Anonymous

Ozark, MO

#1 Feb 6, 2013
Im a father of one with one on the way. i work 40+ hrs a week pay all the bills for the house. All i ask from my wife is that the house be straightened up the dishes done an clean cloths for the next day at work. do you think i ask to much of her plz dont be shy with the critizism
a mother

Chestnutridge, MO

#2 Feb 6, 2013
So many people have this issue and they let it fester until it destroys their marriage. Kudos to you for wanting to fix the problem. You and your wife simply need to have a frank, NON ACCUSATORY, talk about your feelings and work out a division of household responsibilities. Here are a few things to think about:

1. You don't mention what age your oldest child is but I will assume the child is younger than 5. I can tell you from experience that kids will be dragging out more stuff as you are walking around picking it up. We sold a home while my son was 3 and it was pure hell trying to keep everything perfectly tidy 24/7 while it was for sale.

2. She's pregnant... plus has another child to constantly care for. She is beyond exhausted and overwhelmed. Did this start when she got pregnant or has it always been this way?

3. Kids create alot of dirty dishes. If you are talking about a full sink full of dishes that is a problem. Maybe a dishwasher would help. She could then just fill it as the day goes and run it at the end of the day. It won't be as overwhelming to her and you won't be aggravated at the sight of the dirty dishes. Maybe you could kindly put them away once clean.(I have a thing about ANY dishes in the sink so I get it)

4. There isn't much of an excuse for the laundry. At the minimum she could wash, dry, and throw them on the bed and the two of you could fold them together later. Or you could fold them while she bathes/feeds the kid and soon to be new arrival.

5. There are lots of things she does throughout the day that you probably can't see. Such as cleaning the floors, bathrooms, dusting etc. Guys just don't notice those things. They only notice when you don't do those things.

I could go on but it is important to hear your wife's point of view. I have never met a couple with small children who didn't feel like they were the one doing all or most of the work. Once she tells you all the things she does in a day you may be shocked and completely understand why some things aren't getting done. The important thing is to figure this out before your baby gets here and what you plan to do once the baby does get here and creates more work and exhaustion. Just know you aren't alone, every parent goes through this.... more importantly giving your wife a hand without being asked scores MAJOR points with most women. Meaning your wife will likely want to spend 'alone' time with you more often. It's win - win !:)

Since: Aug 11

Location hidden

#3 Feb 6, 2013
whoknowswho23 wrote:
Im a father of one with one on the way. i work 40+ hrs a week pay all the bills for the house. All i ask from my wife is that the house be straightened up the dishes done an clean cloths for the next day at work. do you think i ask to much of her plz dont be shy with the critizism
Nothing wrong with that
grave digger

Ozark, MO

#4 Feb 6, 2013
a mother wrote:
So many people have this issue and they let it fester until it destroys their marriage. Kudos to you for wanting to fix the problem. You and your wife simply need to have a frank, NON ACCUSATORY, talk about your feelings and work out a division of household responsibilities. Here are a few things to think about:
1. You don't mention what age your oldest child is but I will assume the child is younger than 5. I can tell you from experience that kids will be dragging out more stuff as you are walking around picking it up. We sold a home while my son was 3 and it was pure hell trying to keep everything perfectly tidy 24/7 while it was for sale.
2. She's pregnant... plus has another child to constantly care for. She is beyond exhausted and overwhelmed. Did this start when she got pregnant or has it always been this way?
3. Kids create alot of dirty dishes. If you are talking about a full sink full of dishes that is a problem. Maybe a dishwasher would help. She could then just fill it as the day goes and run it at the end of the day. It won't be as overwhelming to her and you won't be aggravated at the sight of the dirty dishes. Maybe you could kindly put them away once clean.(I have a thing about ANY dishes in the sink so I get it)
4. There isn't much of an excuse for the laundry. At the minimum she could wash, dry, and throw them on the bed and the two of you could fold them together later. Or you could fold them while she bathes/feeds the kid and soon to be new arrival.
5. There are lots of things she does throughout the day that you probably can't see. Such as cleaning the floors, bathrooms, dusting etc. Guys just don't notice those things. They only notice when you don't do those things.
I could go on but it is important to hear your wife's point of view. I have never met a couple with small children who didn't feel like they were the one doing all or most of the work. Once she tells you all the things she does in a day you may be shocked and completely understand why some things aren't getting done. The important thing is to figure this out before your baby gets here and what you plan to do once the baby does get here and creates more work and exhaustion. Just know you aren't alone, every parent goes through this.... more importantly giving your wife a hand without being asked scores MAJOR points with most women. Meaning your wife will likely want to spend 'alone' time with you more often. It's win - win !:)
oh for christ sake,,,grow a pair,,,she is this dudes wife,,,go too work and pay the freakin bills,,,the grave digger tried the,,,honey,,we need to sit down a talk thing until she hit me upside the freakin head with the old rotary dial house phones connected to a land line phone wire,,,the grave digger maned up and went too work because the grave digger relized if the grave digger walked into a corner the grave digger would get stuck in that corner if it wasnt for the woman being around,,,just like all the rest of the males out there around the world,,,ha haa haaa,,,dude,,,the dude who started this kinda womanized thread,,,grow a pair and man up and shut the hell up like the rest of us,,,ha haa haaa,,,your woman braught you a child into this world,,,part you and part her,,,so man up and stop your sisy crying for advise on topix let alone this topix,,,ha haa haaa,,,you had to know she was a slop before you married her,,,like the grave digger knew mine was trouble like T-R-O-U-B-L-E,,,ha haa haaa,,,punk,,,
No fun

Ava, MO

#5 Feb 6, 2013
I've worked in a professional capacity and have been a mom for 25 years. Let me be the first to say being mom is much harder than my career was. I quit to be at home with my kids and the work was emotionally, physically and mentally exhausting and 24/7/365.(however, it was the best choice I ever made.)
I absolutely commend you 100% for being a man and taking care of your family. No, of course it's not too much to ask to have your clothes ready and dishes done and such. Without knowing more about you and your sweet family, I would just recommend you continue to be supportive and patient. Maybe ask her if she would like you to take your little one out for a while so she can get some work done. Being a new mom is overwhelming and being a new mom and pregnant... No fun. Just keep being kind and loving and supportive, I bet she'll come around. Good luck to you and your little family. Hang in there!
Xopit

Ozark, MO

#6 Feb 7, 2013
grave digger wrote:
<quoted text>oh for christ sake,,,grow a pair,,,she is this dudes wife,,,go too work and pay the freakin bills,,,the grave digger tried the,,,honey,,we need to sit down a talk thing until she hit me upside the freakin head with the old rotary dial house phones connected to a land line phone wire,,,the grave digger maned up and went too work because the grave digger relized if the grave digger walked into a corner the grave digger would get stuck in that corner if it wasnt for the woman being around,,,just like all the rest of the males out there around the world,,,ha haa haaa,,,dude,,,the dude who started this kinda womanized thread,,,grow a pair and man up and shut the hell up like the rest of us,,,ha haa haaa,,,your woman braught you a child into this world,,,part you and part her,,,so man up and stop your sisy crying for advise on topix let alone this topix,,,ha haa haaa,,,you had to know she was a slop before you married her,,,like the grave digger knew mine was trouble like T-R-O-U-B-L-E,,,ha haa haaa,,,punk,,,
This is why you are alone. You have faith. Now we all know why he left you.

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