family court

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bob

Utica, NY

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#1
Jan 15, 2014
 
Should a man be afraid of Oneida County Family Court if he can prove with out a doubt that his children are better off with him? Does he need a lawyer in a "battle" for custody?

What things are damming to one party or look well on another... or otherwise guarantee he gets his kids?

Obviously drugs and physical abuse are give mes, but what else?

Gearing up here! I think I am in excellent shape and so are my kids but this sh!t is scary. No lawyer needed however.
get educated

Utica, NY

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#2
Jan 15, 2014
 

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Unless you have written documentation proving your drug allegations, your word alone is NOT enough to be granted full custody of your children.

My suggestion - hire a lawyer. If you can't afford one, the Court will assign one to you at no charge.
Yep

Utica, NY

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#3
Jan 15, 2014
 
Just surrender...guys don't stand a chance!
Grr

Stafford Springs, CT

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#4
Jan 15, 2014
 
Ya I mean, it's only your children you're talking about here. You wanna 'wing it'? Why don't you start out testing your legal abilities on a parking ticket or something like that.
bob

Utica, NY

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#5
Jan 15, 2014
 
No the mother is not a druggie or abusive to my knowledge. There are things that I dislike, such as her and her boyfriend smoking and drinking but I am not making any of this an issue as it will probably be called hearsay. There are all sorts of nasty things that bother me that a judge would find upsetting if he knew to be true, such as her spending 1.5k on her boyfriend for Christmas while her own children get squat. Her son returns to me with a fresh bruise or bump around once a month.

I feel the majority come from his older brother. But once again this is all hearsay, or I love this, kids being kids. So I am not looking to make this stuff an issue, and there is a lot of it that rattles my cage. while sad and true It will all be hearsay that she will deny and with that said I am not looking to bring any of it up as it will be a total waste of time. I am talking about facts and facts alone that I can prove with out a doubt. I feel I have a lot of stuff on paper that will ultimately lead to my sons benefit.

What things are favorable then in the courts eyes?
bob

Utica, NY

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#6
Jan 15, 2014
 
Grr wrote:
Ya I mean, it's only your children you're talking about here. You wanna 'wing it'? Why don't you start out testing your legal abilities on a parking ticket or something like that.
Well, I have been down the road in court before. Spending 4k (or going 4k in debt) hurts my children as much as it does me you see. This is an undeniable fact. I needed lawyer in the past to set a custody standard (joint legal custody with no primary to my understanding) which worked out well enough in the past. I am not looking forward to putting my family into further debt. I understand it hurts my kids chances but that is a risk I am willing to take. I can articulate myself well enough and I feel what I have on paper is something a family court judge could not rule against even if I went against the grain and opted out of legal representation.
truth

Athens, NY

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#7
Jan 15, 2014
 

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get educated wrote:
Unless you have written documentation proving your drug allegations, your word alone is NOT enough to be granted full custody of your children.

My suggestion - hire a lawyer. If you can't afford one, the Court will assign one to you at no charge.
If you're a woman, you can go in and lie your azz off, everything you say will become fact and you will never be held in contempt of court. There are several judges and lawyers who were dweebs in high school. They like to play hero to the damsel in distress with some sick notion that one day they might be able to hook up with the woman. Seen this many times. On the other hand, a good looking lady's man judge or lawyer can see through the female bs. Guys, hire a man whore lawyer and hope for a man whore judge.
Yep

Utica, NY

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#8
Jan 15, 2014
 

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Like I said...guys don't stand a chance...family court...nothing but a dose of stress and aggravation...think Longo...sad
bob

Utica, NY

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#9
Jan 15, 2014
 
Well I will try and stay optimistic. I've took charge of my sons life over the past couple of years and created an amazing structure for him. I cant see any judge dismantling this.... I wish I could give more details on my case but its personal and private.
Tells It Like It Is

Utica, NY

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#10
Jan 15, 2014
 
Why are you bothering with Topix and we the people that only offer opinions on it, when you're so sure of yourself? Sounds to me like you just want to ramble on to get responses. A question for you: What will the news be on September 7, 2014? About the same as yours.
Grr

Stafford Springs, CT

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#11
Jan 15, 2014
 

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bob wrote:
<quoted text>
Well, I have been down the road in court before. Spending 4k (or going 4k in debt) hurts my children as much as it does me you see. This is an undeniable fact. I needed lawyer in the past to set a custody standard (joint legal custody with no primary to my understanding) which worked out well enough in the past. I am not looking forward to putting my family into further debt. I understand it hurts my kids chances but that is a risk I am willing to take. I can articulate myself well enough and I feel what I have on paper is something a family court judge could not rule against even if I went against the grain and opted out of legal representation.
If an opposing lawyer cites a precedent and you have no legal response all your articulation will do you no good. It's your children! Mortgage the f'in house if you have to.
bob

Utica, NY

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#12
Jan 15, 2014
 

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Tells It Like It Is wrote:
Why are you bothering with Topix and we the people that only offer opinions on it, when you're so sure of yourself? Sounds to me like you just want to ramble on to get responses. A question for you: What will the news be on September 7, 2014? About the same as yours.
I have never been so sure of anything in my life. Its a good feeling. But I am a nervous wreck. This is my child. I post here because I absolutely want to get responses you are correct. I like to hear "opinions" from other people, and get this, I am interested in talking about this, as it is my life and all I really care about. I am very sure of what I have supporting my son.

I am a private person and don't look to other people who know me in real life to discuss maters such as these if that makes any sense. Lawyers don't give answers to problems during consultations, they only seek retainers. I would know I have had 4 consultations in the last week just to pick brains. Why post here if you can not contribute anything worthwhile?

September 7th 2014? A local story will be broadcast stating the sheer outrage as the Nanotec project will be officially canceled, delayed or downsized immensely.
bob

Utica, NY

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#13
Jan 15, 2014
 
Grr wrote:
<quoted text>
If an opposing lawyer cites a precedent and you have no legal response all your articulation will do you no good. It's your children! Mortgage the f'in house if you have to.
I may get a lawyer if my feet get cold, and they probably will, I am awfully nervous. I think I would be citing the main precedents actually, several of them in conjunction with excellent support. I wish I could talk more about the details.
no doubt

Utica, NY

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#14
Jan 15, 2014
 

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bob wrote:
<quoted text>
I may get a lawyer if my feet get cold, and they probably will, I am awfully nervous. I think I would be citing the main precedents actually, several of them in conjunction with excellent support. I wish I could talk more about the details.
I have been there. You need a lawyer. I have PFC of our daughter since 2006. It is a slap in the face to the judge, lawyers, employees of the court, and most important YOUR CHILD ! I'm not sure if sure if youre more pompous or naive? Either way, smarten up! Call George Murads office!
bob

Utica, NY

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#15
Jan 16, 2014
 
There are a handful of "all star" family court lawyers in Oneida County. Obviously I want to use one of these guys. I wont lie though I understand the game and how it works. Yeah, the lawyers don't give a rats behind about their clients... its about the kids! And for that I am grateful for my child and I. My X can (and will) get the top lawyer in the city, and hes not really on her side! He is on the child's side. I understand this, and love it.

The problem is with how lawyers work. They are not opposed to milking us. Loathe them all for it. My X and I could come to terms in one or two visits with out a lawyer. If we get sucked into the lawyer game it could be a back and forth battle that last 6 months and 10k later. Its a scam. To call it anything but is absurd. Ive seen the system in action. They do the right thing for the kids, sure, but they shake down a lot of their clients first and in the process I am sure it creates a lot of unwanted tension for everyone, which may (or my not) effect the children. I hate the system. I also understand its not going anywhere, its all we have if flawed, and I need to be a part of it.

The end result is going to be the same for me whether or not we use lawyers. A family court judge will never rule against what I am asking for given my supporting documents and structure/routine I have created for us. And I am willing to work with her.

And I have seen lawyers in action. Long story short.... I work with a guy who has spent over 50k so far in divorce / custody. Deep pockets you could say. His lawyer is one of the most expensive in the business. No names, sorry. His lawyers partner and second in command, is the assigned law guardian! Not going to mention any names, hell I wont even say anything to the guy I work with. But by the stories he has told me they are unknowingly to this poor sap of a baboon, extorting him. And these are some of the all stars.

While I have faith in the judge to do the right thing, I am very afraid of the systems much needed lawyers picking us apart like vultures.
truth

Belchertown, MA

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#16
Jan 16, 2014
 
bob wrote:
There are a handful of "all star" family court lawyers in Oneida County. Obviously I want to use one of these guys. I wont lie though I understand the game and how it works. Yeah, the lawyers don't give a rats behind about their clients... its about the kids! And for that I am grateful for my child and I. My X can (and will) get the top lawyer in the city, and hes not really on her side! He is on the child's side. I understand this, and love it.

The problem is with how lawyers work. They are not opposed to milking us. Loathe them all for it. My X and I could come to terms in one or two visits with out a lawyer. If we get sucked into the lawyer game it could be a back and forth battle that last 6 months and 10k later. Its a scam. To call it anything but is absurd. Ive seen the system in action. They do the right thing for the kids, sure, but they shake down a lot of their clients first and in the process I am sure it creates a lot of unwanted tension for everyone, which may (or my not) effect the children. I hate the system. I also understand its not going anywhere, its all we have if flawed, and I need to be a part of it.

The end result is going to be the same for me whether or not we use lawyers. A family court judge will never rule against what I am asking for given my supporting documents and structure/routine I have created for us. And I am willing to work with her.

And I have seen lawyers in action. Long story short.... I work with a guy who has spent over 50k so far in divorce / custody. Deep pockets you could say. His lawyer is one of the most expensive in the business. No names, sorry. His lawyers partner and second in command, is the assigned law guardian! Not going to mention any names, hell I wont even say anything to the guy I work with. But by the stories he has told me they are unknowingly to this poor sap of a baboon, extorting him. And these are some of the all stars.

While I have faith in the judge to do the right thing, I am very afraid of the systems much needed lawyers picking us apart like vultures.
You couldn't be more spot on. Try mediation through peacemakers and structure your own arrangement as an alternative to the system unless your ex is hell bent on punishing you. You need to talk sense into her that playing the lawyer game is going to cost both of you big and that money could be better spent in the children.
bob

Utica, NY

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#17
Jan 16, 2014
 

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truth wrote:
<quoted text>
You couldn't be more spot on. Try mediation through peacemakers and structure your own arrangement as an alternative to the system unless your ex is hell bent on punishing you. You need to talk sense into her that playing the lawyer game is going to cost both of you big and that money could be better spent in the children.
She wanted no part of the peacemakers the first round and made it very clear the second round we would be returning to court. There is no parlay with her. Fortunately, or unfortunately, we are returning to court prematurely on my call to cover and issue that has to be discussed.

I would be willing to work with her and have made several attempts, but the people who coach her fill her head with delusions of grandeur and always have, so she has this false sense of entitlement that is very strong. When its all said and done she will realize that if she worked with me for the sake of our child, that things would end better for her. She wants no part of it.

So with that said there is no peacemaker for us, no parlaying outside of court in the meantime, I have tried that as well. Its her way or the highway with no budge, which is why we must return to court.

I hope to god I can get my 3 sons out of NYS before they are permanently rooted here as young adults. This state is a failure to so many honest and hardworking people.
been there

New Hartford, NY

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#18
Jan 16, 2014
 

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bob wrote:
<quoted text>She wanted no part of the peacemakers the first round and made it very clear the second round we would be returning to court. There is no parlay with her. Fortunately, or unfortunately, we are returning to court prematurely on my call to cover and issue that has to be discussed.

I would be willing to work with her and have made several attempts, but the people who coach her fill her head with delusions of grandeur and always have, so she has this false sense of entitlement that is very strong. When its all said and done she will realize that if she worked with me for the sake of our child, that things would end better for her. She wants no part of it.

So with that said there is no peacemaker for us, no parlaying outside of court in the meantime, I have tried that as well. Its her way or the highway with no budge, which is why we must return to court.

I hope to god I can get my 3 sons out of NYS before they are permanently rooted here as young adults. This state is a failure to so many honest and hardworking people.
Unfortunately, when a woman is unreasonable and is only thinking about the money, this is what happens. Lawyers often feed them about what they may be entitled to. When the dust settles, it will be both you and her raising the children. The key my friend is to maintain your health and recognize this is a marathon not a sprint. I can name many a women who played this game who are walking around both broke and desperate by their mid 50's. Most guys can spot these types a mile away. They end up used and abused. Keep your head up my friend. You may lose some short term battles but think long term. Always take the high road and don't let emotion consume you. Use logic. It's not easy but you will prevail.

Since: Dec 13

United States

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#19
Jan 16, 2014
 
I could write a book on this one. Oneida County Family Court, is as close to Hell as anyplace I've ever seen. The best you can hope for is joint custody with 50/50 visitation. There are books written on this come to think of it. Judges, lawyers, and juvenile probation are all slime. Do everything you can to get something worked out with the kids mother. I even had to have the state take a look at what goes on at Family Circus. That was 20 years ago and it's 10 times worse today. That place is nasty.
Been there2

Utica, NY

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#20
Feb 4, 2014
 
The bottom line is, the judges don't care if you're a hero Mom or Dad. They want both parents involved, and will pretty much go by the book, giving joint custody. They don't care about our stories or documentation. They look at income and apply the formula. If your kids can speak, they will get to tell the law guardian who they want to live with. My ex manipulated my son until he said he wanted to be primary with Dad. He was 12; how can he choose and why does the court make him? That is insane! He was so torn up that now he is in therapy. This after I was a stay home Mom and basically raised him alone. I was devastated. No, the courts are not doing what is best for the kids. They are not even taking the circumstances into account. Why should a child be allowed to determine such a huge decision? Then My ex harassed me, trying to give me a nervous breakdown. He created parental alienation in my son. It was hell.$50,000 later, he got one more day per week than me. He makes over 100,000 and I make peanuts, but I have to pay child support to HIM, just because he has one more day!! The system is absurd and very broken. Do not assume you will win anything. I've gone into court so many times thinking I will have no problem, because I'm a good mom and created no drama in this. Fool that I was; I totally got screwed! Don't be naive thinking you have a clear case. I never dreamed things could get so turned upside down. This is Kangaroo court here in Utica. It is not like this in Albany or Syracuse. In Oneida county, your life and that of your child, is in the hands of a judge who doesn't know or care about you.

When my cousin had a custody case, they let her FOUR year old son say who he wanted to live with! Oh and like my case, the law guardians pony up with whichever lawyer they are in cahoots with, choose a side, then advocate for that side. It makes no sense. Believe me, I had never experienced such insanity.
From my experience, if you are going to family court, you could try going in alone and if your ex has a lawyer saying crazy things about you, you could ask the judge to postpone until you find counsel. My ex and his lawyer walked in and told outright lies to the judge, but she had to accept what they said until it can be proven or disproved.
Last, when you do hire a lawyer, and I think you will, get someone who SPECIALIZES in family law. My lawyer didn't and I got creamed. Try Diane Martin Grande. Very good. If anyone disagrees with me you can say so but don't say mean stuff this is not about her.

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