of wracism eben in dis day of haveing our first Kenyan in office. I was ats da wellfair office wit babie momma nummer tree to axe dem about social security dissabilty an dey took all da whites ahead of us. OMG! I complaned an gets some lame excuse likes dey head of us in line. Po white woman tells black man head, if dat don't makes you wants to empty yo balls in her backside I donts nos what's will.
Hildegarde Gerflunkenheim

Westville, IL

#90 Feb 18, 2013
People get such odd notions about the rape. Its a crime trust me on that. It effects the mind and the body. The rape is not asked for. Some say the body shuts down and stops the pregnancy from happening. Only the Lord and Dr. Gregor Schmidt know that. I don't! Maybe its true it feels real good and my Husband could never satisfy me like a real man should. Since I was never with another man I will never know. My great Grandmother said her Aunt Prissy Petunia got spoilt by a Union Private aginst her will on Sherman's March to the Sea during the War of Sothren Independence. Prissy was said to have enjoyed it so much she became a wanton harlot for many a year after. When her private parts lost all the tread from overuse Prissy turned on the horse. She died in a sanitarium. No the rape is not good trust me on that.
Molesta Patience

Westville, IL

#91 Feb 20, 2013
The biggest disgrace in D-vegas is the hospital. Medical staff touches the jigglies of the people in comas all the time. My neighbor's cousin's ex told me the low down over meth last night. I was appalled!
Davey Kevin

Danville, IL

#93 Mar 22, 2013
We suck because we don't forgive each other for committing pointless crimes and being stupid about it. No one deserves to get arrested over something as stupid as breaking the law or undermining our court system or trolling in Ellsworth Park for snatch late at night. Geesh, you people is so judgmental!
Kenneth Bailey

Danville, IL

#94 Apr 19, 2013
Kenneth Bailey "Academy" is the single biggest mistake in Danville history. It's an obviously fake school. It's like a false flag operation. The whole entire thing was designed from the beginning to look real. It's not. It's a sham to steal your tax dollars by local industries and school administrators.
It's not even a real school. The Commercial-News articles prove the teachers are into feel good bull$#it! Much like the high school's test scores, all information is on lockdown. It's Above Top Secret. How stupid is that? Taxpayers are legally banned from knowing if our money is being put to good use. What a waste, what a lie. A sham school meant to steal tax dollars and give it to the Catholic church and help to fund Schlarman High School.
Theocracy and socialism have done wonders for Iran, why not do it in Danville? While we're at it, let's copy the Islamofascists by withholding useful information from the public and letting secret, unnamed bureaucrats silence dissent. They give such good speeches at the school board meetings. No real facts escape their suctioning mouths.
How many local businessmen "invested" in the school foundation and bought bonds that they can redeem later? Hegeler. Mervis. Haugen. Denman. Young. Dobbles. Hales. Eisenhauer. Witzel. Jacobs. Ashton. It's "private." Shhh! You have no right to know where your tax dollars are slinking off to, or what the teachers are doing.
Want to know? It's called: failing. Get a Webster's Dictionary and look it up.
Mrs Jackson

Danville, IL

#95 Apr 19, 2013
Kevin Cullen Jr wrote:
This whole thing is out of order.
You're all out of order!
D-Vegas doesn't suck. It's the greatest city ever. Ever!
Back in my day we use to do stuff. Stuff like ride bikes. Wet the bed. Real stuff. Kids today don't do stuff like we did back then. In my day. Stuff!
Fascism is underrated. We need Joe Cannon to make a comeback. He tilted all the laws in favor of the 1%. That's how I define freedom. Living under police enforced wage-slave labor is the shit. Shit!
Schlarman is the bestest school ever. Ever. When I was a student you never got away with nothing. You got your knuckles rapped. Sometimes raped. Some boys even got spanked. By priests. Not me. I wasn't into that. Getting spanked by young priests right out of the seminary. Nuh-uh. Not me!
Want to know what really sucks? Bad attitudes. Have a can-do spirit like me. Me. That's what I do. Can do!
Stop whining and get a job. You people are lazy and insolent and stupid and need to shower before going outside. In the out of doors. Not because most of the bums are descended from Italians and Slavs and Negroes neither. Nuh-uh. They are, but that's not why. No sirree!
Do what I do. Take a hike. To Indiana. Be a child of the corn. Join us. In the corn. Walk in the corn. Be of the corn. We are corny. Corny!
well said. it's up to the ones who live here to come together and make it safer and better for our kids, kids kids etc,
Lawn Hindersin

Westville, IL

#97 Apr 21, 2013
Does anybody else have a problem with the fishy smell coming out of girls all over town? Close up your legs before you go out in public!
Poll Pott

Westville, IL

#99 Apr 25, 2013
Children disobedient. Need cane smacks on buttocks.
Depopulation is the key. All educated people need removed. Fortunately, most educated people went to DHS and are as retarded as they come.
Bring Hanoi Jane Fonda here to entertain the masses.
As the city can no more manage its money than the state, get massive loan from Bank For People Who Are Not Good At Math.
Pretty girls make good concubines. Ban big gulp drinks (other than my wang) so they don't get bad skin and fat posteriors.
Public humiliation of city leaders to force them to quit drug dependencies. As I do not know of a single sober city leader, this will be a very time consuming task.
Buffy Summers

Danville, IL

#100 Apr 28, 2013
Vampires won't leave me alone here.
Kevin Davis

United States

#101 Apr 28, 2013
Now dawg dat I got rids of Fatty Gilbert, there gonna be need fo lott less snacks at city counsil meetings. If he cold gits rid of Shamoo Gilbert, hid wifey, we'd not need to reinforce da floo fo dat big arse of hers doh I aint knockin it I likes my women thick backs der. If ya women wants to get yo chillin jobs o outta trouble wit da law, be clean shaved and ready to get sassy with Mista Counsilman Hisself, Yo Heinous Kevin "Big Dick Daddy"Davis. Swallowing is a must an sista's welcome. I do purrfur seedless watamellons.
David Grooves

United States

#104 Aug 6, 2013
Danville is a product of not enough taxes. If we'd expand welfare, like giving out government cars, vacations, and cash, along the lines of Obamacare, instead of saving two trillion over the next ten years, Danville could probably e
nd poverty as we know it. I tell you, free government phones are not enough to stimulatize the economy. peace out brothers. If Danville doesn't get Mayor Filner, er Isenhowser under control, all the premiums for liability insurance will eat up existing revenue. There is a trade off for everything: Champaign abortion clinics will see such a decline, they might go out of business.
Amie Izzendhowur

Westville, IL

#105 Aug 10, 2013
The sexy, buff mayor is not a problem. My husband, when he found out about pencil dik, told him he could have my sloppy self. Danville has lots of opportunities, depending on the hole you want plugged. Be 17 to 25, fit, disease free, sign a non-disclosure agreement, mandatory abortion of any vice mayors, and let othets, such as sisters, brothers, boyfriends, and/or parents watch. Please call him Masta Overseer.
Kandy Mann

Westville, IL

#106 Aug 10, 2013
Some of the comments on here are retarded!
Danville will only get better when I can walk around naked without getting arrested. It's unfair! I was not hanging outside the windows of all those women letting it all hang out. They should have pulled their blinds if they didn't want to see me. I think they were leering and got sexually aroused, not unlike the way those old ladies at CRIS did that time I flashed them at their bingo game. Or the time I was falsley arrested for hiding in the bushes at the nursing home buck naked with pictures of the mayhor and aldermen on my phone.
farts

Westville, IL

#107 Aug 11, 2013
i got farted on at the supermarket. i stood in line and no one would help me. its not fair!
Kuntah Kentay

Champaign, IL

#108 Aug 12, 2013
D-vegas is a chocolite sitye. Is gwanna needs mo uv da black negroizoids 2 b a betta citee. We has gots a wrassisem poblem wear all da wite folkes caint understoodeses wat reel Eengaleesh do b. N da fewchah Eebiyoneecks wil trainsplantz da wite Eengaalezze as da reel mutha tong uv A Miryka. Den we no fayel da EyeKew Tesstah. Eye doo speaches reel gewde Engeleshe reel geowede nearyl.as gwood as Guuvnah Patt O'Qwinn.And eye dooesenit leeyikes et wen da wite pepoles dood sayds uthawise. Iye rites gooder dan day doods two. Eie gets me a PeeEtchDee from da EnteyNet skool ons da line at Tusk's Kuh Gee Enstaytoot in EehBone Ecks. Word. Fo Shizzell.

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