family court
Been there2

Utica, NY

#21 Feb 5, 2014
Yep wrote:
Like I said...guys don't stand a chance...family court...nothing but a dose of stress and aggravation...think Longo...sad
What do you mean about Longo? Guys don't stand a chance? Seems like Kristin p. Longo didn't stand a chance! Nor does any woman married to a law enforcement officer when going through a divorce. SHE is screwed as the Oneida County courts here are crooked, with an " old boy" network protecting each other. God forbid her husband is violent and pushes her around; calling the cops does NO good. They pretend to respond while doing nothing to protect her, and leave the violent man in the house with her! That is how something like Longo happens. How many more will we lose before somebody wishes up?
my advice

Utica, NY

#22 Feb 5, 2014
Try attorney George Murad.
Been there2

Utica, NY

#23 Feb 12, 2014
Bob - wondering how it is going for you? Are you making progress?

Please keep in mind that although you hate the X, she is the child's
mother. Your child will never get another one. Kids don't expect her
to be perfect, but she is still their Mom. Also, I did a well thought out
parenting plan that I thought was a slam dunk. The judge didn't even
read it or comment on it. They do not care. The judge doesn't care
what your x spends on Christmas presents or any other details unless
her behavior is abusive (in the eyes of the law, not you), negligent or
illegal in its own right (drugs, prostitution etc).

Please update us. Hope you are making out better than most of us.
Clarence D

Utica, NY

#24 Feb 12, 2014
bob wrote:
<quoted text>
Well, I have been down the road in court before. Spending 4k (or going 4k in debt) hurts my children as much as it does me you see. This is an undeniable fact. I needed lawyer in the past to set a custody standard (joint legal custody with no primary to my understanding) which worked out well enough in the past. I am not looking forward to putting my family into further debt. I understand it hurts my kids chances but that is a risk I am willing to take. I can articulate myself well enough and I feel what I have on paper is something a family court judge could not rule against even if I went against the grain and opted out of legal representation.
You make NO SENSE. Just because you have something on paper means nothing. You don't know the law. Hire a lawyer or suffer your bad decisions in life.
bob

United States

#25 Feb 13, 2014
Things are going well for my kids. That's what matters. Had a great lawyer and hated him. His advice was great but against my grain. I fired him. Didnt like his advice. He did not want to hold my x acountable for ANYTHING so he had to go before it was too late. Going to hire someone else. I dont want to bury my x, she did that herself. I just want her to stop playing the rotten games that she has recently fired up. He didn't care. Refused to ask opposing counsel if they would stop. He could have its my dollar. Maybe even found them amusing and told me they were silly and useless. Glad he exposed it this early so no damage done. I'm winning no popularity contests.:)

Ali
bob

Utica, NY

#26 Feb 13, 2014
As for hating my x.. not even close. I would do anything for us to get along. Anything. Its hard to work with her when she hates me though. It does make me resent her when she always goes against what I want just to do it. If she understood that the only reason why we are even in court is based on her actions maybe things would be better for us.

I was told several times over three month span, by a medical Dr to take her to court. I put it off. I put it off a few times telling I didnt want waves. He told me several times to do something, and lastly again that if I didnt he was gearing up to. If she only knew his next step was to call CPS, maybe she would be taking it easy. Because the game would have already been over.

No matter the outcome, the court will NOT turn on my son. I do not have faith in the lawyers, no. I DO have a lot of faith in the overall system (judge/guardians) to do whats right for the child.
bob

Utica, NY

#27 Feb 13, 2014
Clarence D wrote:
<quoted text>
You make NO SENSE. Just because you have something on paper means nothing. You don't know the law. Hire a lawyer or suffer your bad decisions in life.
What I had on paper already recently punished the opposing party, as my child's life was in danger. If that's upsetting to you I am sorry.
Sgt Shultz

Washington, DC

#28 Feb 13, 2014
The entire system is rigged against the male no matter how bad the mother is. Get an attorney if you can afford one. Remember you will never win, you can only fight to mitigate how much you won't lose.
Sgt Shultz

Washington, DC

#29 Feb 13, 2014
my advice wrote:
Try attorney George Murad.
He's the best in the area. Through experience will tell you before you ever enter the court room what the outcome will be.
outraged

Utica, NY

#31 Feb 13, 2014
CNY Failtown USA wrote:
<quoted text>You must have struck a nerve with the CNY whiners: No sooner did you post this than a "Sgt Shultz is a homosexual!!!!!!!" post appeared on Utica Topix.
"It truly is all they know. I would really like to see them in a negotiation process.
Outsider " I think it's only worth 1.1 million"
Typical utican " well you're a loser and your fat wh ore mother is on welfare so go
give a rim job to another black you homo!!!"
K.S.
outraged

Utica, NY

#33 Feb 13, 2014
CNY Failtown USA wrote:
Nice try retard not my name goof. WooooOOOOo!
not supposed to be
single dad

New Hartford, NY

#36 Feb 13, 2014
Bob, I just gave her enough rope, she did the rest herself. I refused to see the kids but took them only on Sunday-3 hours. Her life was work-home-kids. 3 months I suffered missing my boys. But she gave in-not able to cope.
The C got away with support leaving state. I got zip for money, so put them on PA-not me-them. And they nailed her ass good!
You need good advice from experience. Only a good lawyer will do this. If he is a druggie-it will catch up to her, you need proof. Ask the court to drug test her. But- courts are hesitant to take mom out of the picture. Do your homework! I was a single dad when it was looked down on by people who-couldn't mind their own. Schools/CPS/neighbors and cops screwed with me until I complained to the state- it was then It was left alone. Now-mine are adults-hate he mother-and refuse to see her!(still a crack whore)
bob

Utica, NY

#37 Feb 13, 2014
Single dad my mom and a few friends that know us very well have insisted I flood her with my kids for a few months and watch her set herself on fire. She couldn't handle them. What if it took 4 or 5 months? Even 1 month is too long for me. Cant do it. I provide a lot for the kids while they are here and dont wanna take away from them.
Why me

Utica, NY

#38 Feb 13, 2014
Chech the backgrounds of these family court justices, they should not be in these positions
repeat

Selkirk, NY

#39 Feb 14, 2014
Been there2 wrote:
The bottom line is, the judges don't care if you're a hero Mom or Dad. They want both parents involved, and will pretty much go by the book, giving joint custody. They don't care about our stories or documentation. They look at income and apply the formula. If your kids can speak, they will get to tell the law guardian who they want to live with. My ex manipulated my son until he said he wanted to be primary with Dad. He was 12; how can he choose and why does the court make him? That is insane! He was so torn up that now he is in therapy. This after I was a stay home Mom and basically raised him alone. I was devastated. No, the courts are not doing what is best for the kids. They are not even taking the circumstances into account. Why should a child be allowed to determine such a huge decision? Then My ex harassed me, trying to give me a nervous breakdown. He created parental alienation in my son. It was hell.$50,000 later, he got one more day per week than me. He makes over 100,000 and I make peanuts, but I have to pay child support to HIM, just because he has one more day!! The system is absurd and very broken. Do not assume you will win anything. I've gone into court so many times thinking I will have no problem, because I'm a good mom and created no drama in this. Fool that I was; I totally got screwed! Don't be naive thinking you have a clear case. I never dreamed things could get so turned upside down. This is Kangaroo court here in Utica. It is not like this in Albany or Syracuse. In Oneida county, your life and that of your child, is in the hands of a judge who doesn't know or care about you.

When my cousin had a custody case, they let her FOUR year old son say who he wanted to live with! Oh and like my case, the law guardians pony up with whichever lawyer they are in cahoots with, choose a side, then advocate for that side. It makes no sense. Believe me, I had never experienced such insanity.
From my experience, if you are going to family court, you could try going in alone and if your ex has a lawyer saying crazy things about you, you could ask the judge to postpone until you find counsel. My ex and his lawyer walked in and told outright lies to the judge, but she had to accept what they said until it can be proven or disproved.
Last, when you do hire a lawyer, and I think you will, get someone who SPECIALIZES in family law. My lawyer didn't and I got creamed. Try Diane Martin Grande. Very good. If anyone disagrees with me you can say so but don't say mean stuff this is not about her.
You are so right
been there2

Amsterdam, NY

#40 Feb 19, 2014
Why me wrote:
Chech the backgrounds of these family court justices, they should not be in these positions
That is the bigger picture, but won't help in the short term. We have to work with what we have for now. I forget if they are elected or appointed; but that's what we should try to influence in the long term.
been there2

Amsterdam, NY

#41 Feb 19, 2014
bob wrote:
Single dad my mom and a few friends that know us very well have insisted I flood her with my kids for a few months and watch her set herself on fire. She couldn't handle them. What if it took 4 or 5 months? Even 1 month is too long for me. Cant do it. I provide a lot for the kids while they are here and dont wanna take away from them.
I don't agree with that advice. Based on my experience, it would backfire on you and look like you dumped them on her and the kids will think you don't have their backs. Plus, that is a destructive way to handle it; you need to find constructive ways and ALWAYS TAKE THE HIGH ROAD. The judges don't want you creating any more drama than already exists.
been there2

Amsterdam, NY

#42 Feb 19, 2014
single dad wrote:
Bob, I just gave her enough rope, she did the rest herself. I refused to see the kids but took them only on Sunday-3 hours. Her life was work-home-kids. 3 months I suffered missing my boys. But she gave in-not able to cope.
The C got away with support leaving state. I got zip for money, so put them on PA-not me-them. And they nailed her ass good!
You need good advice from experience. Only a good lawyer will do this. If he is a druggie-it will catch up to her, you need proof. Ask the court to drug test her. But- courts are hesitant to take mom out of the picture. Do your homework! I was a single dad when it was looked down on by people who-couldn't mind their own. Schools/CPS/neighbors and cops screwed with me until I complained to the state- it was then It was left alone. Now-mine are adults-hate he mother-and refuse to see her!(still a crack whore)
You are right; it will catch up to her and the kids will eventually see her for what she is. It may take a long time, but kids are a lot smarter than we think. By pre-teen years they will catch on. Keep in mind too, she is probably being pushed by her boyfriend or whoever to go for broke. The new boyfriend may want her to have more money. That happens A LOT with the new boyfriend/girlfriend pushing for "justice" for their new love.

I don't understand what this means. As a woman, I really hate the use of what I think you mean by "C". What does the rest of this mean?
"The C got away with support leaving state. I got zip for money, so put them on PA-not me-them. And they nailed her ass good!"

The bottom line, Bob, is you MUST keep in mind what is best for the kids. You dropping them on her, if she is ill equipped, is NOT best for them. Especially if you are their stability.
You should document the days they are with you and those with her. That will count A LOT.
Who takes them to the Dr., meets with the teachers, takes them to their activities? That is
important stuff; document it. Do not lose faith, but don't think this is a slam dunk.

I found with my kids that it was very important to them to stay in the marital home. Are you the one in that home? That would help you, as judges like as little disruption as possible to the kids lives. I couldn't keep the house as I could not afford it. I had been a stay at home Mom with a small, part time business on the side. I think that really hurt me in the end. It turned out that my younger son loved both of us, but my x was keeping the house and that gave Dad the extra point and one more day per week.

Remember to look at this through the eyes of your child, which is a pretty simple viewpoint; i.e. they want to know where will I sleep? Who will take care of me? Will I have to move to a new school? Really basic stuff. Also, think about your child's emotional well being for the future. A life with NO MOM in it, will lead to many serious, deep seated emotional problems. All they need to know is that both of you love them, and no bad mouthing the other parent to the kids. If there are serious issues like abuse, get CP involved. Let the experts handle it. But it better be founded. My x played astounding games and accused me of ridiculous things. He could not prove anything, NO ONE believed him, and he looked like an idiot in the end.
bob

Utica, NY

#43 Feb 22, 2014
Been there 2, thanks a lot. I do all of the Dr visits as well. Mom hates Drs. In fact shes never even met the kids Dr. She has lied recently by telling her lawyer Ive never invited her... Luckily for us I've saved all of the messages where I had invited and at times begged. I've really been there for my family and deep down inside mom knows I'm a good dad. And I know mom loves her kids. She just fails over and over again to make the right choices. Eventually someone needs to shake her noggin and wake her up. We shouldn't reward someone who chooses to continually make BAD choices. We need to hold her accountable and help her change. Here in NY I do wonder if anyone else feels the way I do.

I do have the home our kids were born in... And did not know it meant anything! Thanks for that tip. What other things help? So far and this all was unknowing to me... But everything you have mentioned that would aid me I already have in my favor.

But here I get nervous. Every one I speak with who has listened to what has transpired tells me there is no way I am not to receive PFC or what I am looking for which is less than PFC ... if I look to aquire it. Yet I'm still here worrying that this court will fail us. Is there an agency that can shadow my case if I request it?
Truth Be Told

Utica, NY

#44 Feb 22, 2014
Get a lawyer. Lawyers spend a great deal of money to pay for their education and the good ones are constantly going to seminars to remain current on the changes in the law. It doesn't matter how articulate you are or what you have on paper that a judge would look at favorably. If you can't get the info into evidence the judge can't consider it. These are your kids. Forget the money. Your kids deserve to be safe and to have a healthy environment, physically and mentally. I hired Doreen St. Thomas Esq. and she did a great job for me and my family. She even told me how I could help my case and told me what I could do to help me save money on my legal fee.

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Utica Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
I want to meet bosnian guys 8 min south st it is 5
pervert alert 2 hr GERBER Utica 1
Adirondack Bank Genesee Street Roof Top Strip C... 2 hr GAR GA MEL 1
Ocean Blue restaurat 2 hr Brainy 24
i want a wife, but not with my girlfriend 2 hr Brian Osso the Tu... 1
News Despite Multi-Billion Dollar Nanotech Investmen... 2 hr Irish Mayor Needed 2
Recommendations for a Veterinarian in Utica area 3 hr Chocolate Lab 1
Utica Is a Great Place to Find a Job! 4 hr Chico 41
Ironic Nano news announced before elections 13 hr Echo 65
Jill Reale of WKTV (Jan '09) Mon Diction 252
More from around the web

Personal Finance

Utica Mortgages