My wife may be cheating.

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Loyal husband

Watertown, NY

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#1
Jun 13, 2010
 
I need someone to talk to but have no one so I want to post my suspicions here. I never thought my wife would cheat on me but something happened that is starting to eat away at me. Recently our toilet got plugged and when I went to plunge it, a condom game up. Now my wife and I live alone in our house and it's not mine because I had a vasectomy and don't use them. I work nights so my wife can easily hook up with someone, she's the type that wants it often but I'm very tired half the time working nights and sleeping most of the day. I can't stop wondering now what she might be doing when I'm at work and don't want to ask her about the condom and make her think I don't trust her. I can't stop thinking about it, any suggestions on how to handle this without jeopardizing the trust in our marriage?

Level 1

Since: Sep 09

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#2
Jun 13, 2010
 

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WOW! that sucks, i would just come out and ask her what she does when you are not there and see what she says then tell her about the condom you found and see how she responds-you don't have teenage kids living there do you?
Chica

Canada

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#3
Jun 13, 2010
 
Is there a possibility you live in a village and share sewer lines? Have you had any company? Or are you receiving other signs you aren't mentioning? Be careful because an accusation of mistrust is just as wounding as finding out someone you love is cheating. Be sure first!
nooooooo

Cortland, NY

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#4
Jun 13, 2010
 
Do not ask her about the condom. When did you find the condom? I mean, what day? If she is cheating she probably has a pattern. What I mean is if you found it today, she had a date on Saturday night. Just sneak out of work next Saturday night and go home. You will find out all you need to know. How old are you? How long have you been married. Trust me, do not tip her off about the condom!!!!! You need to find out the truth whether or not you like the outcome. DO NOT TELL HER!!!!! If she is fooling around you need to find out or it will keep you up at night thinking about it. Does she still fool around with you? As soon as you found it you should have went to her and started fooling around. If she became starnge you would have had your answer. Condoms leave a latex odor that is very distinctive! Keep us updated.
Taste Tester

Camden, ME

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#5
Jun 13, 2010
 
You want a wife with good taste
or do you want a wife that tastes good.
Sorry Charlie,
Just had to throw that in.
Yello

Utica, NY

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#6
Jun 13, 2010
 

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I totally agree with Nooooooo on this one! I busted my ex 4 yrs ago when I was driving a short haul to NYC (Truck Driver) But it was Febuary and my dispatch said to turn around the weather got really bad. This being a night haul. When I parked the truck at the wharhouse and came home to see a car in my driveway. This being we live on a road with alot of distance between houses. I wen't down to a friends house a few houses down and walked up and snuck in the house to find my wife riding!

I had no clue who he was and she left the house. With a litle research he turned out to be a loser from a trailer park in Mohawk..I got everything and she got shit in the end!
Nicky LaBelly

Camden, ME

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#7
Jun 13, 2010
 
I plead the fifth!
Wasn't me.
Didn't do it!
Loyal husband

Watertown, NY

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#8
Jun 13, 2010
 
In response to some of the questions, we own our own home so there is no shared sewer lines and no teenagers, all of our family is out of town, we moved here because of a job opportunity that came up for me. We are still intimate but not nearly as much as she would like, I'm not a young guy anymore, in my forties so I'm slowing down in that department. We've been living in this house for over 3 years now so I know that condom is not from any previous owners. I've never even considered cheating on my wife so I just assumed she felt the same way, but now, I just don't know. I know when a woman gets a little more attention from a guy other than her husband, she can be tempted to cheat, so it might be happening, I just don't know at this point.
Medival Times

Camden, ME

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#9
Jun 13, 2010
 
Make the wench wear a chastity belt.
Chica

United States

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#10
Jun 13, 2010
 
Loyal husband wrote:
In response to some of the questions, we own our own home so there is no shared sewer lines and no teenagers, all of our family is out of town, we moved here because of a job opportunity that came up for me. We are still intimate but not nearly as much as she would like, I'm not a young guy anymore, in my forties so I'm slowing down in that department. We've been living in this house for over 3 years now so I know that condom is not from any previous owners. I've never even considered cheating on my wife so I just assumed she felt the same way, but now, I just don't know. I know when a woman gets a little more attention from a guy other than her husband, she can be tempted to cheat, so it might be happening, I just don't know at this point.
Become unpredictable in terms of your routine. Take a Sat. Night off (don't tell her) and surprise her with a romantic date night. Dinner, movie, race track, casino, whatever floats her boat, Sylvan Beach, etc. See how it goes...
nooooooo

Baldwinsville, NY

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#11
Jun 13, 2010
 
Does she work? If so, are there a lot of men there? Listen guy, I do think she is cheating....condoms don't magically appear. Is she much younger than you? I actually do investigavtive work...very discreet. If you need help I will be more than willing to help you out pro bono on this one. Hate it when a hard working guy gets screwed over.
Bruce

Oswego, NY

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#12
Jun 13, 2010
 

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You should say, honey look at what was in the toilet, i haven't seen one of these in awhile, see what she says.
Just Thinking

United States

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#13
Jun 13, 2010
 
Dear Loyal Husband:
Women need to know that they're #1. It doesn't have to be with alot of sex but it has to be with alot of patting, kissing, hugging, etc. to make her feel that she's the most important person to you. About the condom......If you don't ask her about it, it will eat at you. You're in a pickle now, so.....You need to non-challantly tell her what you found and look at her when she responds. You don't have a choice because this condom was thrust upon you. Don't come to any conclusions now and don't worry any more because if she is cheating, you will clearly get the picture as time goes on. She'll become a different person.
Level 1

Since: May 10

Clinton, NY

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#14
Jun 13, 2010
 
Mr. Loyal Husband, if you do nothing, the unresolved issue will likely continue to eat away at you.

Under the circumstances you have revealed, it is appropriate to confront her. If she is offended at the presentation of facts, she is either ‘guilty as charged’, or, has a rather inflated opinion of herself.(Or both.) It is for your mutual benefit that you recognize and address a possible threat to your marriage.

If ‘Mrs. L.H.’ is being unfaithful, she may or may not choose to admit it. Is this the kind of secret she can keep to herself? Many women will keep this kind of secret only for so long, and then are compelled to share it with a friend, usually a sympathetic female friend. If she chooses to not admit an affair to another living soul, you will probably not hear of an affair.

Does Mrs. L.H. use the internet often, either at home or at work? Perhaps she met someone online. Does Mrs. L.H. maintain or contribute to one or more blogs? Accessing the ‘History’ information on her computer, or cellular phone, might be telling.

As distasteful as this may seem, another possibility is the purchase and use of a microcamera, for as little as $80 on the web.

If you decide to take action, mentally prepare yourself for the resultant reaction.

In your opinion, is an extra-marital affair on her part powerful enough to warrant your divorce or separation?
If so, are you prepared to handle a divorce or a separation?
If not, understand that you must continue living with her. She may or may not choose to change her behavior. Above all, she needs to understand that her actions are causing immense pain and embarrassment, in addition to crushing your union. If she respects you, she will open-minded about a resolution.

Alternatively, are you willing to forgive and forget the affair and _not_ hold it against her? Under that circumstance, do you think she is likely to relapse and have another affair?

(Mr./Ms. Nooooooo: Understandably Mr.‘L.H.’ may choose to not impart certain additional details on this Topix site.)
Stoshu

Utica, NY

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#15
Jun 13, 2010
 

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If your wife is wearing a condom - you got problems!
Fact

Houston, TX

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#16
Jun 13, 2010
 
If you have children you need to get as much evidence on her as you can. A hidden video camera is a good idea. If you catch her red-handed in the act then she can be brought up on adultery charges. Believe it or not, adultery is a crime in NY. A woman near Buffalo was recently charged with adultery. Also, this evidence will not look good for her if a custody case develops. Hopefully you won't have to go through all of this, but you do need to protect yourself from the scumbag lawyers and the clearly biased family court.
Obama Hussien

Montréal, Canada

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#17
Jun 13, 2010
 
Sharia law says that if she is guilty of violating your marital vows then you should take her in a remote field, bury here up to her neck, and stone her.
What

Oswego, NY

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#18
Jun 13, 2010
 

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Was it a magnum condom, she probally wanted something that filled her up not your little pecker
gommer

Syracuse, NY

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#19
Jun 13, 2010
 
all this is very sad
Bosnian From Utica

Mount Vernon, NY

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#20
Jun 13, 2010
 
Like someone said. Pretend all is good. Tell her you will be away on the job out of town for a day or two. Come back in the middle of the night. Catch her and divorce her.
If she wasn't happy with your living arrangements then she should have told you so and if she did, l'd look at it differently, but it seams to me she likes your pay-check and comfort of living and other guy's equipment.
Fire her ass!

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