Dead-Beat Dads...

[If U Only Knew]

We all know them... men who have no problem playing but refuse to pay the consenquences. How many are in your neighborhood? What should a mom do in my situation... I am now in a stable relationship, married to a wonderful man who wants to adopt my son who he has raised since he was 14 months old. The only problem is that my son's bio-dad will not give up rights to allow this. Bio-dad has seen my son only once... in court when he was 11 months old. Bio-dad denied that he was the father b/c we split when I was 8 weeks pregnant. He did NOTHING to support me or my son throughout my pregnancy and has not done anything to support my son during his 4 years of life. My son does not know bio-dad, he only knows my husband as "Daddy". The bio-dad pressed for paternity testing and he got it... and was without a doubt the father of my son. Now he refuses to let my husband adopt my son. This bio-dad lives in your community.... he has another child which he willingly signed over b/c she got in the way of his "life". What is a person to do?

[If U Only Knew]

Jeeeezzzz thanks for all the advice...

[givin my 2 cents]

Have you tried the court system it is suppose to work but I have heard that some cases slip thur the cracks! I would go after child support I would ask for all medical bills and anything else he might need. Sounds like he doesn't take any interest in the child so hit him in his pocket since he can play but not pay. If hit hard enough he may just sign over him to you ........just my thinking. Good luck!!

[If U Only Knew]

Thanks... Unfortunately my case is one of those that fall into the screwed up loop holes in the system... all the crap with the dad being "disabled" and not having worked enough in his life to pay into social security, yet he can SSI and my child isn't eligible. It's so messed up. Our system really doesn't help those who need it unfortunately. All I really want is for this jerk off to sign over his "rights" so that the man who has raised my son and is a daddy can adopt him. Thanks for allowing me to vent though and taking the time to lend some advice!

[Advice4you]

get in the way of his "life". GRIN

[If U Only Knew]

The only thing I worry about is that he will try to start wanting visitation, or act like he is interested in some sort of contact... I don't want anything from him... not money... nothing other than for him to sign over any "rights" he has so my husband can adopt my son... he has raised him for the last 3 of his 4 years of life, it's only right that he be able to have all the rights a father has.

This man is peice of sh*t in my eyes... a waste of air and a waste of time. It'd be better for all of our family and all the people in the town of Marion if he'd disappear... In the 31 years of his life the only two things he has done worth acknowledging is creating his daughter and my son. Too bad that he is the only one who doesn't know that!!

[Advice4you]

I would just simply ask him to sign his rights over, It worked for me that way, who knows.

[If U Only Knew]

I did... he said it would never happen. He said that one day my son might want to get to know him and he wasn't going to poison their relationship more than I already had... whatever the hell that was suppose to mean. After all, he was the one that wouldn't have anything to do with the child. I asked him too, but oh well. Is it possible to get this guy's rights revoked for abandonment maybe?

[oooyougotserved]

It would be worth a try. If he doesn't want to help out with support or spending time with him, I'd just tell him that he needs to make a sensable decision and think about how his son will be raised. Sounds like he is being selfish and trying to hold your son "over your head" to keep you from being happy.

[If U Only Knew]

I think that is exactly what he is doing. He was pissed when I left him after I got pregnant, but I just could not live with his feeling sorry for himself all the time, saying he was dying,(he has MS, but is far from dying), wouldn't work, wouldn't help around the house, and he absolutely resented my daughter who was 4 at the time. I just couldn't put her or myself through it anymore and knowing I was bringing another life into the world, I had to do what was best for us. I figured it was going to be hard with 2 kids on my own, but it would be easier than doing it "on my own" with 2 kids and the equivalent of a 20 something year old kid. He always said Karma was a b*tch, I guess he is going to make sure that holds true.

[givin my 2 cents]

Okay you say you live out of town.......i have thought of something that might work get a lawyer use address unknown for the father (who knows he could have moved) file for adoption and usually they put it in the paper for 30 days if he doesn't see it or come forth that's his loss and your gain and your son will have a "normal" life if they are one.

[If U Only Knew]

I live in Pikeville, KY now... and honestly, I don't have a clue as to the address where this guy lives now, I just know that it is in Marion. I will definately give that a try, I am not sure how all this stuff works, so it is worth a shot. Thanks. Does anyone have any more insight as to the adoption laws or how any of that stuff works?

[oooyougotserved]

I don't have a clue but I don't blame you for doing what is best for your children. And like you said, if he resented your daughter, after your son was born, she would have probably been resented even more! I would try what "givin my 2 cents" said to do. Anything is worth a try. I wish you luck!

[If U Only Knew]

That is what I was afraid of, him resenting my daughter even more that is. He is just a selfish person, everything was about him... poor him, everybody was against him, he is sick, he is dying.... boo hoo, boo hoo. I fell for it sadly for a while, but it got really old and quick! He suckered me for a while by telling me that his mom and sister took his daughter away from him, came and packed up all her stuff and just took her because he was sick and they said he couldn't care for her. But after talking to his sister and finding the court papers while unpacking after we moved, the truth came out... he had signed over his rights and custody of his daughter to his grandmother and mother because his wife had left town and left him to deal with the child and he couldn't party and do his drugs or whatever with his friends when he wanted to. "It wasn't fair, I couldn't have a life!" were his exact words when he was confronted. The only thing I could think of after that was the possiblilty that he might try to do something like that with the baby I was carrying. I guess he didn't know there was a no return policy on kids! Such a jerk. I can't imagine a single day without my kids... granted, not every day is full of joy and bliss, but I know where they are, what they are doing, and that they are safe. I don't know how someone just gives their child away or just never wonders about what they are doing, what they look like, what is their personality like. I don't understand? Anyway, thanks for listening to me vent... I have kept it in for so long, it is nice to vent and get it out! If it weren't for Topix and MySpace, I'd explode! lol I will definately look into the advice I got from "givin my 2 cents"... thanks again!

[givin my 2 cents]

Any updates on getting full custody?
Keep us posted they are alot of us out there
thinking of the children ......it reminds me of the saying anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a dad!!!!!!

[If U Only Knew]

I do have full custody... still working on talking to different lawyers and such about the issue of having him give up all rights. Looks like it could be a while before I get anywhere though. Especially if he tries to fight the abandonment issue and claim that I am keeping "his son" from him. Wouldn't surprise me at all really. Luckily, I have all the emails he sent me stating that he didn't want to have a relationship with my son, but there is no way in hell he would make life easy for me and give me what I want. This guy is such an a$$, I so cannot believe that I ever cared for such a vendictive person. We live and we learn though! Thanks again for all the advice and mostly for listening to me vent!! I will definately keep u all posted.

[IT TAKES TWO]

If U Only Knew wrote:

We all know them... men who have no problem playing but refuse to pay the consenquences. How many are in your neighborhood? What should a mom do in my situation... I am now in a stable relationship, married to a wonderful man who wants to adopt my son who he has raised since he was 14 months old. The only problem is that my son's bio-dad will not give up rights to allow this. Bio-dad has seen my son only once... in court when he was 11 months old. Bio-dad denied that he was the father b/c we split when I was 8 weeks pregnant. He did NOTHING to support me or my son throughout my pregnancy and has not done anything to support my son during his 4 years of life. My son does not know bio-dad, he only knows my husband as "Daddy". The bio-dad pressed for paternity testing and he got it... and was without a doubt the father of my son. Now he refuses to let my husband adopt my son. This bio-dad lives in your community.... he has another child which he willingly signed over b/c she got in the way of his "life". What is a person to do?

QUIT LOOKING FOR A HANDOUT AND DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF

[If U Only Knew]

IT TAKES TWO wrote:

<quoted text>
QUIT LOOKING FOR A HANDOUT AND DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF

WTF kind of comment is that??? Last thing I am looking for is any kind of handout. FYI... I have been doing it ALL myself for almost 5 years. I think if u had actually read all of the posts on this thread, u'd have seen that. Ur name and ur post are totally contradictory to one another.

[oooyougotserved]

I think if she was asking for a handout it would not be for info on the subject at hand! Duh! I'm glad you are still in the fight for your son to have an officical "daddy". Keep it up!

[If U Only Knew]

Thanks "oooyougotserved"... glad to know someone has my back! Truth be known it was probably the dumb ass or his g/f or wife or whatever she claims to be. They are known to try to get attention by doing crazy stupid stuff like that. I am really surprised that there isn't a whole thread to bash me yet. No biggie though. Thanks again!!