family court
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Utica, NY

#45 Feb 22, 2014
Diane Grande? get a lawyer people think is not a scam, but who 's not lazy either...ask around who's always working, not golfing or going to Country Club and who gets things done fast...you don't want to drag things out. Forget term "all-star" lawyers .. that's for naive saps. More money does not mean better , it's like for people who go to Casino and drop big money and talk about it?
bob

Utica, NY

#46 Feb 23, 2014
I just figured you get what you pay for. My last lawyer was half the price of some of the other guys.I just figured you get what you pay for. There is a reason why some lawyers charge a retainer of 750.00 and others for the same charge 3,000.00. Pay the big shot if you can. If he doesn't fight for you, tell everyone. Word gets around. Your word and honor well there is no price for that. I would rather be known as a honorable pr!ck than a likable, liar. Just me.

I would pay 500.00 an hour just to get the peace of mind knowing that my Lawyer is working with me and my kids and no other side agenda in play ya know? The big lawyer may want to end things quickly and move on.

I cant really go into any details of my trek but it will be over soon. But I promise one thing, if things get ugly I'll probably spend the rest of my days OPENLY republishing my story and joining the ranks of the activists!

I still have faith and I do have my fingers crossed. All judges are honorable even if we think otherwise, and swear oaths to be men and women of honor. With that said I doubt I will be posting here anymore in the near future and my woes and troubles will be over. Thanks for the tips guys. Best of luck. It was nice to anonymously hear opinions and vent a little bit with out revealing anything personal of my own or anyone else.

For the love of your kids try and stay with mom until the kids are grown if you live in this state. If she is unbearable, try and shield your kids from it. Because if she leaves you face a good chance of being taken advantage of systematically, and its not even her fault.

Ali
NY State B Lows

Utica, NY

#47 Feb 24, 2014
Joe Longo was only half wrong, he never should have killed.....himself!!
beenthere2

Amsterdam, NY

#48 Feb 24, 2014
bob wrote:
Been there 2, thanks a lot. I do all of the Dr visits as well. Mom hates Drs. In fact shes never even met the kids Dr. She has lied recently by telling her lawyer Ive never invited her... Luckily for us I've saved all of the messages where I had invited and at times begged. I've really been there for my family and deep down inside mom knows I'm a good dad. And I know mom loves her kids. She just fails over and over again to make the right choices. Eventually someone needs to shake her noggin and wake her up. We shouldn't reward someone who chooses to continually make BAD choices. We need to hold her accountable and help her change. Here in NY I do wonder if anyone else feels the way I do.
I do have the home our kids were born in... And did not know it meant anything! Thanks for that tip. What other things help? So far and this all was unknowing to me... But everything you have mentioned that would aid me I already have in my favor.
But here I get nervous. Every one I speak with who has listened to what has transpired tells me there is no way I am not to receive PFC or what I am looking for which is less than PFC ... if I look to aquire it. Yet I'm still here worrying that this court will fail us. Is there an agency that can shadow my case if I request it?
Bob - when you say PFC, do you mean "primary Physical Custody"? I think you can get that. But just in case you don't know, there are two levels of custody. If you have joint custody, it means you both have some level of time and custody of your kids. For example, they may live with you most of the time, but go visit Mom on alternate weekends. You and Mom would be expected to share decision making for the big stuff, like a medical decision about surgery, but you would decide the day to day stuff when the kids are with you and likewise for her when they are at her house.

Do NOT bother trying to get FULL CUSTODY. That would mean that you make ALL decisions, provide virtually all care and basically Mom is out of the picture except for a visit say maybe once a month. A judge will not award this as long as the Mom is coherent! They want the kids to have some contact and know that they have a Mom who loves them. My x wasted time and thousands of $ for both of us because he didn't understand the distinction and kept saying he wanted full custody! Of course, he did not get it! So ask for JOINT custody with you as primary, and Mom gets visitation. The minimum a judge here will typically give is alternate weekends, so expect you may have to let them go for those weekends. If Mom cares more about her social life than her kids, she will eventually drop those and you will have them all the time.

As long as you have the kids 51% or more of the time, she will have to pay YOU child support. If she has no job, the court will decide an imputed income amount that her qualifications would reasonably allow her to make and charge her with child support based on that amount.

Best of luck.
bob

Utica, NY

#49 Feb 28, 2014
Everything is in the courts hands.She has violated two court orders recently one support related another custody related. They are confirmed violations. One actually put one of my kids in direct danger. No one has yet to hold her accountable to anything she has done to my knowledge. We are waiting to see how it all plays out in court. I'm confused because I thought she should have already been held accountable due to the seriousness.

She was ordered to bring one of her sons to the Dr for a series of medical injections that he needs 2x a week for his health. Important that he gets them. She was ORDERED to do so with out delay. She was ordered because she previously gave everyone grief about giving her son the shots even court. She is against modern medicine and was endangering her child. And she missed the shots again last week for god knows why.. and I had to take him a few days later which created a clear danger in delay the 48 hour lapse could have put him in a coma. undeniable.

She broke the ORDER. I requested then to bring him for the injections on the days away and was denied? It was a very reasonable request. So are they turning the tables on my son to get at me? Its not me they are hurting and if I have to go above them I may. So I may be thinking in haste but I wonder if that means they are taking care of the old gal, or they are waiting to try it down the road. I have no idea. I am going to let it play out. I cant speak to the lawyers. They dont tell me anything. They speak in code and riddles. They leave stuff out. I am in the dark with everything and it leaves me filing my own paperwork and making my own phone calls. I am in he!! right now. But this is what I am dealing with.

And my lawyer may not know it but if they dont start holding her accountable I will no longer need a lawyer as I would simply concede. And my lawyer is awesome. One of the best! But if even he cant get moms hand smacked then no one can. And with that said I don't know if I need him. Everything I have speaks for its self in trial. I would pay the cheapest paralegal I could find to introduce everything in trial or represent myself. Such as logs, recordings, text messages, witness statements, audio recordings, video recordings so on and so forth. I have been VERY busy and have not tipped even half of my hand yet.

I am in a position where I have nothing to lose already if I opt out of representation. They wont take anything away from me and the kids wont ever stop adoring me. I spend every hour with them when they are here. Mom cant EVER change that. So yeah I dont even know how long I will have paid representation. 4k in between my two lawyers and it feels like a waste. I dont think I will be re-upping unless things change.

I am not too confident that they are going to do anything but I could just be thinking too fast. Have to sit back and wait. I still have faith in the systems judges. They are sworn to do whats right no matter who's more popular.

Part of me is thinking that I should be getting another agency involved soon and it might have happened with out my input.

Her lawyer is really good, but I am sitting here thinking to myself that this guy MUST know he is defending someone who makes poor choices over and over again. She has two lawyers really... and they keep on sticking out their necks for her and I don't understand why. They are going to start looking foolish, as mom will continue to make bad choices. And if they think the worst is over they don't know much about the corner that they reside in. The more my kids grow and talk the more they endanger moms way of life. Unless she grows up shes toast.

No matter what happens I am Dad and the kids are drawn to me and always will as they are my life. We will be together... if not soon when they grow in age and make up their own minds. Kids are drawn to structure, family and fun.

This has been an exciting roller coaster ride, we will see what happens next!
beenthere2

Amsterdam, NY

#50 Feb 28, 2014
Don't give up your lawyer. It's too dangerous. If you're guy is supposed to be good, then he should come through. There were many times I felt I was losing but I had to sit back and let the court go through their machinations. Her lawyers are PAID to advocate for her whether they agree with her or not. My ex did horrible things to me and his lawyer HELPED him! Even lied for him! So it doesn't matter what her lawyer thinks; he/she is going to defend your ex no matter what. Think of the public defender that has to defend a murderer even if they confess to him! It only matters what the judge thinks.

My ex violated order after order. He just ignored them! I couldn't believe it! He barely got his hand slapped for it but then again, my lawyer wasn't the best at filing violations etc. I feel it WAS taken into account in the end though. The court is too busy to run after every violation so it may look like they are doing nothing, but it should catch up with her eventually. Do not be na´ve about the courts here, though.
In every town there are judges in someone's pocket. Utica is a small town; the lawyers in court play golf with the Judge. Where do you think the judge will lean if that is the case with her lawyer. It's great to have faith, just don't be na´ve. What's "right" is often subjective in these cases.

About your son's shots: I doubt they are taking care of her. The way these courts act, I think they ARE holding her accountable and if she digs her grave, so be it. By not letting you take him every time, they are trying to make her take the responsibility. If she violates it then they can punish her, but they have to give her the chance. If you just do it for her, she gets off too easy. If she can't handle it, and violates again, you will gain serious points for that.

The best way to keep your costs down is to do all that documentation like you are; keep it clear and objective. Don't worry if your lawyer only ends up using a fraction of it. He should know what's most pertinent to the judge. Hang in there and keep us posted.
bob

Utica, NY

#51 Mar 4, 2014
Thanks. Yeah I don't intend on ditching my lawyer yet. I need to see what happens first and I have faith in him doing well. But if his hands are tied no point in hanging on to him.

I have my fingers crossed that things will be handled properly. And in the end, when we reach the drawing board I am still willing to work with her as much as I despise the things she is doing. I can give up a lot or bend to make things easy for everyone. I am still willing to let her hang on to a lot of perks that should be stripped just to make things civil.

I hope for her sake we can come to terms. If we go to trial I don't see anything ending well for her but who knows.

My main problem right now is her clear and open medical neglect. I don't want it to be and end all for her and I can look past it if she promises to be better. But I want her held accountable. We will see what happens.

I still would like to have a 3rd party investigate the case if they do not handle her medical neglect properly. The "good ol' boy popularity contest" will not come into effect with our case, only justice and honor that I will make sure of.

And I will pursue this if they fail us. I dont think the DOJ or FBI would investigate but I will call them to rule it out.... at the same time appealing is a waste of time. I guess I need to line those cards up now in case they need to be played. Any idea who I can call if things get funny? Im not calling anyone anytime soon. Only if they fail to acknowledge her medical mishaps. I don't think they can, but I worry.

My secondary problem is that she is starting to tell my kids I am mean to her and its why I am to wait outside when picking them up. When its an open lie as this, does this constitute as brainwashing? As much as I can not stand mom at times, Ive NEVER let the kids know it. It felt good to hear my kids come to me and ask me about it, because it shows where their allegiance lies. Its also good to hear them say they think she is lying, as they have never seen or heard anything of the sort. I think what shes doing is sick. But I know shes doing it for a bigger reason. I know, because I know my X.

Its still it is a worry to me if not to the lawyers. She has no honest card to play. The truth only helps me and hurts her and I expect her to continue to lie. I think she is trying to set up some trail, and in the end shes going to make some false claim, such as that I hit her or something. She will text me a question and then when I respond she will ask me to stop harassing her. This all smells bad.

I told my previous lawyer that this false claim was in the making a month ago and he called me "over the top" and that if I dont stop worrying about poor ol' mom and start promoting a happy family with mom he was going to use it against me. This is not a joke. Half the reason why I sh!t canned the guy.

But now I see my worries really are manifesting. Her trail is starting now, with her being "afraid" to let me in the house and the harassing text messages that she herself initiates.=) Never in a million years would I jeopardize my family or career that requires me to be squeaky clean. And squeaky clean I have been.

Any idea how I can combat or defend her twisted games?

Ali
beenthere2

Utica, NY

#52 Mar 4, 2014
Yes! Keep records. Every time you have them, mark down if you picked the kids up or she dropped them off. If there is any kind of discourse, note it in your records. You can download your text messages (with Verizon and probably others) and keep the print out, but you must do it within a day or two of the text. Text messages can also be subpoenaed if necessary but they are hard to get more than a few days after the fact, so it's best if you keep on top of this. You could also block her from texting you and tell her emails only. Then you will have a better record, and I know they are admissible in court. You are right to be suspicious about her texts accusing you of harassment.

In short, STAY AWAY from her, then she can't say you hit her or anything else. Do not even attempt or show an interest in going in her house; that is a bad idea. Think about it; what reason would there be for that? Don't let her in yours either. I keep my ex on the front porch or he waits in his car and I wait in mine. In the beginning he "ordered" not to get out of the car and I am only allowed in the driveway!! He is such a dork!! You can tell her to have them ready at a certain time, then all you do is go up to the door and help them to the car with their things. If they are old enough, they can walk out on their own and you just help them get in. AVOID any contact with her. She will try to instigate if she is up to something. If she does not have them ready on time, that is something you should track and tell your lawyer. But don't get impatient; just wait in your car.
Regarding her lying to the kids about you. If you do the above, they should see things for themselves. My ex engaged in all out parental alienation, slander and more. Document anything they tell you she says with dates. Be careful how you respond when they tell you the things she said. Keep it really benign like "Mommy and Daddy are not getting along now but I am never intentionally mean to her. In fact, I am trying hard to work with her to make it easier on you kids." and leave it at that. Don't get defensive or prod them for more. You don't want them to have this on their minds. You can say "this is between us adults and you can just ignore it" (if she says things to them). It wouldn't be a bad idea to email her that if she has anything negative to say about you, to tell you, not the kids. There should be something in your filing papers about this issue; that parents are not to engage in this behavior.

Don't bother with the FBI; this is not their thing unless she kidnaps the kids and takes them across state lines!! The people who should be involved are Child Protective Services. Are they? If you can use the Rome office, ask for a woman with the initials LD. I don't want to put her name in here. Your child's Dr. probably has a reporting chain as well, to report the missed shots.

What is your visitation schedule? It may be best if you don't rely on her to take the child and you just do it yourself. You will get points for it later, and you can rest easy.
Hope this helps.
bob

Utica, NY

#53 Mar 4, 2014
I think from here on out I will take your advice. I didn't ever have a problem with our transactions. Its only now becoming an issue and only because I am hearing about it from my kids. News to me otherwise... which tells me shes up to no good. Thank god the kids are starting to speak!

I'm pretty sure the hospital called child protective and they are involved I think. This can only be a good thing. I don't know how serious things need to be to be considered founded or unfounded... but no one can argue about her missing his shots. No one. They didn't make any emergency decisions. So apparently he needs to go into a coma before they make any moves. With that said I STILL assume the report will read the truth even if unbiased as possible which I assume it will be.

As for her there are days where she has our kids and on those days I can not control what she does. Her failure to get our child his injections is why I requested the right to bring him myself. I still do not know why the request was denied, other than the fact that her lawyer is very good or its a conspiracy and everyone is out to get me =). Chances are the lawyer is just that good. My lawyer was not present that day. In his stead was someone I would have never hired. Really really crummy day for my kids.

I was not aloud in the conference when my request was shot down and I want to know what was said as I fear there must have been more lies. How else could my request of been denied? No point in asking the lawyer he wont tell me anything directly. So I am requesting copies of the transcript if I can.

Ali
Janice

Utica, NY

#54 Apr 30, 2014
bob wrote:
Should a man be afraid of Oneida County Family Court if he can prove with out a doubt that his children are better off with him? Does he need a lawyer in a "battle" for custody?
What things are damming to one party or look well on another... or otherwise guarantee he gets his kids?
Obviously drugs and physical abuse are give mes, but what else?
Gearing up here! I think I am in excellent shape and so are my kids but this sh!t is scary. No lawyer needed however.
Bob, bud, get a lawyer. Lots of fathers get custody now, but get a lawyer or ask for one, but it's the best way to go. You're too close to the subject.

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