ungrateful children
In the same boat

Sherburne, NY

#74 Dec 28, 2013
Just WOW! I thought I was the only one with an ungrateful kid! I too have a 24 year old daughter that calls me all kinds of names. She even does it in front of others!!! Thank God she has just moved out on her own. I will NOT ever let her move back in! I also have two sons that have been the best kids all their lives. This Mom is done with her daughter!
Unbelievable

Syracuse, NY

#75 Dec 28, 2013
How about my 24 year old daughter. For her birthday this year I gave her $50 instead of the usual $100. She laughed in my face and said, "this is a joke, right?" I told her it wasn't a joke and things were a little tight this year and she threw the 50 at me and said, "ugh, you're so hard up, here, you need it more than I do". Mind you, she lives with me and pays absolutely nothing. I truly wanted to slap her face, but I would never do that. I took the $50 and let her know how disappointed I was. She couldn't care less. My mother would DIE if she heard how my daughter talks to me!
Sad Mom

Utica, NY

#76 Dec 28, 2013
Sometimes it makes u wonder if it's even worth having kids!

I have a son. His horrible gf is having my second grandchild early next yr.
He never even announced a word about it. Surprised? No. I'm not allowed any contact with my 2 yr old grandson now. So, I have no doubt I won't see this one either. My son used to be a good guy. Then, he took up with this bi-polar beotch. It only takes ONE person to ruin a family. She ruined hers yrs ago to the point where her mother wanted to put her in a foster home. You could go on? I could go on. What good does it do?
DONE

Mechanicsville, VA

#77 Feb 10, 2014
I have a 24 year old "daughter" (having trouble calling her my flesh and blood these days).
We took her in about a year and a half ago. When she turned 18 she decided to go her own way...bouncing around from man to man; anyone who would take care of her. She had nothing. We bought her a car, found her a job, etc. Shortly after, she was back to her old ways...moved in with yet another loser. That lasted a month. She comes back...2 weeks later...PREGNANT.
We move into a house we can't afford. Going to raise the baby as a family (the father is out of the picture). Were going to raise the baby as a family..she was going to go back to school..blah, blah, blah. Supported her throughout the entire pregnancy (my 1st grandchild). Has the baby...2 weeks later she leaves us holding the bag...moves in with yet ANOTHER loser. Ok, fine. Her life, her choice. Shame on me for letting her send us into financial ruin...I knew better.
At this point, I just want time with my grandson. Fought her tooth and nail at EVERY turn.
November 20. Returned the baby after an overnight stay. She accuses me of KIDNAPPING..?????...says she is going to call the police...????I walk away from this ridiculous argument. SHE PHYSICALLY JUMPS ME FROM BEHIND AS I AM WALKING TO MY CAR. She manages to get me in a headlock and beat the ever living shit out of me. Long story short...she tells the police that I ASSAULTED HER (I NEVER TOUCHED HER) AND I WAS ARRESTED! No visible marks on me...I guess not..considering that she pounded on the top of my head.
Haven't seen my grandson since. She refuses to respond to me in any way.
She is nothing but a scum sucking, bottom feeding piece of trash.
I have been over this a million times...where did I go wrong.
No more blaming myself. She has taken the form of a DEMON.
Going to court to attempt to get visitation of my grandson.
As far as her...I will use HER words...
FUCK OFF.
sadmom

El Paso, TX

#78 Mar 16, 2014
We have 3 kids, ages 25, 32, 36. Youngest is a boy. Oldest was a problem child, and still is. She has 2 kids who are morbidly obese. She stays away from us because she doesn't want us telling her how unhealthy the kids are. We only hear from her when she needs something or when the school calls about the oldest being in trouble. She lives in a townhouse we bought because she was moving from dump to dump, and we wanted our grandson to have a steady home. She does pay the rent when she's working. We have updated as much as we can afford to but she still refers to us as the "slumlords" whenever we're at a family function. Last year she got her LVN license, yet I dont understand how she continues to feed her kids the unhealthiest foods available.
The 2 youngest both have Master's degrees. My daughter is very respectful towards us and always asks us for advice on many things. She will be having her first child later this year and I think she will be a wonderful parent. Our son is living with us right now as he just graduated and hasnt found a job. He seems to be angry at us all the time. We cant offer suggestions because he practically bites our head off. He knows everything. We have to be walking on eggshells whenever we're talking to him because he'll just explode and tell us to stop nagging and leave him alone. He doesn't curse or call us names. He just gets very angry. But when he's with his friends he's all smiles and happy. It's like he's someone else. I wish he could be happy when he's around us. I know he loves us but he's just an angry young man.
kinder

Utica, NY

#79 Mar 16, 2014
sadmom wrote:
We have 3 kids, ages 25, 32, 36. Youngest is a boy. Oldest was a problem child, and still is. She has 2 kids who are morbidly obese. She stays away from us because she doesn't want us telling her how unhealthy the kids are. We only hear from her when she needs something or when the school calls about the oldest being in trouble. She lives in a townhouse we bought because she was moving from dump to dump, and we wanted our grandson to have a steady home. She does pay the rent when she's working. We have updated as much as we can afford to but she still refers to us as the "slumlords" whenever we're at a family function. Last year she got her LVN license, yet I dont understand how she continues to feed her kids the unhealthiest foods available.
The 2 youngest both have Master's degrees. My daughter is very respectful towards us and always asks us for advice on many things. She will be having her first child later this year and I think she will be a wonderful parent. Our son is living with us right now as he just graduated and hasnt found a job. He seems to be angry at us all the time. We cant offer suggestions because he practically bites our head off. He knows everything. We have to be walking on eggshells whenever we're talking to him because he'll just explode and tell us to stop nagging and leave him alone. He doesn't curse or call us names. He just gets very angry. But when he's with his friends he's all smiles and happy. It's like he's someone else. I wish he could be happy when he's around us. I know he loves us but he's just an angry young man.
Your son sounds exactly like my son. He was such a joy for so many years and now this. Angry, nasty, and just awful to be around. And yes, we walk on eggshells and bite our tongues whenever we are around him. He has caused me more sleepless nights than anyone else ever did. I cry when I think of him.
opinion

Carthage, NY

#80 Mar 16, 2014
All these stories remind me of my 45 year old daughter who has called me every gutter name that no one ever has in my entire life.

She had 4 children - I was their Second Mom to all of them. Took full Custody of them at the age of 72 when she was sent to OCJ on a probation violation' bought her 3 brand new cars, and even a home to live in (which she completely trashed). Bought all the clothes for the children - all the time while I was working a 40 hour a week job as a professional person.

Today - all 3 of her girls have left her home and none of them have any feelings for their "Mom" - in their words, I am the Mom they never had.

I have come to the conclusion that YOU can do TOO MUCH for your children as they then expect it for the rest of their lives, are totally ungrateful for any of the scarafices you've had to make for them, and look at you as nothing more than a bottomless money pit.
Its YOU NOT THEM

New Hartford, NY

#81 Mar 16, 2014
YOUR CHILDREN ARE A MIRROR IMAGE OF YOU. The harder you fight them the harder they will push away.

You reap what you sew. "I learned it from watching you" If they are disrespectful to teachers its because YOU taught them that. If you have"given them everything" YOU are the reason they are spoiled and entitled. If they punch you to get a point across you have done the same to them.

If you are a self proclaimed "decent parent" yet all of these things are happening maybe just maybe you should set your arrogant vanity aside for a moment and ask, Why does my child treat me so horribly? Why do they treat others so well?

Respect works on a two way basis. You may THINK your the parent of the year but your child's actions tell a different story. If your complaining that your "adult child" treats you poorly, MAYBE you should start treating them like they are ADULTS. Get over yourself, its not all about you and what you deserve.

It all comes down to the golden rule. Treat others (Including your children) the way you would like to be treated.

Now say I do that already... I bet... Really? You give your "adult" freedom and distance and do not smother them and lay guilt trips on them? In no way shape or form is the way you treat them being interpreted in a negative way? Really?

Look inward and discover yourself and I guarantee you when you stop looking at it as what is wrong with my (ADULT) and what could possibly be wrong with ME. You WILL find the answer you are looking for.

Give them the distance from you that they desire (That is completely natural at that age) Take some time away from them for YOU. You raised them all these years and will discover you may like not having them around all the time.

As natural as that need to get away and be apart from you is the opposite will be true and they will feel a natural need to want to come back to you and share their (ADULT) lives with you. Provided you stop insulting their existence as adults with this need to keep your spoiled rotten disrespectful babies in your weird little nest. That is unnatural, and if you cant let it go you may damage that relationship your so afraid of loosing so badly that they may actually never want to share their adult lives with you.

And for all of those people out there that haven't already messed this up.....

Being your kids best friend, always supporting them just because you can, giving them everything they want and taking their side over an adult who is trying to teach them is NOT being a good parent. You are doing a serious disservice to them, yourself, and the rest of your community.

So you (parent of the year) grow up.
Boner

New Hartford, NY

#82 Mar 16, 2014
Sadmom,

He is telling you what he wants. Stop nagging him and leave him alone. See what happens.

Ask him to start looking for another place to live on his own that he has to pay for. See how fast he finds a way to work. OR how fast his tune and attitude will change towards you.

Seriously.... again. Your not doing him any favors by coddling him. He is an Adult, treat them that way. It may take a swift kick in the ass. Why walk on eggshells?

Young adults need to know that mommy and daddy are NOT a safety net. There is ONE and only ONE way to learn that.

I lived in a lot of shitty places and while doing so realized it costs a lot of money to live in this shitty place. If I dont want to live my entire life in shitty places I need to start working my ass off however I need to to not live like this.

Kick them out of the nest. They really are not your responsibility any more.
Boner

New Hartford, NY

#83 Mar 16, 2014
Im not saying its not OK to give your adult children limited support if they need it and you can afford it but make them get out there and do it. If they are at home what are they learning? They aren't paying bills they aren't paying rent they aren't paying TV, they aren't buying food. When and how will they learn 1. what all that costs and 2. what priorities are and 3. how to develop a budget to deal with this stuff.

Boy if they have to stress about where that money comes from for a little bit and it forces them to either get it or ask you for it and you can give them "some" of it. They will appreciate that generosity on your part a lot more and in turn you will see that relationship between you change. They will see in a whole new light how you are there to help them not nagg them and how you can assist them not support them.
woodburners

Utica, NY

#84 Mar 16, 2014
Its YOU NOT THEM wrote:
YOUR CHILDREN ARE A MIRROR IMAGE OF YOU. The harder you fight them the harder they will push away.
You reap what you sew. "I learned it from watching you" If they are disrespectful to teachers its because YOU taught them that. If you have"given them everything" YOU are the reason they are spoiled and entitled. If they punch you to get a point across you have done the same to them.
If you are a self proclaimed "decent parent" yet all of these things are happening maybe just maybe you should set your arrogant vanity aside for a moment and ask, Why does my child treat me so horribly? Why do they treat others so well?
Respect works on a two way basis. You may THINK your the parent of the year but your child's actions tell a different story. If your complaining that your "adult child" treats you poorly, MAYBE you should start treating them like they are ADULTS. Get over yourself, its not all about you and what you deserve.
It all comes down to the golden rule. Treat others (Including your children) the way you would like to be treated.
Now say I do that already... I bet... Really? You give your "adult" freedom and distance and do not smother them and lay guilt trips on them? In no way shape or form is the way you treat them being interpreted in a negative way? Really?
Look inward and discover yourself and I guarantee you when you stop looking at it as what is wrong with my (ADULT) and what could possibly be wrong with ME. You WILL find the answer you are looking for.
Give them the distance from you that they desire (That is completely natural at that age) Take some time away from them for YOU. You raised them all these years and will discover you may like not having them around all the time.
As natural as that need to get away and be apart from you is the opposite will be true and they will feel a natural need to want to come back to you and share their (ADULT) lives with you. Provided you stop insulting their existence as adults with this need to keep your spoiled rotten disrespectful babies in your weird little nest. That is unnatural, and if you cant let it go you may damage that relationship your so afraid of loosing so badly that they may actually never want to share their adult lives with you.
And for all of those people out there that haven't already messed this up.....
Being your kids best friend, always supporting them just because you can, giving them everything they want and taking their side over an adult who is trying to teach them is NOT being a good parent. You are doing a serious disservice to them, yourself, and the rest of your community.
So you (parent of the year) grow up.
I have to seriously question what the hell your problem is---here's is my advice to you--stop being a pretentious, judgmental asshole with 'all' the answers. You spout platitudes with no basis in any real facts...fortune cookies give better advice...glad I don't know you...more than glad I don't know your unfortunate children....ugh
Boner

New Hartford, NY

#85 Mar 16, 2014
Blow me, I am glad I wasnt your child. I se why they hate your guts
Boner

New Hartford, NY

#86 Mar 16, 2014
Wahhhh WAHHHHH my kids hate me ....lol
Amazing Grace

Lake Worth, FL

#87 Jul 6, 2014
SadDad wrote:
I have a 21 year old daughter that I find impossible to understand. I have tried to give her everything and in return she treats the rest of the family like garbage. She has no respect for any other member of the family. This includes interpersonal relationships, finances, and physical property.
Perhaps I have given too much. I would like to hear otherís responses.
The following are examples of what I am dealing with:
Interpersonal behavior:
My daughter is rude and adversarial almost all of the time. Any small criticism or difference of opinion provokes and argument. Recently, she and her boyfriend discussed having Christmas dinner with us and we scheduled the dinner for 5:30pm and they concurred. This was done specifically so they could go visit the boyfriendís family after dinner. Well around 5PM they just up and left (no reason or notice given) and did not return until late in the evening. My wife was quite offended and spoke to her upon her return. This provoked an argument and the daughter returned her motherís Christmas gift stating,ďI donít want itĒ. The next day she slept through a lunch she had arranged with her sister. Basically, she did the same thing the very next day, which was in fact Christmas. There is just no respect for anybody.
Financial behavior:
She tried a regular university and did not like the dorm. She asked to live in an apartment and I consented to pay the rent and bought her a car so she could commute. She quit. Then she tried a junior college from home and quite again. She is constantly spending money she doesnít have. My wife gave her a credit card to use, as she is unemployed, and she racked up ~$2000 in the last month. It was supposed to be for gas for her car, which I bought, so she could go get a job. Well, the job never happened. Not to mention I also pay her cell phone bill. Lately, she has been talking about going bak to school and she again expects me to pay her rent and tuition. I donít mind paying so much, but knowing the expectation is there without gratitude hurts. She regularly refers to the fact that I am financially helping her older sister who is off working on her Phd an taking out loans to pay tuition.
Treatment of physical property:
A while back she when out and bought herself a ferret and brought it home. She lets it run in the house despite my repeated objections and demands that she keep it in a cage while she not supervising it. The animal defecates all over the house and she does not clean up. I invited her and her boyfriend to visit at my retirement home in Florida. She told me a friend would watch the ferret, but she actually let it run in the house alone for a week. It has basically, ruined carpets etc. Not to mention it is unsanitary. Her room looks like a bomb went offÖ
I am frustrated by the fact that I am retiring shortly and I need to clean this house up so it can be sold and I can move to Florida. She just does not care.
She was recently engaged and expects me to pay for a wedding. She came to ask for opinions about wedding gowns and showed us images of dresses costing $3000-$5000. Frankly, Iím not inclined to pay for anything given the way she treats the family. My wife and I were married by a JP.
My wife just canceled her credit card and I am on the verge of suggesting the she find another living arrangement. I anticipate she will want me to pay for an apartment. I am planning on saying no.
There are many other examples.
Huh! Apparently, you meet all your daughter's expectations and she meets none of yours. How does that work? Are you afraid of her? Of what she would do? Of what people would say? She sounds manipulative and knows how to play you. She's Got Your game. Change the rules and see how she plays. She's an adult. You owe her nothing. She owes herself the chance yo be a decent human being, it might have dawned on you by now that you can't f o that for her now. That bridge has been crossed. WHAT Are You Afraid of?
Amazing Grace

Lake Worth, FL

#88 Jul 6, 2014
LiveFromMomsBasement wrote:
Dear Mom and Dad,
This is a letter of apology and resolution. I am sorry for being such a douchbag and sponging off you for so long. What I resolve is to pay the Nat Grid gas, electric, water, cable, internet, phone and county tax bill... With me paying for that, you could save up enough for a vacation, heck maybe even two vacations. Cause the way I figure it, you need to go out and get s**tfaced drunk and party it up. No, seriously. You need to go out and have some fun for a change. So, don't worry if you don't see the bills in the mailbox, I'm taking care of it. Get out of the house, go have fun, you're wasting away in front of the TV every night. Come on! C'MONNNNN!!!!
What an idiot. I bet you think you're being so smart, so patronizing, so superior. Wake up... There are thousands like you that cause people to shake their heads in amusement. You just don't get it, and probably never will.
Amazing Grace

Lake Worth, FL

#89 Jul 6, 2014
DONE wrote:
I have a 24 year old "daughter" (having trouble calling her my flesh and blood these days).
We took her in about a year and a half ago. When she turned 18 she decided to go her own way...bouncing around from man to man; anyone who would take care of her. She had nothing. We bought her a car, found her a job, etc. Shortly after, she was back to her old ways...moved in with yet another loser. That lasted a month. She comes back...2 weeks later...PREGNANT.
We move into a house we can't afford. Going to raise the baby as a family (the father is out of the picture). Were going to raise the baby as a family..she was going to go back to school..blah, blah, blah. Supported her throughout the entire pregnancy (my 1st grandchild). Has the baby...2 weeks later she leaves us holding the bag...moves in with yet ANOTHER loser. Ok, fine. Her life, her choice. Shame on me for letting her send us into financial ruin...I knew better.
At this point, I just want time with my grandson. Fought her tooth and nail at EVERY turn.
November 20. Returned the baby after an overnight stay. She accuses me of KIDNAPPING..?????...says she is going to call the police...????I walk away from this ridiculous argument. SHE PHYSICALLY JUMPS ME FROM BEHIND AS I AM WALKING TO MY CAR. She manages to get me in a headlock and beat the ever living shit out of me. Long story short...she tells the police that I ASSAULTED HER (I NEVER TOUCHED HER) AND I WAS ARRESTED! No visible marks on me...I guess not..considering that she pounded on the top of my head.
Haven't seen my grandson since. She refuses to respond to me in any way.
She is nothing but a scum sucking, bottom feeding piece of trash.
I have been over this a million times...where did I go wrong.
No more blaming myself. She has taken the form of a DEMON.
Going to court to attempt to get visitation of my grandson.
As far as her...I will use HER words...
FUCK OFF.
Well, I don't believe she just woke up one morning to be the "beotch" she now is. I've seen that before. Progressive development. She just got away with too much for too long until she became this unrestrained devil.
Better late than never. You Either Want This In Your Life Or You dont. She's got the upper hand because you gave it to her. Don't use your grandchild as an excuse to enabler her. She's on to that. Do you think you'll do a better job there than you did with her. From as young as 3 children learn how to manipulate, and become more expert at it as they grow older.
Amazing Grace

Lake Worth, FL

#90 Jul 6, 2014
Its YOU NOT THEM wrote:
YOUR CHILDREN ARE A MIRROR IMAGE OF YOU. The harder you fight them the harder they will push away.
You reap what you sew. "I learned it from watching you" If they are disrespectful to teachers its because YOU taught them that. If you have"given them everything" YOU are the reason they are spoiled and entitled. If they punch you to get a point across you have done the same to them.
If you are a self proclaimed "decent parent" yet all of these things are happening maybe just maybe you should set your arrogant vanity aside for a moment and ask, Why does my child treat me so horribly? Why do they treat others so well?
Respect works on a two way basis. You may THINK your the parent of the year but your child's actions tell a different story. If your complaining that your "adult child" treats you poorly, MAYBE you should start treating them like they are ADULTS. Get over yourself, its not all about you and what you deserve.
It all comes down to the golden rule. Treat others (Including your children) the way you would like to be treated.
Now say I do that already... I bet... Really? You give your "adult" freedom and distance and do not smother them and lay guilt trips on them? In no way shape or form is the way you treat them being interpreted in a negative way? Really?
Look inward and discover yourself and I guarantee you when you stop looking at it as what is wrong with my (ADULT) and what could possibly be wrong with ME. You WILL find the answer you are looking for.
Give them the distance from you that they desire (That is completely natural at that age) Take some time away from them for YOU. You raised them all these years and will discover you may like not having them around all the time.
As natural as that need to get away and be apart from you is the opposite will be true and they will feel a natural need to want to come back to you and share their (ADULT) lives with you. Provided you stop insulting their existence as adults with this need to keep your spoiled rotten disrespectful babies in your weird little nest. That is unnatural, and if you cant let it go you may damage that relationship your so afraid of loosing so badly that they may actually never want to share their adult lives with you.
And for all of those people out there that haven't already messed this up.....
Being your kids best friend, always supporting them just because you can, giving them everything they want and taking their side over an adult who is trying to teach them is NOT being a good parent. You are doing a serious disservice to them, yourself, and the rest of your community.
So you (parent of the year) grow up.
I agree with the basic tenets of this post but not the tone.
These people are reaching out with pain an confusion. They think they are doing the right thing and want to do the right thing, but other things are getting in the way. As parents, we've finished our job when our kids reach adult hood. We don't need to be in every waking moment of their lives. We need to live our own.
Let's get out of their way, BUT, it's a two way street, they should get out of ours. No safety net for their failures or mistakes. They break it, they buy it. It won't take them long to learn to be more careful with their lives. They don't need us nor our hovering.
Owlina5

Thornbury, Australia

#91 Jul 8, 2014
Really?

Every person in a relatiobship should feel able to express their feelings without fear of rebuke or retribution. If you have kids that continuously abuse their privilege and bully their parents, you may find an anonymous forum comforting and informative. It's not a sign of bad parenting to question and seek answers. It is however a sign of a controlling, manipulative person to shame the person asking questions into believing they are to blame for even asking. High moral grounds are the tools of manipulators.
REALLY wrote:
<quoted text>
The fact that you would pose this question on topix is a red flag that you may not have been half the parent you think you are/were. " selfish worthless brats" WOW, PARENT OF THE YEAR MATERIAL. just saying....
Owlina5

Thornbury, Australia

#92 Jul 8, 2014
Tears are the only response I have to your story. It gives rise to the question about who we are as a generation. Are we a generation of victims, from our elders and young ones? We've been bookended by ungratefulness and a sense that others are more entitled to our time, money and dignity, even mat the cost of financial, emotional and physical loss to ourselves.
Unbelievable wrote:
How about my 24 year old daughter. For her birthday this year I gave her $50 instead of the usual $100. She laughed in my face and said, "this is a joke, right?" I told her it wasn't a joke and things were a little tight this year and she threw the 50 at me and said, "ugh, you're so hard up, here, you need it more than I do". Mind you, she lives with me and pays absolutely nothing. I truly wanted to slap her face, but I would never do that. I took the $50 and let her know how disappointed I was. She couldn't care less. My mother would DIE if she heard how my daughter talks to me!
sue

Syracuse, NY

#93 Jul 26, 2014
I was a low income wage earner raising two childern, my family never helped or engaged my childern in any sense of extended family, I moved 40 miles away, and carried on, they had good xmas and birthdays, a decent place to live , medical and a loving concerned parent. My son went to college, i supported him throughout with finances, time, gifts , clothing and always listened to him with empathy The day i traveled to his graduation for grad school, he basically insulted me and berated me to i was in tears. Since then emails which were filled with love from him are now formal and cold, no visits home are planned. He lives in a nearby state and was recently in my area and couldnt be bothered to stop by and at least say hello. His girlfriend and her family think he is just a wonderful person but if they knew how he treated me i dont think they would, after going through weeks of depression and tears, i have kind of turned off my feelings and taken down his childhood photos cuz it is just too painful, He is a success by economic standards but i feel less of a person for the way he treated me, I might add that as a parent i always engaged with him, and did alot of activities he would enjoy, I am glad i found this post as i felt like the only one,

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