Girlfriend doesn't want to help w/ ho...

Girlfriend doesn't want to help w/ household bills

Posted in the Sturgis Forum


Woonsocket, RI

#1 Apr 12, 2013
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 5 years. We're both 40 y/o, have grown kids (her youngest just turned 18) and lives w/ his dad. Before we met, I already owned my own home, paid off truck, paid off $25k sport boat, no debt outside of my house and a 5-figure emergency fund. I am of the thought that if I have to buy it on credit, I don't need it. While I only make about $50k/year, I do pretty good at managing my money and expenses. She was renting a place and had was a paid off car.

When we first started dating she was going to school to be a RN and working part-time. About a year into our relationship she finished school, but kept putting off taking her board exam. I kept encouraging it, but she kept putting it off.

After about 2 years she finally started telling me that she would have to take refresher courses before she took her board exam b/c too much time had passed since she graduated and she didn't think she would pass. About this time I told her I felt she needed to give up the part-time job and look for a full-time job as I felt it was time she start helping w/ bills. This idea upset her, but I was not giving in.

After about year 3 of our relationship, she got a job and a few months later started (begrudgingly) giving me $300/ month towards bills (monthly household bills run about $2000/mo; house, cable/internet, gas, electric, water/sewage, property taxes and insurance and boat insurance). During this time her car died and she bought a modestly equipped 2010 Honda Civic.

A short time later, she lost her job and stopped paying me the $300/mo we originally agreed upon. She got another job about 3 months later, but she never resumed paying me.

Another year and 3 months has passed since she got her new job, but she has yet to start contributing to the monthly household bills.
Every time I try to discuss it she gets mad and says I'm just all about money. I brought it up again about 2 weeks ago and she (as usual) got upset and started going off about how much more money I make than her. I suggested we compare pay stubs and split the bills adjusted by pay. After comparing our pay stubs I make exactly twice as much as her. So I suggested she pay 25% and I pay 75%, which she (again begrudgingly) agreed to. I took the immediate bills, did the math and showed her what I would pay and what she would be expected to pay. A couple days later the house bill and the boat insurance bill came in, so again I did the math and added it to her "list" to pay.

Last night I inquired as to when I could expect her to pay and (true to form) she got upset and once again accused me of being "all about the money".

Here's a little more detail to fill in some blanks...
We eat out every night. Chinese, Mexican, Applebees, Chilis, O'Charley's, Longhorn, Outback and sometimes more expensive places like Red Lobster, Chappys, Sakura. We usually take turns paying, but I usually voluntarily pick up the more expensive meals.
On the other hand, she voluntarily does all the shopping for household needs like deodorant, razor blades, laundry detergent, dish soap, body soap, toothpaste, etc and grocery shopping (remember we eat out every night so the grocery shopping consists of breakfast food: milk, bread, butter, honey, cereal, coffee, sugar, chips, etc.). Also during the summer her shopping list will also include drinks and food for the boat while my additional expense consists of the gas. We each pay for our own things like clothes, gas, cell phones and auto maintenance (which I do most of myself on both vehicles).

I'm not looking for counseling, but I would like to know what the "general consensus" is on this topic. I know it's long, but if you have the time, please read the entire post and then let me know if you think:
- I'm being fair?
- I'm not being fair?

Evesham, UK

#2 Apr 12, 2013
Into the street she must GO! Selfish money grabbing cow,the unfortunate thing is,there all the same.........hump them and dump them or pay a hooker once a month!

Sturgis, MI

#3 Apr 24, 2013
you are being very fair maybe you should revisit what her bills were before you were involved and sharing a household. comparison is sometimes the easiest way to bring the obvious out in the open. and let her know you BOTH are supporting the household and unfortunately the 50's are over. She need to come into the 21st century and do her part there is always the yours mine and ours philosophy and she needs to contribute or bye bye birdie :)
most women are leaches

United States

#4 May 29, 2013
My friend has has been living with his girlfriend for the past 3 years she has not helped with bills at all. Recently he asked her to help with the monthly bills and she said that if he would put her on the deed of the house then she would help with the utilities. It's his house that he purchased years ago!!! Dump that birch.

Since: Oct 12

Location hidden

#5 May 31, 2013
Why is the home in the $2000 total monthly outlay?....before you said you owned the home outright? Why should she pay for boat stuff, as it sound's like your toy?

United States

#6 Jul 2, 2013
Ditch the biotch!!!

United States

#7 Jul 7, 2013
You got problems dude. Why have you let this go on for so long. Are you so insecure of yourself thinking you can not get another girlfriend? Grow some balls and get rid of her.
Suzy Knepple

Gobles, MI

#8 Jul 16, 2013
Time to get rid of her.

Just friends, lovers no more
Just friends, but not like before.
To think of what we've been,
To never kiss again,
Seems like pretending.
It's sad two friends,
Drifting apart.
Two friends but,
One broken heart.
We love, we laugh, we cry,
Then suddenly love dies,
The story endssss.
Oh, we're just friendsss.

London, UK

#9 Aug 27, 2013
I am in the same situation, when I asked her to share the bills the response was "you have a funny idea about relationships" she has got to go.

Bow, NH

#10 Feb 7, 2014
My girl lives with me and makes 50 less a week than me. i pay all the bills, last month she gave me 150 but thats 150 oout of 900. i am scraping by and she is driving a new car, getting her hair done, enjoying the utilities, and when i tell her i need to help and pay more, she gets all mad and we get in a huge fight. she sleeps all fucking day and complains she has no many to help pay. Her argument is i "I want to help". but when it comes time, shes all talk. what should i do?

Since: Oct 12

Location hidden

#11 Feb 7, 2014
Ditch her...........

Bow, NH

#12 Feb 20, 2014
i ditched her... i feel much better.
RecoveringDoorma t

San Diego, CA

#15 May 9, 2016
I dated a women like that. And after many years of being a doormat, one day I said enough is enough. A relationship is based on sharing. If one of the partners is selfish, they will never change. They might say they will, but it will only last a month. They will always make it about money, that you are cheap, and other defensive remarks.

There are plenty of fish in the sea.

Houston, TX

#16 Sep 17, 2016
I'm having the same problem. We've only been together for a year and I hear the same excuses. She only focuses on her bills and stays at my house. She doesn't seem th understand that I pay all the bills and buy all the food, which she doesn't cook. It's gotten old and I'm looking for a team player..not someone to take care of.. let her go bud..

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