my gf prego by another man. before she met me, jus found out

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imsolost

West Liberty, KY

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#1
Jan 24, 2012
 
i recently found out my gf is prego, with another mans baby. it happend before we met. but it still hurts so bad. idk whut to do. im so in luv with her, i hav never felt this way about a woman in my life. she is only 19 though, i am 25. there is a bit of an age difference. sometimes she seems really mature about the matter then sometimes she will cry for no reason thinknig i might leave her. i dont wanna leave her, but idk whut to do. its another mans baby. she told me she wasnt gonna tell him as it was jus a 1 night stand, she dont even know the guy, met him jus the once. btw she is not a who*e she jus made a mistake like most of us. n e way plzzzz gimme some advice
some one who knows

West Liberty, KY

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#2
Jan 24, 2012
 

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dude been their and done that any boy can make a baby but it takes a man to step up and raise it i have that situation all you can do is love that child like its your own just remember a DNA test don't help if you are steeping up and being dad not letting the sperm donor pull you down the child will all ways know who loved him/her more thats worth more in my book
imsolost

West Liberty, KY

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#3
Jan 24, 2012
 
some one who knows wrote:
dude been their and done that any boy can make a baby but it takes a man to step up and raise it i have that situation all you can do is love that child like its your own just remember a DNA test don't help if you are steeping up and being dad not letting the sperm donor pull you down the child will all ways know who loved him/her more thats worth more in my book
thnx for ur input. advice well recieved . i do luv her with everything i hav in me. she is so great. i do wanna be the father of the baby. not to mention a plus is that the father is not in the picture, he doesnt know nor will he know. so it is a blessing that the baby will kno only one father. and thats me. i jus needed input on other peoples experiences in the matter.
amanda

Frankfort, KY

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#4
Jan 24, 2012
 

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just cause udidnt make it doesnt mean it cant be yours. If you love the mom the baby will just be a blessing. Blood or not u will be the daddy but its your choice. Just remember that a child calling you daddy can be 1 of the most precious priceless and greatest words you'll ever hear
imsolost

West Liberty, KY

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#5
Jan 24, 2012
 
i really hope so. i luv this girl with all my heart and wanna make it work
some advice

Sandy Hook, KY

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#6
Jan 24, 2012
 

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i know what she is going thru been there just remeber the baby it the one who pays for or mistakes tha baby is the main concern right now all u need to do is be there for her and the baby they was right any guy can be a father but only a real man will be a daddy and if u choose to be the daddy u will not regret it a baby is the most precious gift u can have and they will give u uncondional love back i promise u this u have never known love untill u hold alittle one in your arms that will be yours for ever just go with your heart and love them both with all u can give them
baby point of view

Campton, KY

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#7
Jan 24, 2012
 

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I think the first and foremost the father of the baby should be told. It is his baby after all. But if you want proof before you do wait until the baby is born and have a dna test done to rule out you the father.I would do this anyway in case something ever happened in the future. Secondly the baby has the right to know who its biological father is. For medical reasons as well as knowing if he/she has any siblings. But just because both parties know the truth doesn't mean the father should be part of the child's life. Sometimes it is really and truely better if he isn't. Especially if there is a step dad willing to step in and be a father to the child.
I have a grown cousin that took her step dad's last name as soon as she could as he was the only dad she knew. Her father was a dead beat and in prison for the rest of his life. Not only that she is currently taking care of her step dad/dad.
imsolost

West Liberty, KY

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#8
Jan 24, 2012
 
some advice wrote:
i know what she is going thru been there just remeber the baby it the one who pays for or mistakes tha baby is the main concern right now all u need to do is be there for her and the baby they was right any guy can be a father but only a real man will be a daddy and if u choose to be the daddy u will not regret it a baby is the most precious gift u can have and they will give u uncondional love back i promise u this u have never known love untill u hold alittle one in your arms that will be yours for ever just go with your heart and love them both with all u can give them
thnx for your advice. and i will luv them both, so much. in a way i cant wait to be the father of this baby. im excited. but at the same time scared. partly because its not mine. and im afraid it will haunt me for the rest of my life. but on the other hand i luv this girl more than anything. i would die jus to prove my luv for her. in the end im keeping my girl, imma be a father to that baby. and imma be happy. all i was saying is it will be hard.
some advice

Sandy Hook, KY

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#9
Jan 24, 2012
 

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yes it will be hard and sometimes u will wonder what u are doing just don't ever throw it up to her if something is said and u get into an argument about it we all make mistakes at some point in our life but that is why they are called mistakes so that we learn from them i am glad to hear u are going to stay and raised this baby as your own are u putting your name on the birht cert. caust there is no reason the baby would have to know u are not the father i know u are scared but that is human nature she is a very luck women to have u she should be proud
imsolost

West Liberty, KY

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#10
Jan 24, 2012
 
some advice wrote:
yes it will be hard and sometimes u will wonder what u are doing just don't ever throw it up to her if something is said and u get into an argument about it we all make mistakes at some point in our life but that is why they are called mistakes so that we learn from them i am glad to hear u are going to stay and raised this baby as your own are u putting your name on the birht cert. caust there is no reason the baby would have to know u are not the father i know u are scared but that is human nature she is a very luck women to have u she should be proud
thnk u so much, u see things the way im starting to see them. i will luv that baby so much and like u said theres no reason the baby would doubt me as its father. i would never throw it up to her, im so not like that. im jus so lucky to hav her in my life. i cant stop thnking bout how great she makes my life. thnx once agian for your words of encouragement.
for realz

Morehead, KY

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#11
Jan 24, 2012
 
imsolost wrote:
<quoted text> thnx for your advice. and i will luv them both, so much. in a way i cant wait to be the father of this baby. im excited. but at the same time scared. partly because its not mine. and im afraid it will haunt me for the rest of my life. but on the other hand i luv this girl more than anything. i would die jus to prove my luv for her. in the end im keeping my girl, imma be a father to that baby. and imma be happy. all i was saying is it will be hard.
You are afraid that it will haunt you for the rest of your life if you take care of a baby that isn't yours? This should tell you something. Please don't get involved in this baby's life if you are always going to make it known that you are not it's real daddy! I mean, its o.k. to let the child know, but what I mean is that you shouldn't say things to a child like "You aren't mine, anyway" etc. You cannot will yourself to be "happy". If you are having those kind of doubt then for goodness sakes don't stick around and make that child pay for your ignorance.
for realz

Morehead, KY

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#12
Jan 24, 2012
 

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some advice wrote:
yes it will be hard and sometimes u will wonder what u are doing just don't ever throw it up to her if something is said and u get into an argument about it we all make mistakes at some point in our life but that is why they are called mistakes so that we learn from them i am glad to hear u are going to stay and raised this baby as your own are u putting your name on the birht cert. caust there is no reason the baby would have to know u are not the father i know u are scared but that is human nature she is a very luck women to have u she should be proud
Boy, that child is gonna be messed up to grow up and realize it has been lied to all its life! They always find out when someone lies and says they are the parent when, actually, they are not. Selfish people!!!! Shame on you'ins
imsolost

West Liberty, KY

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#13
Jan 25, 2012
 
for realz wrote:
<quoted text>Boy, that child is gonna be messed up to grow up and realize it has been lied to all its life! They always find out when someone lies and says they are the parent when, actually, they are not. Selfish people!!!! Shame on you'ins
shame on you'ns? whut that mean? dont understand. i didnt say it was gonna haunt me, i said im afraid it will. and jus so u know imma be that babys father ive already let that be known. i was jus scared and was seeking advice. plz dont be so negative, i luv this girl and will luv the baby too
The Dude

West Liberty, KY

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#14
Jan 25, 2012
 

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imsolost wrote:
i recently found out my gf is prego, with another mans baby. it happend before we met. but it still hurts so bad. idk whut to do. im so in luv with her, i hav never felt this way about a woman in my life. she is only 19 though, i am 25. there is a bit of an age difference. sometimes she seems really mature about the matter then sometimes she will cry for no reason thinknig i might leave her. i dont wanna leave her, but idk whut to do. its another mans baby. she told me she wasnt gonna tell him as it was jus a 1 night stand, she dont even know the guy, met him jus the once. btw she is not a who*e she jus made a mistake like most of us. n e way plzzzz gimme some advice
Walk away,, women come & go,, find a lady without Baggage
imsolost

West Liberty, KY

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#15
Jan 25, 2012
 

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i hav resolved this situation this morning, told her i was gonna be with her until the day i die. i purposed, she said yes. im so excited. imma be the father of her baby and now that i thnk bout it i wouldnt have it n e other way.
lol

West Liberty, KY

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#16
Jan 25, 2012
 

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shes using you for your car,money and trailer
baby point of view

West Liberty, KY

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#17
Jan 25, 2012
 

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Again it isn't what is best for you or the mother what is best for the child. The child needs to know early on who thier biological father is. How would you feel if you never knew the truth and then you got serious and physical with someone that was your half sibling? Not to mention the medical history needed. What if this child had some kind of serious disease and needed something from the biological father's family? Such as bone marrow transplant or organ donation? You need to think this through.
imsolost

West Liberty, KY

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#18
Jan 25, 2012
 
baby point of view wrote:
Again it isn't what is best for you or the mother what is best for the child. The child needs to know early on who thier biological father is. How would you feel if you never knew the truth and then you got serious and physical with someone that was your half sibling? Not to mention the medical history needed. What if this child had some kind of serious disease and needed something from the biological father's family? Such as bone marrow transplant or organ donation? You need to think this through.
im sorry if whut were doing dosent click with u. as for the biological father he is worthless. if the baby has any thing wrong with it , which it shouldnt then the doctors will dectect it. were doing this not only for us but the baby. the baby will come first we will put our needs 2nd. and the main priority is to make sure the child never has to grow up in an enviroment where he or she questions his mothers mistakes in life. it is final, nothing more to say about it. and to answer your question, no i wouldnt wanna know my real father if i was in the childs situation. i always wanna picture the man who raised me as my father and noone else. thats whut were gonna do. i appreciate your advice but as u may disagree we r thinking of the child. the father has already said he doesnt want n e thing to do with it. he doesnt care. but i do. and imma do whuts right to me
steak out

Sandy Hook, KY

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#19
Jan 25, 2012
 

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eat lots of thick juicy steak with A-1 and call me tomarrow
baby point of view

West Liberty, KY

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#20
Jan 25, 2012
 
imsolost wrote:
<quoted text> im sorry if whut were doing dosent click with u. as for the biological father he is worthless. if the baby has any thing wrong with it , which it shouldnt then the doctors will dectect it. were doing this not only for us but the baby. the baby will come first we will put our needs 2nd. and the main priority is to make sure the child never has to grow up in an enviroment where he or she questions his mothers mistakes in life. it is final, nothing more to say about it. and to answer your question, no i wouldnt wanna know my real father if i was in the childs situation. i always wanna picture the man who raised me as my father and noone else. thats whut were gonna do. i appreciate your advice but as u may disagree we r thinking of the child. the father has already said he doesnt want n e thing to do with it. he doesnt care. but i do. and imma do whuts right to me
I never said you wasn't doing the right thing by raising a child that wasn't yours. You are if what you say is really the truth. What I am saying is the child needs to know who thier biological father is for future problems. There are ways of letting the child know without making it feel bad. Just like adoption. One way is when you do have the talk is to make sure to constantly repeat how special that child is because he has more than one father. Also make sure it knows that you chose that child as your own.
Most marriages end up in divorce around here. The latest stats say 3 out of 4 marriages will now end in divorce. That is another reason you need to think about this child. You may never let on to the child that you are not the father but what about the mother? Or other people in the community.
I have a cousin that adopted a child and he didn't find out until he was adult. He was not pleased and he had some problems with it. He still don't have a real good releationship with his parents. One time another little cousin let it slip that he was adopted and his parents denied it and the little cousin never brought it up again as he was never around him again. This adopted cousin has a full sister that he doesn't know about as well as only my parents were aware of it and told only me and my siblings(all adults now).

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