Why Does D-Vegas Suck?

Why Does D-Vegas Suck?

Created by Hunny Hoe on Apr 29, 2012

484 votes

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The Mayor

Not Enough Weed

Pot Holes

Black People

It's Close to Westville

D-Vegas High School

Mervis Industries

The Police

Too Many Churches

Ugly Hookers

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Former Alderman

Westville, IL

#1 Apr 29, 2012
I worked with that bozo for years and I can not think of a more ignorant excuse for a public servant. He mugs for the camera with his silky mane as if that's the be all, end all of the job. Is he getting rich off all the "loans" (AKA, tax giveaways!) he gives to big business? I wonder if any of that money finds it way back into his piggy bank? He should be forced to release his tax returns for the last 8 years he's been in office to prove he's not pocketing all that money. Who are those friends he visits in Westville that's mysteriously gotten really rich?
Boy in Blue

Champaign, IL

#2 Apr 29, 2012
Work a beat for a night, listen to the scanner, or talk to a crime victim, and the choice is easy: Black people.
Hook Line n Stinker

Danville, IL

#3 Apr 30, 2012
In other cities, the hookers have us beat ginormously with their big gigglies all the way. In any other town, I can get one for a good price by the dumpsters and they don't need a bag over their head or 10 pounds of makeup to cover up an infection like they do here! Not so for D-Vegas girls who waddle around with 75 extra pounds around their beefy hips.
Fair Oaks Ripoff Artists

Danville, IL

#4 Apr 30, 2012
Retarded lowlifes living off the white people's labors, doing nothing but being lazy and dumb. If white people refused to pay taxes, all these welfare queens and their weak retarded boys would starve to death. Maybe we should go on a tax strike!
Mrs G

United States

#5 Apr 30, 2012
Work at an elementary with the little nighlets from Fair Oaks and one quickly knows that parent involvement really means "mother involvement" because there are no fathers. The little kids have no respect for anything and only hope to be pregnant by 5th grade and, or in prison. This is what the mayor wanted. How's that diversity thing working out?
The Church Lady

Champaign, IL

#6 Apr 30, 2012
Churches ruin every community they're in.

They keep buying up large sections of town where once there were private businesses. They don't pay property taxes, which forces the city, school district, county, and townships to raise taxes to keep getting the same amount as before. Our property taxes are through the roof and it's all the fault of the churches (according to several studies!).

Churches promote drug dependency and welfare. It's a fact, during the last 5 years the number of food pantries has doubled causing drug addicts to have extra money to buy drugs with. I haven't met a single person on welfare who wasn't getting enough to eat (most are filthy fat asses!). Because of the church food pantries, hundreds of local drug addicts can buy more vodka, crack, blunts, and meth than ever before. These druggies and welfare bums only use their Link cards for pop and junk food. I talked to checkers at Save-A-Lot, Aldi's, and both County Markets, and not one reported a Link card being used for actual food in the last month.

Churches provide cover for sex offenders. There have been more than 2 dozen publicly acknowledged sexual assault cases at area churches in the last 10 years, but nearly 100 investigated cases! I quit going to church when it became obvious that all the youth group did was trade benefits, set up hookups for smoking weed, and texted nude pictures of each other (often to the youth minister like up in Rossville). What's worse, most of their parents laughed it off (except when confronted in front of people, then they simply feigned ignorance!).

Churches are the single biggest promoter of victimization and the cult of victimization. They want you to identify as victims and helpless lambs that needs your church. If you admit you don't need welfare or drugs or public aid, then that makes you strong enough to resist their perverse temptations and sick sexual fantasies, and their needy narcissistic selves!
about the church lady

Champaign, IL

#7 May 1, 2012
Well, isn't that special!
Mayor Eisenhauer

United States

#8 May 1, 2012
Danville has improved dramatically under my reign of supremacy. All major indicators have increased: crime, unemployment, debt, and sex scandals. This takes real work, and as your mayor, I have personally overseen all of these areas. Just ask my illegitimate child in Florida that I denied for years until Jerry Springer proved that I am the father. My years living at home and being able to talk on the radio gave me the skills and attitude to run Danville like a business, albeit one that will go broke, have lawsuits, and numerous complaints of nepotism, but silence, or I kill you! Well, hopefully it will stop raining so I can get back to hitting the links.
KindnessIsContag ious

Danville, IL

#9 May 2, 2012
Mayor Eisenhauer wrote:
Danville has improved dramatically under my reign of supremacy. All major indicators have increased: crime, unemployment, debt, and sex scandals. This takes real work, and as your mayor, I have personally overseen all of these areas. Just ask my illegitimate child in Florida that I denied for years until Jerry Springer proved that I am the father. My years living at home and being able to talk on the radio gave me the skills and attitude to run Danville like a business, albeit one that will go broke, have lawsuits, and numerous complaints of nepotism, but silence, or I kill you! Well, hopefully it will stop raining so I can get back to hitting the links.
Agreed! Did he really go on Jerry Springer? That would be hilarious to watch! Haha
Shortening Bread

United States

#10 May 3, 2012
Mamma's lil baby sho does luv dat welfare. They don't work for their money but because they're black, they're too inferior and victimized by white racism to get up in the morning and go to school or go to work. Giving them more Link Cards and free benefits will make these po po lil babes feel better about themselves!
nancy fay hee

Danville, IL

#12 May 3, 2012
i am not a ugly hooker. i have the hairiest legs around because thats what im paid for. no one complains about my large hands and visible adams apple because they make me unique. im very very pretty. my momma told me so! i have androgen sensitivity syndrome and this is why i need a second job in the legal profession to supplement my income (looking as manly as i do keeps my regulars coming back, but its not as popular as you might believe).
Vaj Jiinuh Plastee

Danville, IL

#13 May 8, 2012
What this town needs is a good vaginoplasty specialist. Ever since Doctor "Fingers" McCoy closed shop, all our pudding holes have been getting harder to chew and poke. I walked all the up to the mall and every ugly fatty who pushed aside her panties didn't feel good at all. Trust me, there were a lot of ugly fatties along the way.(This is D-Vegas after all!)
Speaking of felling good, whatever happened to Doctor Feel Good? You know, Dr. Gindi. Did he close up shop? Aww, man, I need a fix of my pills. Doctor Feel Good makes me feel so good.
DVegas Home Dog

United States

#14 May 8, 2012
If ya gets yo way dog, ya will drive up da price of all da hoes. Dat can't be good! All dose ugly fatties be real cheap. Besides, ya tighten up da love canal ya send my Momma outta business an den she caint get mo aid fo poppin out mo babies.
The Gambler

Danville, IL

#15 May 10, 2012
Scott Eisenhauer explained it to me like this:

"D-Vegas sucks,
because you got to know when to hold 'em,
know when to fold 'em,
know when to walk away.

"You better get your sperm sucked out,
before the hoe figures you out."

Then he bet me I couldn't give him my safe's combination, get high on sleeping pills, and then wake up in time to stop him from robbing me blind. I failed big time! I woke up without any money in my safe and my pants around my ankles with a sore ass!
Scott Loves Trump

Danville, IL

#16 May 11, 2012
I was giving a cocaine blowjob to an alderman in Scott Eisenhauer's bathroom the other day when the most atrocious thing happened. I overheard another alderman boffing the mayor's wife. As they all engage in wife swapping like a certain K-9 cop I know, it didn't startle me much at first. I went back to the poker table and says, "Scotty does't know, doesn't he? Your wife is bent over backwards on the kitchen table. Hehe."
He looked at me and says back, "Ok, that's it guys! Deal me another hand, and after this, it's over!"
Sadly, it wasn't. He bet all night and forgot about his stupid wife!
Copper

United States

#17 May 11, 2012
If you saw that dog's tongue, you'd understand why the mayor can compete at the black jack table but not in the other department. I guess she figures if the DJ turned politician can bop everything that walks past, why can't she play the field, even the ones on leashes. Still, it is embarrassing when the tongue starts flicking and she moans like a pack of wild coyotes attacked her sensuality. It even makes it difficult to concentrate with the mayor on craps. If the night is even unluckier, sometimes she gushes every where and stains the carpet.
Yma Neiluj

Saint Louis, MO

#18 May 11, 2012
How do I bet chips
Yet I love women, count the hips.
Measure my vaj to the depth and width and height
My stats can win, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal hoes.
I lust thee to the level of every toes
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I thrust thee freely, as men strive for threesomes;
I lick thee head, as they look for those gums.
I taste thee with a passion put to gurgle
In my old briefs, like going to a friend's house to burgle.
I spray thee with a burst out of the blue
With my lost virginity,--- I soak thee with a great moo,
Swallowing, spewing, all over my face!--- for no fee,
I shall but stroke thee better after I pee.
Thumper and Bambi

Danville, IL

#19 May 12, 2012
these hoes caught herpes off me and i want to warn you about them. if you give them a disease they talk real nasty to you. won't even take food stamps or cut their price in half. don't trust a hoe, never trust a hoe!
Lien Kram

Danville, IL

#20 May 15, 2012
No more greater influencers of lifes and prosperities has thus been known to be wantonly implemented with so little effort while being thou has spoken. School is were we come together for without children in school, their would be none. the School of life is abysmal. The school of DeeVegas High School suffers when the children are not to be the taught by the teachers of children. I have spoken. Thou can reject education, thus thou is thee and there whither goes I. Future can not so far exist very long even though we are not there. Are we so blind as to be not so sighted? I would not be me if it were not for thee School of the High on Jackson Street. Stay in school to see what it is that I mean.
diseases

Danville, IL

#21 May 17, 2012
filthy, stinky, skanky, slimey, diseased festering pool of viruses, horribly disgusting smelly, trashy, creepy subhumans

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