men that won't commit

Posted in the Utica Forum

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Jilliann

Utica, NY

#1 Jan 28, 2013
I have been seeing the same man off and on 4 years. He sometimes thinks our relationship can be more then he always changes his mind . I do see other men & I don't think it phases him. Every time we get super close he shuts it down & gets cold to me. Hes not one to talk or discuss his feelings.Why do I care for him so much. This sucks
hank hill

Washington, DC

#2 Jan 28, 2013
Do you think he's going to be any different if you get pregnant and he becomes a father? No probably not, do you think that would be fair to a child? No, then its not fair to you, drop his ass like a bad habit and find someone worthy of your feelings. Hes going to keep playing with your emotions until you become some psycho bitch then he'll walk, do yourself a favor and walk before this happens. Sadly, been there, done that. Best to cut his ass loose before you end up a complete mess.
Jilliann

Utica, NY

#3 Jan 28, 2013
I've had just about enough.. I'm done his lose
U Will Thank Me

Utica, NY

#5 Jan 28, 2013
If his name is John Husnay just cut your losses now and run run run, get away from that scum as fast as you can!!
Jilliann

Utica, NY

#6 Jan 28, 2013
it's a strange relationship I know. He has admitted to having feelings for me but then will pull back a lot. Although he has never said he loves me I have told him I did before.i keep hoping he will realize that we should be together but it never happens. I think I have finally reached my limit with this man.
hank hill

Washington, DC

#7 Jan 28, 2013
Jilliann wrote:
it's a strange relationship I know. He has admitted to having feelings for me but then will pull back a lot. Although he has never said he loves me I have told him I did before.i keep hoping he will realize that we should be together but it never happens. I think I have finally reached my limit with this man.
hes using you, for whatever reason. Let me guess, he comes back when he needs something and sucks you back in right? Im using my phone so I cant post links but find a song called she wasnt good enough for him by reba mcentire and listen to it. That sounds like you unfortunately. Hopefully it will help you see hes NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!!
Cash a blanka

Utica, NY

#8 Jan 28, 2013
I think you should grow up and especially not seek answers from topic users. Maybe the stupid stuff you do like this makes him deterred hummm I wonder what about you. Grow up then decide a reasonable solution and not the advice from morons like hank hill that can't keep his on relationship in orbit. He loves, it will work our for both of you just believe. Dumb ass advice gets a smack across the back of the head hank.

Level 9

Since: Jun 10

Location hidden

#9 Jan 28, 2013
Jilliann wrote:
it's a strange relationship I know. He has admitted to having feelings for me but then will pull back a lot. Although he has never said he loves me I have told him I did before.i keep hoping he will realize that we should be together but it never happens. I think I have finally reached my limit with this man.
Good luck.That sucks to be jerked around for years. On the bright side,you didn't get stuck being married to this guy.

Level 9

Since: Jun 10

Location hidden

#10 Jan 28, 2013
Brad wrote:
<quoted text>
There's nothing there if you see other guy's and it doesn't phase him. There's nothing there if you even want to see other guy's. Talking about feelings isn't a guy thing, we are emotional, but it makes us feel weak to talk about it. Maybe he cares about you but you're sending the wrong messages and that shuts him down emotionally. I know nothing about you two so it's hard to guess whats going on.
It doesn't make me feel weak to talk to my wife about my feelings. When you find the right woman,you will understand.
Alum

Utica, NY

#12 Jan 29, 2013
Wash your tutu,I think thats the problem,that,s what he told me.
Too bad

Milford, MA

#13 Jan 29, 2013
I agree. When you open up to them, it takes something away. They see it as being weak. Then you feel like you have to pretend you're something your not and you can only do that for so long. They sense you're hiding something or something outlandish and drop you. We are as much psychological creatures as women, we just are different.
Stuck There

New Hartford, NY

#14 Jan 29, 2013
Feel bad for this guy. I can relate to him. For many years I cherished this gal until she broke my heart.
I still love her now, but in an empty way. I was once emotional and romantic. Now, my existence is like that of an empty shell. I was better off when I was happy and believed in us. She sees other guys and it doesn't phase me either. I see other women and they don't impress me.

These cycles are hard to break. I've sought professional help and still nothing. It's me no doubt.

My advice is live your life and don't wait for him to snap out of it. He may never. That's him. You either accept his emotional disconnect or you don't. The choice is really yours. Sometimes the obvious answer is the hardest one to accept.

I have asked this woman many times to move on despite my love for her. She won't and as long as she remains an option in my life, I will pull her back in for my convenience, but will NEVER commit again.

Yes, it's sick but that's what happens when you hurt good people. In your case, you may have never hurt him, but someone obviously did.

Move on, you deserve it. What you don't deserve are guys like myself who are emotionally fried.

Good luck, hope this helps and gives you some insight.
Jilliann

Utica, NY

#15 Jan 29, 2013
Stuck There wrote:
Feel bad for this guy. I can relate to him. For many years I cherished this gal until she broke my heart.
I still love her now, but in an empty way. I was once emotional and romantic. Now, my existence is like that of an empty shell. I was better off when I was happy and believed in us. She sees other guys and it doesn't phase me either. I see other women and they don't impress me.
These cycles are hard to break. I've sought professional help and still nothing. It's me no doubt.
My advice is live your life and don't wait for him to snap out of it. He may never. That's him. You either accept his emotional disconnect or you don't. The choice is really yours. Sometimes the obvious answer is the hardest one to accept.
I have asked this woman many times to move on despite my love for her. She won't and as long as she remains an option in my life, I will pull her back in for my convenience, but will NEVER commit again.
Yes, it's sick but that's what happens when you hurt good people. In your case, you may have never hurt him, but someone obviously did.
Move on, you deserve it. What you don't deserve are guys like myself who are emotionally fried.
Good luck, hope this helps and gives you some insight.
Yes thank you very interesting. I just can't wait for this man anymore. Maybe one day he will realize what he lost but I highly doubt it. Hes too self absorbed.
Just Wondering

Dover, DE

#16 Jan 29, 2013
Jilliann wrote:
<quoted text>Yes thank you very interesting. I just can't wait for this man anymore. Maybe one day he will realize what he lost but I highly doubt it. Hes too self absorbed.
Just enjoy the sx if it is good!
Stuck There

New Hartford, NY

#17 Jan 29, 2013
Jilliann wrote:
<quoted text>Yes thank you very interesting. I just can't wait for this man anymore. Maybe one day he will realize what he lost but I highly doubt it. Hes too self absorbed.
I realize and know everyday what I could have but it's an inner voice that's telling me there's no going back despite how much she wants to treat me like a king. I've asked god for forgiveness and guidance. I don't like hurting other women and being emotionally dead. I hate it. Trust me, he's hurting and scared and will miss you when it's too late. But, don't concern yourself with whether he misses you or not. Live your life for you and don't waste time with a person like him or me that is emotionally dead and can't be revived. We are living in psychological prisons. I've given you insight. Don't feel bad! Just move on. There are plenty of men who will treat you like a queen. If you're looking for a challenge, this is one you'll never win. Sorry! Reevaluate what's driving you here for your own sake and don't let it consume you.
Stuck There

New Hartford, NY

#18 Jan 29, 2013
Brad wrote:
<quoted text>
There's nothing there if you see other guy's and it doesn't phase him. There's nothing there if you even want to see other guy's. Talking about feelings isn't a guy thing, we are emotional, but it makes us feel weak to talk about it. Maybe he cares about you but you're sending the wrong messages and that shuts him down emotionally. I know nothing about you two so it's hard to guess whats going on.
Brad, I respectfully disagree with you. I'm a very emotional person and it does not make me feel weak to talk about my feelings. Talking about feelings is a guy thing just as much as it isn't. There is no excuse for a guy not to be open about his feelings unless perhaps he's insecure. Having been cheated on, I no longer wish to be emotional or talk about my feelings out of (fear -my insecurity) of being cheated on again. This is now about me being in control!

This is a learned behavior and had never been the case previously. I think it's fair to say that any man or women who has been hurt, can find themselves in a protective mode from emotional and physiological vulnerabilities. It truly sucks!

Also, in the back of my mind, I'm holding out for better because I believe it exists! She knows this!
Jilliann

Utica, NY

#19 Jan 29, 2013
Stuck There wrote:
<quoted text>
Brad, I respectfully disagree with you. I'm a very emotional person and it does not make me feel weak to talk about my feelings. Talking about feelings is a guy thing just as much as it isn't. There is no excuse for a guy not to be open about his feelings unless perhaps he's insecure. Having been cheated on, I no longer wish to be emotional or talk about my feelings out of (fear -my insecurity) of being cheated on again. This is now about me being in control!
This is a learned behavior and had never been the case previously. I think it's fair to say that any man or women who has been hurt, can find themselves in a protective mode from emotional and physiological vulnerabilities. It truly sucks!
Also, in the back of my mind, I'm holding out for better because I believe it exists! She knows this!
What in your eyes is "better"
Stuck There

New Hartford, NY

#20 Jan 29, 2013
Jilliann wrote:
<quoted text>What in your eyes is "better"
Better is what life was like before my world was shattered. After 10 years I'm going for the cream of the crop and not settling for less.
Looks, money, etc. It may sound shallow and disconnected but it's the end result. The sooner "Nice" woman like you learn and stop trying to run our lives it will work and we may actually fall in love with you.
indy

Feeding Hills, MA

#21 Jan 29, 2013
love to find a women who would love me and be commited to me was in a relatioship with a 53 year old who never say she loved me , so it goes both ways
Move on

Utica, NY

#22 Jan 29, 2013
Sorry honey but its not that he won't commit. He just won't commit to you. Don't waste any more of your time on him. If you stay with him someday he will call you up, tell you he met someone and within a year he will be married to this other woman. He's just keeping you around until he finds the right one for him. Sorry but I have seen this happen a million times.

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