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Mary

Lady Lake, FL

#1 Oct 21, 2013
I have become an alcoholic and don't know what to do about it. I am not religious so I don't want to go to AA.
Would like to hear how others conquered their alcohol problems. My husband is an alcoholic too. We drink way too much and then the next day, I don't remember anything about the night before. I feel terrible all day A few days later, we do the same thing again. It's an endless cycle that we just cant seem to break. We always promise that we are going to quit, but never do. What are some things I might try ? Once I have the first drink, I don't stop. So I know that I just have to say NO to the first drink. Easier said than done.
Mary

Lady Lake, FL

#2 Oct 27, 2013
PLEASE! PLEASE! Give me some suggestions. I got drunk again last night and I feel lousy again today. I need to stop.
Mary

Lady Lake, FL

#3 Nov 10, 2013
Well, it's been almost a month with no responses. I find it hard to believe that nobody has any suggestions. Hasn't ANYONE else had this issue ? Do any of you have friends that went through this ? Come on, we live in the Villages, a golfing community with a drinking problem. PLEASE HELP. I need suggestions on what to do. How to keep away from alcohol. ANYONE ?????
Mary

Lady Lake, FL

#4 Dec 13, 2013
I'm still looking for help.
can relate

United States

#5 Feb 9, 2014
I'm sorry Mary, that you have'nt had any response. that's just sad to me. it's hard to believe that most people don't care. you know these days a lot of people have their vices. so don't feel bad. I would like to speak to you personally. I will put my number out there I don't care who gets a hold of it . please let me know if you would like to speak with me. I am a female and I have also had problems.
Mary

Lady Lake, FL

#6 Feb 9, 2014
can relate wrote:
I'm sorry Mary, that you have'nt had any response. that's just sad to me. it's hard to believe that most people don't care. you know these days a lot of people have their vices. so don't feel bad. I would like to speak to you personally. I will put my number out there I don't care who gets a hold of it . please let me know if you would like to speak with me. I am a female and I have also had problems.
Thank you for your kind response. I don't want you to put your telephone number on this website. I don't think it's a good idea. I probably would be too embarassed to call, anyway.
If you can make any suggestions on here, I would really appreciate it. I've been going thru this for too long. It needs to stop.Thank you so much for responding. I find it so hard to believe that in 3 months nobody has answered but you. You are a very nice person.
Guest

Lady Lake, FL

#7 Feb 9, 2014
Mary, please give AA a try. I think you will be pleasantly surprised and is TOTALLY anonymous. They are not religious, as you seem to think, but they do believe in higher power...whether you call that power GOD or whatever. The ONLY way anyone knows you go there is if you tell them or if you see someone there that you know (it usually comes as a shock if they have not told you). The first meeting I walked into, lo and behold there sat someone my family did business with and some of the people I worked with....total shock!

AA always has the best coffee anywhere around, too. There is absolutely no pressure, only warm welcomes. You can go once or whatever. The only requirement is that whatever you hear there, whoever you see there, you leave it there.

Please don't be ashamed or embarrassed. It is no different than if you had diabetes, cancer, or any other disease. They are totally non-judgmental.. They will tell you that if you do some research, you will find diabetics in any alcoholic's family tree. The two are so closely related. That's why there are so many sweets served in the treatment centers. That's also why you will find one family member an alcoholic and the rest "normies", as the ones in AA call those able to drink on or two and stop. AA is made up of alcoholics helping other alcoholics. They know and understand like no one else can.

What can you lose by going? A little time? Please, give it a try. Just recognizing that there is a problem is the first step to your recovery. Good luck to you.
Guest

Lady Lake, FL

#8 Feb 9, 2014
By the way, just found this site or would have responded earlier.
Mary

Lady Lake, FL

#9 Feb 10, 2014
Guest wrote:
Mary, please give AA a try. I think you will be pleasantly surprised and is TOTALLY anonymous. They are not religious, as you seem to think, but they do believe in higher power...whether you call that power GOD or whatever. The ONLY way anyone knows you go there is if you tell them or if you see someone there that you know (it usually comes as a shock if they have not told you). The first meeting I walked into, lo and behold there sat someone my family did business with and some of the people I worked with....total shock!
AA always has the best coffee anywhere around, too. There is absolutely no pressure, only warm welcomes. You can go once or whatever. The only requirement is that whatever you hear there, whoever you see there, you leave it there.
Please don't be ashamed or embarrassed. It is no different than if you had diabetes, cancer, or any other disease. They are totally non-judgmental.. They will tell you that if you do some research, you will find diabetics in any alcoholic's family tree. The two are so closely related. That's why there are so many sweets served in the treatment centers. That's also why you will find one family member an alcoholic and the rest "normies", as the ones in AA call those able to drink on or two and stop. AA is made up of alcoholics helping other alcoholics. They know and understand like no one else can.
What can you lose by going? A little time? Please, give it a try. Just recognizing that there is a problem is the first step to your recovery. Good luck to you.
Guest...Thank you for your very kind response. I just googled AA to see if I was incorrect about it being a religious group. What I found was a list of the 12 steps....most referring to God. Unfortunately, since I am not a believer, I would find it very hard to sit through a meeting if everyone is talking about their religious beliefs.
Can you tell me a little bit about what goes on at the meetings ?
I imagine everyone sitting around in a circle ...like a group therapy sesion. I imagine everyone taking turns telling their story. I imagine feeling pressured to tell mine and I am not ready for that. Maybe I am totally wrong. So, tell me what goes on. Please.
Guest

Lady Lake, FL

#10 Feb 11, 2014
Mary,
I typed you a response late yesterday and for some reason the blasted thing didn’t go through. I’m going to do a cut and paste just in case the same thing happens this time. Sorry for the delay, but we had to leave right after that.

Yes, it does mention God, but it is not about that. It is about your life becoming and your drinking becoming unmanageable and your desire to change that. Addiction to alcohol is often more powerful than us mortals. The steps just say that you need something to guide you that is more powerful than you, whether it is God or not. In AA, that pretty much equates to alcoholics helping other alcoholics to change things. Even if you do believe in God, you can’t just say,“OK, God, I want to change and presto it’s done”. He doesn’t work that way. Neither does AA. You have to work at it and they are there to help you do just that. They don’t judge you or talk down to you. They understand where you are coming from because they are either there or have been there. As some have put it,“It’s just one drunk helping another drunk”. Many “religious” people and even some doctors don’t understand the battle you are waging and tend to blame you and berate you.

When people “share” as they call it, they don’t preach to you. They tell you how they got there, what’s happening in their lives, how they’re feeling, some of the obstacles they encounter, etc. This helps everyone to know that they are not alone, but in the same boat. There is no pressure to “share”, but you are invited to do so. You may decline. You only give your first name. They don’t care about last names, just what to call you. Smaller groups do sit in the circles you describe, larger groups are audience style. There are both closed and open meetings. Closed are for the alcoholics only. Open are for the spouses, etc. to come with you. I think you two would probably be more comfortable at a closed meeting. Just tell them you both have a desire to stop drinking and need help.

I would also suggest that you check out several meeting places because you will find that you like or can relate more to maybe one than another. Just please go. Oh yes, they do pass the hat because they are "self-supporting through their own contributions". They DO NOT accept help from any outside agencies and thereby do not risk any outside influence. This is how the coffee, etc. is paid for. There are no dues or employees.
Mary

Lady Lake, FL

#11 Feb 11, 2014
Thank you so much for trying to help me. I don't think I am ready to go to meetings yet and I know my husband would never go. I would like to try to quit on my own, first. Do you have any suggestions for things that you or others have tried that worked ? Have you tried any supplements or drugs that helped ?
Guest

Lady Lake, FL

#12 Feb 11, 2014
I understand your reluctance to go and that's ok. You may go when you have no where else to go or you may find another way. Drugs and/or supplements are not going to work. Please don't go there. Sadly enough, you could end up with another addiction which would just add to your woes and you would most likely end up drinking more and worse yet, start mixing booze and pills. Really lethal combo.

My only other suggestion would be to do it by following the "one day at a time" concept. Don't set any unrealistic goals...easy does it. Before you take that next drink, put it off for 15 minutes. Then put it off for another 15 minutes. Go for a walk. Make yourself a cup of coffee. Grab a mint or something sweet. BTW, the treatment centers always have sweets. Just keep putting off that drink. It's easier to do anything in small increments, 15 min. vs. a whole day. Abstinence is the only "cure" for alcoholism (it is not actually curable...that you learn in AA); you just learn to live without drinking...period.

Many people learn to live without drinking without AA. It is not the only way. Like everything else in life, one thing is not for everyone, but is the only thing that works for some. My dad quit when my brother came along. He just said that the first Monday he couldn't get up and go to work that was it. He never took another drink. I did hear him tell someone one time when they kept insisting that he have just one beer with them, "I would love to have a beer. My problem is that I wouldn't stop until I was under the table and I'm not ever going there again." That was the first time I realized that he had had a problem, too. I just knew that my parents used to drink but didn't any more.

I find it easier to deal with something if I have it so don't pour out your booze or hide it. As long as you know it is there if you want it, you may find that you really DON'T want it. Being the humans that we are, we all want that which we can't have. I was that way with cigarettes, too. I had a pack in my desk at work for over 2 years, one in my car, and one at home.

There's a book called "Living Sober". That might help as well. Check out your library or online because I am sure there are others. If they have it, read the one, Alcoholics Anonymous. Lots of good stuff in there.

Like I said before, you have already taken that first step by simply recognizing that alcohol is a problem for you. Good for you. Until you realize that you have a problem, it is impossible to remedy any problem.

If sometime you see a message,(think I saw one on TOTV) "looking for a friend of Bill's, that is someone looking for someone else in AA.

I wish you well. Take care of yourself.
Mary

Lady Lake, FL

#13 Feb 11, 2014
Thank you again for your posts. You really are helping. I am going to look for the book you suggested and I will try the 15 minute waiting. I know that I really need to just say NO and do something else. Anything else.
I am also going to keep a log of when I drink and how much. Maybe if I realize how much money we waste on alcohol, it will help me to stop.
Guest

Lady Lake, FL

#14 Feb 11, 2014
You're welcome. Amazon has the book, Living Sober. Look it up and read the reviews about it. I think it just might be what you are looking for. It comes in paperback.

They also have the "Big Book" (don't think it's in paperback, tho), as well as some others.
Mary

Lady Lake, FL

#15 Feb 12, 2014
Guest wrote:
You're welcome. Amazon has the book, Living Sober. Look it up and read the reviews about it. I think it just might be what you are looking for. It comes in paperback.
They also have the "Big Book" (don't think it's in paperback, tho), as well as some others.
Yes, I saw the books on amazon.
I go to Barnes and Noble alot, so I will check there also. I will probably get one or the other of the books you suggested. Thanks for steering me in the right direction. I am feeling better about being able to quit. Thank you very much for your posts.
Charles

Lady Lake, FL

#16 Feb 12, 2014
Mary, I was raised by alcoholics...actually, I guess I was really a feral child..and sadly I must tell you this. As long as you stay with your alcoholic husband, your chances of recovery are not good. My mother tried to break free from alcohol's grip, but my father's behavior kept pulling her back.

This is only my opinion, and is not based on anything other than my own observations.
Guest

Lady Lake, FL

#17 Feb 12, 2014
Charles,

Sorry your experience was not good. I do have to disagree with you. He or Mary does not deserve to be abandoned. Many alcoholics also attend Al-Anon which helps to deal with an alcoholic spouse, parent, etc. Both Al-Anon and AA teach you that you are responsible for YOU and no one else. You can only change yourself and take charge of your own life. Alcoholics play the blame game very well and saying that they can't get sober if someone else continues to drink is just another blame (don't like the word excuse). Leaving him would just give him another "reason" (i.e. blame) to keep on drinking. He would just try the ole guilt trip routine which would be hard for her to stay the course. From what she said in the beginning, he wants to stop, too. Abandoning each other for any failure would be lethal, in my opinion.

I don't have all the answers, so please don't think that I'm saying I do. I, too, can only go on my observations and experiences.
Mary

Lady Lake, FL

#18 Feb 12, 2014
Charles wrote:
Mary, I was raised by alcoholics...actually, I guess I was really a feral child..and sadly I must tell you this. As long as you stay with your alcoholic husband, your chances of recovery are not good. My mother tried to break free from alcohol's grip, but my father's behavior kept pulling her back.
This is only my opinion, and is not based on anything other than my own observations.
Thank you Charles for your input.
I don't want to give out too much personal info on a site like this but my husband and I have been together for about 23 years. We were social drinkers during our working years. Now that we are both retired,the last 3-4 years, we drink more and more. Both of us are trying to quit.
He is actually stronger that me...more able to say NO. If he left me or if I left him(which neither one of us is thinking about) I think the drinking would get worse. Neither of us has any alcoholics in our families so we have no experiences except our own. I am hoping that since we are both trying to quit, we will be able to do it. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Mary

Lady Lake, FL

#19 Feb 12, 2014
Guest wrote:
Charles,
Sorry your experience was not good. I do have to disagree with you. He or Mary does not deserve to be abandoned. Many alcoholics also attend Al-Anon which helps to deal with an alcoholic spouse, parent, etc. Both Al-Anon and AA teach you that you are responsible for YOU and no one else. You can only change yourself and take charge of your own life. Alcoholics play the blame game very well and saying that they can't get sober if someone else continues to drink is just another blame (don't like the word excuse). Leaving him would just give him another "reason" (i.e. blame) to keep on drinking. He would just try the ole guilt trip routine which would be hard for her to stay the course. From what she said in the beginning, he wants to stop, too. Abandoning each other for any failure would be lethal, in my opinion.
I don't have all the answers, so please don't think that I'm saying I do. I, too, can only go on my observations and experiences.
Thank you Guest.
I have no intention of leaving my husband. We got into this together and I am hoping that we can get out of it together. I think the fact that we have admitted to each other that we have a problem and we agree that we need to stop drinking so much, is a good start. I know that we will have setbacks but I think we will eventually go for longer and longer periods of not drinking.
We are at the beginning of our journey. Thank you for your response.
Zoro

Blue Ridge, GA

#20 Feb 13, 2014
Mary wrote:
I have become an alcoholic and don't know what to do about it. I am not religious so I don't want to go to AA.
Would like to hear how others conquered their alcohol problems. My husband is an alcoholic too. We drink way too much and then the next day, I don't remember anything about the night before. I feel terrible all day A few days later, we do the same thing again. It's an endless cycle that we just cant seem to break. We always promise that we are going to quit, but never do. What are some things I might try ? Once I have the first drink, I don't stop. So I know that I just have to say NO to the first drink. Easier said than done.
Mary just read your post so don't know what changed since I first read your post what im fixing to say may sound hard but I truly wont to help you I don't know anything about AA but I do know Jesus Christ I assume your not a Christian Mary first thing is the Bible calls people drunkards who follow this lifestyle of which they will not inherit the Kingdom of God I had a problem also but God delivered me get sincere and ask God to lead you to a Church were the Gospel is being preached an when the Lord speaks to you Repent an be saved THIS WILL WORK their is people who care an will help I know ill take criticism from other people for posting this that's all right I pray you'll be delivered.

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