ungrateful children
one who knows

Carthage, NY

#23 Aug 7, 2013
terrie wrote:
<quoted text>
I believe you are sincere and did everything you could do to help all of your children. The youngest child was not open to your guidance, love and caring for reasons that have nothing to do with anything you did. Some children are like that and no one has a clear cut reason why. Social workers, priests, therapists all agree on this one point. You can be a sterling parent but there is a chance that a child will not choose the correct path. The only thing left for you to do is to be there to support her(Not monetarily) emotionally when and if she reaches out to you. Some kids will only learn the hard way and some never learn at all. NONE of this is your fault. So if you are beating yourself up over it, stop. Enjoy your life, every day of it, and do so with a clear conscience. God Bless you!
Thank you so much for your kind words as you don't know how much they mean to me.

It breaks a mother's heart to have to sit back and watch your child go down the wrong path in life. This child is the product of a second marriage and I raised her on my own ever since she was 18 months old. She use to be a loving and thoughtful child until she was about 30 years old and started hanging around with the wrong people which have had more influence on her than the moral upbring I gave her. She does drugs (crack)on an recreational basis, and uses other people to get what she wants, and uses language that would put a truck driver to shame. I am ashamed to even say she is my daughter. It is hard to sit back and watch her warped the mind of a loving little 4 year old boy who she has convinced that his Grandma doesn't love him because..........usually it is about how I can't play with him anymore because of my age and illnesses).

Thank you again for being so understanding.
Mick

Springfield, NJ

#24 Aug 7, 2013
ThatOneBeaut wrote:
I'm just above the age bracket in question, but from my point of view it's the 13-21 year olds who are problems. When I graduated we just had gotten high speed Internet. Now, they're all on their Iphones (heaven for bid they don't have the newest one) and whine when their parents take them out to get clothes. They should realize how lucky they are. Then, the way a lot of them speak to their teachers and parents...maybe they should go back to the whole "soap in the mouth" threat.
There's your problem. It's OK to say NO to your kids.
a parent

Carthage, NY

#25 Aug 7, 2013
North Country - 50living wrote:
Although I'm NOT a parent...I do see many instances of parents NOT being PARENTS but rather a "sperm doner" & "egg doner"....you were there for the "fun" but have never given any thought about teaching this child the very basics of being polite, helping others & being a well rounded citizen & resident of the planet. They LOVE to learn & they look up to the 1 most important person in their life...you...for guidance.....BE THERE by teaching them right from wrong, basic life lessons & SELF RESPECT will follow!!
BEFORE you can give advice about parenting, YOU need to be one yourself.

It is very easy to sit in judgment on someone else when you have never had to walk in their shoes!
well

Saranac Lake, NY

#26 Aug 7, 2013
I have a brother who discarded me when he got married. He and his wife had kids yet the only time they spent with my parents,(their grandparents), was when my brother and his wife brought them for short visits. My brother later discarded my Mom, and said some very nasty things to her. He is 50 years old, not a twenty something! And he can put on this act to the world like he is just the nicest guy and Mr Personality and people believe it. My brother, ho are all older than he is all rally 'round him like he is some kind of hero which is crap. Never once have any of my brothers let him know how wrong he was to treat my Mom like shit!!!!! And my one brother actually told my Mom that she was wrong.

So this is not new to the younger crowd. There are weak selfish nasty individuals at all different ages. My Mom is a great Mom and always has been, but for some reason, there will always be people who appreciate nothing and who are incapable of caring for anyone else.
REALLY

New York, NY

#27 Aug 7, 2013
one who knows wrote:
<quoted text>Thank you so much for your kind words as you don't know how much they mean to me.
It breaks a mother's heart to have to sit back and watch your child go down the wrong path in life. This child is the product of a second marriage and I raised her on my own ever since she was 18 months old. She use to be a loving and thoughtful child until she was about 30 years old and started hanging around with the wrong people which have had more influence on her than the moral upbring I gave her. She does drugs (crack)on an recreational basis, and uses other people to get what she wants, and uses language that would put a truck driver to shame. I am ashamed to even say she is my daughter. It is hard to sit back and watch her warped the mind of a loving little 4 year old boy who she has convinced that his Grandma doesn't love him because..........usually it is about how I can't play with him anymore because of my age and illnesses).
Thank you again for being so understanding.
Ashamed to say shes your daughter? Again...WOW. PARENT OF THE YEAR!!! Jesus wept at your lack of compasion and forgiveness.
Judge Judy

Durhamville, NY

#28 Aug 7, 2013
North Country - 50living wrote:
Although I'm NOT a parent...I do see many instances of parents NOT being PARENTS but rather a "sperm doner" & "egg doner"....you were there for the "fun" but have never given any thought about teaching this child the very basics of being polite, helping others & being a well rounded citizen & resident of the planet. They LOVE to learn & they look up to the 1 most important person in their life...you...for guidance.....BE THERE by teaching them right from wrong, basic life lessons & SELF RESPECT will follow!!
Puleeeeeze! There's almost nothing worse than someone who's never had children give advise on how to raise them. You probably mean well, but you truly have no idea. My co-worker, brother and girlfriend are all experts on child rearing even though none have had any. Lol
Judge Judy

Durhamville, NY

#29 Aug 7, 2013
REALLY wrote:
<quoted text>Ashamed to say shes your daughter? Again...WOW. PARENT OF THE YEAR!!! Jesus wept at your lack of compasion and forgiveness.
That explains a lot. You're probably one of those wackos that walk and chant in front of PP. Either you have no children (one can only hope) or your one of the parents who think their child can do no wrong and it's always someone else's fault (like the teachers for yelling at your brat in front of the class). Either way...get real.
bestadvice

Utica, NY

#30 Aug 7, 2013
REALLY wrote:
<quoted text>
Ashamed to say shes your daughter? Again...WOW. PARENT OF THE YEAR!!! Jesus wept at your lack of compasion and forgiveness.
Hey Really, you are a turd. You have the gall to mention the name of Jesus in your stupid post.
YOU are the one with NO compassion, turd. Why don't you just flush yourself and float away. You have no place here, you feckless weasel.
Hope

Treadwell, NY

#31 Aug 7, 2013
You can be a really good parent (teach your child manners, how to treat others, to be honest, to save money, have a good work ethic) and they still can go the wrong way. Many times the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, but there are exceptions to every rule. My son is 20 and we are frustrated and sometimes embarrassed by what he does. Especially on facebook. We hope his brain matures (they say around the 25 yr mark) and he 'grows out of' his behavior. And we don't miss a chance to instruct him on the right things to do in hopes that it sinks in at some point. If not, heaven help us!
REALLY

New York, NY

#32 Aug 7, 2013
bestadvice wrote:
<quoted text>
Hey Really, you are a turd. You have the gall to mention the name of Jesus in your stupid post.
YOU are the one with NO compassion, turd. Why don't you just flush yourself and float away. You have no place here, you feckless weasel.
LMFAO. pathetic, absolutely pathetic. As for the other IGNORANT comment, I AM a parent and a damn good one. Never once could I even concieve of saying some of the things you people consider ok to or about my kids. You should be ashamed of yourselves.
REALLY

New York, NY

#33 Aug 7, 2013
Well said hope
REALLY

New York, NY

#34 Aug 7, 2013
So JUDGE JUDY using the Lords name not in vain to accentuate a point is wrong how? All of a sudden that makes me a bible thumper because the thought of somebody thinking or speaking so ill of their own flesh and blood turns my stomach and saddens me to the point to pray. Maybe you should try using his name a little more often and not while screaming at your poor defenseless children.
Think About It

Utica, NY

#35 Aug 7, 2013
One thing I learned is all it takes is ONE person to destroy a family.
Judge Judy

Durhamville, NY

#36 Aug 7, 2013
REALLY wrote:
<quoted text>LMFAO. pathetic, absolutely pathetic. As for the other IGNORANT comment, I AM a parent and a damn good one. Never once could I even concieve of saying some of the things you people consider ok to or about my kids. You should be ashamed of yourselves.
Really? How old are your kids,anyway? I'll bet they're under 10. Mine were perfect little angels, too. They aren't bad kids now...no drugs or alcohol problems and no trouble with the law or school. Its just that they are extremely disrespectful to me, with mouths that don't quit. Btw, I, also, am a damn good parent. Get back to me when they're between 18 and 25. Oh and if they are that age now...congrats on being the perfect parent and having perfect children.
terrie

Utica, NY

#38 Aug 8, 2013
one who knows wrote:
<quoted text>Thank you so much for your kind words as you don't know how much they mean to me.
It breaks a mother's heart to have to sit back and watch your child go down the wrong path in life. This child is the product of a second marriage and I raised her on my own ever since she was 18 months old. She use to be a loving and thoughtful child until she was about 30 years old and started hanging around with the wrong people which have had more influence on her than the moral upbring I gave her. She does drugs (crack)on an recreational basis, and uses other people to get what she wants, and uses language that would put a truck driver to shame. I am ashamed to even say she is my daughter. It is hard to sit back and watch her warped the mind of a loving little 4 year old boy who she has convinced that his Grandma doesn't love him because..........usually it is about how I can't play with him anymore because of my age and illnesses).
Thank you again for being so understanding.
You're welcome. From your description, your daughter has made some very bad choices and some of her actions toward you have been very cruel. As we all do in this life, eventually she will pay for her choices in one way or the other. All of this has been very painful for you especially with regards to her son. My suggestion is to see the child as often as you can and repeatedly reassure him that you love him, care for him now and that you always will. Do something with him, take him for an ice cream, or take him for a drive to the lake, or just spend time with him away from her in your house. Play a game with him or read him a story. Little things mean a lot at that age. Give him hugs and act absolutely thrilled to be with him, as I know you will be. Children do pay more attention to actions than words. Your actions can be a whole lot stronger than your daughter's lies to him. Your daughter's drug use is a threat to the safety of that little boy and if at any time you feel that his welfare is in danger, you do (as we all do) have a moral obligation to see that the boy is in a safe environment by any means that you can. You may be the only eyes that watch out for him when his mother is using drugs. There is help available through child advocacy groups if you feel this is beyond what you can do. I sincerely hope that eventually all of this will be resolved and that you will have the peace and joy that you so obviously deserve.

Level 3

Since: Jul 10

Location hidden

#39 Aug 8, 2013
a parent wrote:
<quoted text>BEFORE you can give advice about parenting, YOU need to be one yourself.
It is very easy to sit in judgment on someone else when you have never had to walk in their shoes!
That's a bit simplistic. You don't need to be a parent to give advice. With your reasoning, then, an adoptive parent's advice would not hold the same value as that of a natural parent. And all pediatricians would have to also have children of their own.
a parent

Carthage, NY

#40 Aug 8, 2013
terrie wrote:
<quoted text>
Y .......... I sincerely hope that eventually all of this will be resolved and that you will have the peace and joy that you so obviously deserve.
You are a very comforting poster and I do spend as much time with my 4 year old GS as I can. There really isn't a day that goes by that I don't talk to him on the phone each morning, or take him shopping at Walmart along with his Mom (he loves riding on the motorized scooter with me), and if I visit him at night, we read his favorite books together. So far, her "recreational" drug use does NOT prevent her from cooking him his breackfast, lunch and dinner and she does take care of his physical needs. So far, he is still a happy and loving little boy. When she goes off on her rants, I bite my tongue and try NOT to prolong the situation, and I just leave and go home. I've told her, that if she doesn't treat me like her mother, then I will not be hers and that is when I walk away.

She has made plans for my youngest son (age 52) to have Custody of her son in the event anything should happen to her. He will NEVER be placed in a Foster Home - not as long as her siblings and me are still alive.
Fedup

Ypsilanti, MI

#48 Sep 8, 2013
yorkie wrote:
Tell me of your experiences with your ungrateful young adult(20-26) children who treat their parents like garbage. I'm not talking about negligent parents, drunks, addicts, etc. but parents who did everything possible to raise them with love, care and understanding. The parent's reward at the end of this was to be talked down to, disrespected repeatedly, used and abused. Is this the norm for this age group or are these just selfish worthless brats that never learned a thing inspite of having decent parents.
Yes, I can totally relate to this. I have a 24 and 25 year old daughter's who treat me very disrespectfully. I was a single Mom in the early year's, and gave them all my love and attention. Their biological father haven't laid eyes on them since they were 2&3. I gave them a pretty good childhood and for the life of me cannot figure out how they think it's acceptable to treat me badly, especially the 24 year old. Im guessing they're trying to find themselves? Haven't matured yet perhaps? I agree with one of the post's here that said but they treat everyone else good. This is so true for mine too. I give up. Just going to move on with my own life now. Maybe one day when they have kid's they might understand what all really went in to getting them where they are today.

Level 3

Since: Jul 10

Location hidden

#49 Sep 8, 2013
yorkie wrote:
Tell me of your experiences with your ungrateful young adult(20-26) children who treat their parents like garbage. I'm not talking about negligent parents, drunks, addicts, etc. but parents who did everything possible to raise them with love, care and understanding. The parent's reward at the end of this was to be talked down to, disrespected repeatedly, used and abused. Is this the norm for this age group or are these just selfish worthless brats that never learned a thing inspite of having decent parents.
If that's what you've got, you raised 'em wrong. Sorry, sucks to be you.
hark

Los Angeles, CA

#51 Sep 9, 2013
RegularCrewChief wrote:
<quoted text>
If that's what you've got, you raised 'em wrong. Sorry, sucks to be you.
Actually, it must really suck to be your parents to be cursed with the likes of you as a child. You must have been damaged DNA, a freak of nature, a trisomy of some sort, a mutation because no one could have done that bad a job at childrearing to produce a head case like you. You owe your parents an apology for existing.

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