Hey guys, today is my birthday and I had a nice little day planned. The wife and I were going to have a nice little skinny dip fest in the backyard pool (while blasting TESLA of course), and then we were going to have some friends over for some drinks.

About 3pm the wife and I started our skinny dipping and had the TESLA cranking. About 5 minutes into it I see the neighbor bring his dog over into my yard to drop a loaf. Now this has been going on for a long time, but I’ve never actually seen him in the act, so I really couldn’t go over and confront him about it. These aren’t poodle droppings we’re talking about. The dog is a rotweiller so we’re talking about huge piles here. Whenever I mow the lawn it’s like riding over speed bumps. One time I didn’t see one and I ran over it with the lawn mower. It shot all over the side of my house and I took me a half an hour to hose it off the side of my house.

I told my wife that I was going to go over and give him a piece of my mind. I jumped out of the pool and put a towel on. The wife told me to be civil, but after getting the cops called on me earlier in the week, by him I might add, and getting my entire skin flick collection wiped out, I was in no mood to be “civil” about anything.

I walked over and said,“hey, I noticed that you let your dog shit in my yard and I can tell it’s been going on for sometime. I suggest that you clean up the mess and quit doing this shit.” He just glared at me and said,“hey, it’s a dog, it doesn’t know any better.” Then he chuckled and walked away. I was so pissed that, without thinking, I picked up the pile of shit with my bare hands and threw it at him. It splattered all over his back. He turned around and said something to the tune of,“I can’t believe that you did that.” Then he proceeded to kick me square in my sagging deuce. I was down for the count. My wife had to help me into the house and cancel the festivities for tonight. I ended up spending my birthday with the wife icing down my gems. I’m sure it’ll be a while till I’ll be able to “lay wood” to the wife!!