Cretin in the Movies
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Tombstone

Gouverneur, NY

#1 Mar 9, 2014
Wyatt Earp: What makes a man like Cretin, Doc? What makes him do the things he does?
Doc Holliday: A man like Cretin has got a great big hole, right in the middle of him. He can never kill enough, or steal enough, or inflict enough pain to ever fill it.
Wyatt Earp: What does he want?
Doc Holliday: Revenge.
Wyatt Earp: For what?
Doc Holliday: Bein' born.
Cuckoos Nest

Gouverneur, NY

#2 Mar 9, 2014
[the inmates are playing cards and betting with cigarettes]
Cretin:[rips a cigarette in half] I bet a nickel.
McMurphy: Dime's the limit, Cretin.
Cretin: I bet a dime.
[Puts the two halves onto the table]
McMurphy: This is not a dime, Cretin. This is a dime.
[shows a whole cigarette]
McMurphy: If you break it in half, you don't get two nickels, you get sh!t. Try and smoke it. You understand?
Cretin: Yes.
McMurphy: You don't understand.
Rain Man

Gouverneur, NY

#3 Mar 9, 2014
Cretin: Of course I don't have my underwear. I'm definitely not wearing my underwear.
Charlie: I gave you a fresh pair of mine to wear. Where are they?
Cretin: They're in the pocket of my jacket. Here.
Charlie: I don't want them back.
Cretin: These are not boxer shorts. Mine are boxer shorts. These are Hanes 32.
Charlie: Underwear is underwear, Cretin.
Cretin: My boxer shorts have my name and it says Cretin.
Charlie: All right, when we pass the store, we'll pick you up a pair of boxer shorts.
Cretin: I get my boxer shorts at K-Mart in Cincinnati.
Charlie: We're not going back to Cincinnati, Cretin, so don't even start with that.
Brokeback Mt

Gouverneur, NY

#4 Mar 9, 2014
Cretin Del Mar: This is a one-shot thing we got goin' on here.
Cliffy Twist: It's nobody's business but ours.
Cretin Del Mar: You know I ain't queer.
Cliffy Twist: Me neither.
Bucky Larson

Gouverneur, NY

#5 Mar 9, 2014
Cretin: Hey how are ya?
Porn shop clerk: We don't sell kiddie porn, man.
Cretin: Oh, I'm allergic to cats...
Big Fish

Gouverneur, NY

#6 Mar 9, 2014
Senior Cretin Bloom:[quoting his mother] "The milkman just dropped dead on the porch." Because see, my mother was banging the milkman.
Obammy Welfare

Whitesboro, NY

#7 Mar 9, 2014
Obammy: Hey Cretin, how's welfare working out for ya?
Cretin: Great Mr. President
Obammy: How bout you Cliffy?
Cliffy: Same here Mr. President
Obammy: Well, I'm glad to hear that neither one of you boys will ever have to work another day in your life, thanks to the welfare system.
Cretin: Thanks again Mr. President
Cliffy: Me too Mr. President
Obammy: Anything else I can do for you boys?
Cretin: I could use a new welfare phone
Cliffy: Me too
Obammy: I'll get right on it

Cliffy: Me too Mr. President
Obammy: I'll get right on it boys
Cretin gets a date

Whitesboro, NY

#8 Mar 9, 2014
Cretin's date: Hey Cretin, wanna have sex?
Cretin: Nah, my hand will be jealous
Austin Powers

Gouverneur, NY

#9 Mar 9, 2014
Dr. Cretin: The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of 14 a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking... I highly suggest you try it.
Cliffy and proctologist

Whitesboro, NY

#10 Mar 9, 2014
Proctologist: assume the position Cliffy, time for the 'ol finger wave
Cliffy: Great Doc
Proctologist: Relax Cliffy
Cliffy: If I do Doc, can I come back tomorrow for more?
Scary Movie 2

Gouverneur, NY

#11 Mar 9, 2014
Cretin: Hey I dont need your help lady. I can do it myself.[gives himself oral sex]
The Godfather

Gouverneur, NY

#12 Mar 9, 2014
"You can act like a man![slap] What's the matter with you?"
Don Corleone to Cretin
Spaceballs

Gouverneur, NY

#14 Mar 9, 2014
Name's Cretin, I'm a Mog, half man half dog. I'm my own best friend.
OnTheDick

Los Angeles, CA

#16 Mar 9, 2014
I am on the dk all day, thanks to obama welfare an fee health care fo my mammy.

Till tomorrow I changed from pretending to be a civil engineer to a masterbammyX.

I don't know what a CNC is, or any trig, but I am a welfare failure.

I will post blue prints an cad drw in 100000000 years.
Cretin At The Bank

Whitesboro, NY

#17 Mar 9, 2014
Cretin to Bank Clerk: Can a I get change for this penny?
Bank Clerk: Uh, sorry there's no such thing
Cretin to bank clerk: Oh
Cretin At The Car Wash

Whitesboro, NY

#18 Mar 9, 2014
Cretin to employee: I want you to wash my car without using water
Employee: Are you nuts, get outta here!
Cretin: Yes, I'm nuts. Bye
Cretin Goes to Washington

Whitesboro, NY

#19 Mar 9, 2014
Cretin: Mr. Obammy, will you give me a job?
Obammy: I thought you wanted to live off welfare forever
Cretin: I changed my mind, I want to work
Obammy: You sure?
Cretin: Nah, never mind
Johnny Dangerously

Gouverneur, NY

#20 Mar 9, 2014
Cretin: Hey Johnny, you look mighty cute in them jeans, boy. Why don't you come on over here and bend over.
Butch and Sundance

Gouverneur, NY

#21 Mar 10, 2014
Cliffy Cassidy: What if they don't follow the horse?
Cretin Kid: You're the brains, Cliffy. Don't worry, you'll think of something.
Cretin at McDonalds

Gouverneur, NY

#22 Mar 10, 2014
Cretin at Drive through: I'll take a small fry.
Employee: You need a car to order sir.
Cretin: Actually, my new Cadillac is in the shop.
Employee: Sorry sir I can't serve you. Please come inside to order.
Cretin: Oops, I must have left my wallet in the Caddy. Bye.

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