Highland, IL

#1 Jul 12, 2012

Highland, IL

#2 Jul 12, 2012
I'm so sorry but I love you and miss you so much. I wish you loved me like you said you did. Damn, I have nobody. I don't think I will ever be able to be honest, and really love someone as much as I love you. I miss you. I wish you could just be the sweet Crystal I sat on my porch and talked to all day and night everyday when everything was good. When grandpa was alive. When justn was alive. Crystal, u know I didn't mean those things I sent. You know that. And I know that you know I love you. I just can't handle always losing everyone I love. Especially when I was trying so hard to he the great guy you deserve. And I just kept taking low blow after, low blow. I guess you gave your real reasons and I will never know. Goodnight, I'm going to bed. You always know my number and you know I'm always thinking about you. I'm so sorry if it means absolutely anything to you. I always will regret losing you. I can't help myself. My love is true and I can't just make it vanish like you do. I have a huge heart. And it pumps your name over and over and over. I'm sorry for all the bad and I would of done anything to make it work and make things better. Just because I really love u and always will. Because that's what a man is suppose to do. Make his woman happy and smile. But I guess I failed and now I lost another person I cared wo much for. I'll never forget u.

Missing you, 618_

All I can do is pray to god someday ill hear your voice and you will find a way to wash away all the bad and give me q chance to prove my lice one more time.

Until then, I'm fighting off these drug addicts so they don't drag me to their level. Battling "depression", i pray he will help me recover from losing everyone I ever loved that didn't turn their back on me.

So many demons around me trying to pull me into the flame filled pits.

I think you even know deep down that I do have a heart and I am a good person.

I hate the bad side. I wish I could just kill him and be the good side for you, kayla, and your girls. If u ever need to smile, I hope u think of me someway.

My head hurts so bad. Goodbye Crystal. Formally my 747. The love of my life

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