Humor for the day
Posted in the Vine Grove Forum
#1 Jun 20, 2013
The following is for entertainment value only, it is not conceived, designed, constructed, arranged, presented or intended to upset, disturb, distress, annoy, provoke, or generally tick off any person, people, group, ethnicity, organization, corporation or government entity. These post are simply offered to give a little laughter in the event someone should need some. From here on, I will try to give a joke or humorous insight at least once a day. Just to break up the monotony of the stresses of every day life.
#2 Jun 20, 2013
Here is a little something for a good laugh, I hope you enjoy it.
#3 Jun 21, 2013
There once was a man
going to St Ives,
He met a man
with seven wives,
Each wife had
Each sack had
Each cat had
sacks and wives,
How many were
going to St Ives.
#4 Jun 21, 2013
#5 Jun 21, 2013
Damn, good job, looks like you were payin attention .. awesome. So many come up with these huge numbers. But you nailed it, very kewl.
#6 Jun 21, 2013
Okay. if a plane crashes on the border of Canada and The USA. Where do they bury the survivors.
#7 Jun 21, 2013
The survivors shouldn't need burred, unless you're really mad at em. LMAO
#8 Jun 22, 2013
And you think that we are going to forget what an ass you made of yourself? You made one half-assed apology after violently attacking multiple posers and NOW you think all is forgiven?
Don't think so, Skippy.
You started this fight, I'll finish it.
#9 Jun 22, 2013
Ignore the moron here people, this poor little girl is too stupid to get a joke, pretty good at beoing a joke though. She follows me around whining because I verbally whipped her lame ass all over two other forums, and of course now she's wanting to exact some revenge. Unfortunately, this one was thrown against the wall a few times as an infant. Lets all point and laugh at the poor backwoods vengeful hick. points>>>>>> >> LMMFAO
#10 Jun 22, 2013
I was looking up phrases in the urban dictionary, when someone had posted a remark, it was so poetic, I had to share it.
"Karma: The act of life giving you the gracious opportunity to be present when when those that have conspired against get ass raped by a cactus."
Now that's comedy .. LMAO
Since: Jul 12
#11 Jun 22, 2013
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB...IT FOLLOWED HER WHERE EVER SHE WENT...AND WHERE EVER MARY WENT ...SHE STEPPED IN SHEEP SHIT..!!!
#12 Jun 22, 2013
LMAO satisfied ... now that's comedy !
Old mother hubbard, went to the cupboard
to get her poor doggy a bone,
But when she bent over, rover took over
and gave her a bone of his own.
#13 Jun 23, 2013
You can ignore all you want. It does not change the FACT that all of this drama is YOUR FAULT!!
Do you deny coming to Horse Cave topix specifically to fight against me? You posted it on Cave City topix. Do you deny that? Why do you not realize that if you had not come here to fight me that we would have been happy the way we were and we would have not even heard of you? Everyone would have been a winner, except you of course. It doesn't matter where you go, you're still a loser.
Anyway. This is all your fault. We can all see it for ourselves (Cave City topix: a must read people of this town, post #7). You can cry and whine all you want yet you cannot deny the truth.
As it turns out, it was George that played you like a cheap fiddle. I have to admit it gives me a little more respect for him. He went and found a rube to do his dirty work and he just sits back and laughs.
#14 Jun 23, 2013
There once was a guy named Rex.
Whose pee-pee wouldn't get hard for sex.
He told his trucker buddy, Bill,
"I'll take this little blue pill,
and in an hour we'll see the effects."
Now THAT'S funny.
#15 Jun 23, 2013
More redundant dribble, more emotional instability. I see why the mental ward was hesitant to let you out. LMAO
#16 Jun 23, 2013
May the bleeding piles torment you
and corns adorn your feet,
And crabs the size of roaches
graze your crotch in feast,
And when you're old and feeble
and you mind's a total wreck,
May you slide right through your a$$hole
and snap your friggin neck.
Now THAT'S comedy. LMAO
#17 Jun 24, 2013
A man walks out of a public restroom, as he comes out a woman was heading to the women's room, as she passes him she whispers, "You garage door is open." The man responds in a bold voice, "Did you see my harley?" The woman stops and replies, "No, but I did see a mini bike with two flat tires."
#18 Jun 24, 2013
Two farmers working their fields both reached the fence between the properties at the same time, shutting off the tractors, they met at the fence and chatted for a while. The first said, "I seen ya up to the feed store buyin corn seed." "So you're plantin corn this year?" "No." the second replied, "before I could get the seed in the ground, the wife said her knee was hurtin and that was a sure sign I should plant wheat." The first asked, "So you're plantin wheat?" The second said, "No, before I could plant it, the wife said her joints were stiff, so I should take the wheat back and plant soybean." The first said, "So your'er plantin soybean?" The second said "No, by the time I got home with the soybean, the wife said her head was fuzzy, and I should take the soybean back and plant tobacco." The first replied, "SO you're plantin tobacco then?" The second said, "No, I didn't get it in the ground before the wife ..." The first one interrupted, "Just to save time, just tell me what you finally decided to plant." The second one looked at him, gave a sly wink and replied, "The wife."
#19 Jun 24, 2013
DAY AT THE ZOO
A man visiting a large city goes to the zoo, as he strolls through he happens onto a large cage with a huge silver back gorilla, and a sign posted "gorilla does imitations". Puzzled by the sign, the man scratches his head, and as the sign advertised, the gorilla scratches its head. The man caught on pretty quick, and scratches under his arm, monkey style, and of course, the gorilla scratches under its arm. Then without warning a sudden wind blows dust into the mans eye, the man simply reaches with one finger and removes the grain of dust. The gorilla becomes enraged, breaks out of the cage and pummels the man ferociously. While healing in the hospital, the zoo curator comes to visit the man to try to find out what set the gorilla off to attack him. After a short talk, they figured out that the action of holding your finger under your eye is gorilla talk for "F. U." Feeling victimized, the man devises a plan of revenge on the gorilla for the attack. After being released from the hospital, he takes a sausage and stuffs it in his pants, puts a knife in his back pocket and returns to the scene of the crime. Standing in front of the cage, he scratches his head, as expected, the gorilla scratches its head. The man scratches under his arm, and of course, the gorilla scratches under its arm. The man unzips his pants, and exposes the sausage strategically placed, pulls the knife from his pocket and slices the bulk of the sausage off. He then drops the sausage chunk on the ground and tosses the knife into the cage. The gorilla stares at the man, then glances at the knife at his feet, then looks at the man, and back at the knife, back at the man, and back at the knife. Then looks deeply into the mans eyes, reaches up with one hand, and places a finger under one eye.
#20 Jun 24, 2013
Still copying and pasting, are 'ya? It just never occurs to you that you are boring, does it?
It must be nice to be so deluded that you think you are actually so important that someone wants to read your drivel.
You're just a sad, lonely little man pecking on a keyboard in your Mom's basement.
What a loser.
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