Her embryos or his?

Full story: South Florida Sun-Sentinel

AFTER two years of infertility treatments - from temperature monitoring and artificial inseminations to hormone injections and laparoscopic surgery - Augusta Roman felt her last, best hope for bearing a child ...
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1 - 18 of 18 Comments Last updated Jun 7, 2007
very sticky situation

Fort Lauderdale, FL

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#1
May 30, 2007
 
She is aging and nearly infertile, yet here she has helped create embryos. I certainly can understand her plight. This is a difficult situation. Any decision creates huge ramifications on many standing laws.
To me, it's irresponsible to create the embryos in the first place.

In my opinion, they should be donated to a happily married couple in another country to avoid the possiblity of interference by the biological family. Or, they should be destroyed.
Why should the man be forced to become a father with his ex if he does not want to be? This creates hostility for the child even if he does not want a relationship with her/him.
The man probably went along with the infertility treatments, looking for any way to please his wife who was desperate to have a child. When it was about to come to fruition, he backs out and gives a written list as to why he wants out of the marriage/possible parenthood. Obviously he gave it much thought.

The signs were probably there but she was probably so consumed by the desire to have children and did not even see her husband standing there any more.

He should have told her a long time ago, but people often do not communicate their true feelings until it's too late.

Why should he be forced to be a father? A man does not get to decide if he does or does not want an abortion. A man cannot decide whether or not he wants a child to be born when the woman is pregnant. The best he can do is USE A CONDOM!! He didn't and submitted sperm to please his wife but now he wants out.

This is different from abortion because the embryos are not in her body. It is still destruction of life but it is not abortion so she does not get to decide.

On top of everything else is that consent form she signed. That should stand in this case. They should be destroyed and both parties should move on with their lives. We all make choices in our life and she made hers. It's unfortunate. It's nerve racking going through fertility monitoring and treatments, especially in your mid forties. But we all must take responsibilities for our decisions. There are so many born children out there, right in Texas who would love to have a mommy.
Karen

United States

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#2
May 30, 2007
 
Sorry but I think you are either not a parent or never had any problems becoming one.
I hope she does get her chance to motherhood. Her husband is being just plain mean and egocentric.
parent w fertility issues

Fort Lauderdale, FL

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#3
May 30, 2007
 
Karen wrote:
Sorry but I think you are either not a parent or never had any problems becoming one.
I hope she does get her chance to motherhood. Her husband is being just plain mean and egocentric.
He IS being mean. He should have communicated with her his feelings a long time ago. He sounds like a moron who she should have left a long time ago. That's where I find my answer. Either deal with no father or find one who is loving. It complicates children's lives so much by having a father who is unwilling.
My feelings on this subject are based on my own painful experiences and then joyful ones after making the right decisions (for me and my family).
why not just

Miami, FL

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#4
May 30, 2007
 
ADOPT a kid for pete's sakes...last time I checked, Florida has something like 40,000 kids available for adoption. (sigh) how selfish people can be
Broward County

Pompano Beach, FL

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#5
May 30, 2007
 
why not just wrote:
ADOPT a kid for pete's sakes...last time I checked, Florida has something like 40,000 kids available for adoption.(sigh) how selfish people can be
Yes, adoption is the answer, what with absentee parent's (usually father's) crawling out of the woodwork when Jr is 3 or 4 years old and claiming that they never consented to the adoption and now wants the child..That's why so many people go overseas to adopt - to avoid the legal quagmire that's been created here.

This man is one mean SOB. To go through fertility treatments like those mentioned is no walk in the park for a woman. Then at the moment of truth he backs out?? Rotten to the core and selfish to boot.
Phe

Washington, DC

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#6
May 31, 2007
 
Very Sticky,

I know you meant well but I have to disagree on some points. The issue here is a woman who was beyond 30 got married for the first time and tried to have kids. No matter how you look at it childbearing gets more remote as we age. She came into the game at the third quarter and the ball in his court. Reading the article something stands out, it mentions "bodybuilding", whether it be he or her bodybuilding will significantly decrease the chances of conception, that coupled with their age is devasting. Her best bet was to immediately store as many eggs as she possibly could and try getting a healthy younger sperm donor. The other option, though not viable now was to start thinking about creating a family before she became 40 years old. The best childbearing ages are between 21-27
very sticky situation wrote:
She is aging and nearly infertile, yet here she has helped create embryos. I certainly can understand her plight. This is a difficult situation. Any decision creates huge ramifications on many standing laws.
To me, it's irresponsible to create the embryos in the first place.
In my opinion, they should be donated to a happily married couple in another country to avoid the possiblity of interference by the biological family. Or, they should be destroyed.
Why should the man be forced to become a father with his ex if he does not want to be? This creates hostility for the child even if he does not want a relationship with her/him.
The man probably went along with the infertility treatments, looking for any way to please his wife who was desperate to have a child. When it was about to come to fruition, he backs out and gives a written list as to why he wants out of the marriage/possible parenthood. Obviously he gave it much thought.
The signs were probably there but she was probably so consumed by the desire to have children and did not even see her husband standing there any more.
He should have told her a long time ago, but people often do not communicate their true feelings until it's too late.
Why should he be forced to be a father? A man does not get to decide if he does or does not want an abortion. A man cannot decide whether or not he wants a child to be born when the woman is pregnant. The best he can do is USE A CONDOM!! He didn't and submitted sperm to please his wife but now he wants out.
This is different from abortion because the embryos are not in her body. It is still destruction of life but it is not abortion so she does not get to decide.
On top of everything else is that consent form she signed. That should stand in this case. They should be destroyed and both parties should move on with their lives. We all make choices in our life and she made hers. It's unfortunate. It's nerve racking going through fertility monitoring and treatments, especially in your mid forties. But we all must take responsibilities for our decisions. There are so many born children out there, right in Texas who would love to have a mommy.
Marlins Gurl

Fort Lauderdale, FL

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#7
May 31, 2007
 
She wants "her" child, but he doesn't want "his". I know that invitro can help, but the process raises more questions than it answers.

He withdrew his consent for implantation; she withdrew her consent to have the embryos destroyed. What do we have left? A woman desperate to have a child of her own. A man who doesn't want to be a father, or rather, to bring a child into a hate-filled relationship. Three potential children cryrogenically frozen. One hellacious lawsuit that could potentially change medical law in this country.

Lust, greed, and playing God: no wonder this is all messed up.
MRS ROBINSON

West Palm Beach, FL

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#8
Jun 1, 2007
 
THEN SOMEONE GIVE HIM A VASECTOMHY PLEASE.L BECAUSE IF SHE CAN'T HAVE BABY THEN HE SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO PROCREATE EITHER
interesting

Arlington, VA

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#10
Jun 2, 2007
 
MRS ROBINSON wrote:
THEN SOMEONE GIVE HIM A VASECTOMHY PLEASE.L BECAUSE IF SHE CAN'T HAVE BABY THEN HE SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO PROCREATE EITHER
Very interesting viewpoint!
to Phe from VerySticky

Fort Lauderdale, FL

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#11
Jun 2, 2007
 
It's such a sad situation. I do infer the aspect of her bodybuilding when I mentioned that we all make decisions. Unfortunately the suite of decisions she made earlier led her to this dismal situation.
It is indeed unfortunate that her choice of a mate doesn't really have the manhood (spiritually) she needs.

I also like "Mrs Robinson's" point. If he is so against being a father, he should not ever be one.
Amy

Seminole, FL

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#12
Jun 2, 2007
 
Mrs Webster wrote:
She wants "her" child, but he doesn't want "his". I know that invitro can help, but the process raises more questions than it answers.
He withdrew his consent for implantation; she withdrew her consent to have the embryos destroyed. What do we have left? A woman desperate to have a child of her own. A man who doesn't want to be a father, or rather, to bring a child into a hate-filled relationship. Three potential children cryrogenically frozen. One hellacious lawsuit that could potentially change medical law in this country.
Lust, greed, and playing God: no wonder this is all messed up.
Excellent response. I think you hit the nail on the head.
Vinnie

Hollywood, FL

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#13
Jun 2, 2007
 
parent w fertility issues wrote:
<quoted text>
He IS being mean. He should have communicated with her his feelings a long time ago. He sounds like a moron who she should have left a long time ago. That's where I find my answer. Either deal with no father or find one who is loving. It complicates children's lives so much by having a father who is unwilling.
My feelings on this subject are based on my own painful experiences and then joyful ones after making the right decisions (for me and my family).
Men are the heads of the household.....she needs to heed to her husbands wishes
gretl

Jupiter, FL

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#14
Jun 2, 2007
 
Why not split them he gets one, she gets one and the other is destroyed? Just like with all their other property. If she has released him from responsibility, he is just being vengeful.

Since: Dec 06

Pompano Beach, FL

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#15
Jun 3, 2007
 
Vinnie wrote:
<quoted text>
Men are the heads of the household.....she needs to heed to her husbands wishes
What planet are you living on or will we be seeing you on the show with the cavemen?
Vinnie

Hollywood, FL

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#16
Jun 3, 2007
 
Mom of middle schooler wrote:
<quoted text>
What planet are you living on or will we be seeing you on the show with the cavemen?
Such is life honey bun, it's a mans world, always has been, always will.....
Diana Fernandez

Cypress, CA

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#18
Jun 6, 2007
 
She has a less than a 10% chance of getting pregnant. I think he should stop being selfish and allow her to have this last chance to become a mother.
Amy

Seminole, FL

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#19
Jun 7, 2007
 
She should think about adoption if she wants to be a mother. What gives anyone the right to force anyone to be a parent when they don't want to be. What if a man wanted to be a father; can he take his wife to court and force her to have a child. That's life ; it takes two to make a baby. If one does not want a child then you have to go to plan "B".
Amy

Seminole, FL

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#20
Jun 7, 2007
 
Diana Fernandez wrote:
She has a less than a 10% chance of getting pregnant. I think he should stop being selfish and allow her to have this last chance to become a mother.
What part of ' HE DOES NOT WANT TO BE A FATHER' do you not understand.
You cannot be forced to have a child that you do not want; how about allowing others to have that same right. Mean or not; it is your right to decide for yourself.

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