Why does a woman that's been abused h...

Why does a woman that's been abused her whole marriage go back to the abuser?

Posted in the Utica Forum

Dumbfounded

Buffalo, NY

#1 Nov 28, 2012
My sister keeps doing it. Any professionals out there that can give my family some insight into this?
Obvious

Whitesboro, NY

#2 Nov 28, 2012
She goes back for the dingaling.
Obvious

Whitesboro, NY

#3 Nov 28, 2012
Its common practice for guys to belittle the women in their life so that they feel unwanted. After a while they believe that the man they are with is the only man that will have them. She needs her self esteem lifted. She is done.
Dumbfounded

Buffalo, NY

#4 Nov 28, 2012
Thank you. We just can't get her to see the light.

“SoFunnyAt420”

Level 4

Since: Nov 08

Location hidden

#5 Nov 28, 2012
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Albert Einstein
Pubic Assistance

Minoa, NY

#6 Nov 28, 2012
Does she have a job? If not, maybe she'd rather have this situation than go on PA or try to provide for herself.
Cold day

New York Mills, NY

#7 Nov 28, 2012
Dumbfounded wrote:
My sister keeps doing it. Any professionals out there that can give my family some insight into this?
What you may or may not know, is that more than likely, you're sister hurt this man by cheating on him. Chances are, she has many unresolved issues stemming from a young age and sought the attention of someone else because she had a sexual, emotional or financial need that wasn't being satisfied. Maybe even a combination of needs in her case.

Regardless, this man (she cheated on )loved her very much. Today this day, he still loves her but can't let the hurt go. He does not trust her nor will he ever. Sadly, he can't let go or move on with his life. Nor can she as long as he keeps pulling her back. She was his rock. She is is heaven. He is lost without her.

I am that man and I love your sister more than anything on this earth. Sadly, I can't take her back and struggle to move on. The pain is like nothing I can hope to describe. I would never intentionally hurt your precious sister. I forgive her and understand why she did what she did, but I can't forget.

Please don't be mad at me for not letting go. I don't want to lose her again. I need her but only so close. I know my rejection kills her everyday. I'm scared of being hurt by her. I know we have one life to live...but the pain is unbearable.

Sorry!
Dumbfounded

Buffalo, NY

#8 Nov 28, 2012
Cold day wrote:
<quoted text>
What you may or may not know, is that more than likely, you're sister hurt this man by cheating on him. Chances are, she has many unresolved issues stemming from a young age and sought the attention of someone else because she had a sexual, emotional or financial need that wasn't being satisfied. Maybe even a combination of needs in her case.
Regardless, this man (she cheated on )loved her very much. Today this day, he still loves her but can't let the hurt go. He does not trust her nor will he ever. Sadly, he can't let go or move on with his life. Nor can she as long as he keeps pulling her back. She was his rock. She is is heaven. He is lost without her.
I am that man and I love your sister more than anything on this earth. Sadly, I can't take her back and struggle to move on. The pain is like nothing I can hope to describe. I would never intentionally hurt your precious sister. I forgive her and understand why she did what she did, but I can't forget.
Please don't be mad at me for not letting go. I don't want to lose her again. I need her but only so close. I know my rejection kills her everyday. I'm scared of being hurt by her. I know we have one life to live...but the pain is unbearable.
Sorry!
Very nice, but I don't think you're him. His a narcissitic jerk that toys with her emotions. He's not all that.Love is another word for control with this jerk. I know how its going to end, and I know the emotional wreck she will be after another round with him. This sounds more like something my sister would say to justify his attitude told her.
snake pliskin

West Hartford, CT

#9 Nov 28, 2012
Peanut butter/bologna sandwiches.
Anonymous

Fairport, NY

#10 Nov 28, 2012
I wouldn't waste my breath on a woman who goes back tto a abusive spouse. just as I would not bother with a person who goes back into a relationship with a drunk. these people are nothing more than sht themselves to allow their partner to degrade and abuse them and possibly their children. you cannot help these people they have to acknoledge the fact they are weak and have to get themselves out of the gutter. sometimes they come from a family of abusers than end up with the same kind of person in marriage .because they were brought up with it in their own family. anyway I have no use for these people.get the hell out and start living like a respectable person thats my advice to you
Dumbfounded

Buffalo, NY

#11 Nov 28, 2012
cms2 wrote:
I wouldn't waste my breath on a woman who goes back tto a abusive spouse. just as I would not bother with a person who goes back into a relationship with a drunk. these people are nothing more than sht themselves to allow their partner to degrade and abuse them and possibly their children. you cannot help these people they have to acknoledge the fact they are weak and have to get themselves out of the gutter. sometimes they come from a family of abusers than end up with the same kind of person in marriage .because they were brought up with it in their own family. anyway I have no use for these people.get the hell out and start living like a respectable person thats my advice to you
I agree. I know we've been enabling her. She is our sister and its so hard not to. Tough love i know. She does great, then she sees him with his new gal, hears about their happy life, and then she loses it.

Thank you everyone. Happy Holidays

“SoFunnyAt420”

Level 4

Since: Nov 08

Location hidden

#12 Nov 29, 2012
if she or they live in this area than niether is living a happy life. Area is full of losers, users, abusers, and people whom have been ruined by those kinds of people!
Actually

Utica, NY

#13 Nov 29, 2012
SoFunnyAt420 wrote:
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Albert Einstein
Actually it's the definition of Insanity as defined by the DSM-4 not Einstein, Ben Franklin or Jesus.
Wallflowers

Utica, NY

#14 Nov 30, 2012
We accept the love we think we deserve.

“SoFunnyAt420”

Level 4

Since: Nov 08

Location hidden

#15 Nov 30, 2012
I highly doubt most sane people think they deserve to be treated wrong!
Some Advice

Buffalo, NY

#16 Dec 23, 2012
Its learned helplessness. They stay and/or go back because its all they know. Something in their childhood is usually the root of the problem. They don't feel that they deserve love. They think of themselves as bad or evil, and think that this is what they deserve.

Very had to overcome. She does appreciate what you are saying but is still drawn to this person for very unhealthy reasons. One would wish there was a magic bullet, but there is not.

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