Adults-only wedding gets no ringing endorsement

Dear Abby: Your response to 'Furious in Vancouver, Wash.,' about adults-only weddings, was right on. Full Story
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who cares 2

Chicago, IL

#45 Mar 10, 2011
ps, if your friends and family's children are whining screaming brats who can't be controlled at your wedding, your friends' and family are probably crappy parents!
soccer rocks

Grants, NM

#46 Mar 10, 2011
PEOPLE!!!!have you ever thought that a child might look at these comments and become hurt? you have to think about someone else thats not involve in your family and stop thinking about yourself.

think how others feel!!!!!!!!?
Tallulah

Gansevoort, NY

#47 Mar 16, 2011
Rebecca from the East wrote:
My nephew did not invite my 16 and 12 years old children to his wedding, on the insistence of his now wife. It was a slap in the face insult considering all that we have done for him when he was younger. In addition, we found out that they weren't invited when we recieved the invitation.
We opted NOT to go to the wedding.
Quite frankly, I have opted not to have anything to do with her forever.
I really think that is pathetic that you refuse to have anything to do with your nephew because you dont like his wife. Get over it!
Debra

Nutley, NJ

#48 Jul 23, 2011
I went to a wedding once where two boys were fighting. Literally. The father had to calm them down. Honestly, I think an adult wedding sounds like a great idea. I also would like a black tie affair. I would not bring a child to a formal company affair so I think it is wise not to include young children. Mature teenagers would be welcome. It is the couples special day. They are paying for it so shouldn't they do what they want to do? Only seems fair. For someone who said "in a few years, they will understand", not necessarily. Not every Adult wants to have their own children. Many adults are childfree by choice. As a sidenote is the reason, at 39 I would never date a man with children. Guess why? the kids come first. I remember being with a woman friend and her child at an event once. I was driving and it was an especially hot day, I had a migrane and was sick to my stomach. I suggested to my friend if she would be able to drive me home. She asked her child. Her child said no. So I was forced to pay $200 to take a taxi. I would never be that rude to a friend. Yet if it was her child who was sick I am sure she would be right there taking the child home. Never saw her again. It seems that the parents here are not concerned about the main fact. It is their wedding! On the invitation it should be made very clear and the adults should be able to be wise enough to go. I have two sisters with young adult kids that I love dearly who will be my bridemaids if they had kids then they are welcome because they are part of a bridal party. As for the expense of having baby sisters etc. I can appreciate it. But simply I think it should be entirely the people who are paying for the wedding to make the decision and they should be respected. If a person cant make it then they cant make it and no one should be offended. Also, parents please understand that your single friends dont always want to hear about your childrens school grades, diapers, and formula. We have enough stress taking care of our elderly parents. Have adult conversations please!! Thanks!
Debra

Nutley, NJ

#49 Jul 23, 2011
*correction* I meant to say that the parents should be wise enough to understand because it would be clearly stated by the couple. -I know some married women with children, who left all of their single friends when she got married. It does not have to be that way.
whatever

Sherwood Park, Canada

#50 May 22, 2012
Amber wrote:
This http://www.etiquettehell.com/content/eh_weddi...
is why my wedding will be an Adults-Only Ceremony and Reception. No cheesy flower girls/ring bearers/page boys looking miserably in frou-frou kiddy finery either. This may be a problem, given that every single grown-up cousin on my father's side of the family seems to be multiplying every other month, but it will also help cut down the costs of dinner and seating! Plus, I plan on having a late-night black tie reception anyway, at a time that's too late for snotbeasts to be awake.
FH and I don't ever ever want children either (I'd have had gotten myself spayed already, but it's too expensive right now). We're perfectly content with cats and dogs and ferrets, and being able to whisk ourselves off to exciting exotic vacations when we please without having to haul around a troup of kiddies behind us.
It's obvious you should never have children! Or for that matter, nor should you have children in your care! I'd be very concerned about their safety around you. Sad! I know other people who decided to not have children but they still enjoy children. It's your choice to not have kids but I dare you to show your family members who have children your ridiculous post!
English Rose

Marlow, UK

#51 Sep 30, 2012
Found this thread after discovering that my husband and I would have to miss the third wedding this year because we have two young children. It's really interesting to read all the differing viewpoints, especially as adults-only weddings are a relatively new trend in the uk.

Obviously, we are sad as we want to share such a special day in the lives of our friends/family but also understand the various reasons behind the bride and groom's choice. I guess we realised that having children would mean losing some of life's privileges (sleep and disposable income being the most missed!)

Two things do bother me though, the first being the assumption that ALL children will be screeching banshees and completely destroy the day. Some might start making a noise, yes, but if their parents are decent human beings they will whip them out of the room faster than you can say "shut that brat up!" Parents don't want to be shown up by their offspring anymore than childless guests want to listen to them!

Secondly, if it says adults only on the invite, it should be adults only in the photos. Nothing more gut-wrenching than looking through your best friend's wedding album only to see a gorgeous picture of the bride and groom holding a small child when you had to decline because yours weren't welcome.(Bitter experience, does it show?)

There will always be a divide between those who have kids and those who don't because the latter can't even conceive of the infinite ways that having children changes your life and the former can't bear to be reminded of the blessed, carefree existence they enjoyed before!(I jest, of course we wouldn't be without our little ones for anything in the world......)
Jordan

Minneapolis, MN

#52 Mar 6, 2013
You know, adult-only weddings are a topic that's confused me for a very long time; since I was one of the kids being excluded to be honest. I can't help but wonder: Where exactly does the 'no kids' line end? I mean, I understand not wanting a 4 year old knocking over your wedding cake or screaming during your vows. But what about that 4 year old's 17 year old sister? Is she invited? Is it fair to invite one sibling and not the other because of age? At my age, I'd cry if my parents said I couldn't go to my uncle's wedding because the invitation said 'no kids'.(I'm sixteen.) I'd be incredibly offended. So, where is the line between 'child' and 'adult' in terms of invitations that dictate who's invited?
Wendy

Camp Hill, PA

#53 Mar 25, 2013
My daughter is planning her wedding. Her and her fiance would like to have an Adult Only Wedding. I'm not sure I understand why parents on this blog would be upset by this. I don't think a wedding/reception is a place for young children (under 12 years old). For a kid, its boring. Some parents are not courtesy enough to remove their child when they are acting up which is not fair to the bride & groom and their families. I personally want to be able to hear my daughter and my future son in law say each and every word of their vows to one another. I don't feel the reception is a place to let your kids run loose either. The cost of dinner per person is also a concern when paying for children. I have 3 children, I have never attended an Adult only wedding but I always respected the bride & groom day and when my children were little, they stayed with a babysitter. So my husband and I enjoyed a night out. If my children were in the wedding, they would stay until dinner was over and then the babysitter would arrive to pick them up. Having them around alcohol and people drinking did not interest us. Not a place for children. It is the Bride and Groom's choice regardless of the reasons.
hjb

Cincinnati, OH

#54 Nov 15, 2013
I totally understand the no kids at a reception, especially if there will be drinking and how it would also raise the cost, but the ceremony is something separate from the reception. There is no extra cost for a child to come to the ceremony. So if a family member cannot get childcare, then they totally miss out on that person, who was invited, from participating in your joyous day.
Jodi wrote:
Would you take your child to a restaurant and allow him or her to order a $55 (or more) meal? Weddings are expensive, and they are meant to celebrate the newly married couple, not necessarily have a family outing. It's THEIR decision on whom to invite and it doesn't make them children-haters to not invite the little ones.
BTW - I am a single mother and when I've been invited to adult-only events, I simply find a relative or sitter, or I do not attend.

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