R U Kidding

Buffalo, NY

#45 Jan 2, 2013
They have no idea what unconditional love is because they never had it. They've been beaten down, abused. If you're nice, the chemistry she feels will fade, and she will drop you cold.
Gayguy

Carthage, NY

#46 Jan 2, 2013
We're gay. And not getting any either.
R U Kidding

Buffalo, NY

#47 Jan 2, 2013
Gayguy wrote:
We're gay. And not getting any either.
Sex or sexual orientation doesn't play much of a role Gayguy. In years of counseling (subatance abuse) we've a common thread. Things will seem to be going along well, then on an important date ie anniversary, or whatever the partner will lash out. Sometimes aggressively but most of the time passively.

They are drawn to a narcissistic type of personality,which they will serve to without question hoping to get a love in return. It's volatile and unhealthy and leads to substance abuse and more. It's textbook. Only person that can change it, is that person. Whatever you do, whatever you think is right won't change a thing.
Yeah

Philadelphia, PA

#48 Jan 2, 2013
R U Kidding wrote:
<quoted text>
Sex or sexual orientation doesn't play much of a role Gayguy. In years of counseling (subatance abuse) we've a common thread. Things will seem to be going along well, then on an important date ie anniversary, or whatever the partner will lash out. Sometimes aggressively but most of the time passively.
They are drawn to a narcissistic type of personality,which they will serve to without question hoping to get a love in return. It's volatile and unhealthy and leads to substance abuse and more. It's textbook. Only person that can change it, is that person. Whatever you do, whatever you think is right won't change a thing.
I am 38. I do not know if this qualifies as middle aged. However. While I agree with alot of what your posts have to say, not every woman is the same. They all are unique in their own kind of way. Most of them I have dated and also I have been married 3 times, have displayed the behavior you described.
R U Kidding

Buffalo, NY

#49 Jan 2, 2013
It's not a blanket comment. I'm originally from North Syracuse but I do see a disproportionate number of women presenting this disorder here.
40-50 divorced addiction usually high school education. Loss of identity. Typical textbook.

They do try to seek help, but the statistics we see show that they return to the same type of behavior, not capable of staying in a stable relationship and then the substance abuse returns quickly.
R U Kidding

Buffalo, NY

#50 Jan 2, 2013
I don't like to sound pessimistic, but as a female you just want to shake these women because it gets so frustrating. Most are very sweet, yet not capable of accepting love unconditionally because they've never had it. Once more, this is a personality disorder that developed and took root long before you came.

Its an uncontrolable urge not to be happy, because its the only feeling they know and they are comfortable in it.
Yeah

Philadelphia, PA

#51 Jan 2, 2013
R U Kidding wrote:
I don't like to sound pessimistic, but as a female you just want to shake these women because it gets so frustrating. Most are very sweet, yet not capable of accepting love unconditionally because they've never had it. Once more, this is a personality disorder that developed and took root long before you came.
Its an uncontrolable urge not to be happy, because its the only feeling they know and they are comfortable in it.
As soon as the man tries to run though every ounce of blame is placed on him and some of these women can be brutal. I have experienced it first hand.
R U Kidding

Buffalo, NY

#52 Jan 2, 2013
Yeah wrote:
<quoted text> As soon as the man tries to run though every ounce of blame is placed on him and some of these women can be brutal. I have experienced it first hand.
Not usually. As long as their "needs" are meant to keep things status quo, their ex partner isn't given a second thought. On the other had, if they have to rely on that partner for something that they percieve that they need, they will hang on and justify it.

That's the disfunction of this disorder. They will cling to the party that hurts them, yet devalue the ones that love them. I know it sounds twisted, and to a rational person it doesn't make sense, but to them, it makes perfect sense. Remember, it has nothing to do with you.
R U Kidding

Buffalo, NY

#53 Jan 2, 2013
They are extremely shallow emotionally. To stay with a person who has this disorder, you will waste your life trying to keep them happy, and yours will be unfulfilled. I wish I had better news.
Yeah

Philadelphia, PA

#54 Jan 2, 2013
R U Kidding wrote:
They are extremely shallow emotionally. To stay with a person who has this disorder, you will waste your life trying to keep them happy, and yours will be unfulfilled. I wish I had better news.
I get what your saying and in hindsight it makes complete sense. I am not bashing anyone here. I just think you make alot of sense. By the way, how do you know all this?
R U Kidding

Buffalo, NY

#55 Jan 2, 2013
It always makes sense in hindsight, and neither am I. Just offering some perspective. They will make friends very easily, and then distance themselves from those friends in time. You will find that they are very generous, and like giving gifts. Very doting. But its not giving, its grasping-subconsciously they are looking to be rewarded in some way. They have no real indentity, are usually status seekers. Not just women. They want security, but the wrong kind and in most cases will pay any price for it.

Given online social outlets, its much easier for people with this disorder to mainstream. Identities and one's true self can be masked. They project an image of sureness and confidence, yet it's the exact opposite.

I'm retired from practice.

R U Kidding

Buffalo, NY

#56 Jan 2, 2013
Lastly, the more intimate you become and the more the person shares with you, eventually, you will have no value to them and they will treat you will distain. Don't expect an apology or an answer for their behavior, for in their mind you're not worthy of one.
Double Talker

Utica, NY

#57 Jan 2, 2013
R U Kidding wrote:
Lastly, the more intimate you become and the more the person shares with you, eventually, you will have no value to them and they will treat you will distain. Don't expect an apology or an answer for their behavior, for in their mind you're not worthy of one.
omg! sounds just like Bruce!
nancy

Utica, NY

#58 Jan 3, 2013
Truth be told, there are good, honest, professional women in this area. We don't hang out at bars, we hang out with our children. We don't need a man in our lives but we sure would like one. Doesn't everyone want that special person to come home to? A best friend and a lover? I guess when two people are supposed to meet...they will. Just my opinion.
R U Kidding

Buffalo, NY

#59 Jan 3, 2013
nancy wrote:
Truth be told, there are good, honest, professional women in this area. We don't hang out at bars, we hang out with our children. We don't need a man in our lives but we sure would like one. Doesn't everyone want that special person to come home to? A best friend and a lover? I guess when two people are supposed to meet...they will. Just my opinion.
I do agree. Again it was not a indictment against all women.
Just Wondering

Dover, DE

#60 Jan 3, 2013
nancy wrote:
Truth be told, there are good, honest, professional women in this area. We don't hang out at bars, we hang out with our children. We don't need a man in our lives but we sure would like one. Doesn't everyone want that special person to come home to? A best friend and a lover? I guess when two people are supposed to meet...they will. Just my opinion.
..honey, that happens only in fairy tales!

Level 9

Since: Jun 10

Location hidden

#61 Jan 3, 2013
Just Wondering wrote:
<quoted text>
..honey, that happens only in fairy tales!
You're just too picky...
nancy

Utica, NY

#62 Jan 3, 2013
Exactly....I met one once....hoping to find it again.
Just Wondering

Dover, DE

#63 Jan 4, 2013
KY WELLER wrote:
<quoted text> You're just too picky...
Yes and I am I won't settle.
lilly Smith

London, UK

#64 Jan 12, 2013
Interesting wrote:
Interesting. I'm in my late 30's and we ask the same question about where you can meet a good, mature woman around here. If you do see them out, they see more attracted to some old goof with a pocket full of dollar bills and white powder.
It also depends on how you look. Yes, sorry but the truth is that men are intimidated by hot women. That's why you see hot woman with ugly dudes. The ugly dudes are so used to getting rejected that they have no problem approaching woman after woman. A good looking guy is less likely to want to look like a sleaze and approach you. Women need to start approaching men more. You'd be surprised.
Loveduet.co.uk...totally free online dating and has loads of men in the london area...I know online dating has a bit of a sad reputation for its self but ive found it great fun, its easy to start chatting to someone that takes your interest and if you dont click then you dont go on a date!! simple really.

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