"As Jay's Mind Turns"

Oxford, GA

#82 May 24, 2013
I' m hooked. Can't wait until the next episode. I think someone is spying on him, waiting until he leaves for one of his " critic outings" and then will mow down the field of daiseys while he is gone. There will be Topix fireworks on that episode!

Kingsland, GA

#83 May 24, 2013
So there is intelligent life on Topix. Who knew?

Kingsland, GA

#84 May 24, 2013
And now, viewers, it's time to open Jay's Mail Bag! Thanks for your emails and letters. Let's see...

Debbie from Podunka says "I loved the show when Jay was trying for a teacher's position! Hilarious. Will we see that kind of farce again?"

Probably not, Debbie. When asked if he still wanted to teach, Jay replied "I have no desire too. I make more than a first year teacher now. Thanks, a-holes."
God bless government hand-outs that allow our star to live a life of luxury while whiling away his remaining years on Topix.

Cathy from "An asylum somewhere in northern Georgia" asks "I think I'm in love! Jay's had so many memorable one-liners. Does he have a favorite?"

Our star worships everything he's ever said or written, Cathy. He's particularly fond of "Eat feces glazed tofu and die. We all know its you, you gutless, pallid, assless, tofu-breathed vegan b*tch!"
He humbly considers that the pinnacle of his literary creativity. And we agree! That's as good as Jay gets!

Greg from Bottomsburg writes "Let me get this straight. Jay threw some wildflower seeds on someone's vacant lot and now he's hoping to use it to practice his aim?"

Jay's response: "When you view the photo, please take note of the excellent field of fire over the wildflower patch from the bay window in my kitchen. Full choke is perfect for that range." "Come on by and take a look." and "I may or may not be home. Are you feeling lucky?"
He encourages visitors by posting his address every few days and is proud of his marksmanship.

Whitman from Pleasantville emailed a query. "I love the way Jay expresses himself. It's so crude, so moronic, so wonderfully insane. Please tell us he plans to publish his memoirs."

Sadly, no, Whitman...but we all look forward to September when he will make his debut in a local newspaper. It is to be a stunning treatise on his own much-vaunted IQ. As Jay says, "I'm going to be a tad busy this summer, but come fall, I'll pay for the Wechsler myself and publish the results in the T&G."

Sally from Portlyland asks "Does Jay need an extra housekeeper? My professor says that I have to observe mentally ill people for my thesis."

Jay's answer "No. Now crawl off and eat Amdro, piss ant."

Keep those cards and letters coming, loyal viewers. With election season right around the corner in St. Marys things are bound to heat up even more on "As Jay's Mind Turns"!

flip flop

Kingsland, GA

#85 May 25, 2013
Julian, would you be willing to participate in a contest to test the level of your intelligence vs Soap?

After all, you claim to be the most intelligent person in Camden County. I think we could raise big money for some very deserving charities. People would come from far and wide to watch Jay get his brain handed to him.

Since Jay will be the "hardest nut to crack" with regard to accepting the challenge, if he accepts, getting Soap on board should not be difficult.

I am working on a foremat.

Perhaps we could set up a stage for the two contestants to answer Jeopardy questions during a Jeopardy broadcast. We could give each contestant a little buzzer and have a neutral party keep score.

Do we have any interest in pursuing this?

“Master o Public Administration”

Since: Oct 10

St. Marys, GA

#86 May 25, 2013
What is a foremat? Does it have anything to do with ritual circumcision?

Kingsland, GA

#87 May 25, 2013
Moreno Jay wrote:
What is a foremat? Does it have anything to do with ritual circumcision?
Jaynius, when you can figure out plurals, possessives, and proof reading of your own work, come back with your pithy critiques.

Kingsland, GA

#88 May 25, 2013
Moreno Jay wrote:
What is a foremat? Does it have anything to do with ritual circumcision?
We can safely say it will have NOTHING to do with eating or your inept training in horticulture, fire arms use and safety, photography, politics or basic infantry tactics. You couldn't canalise a pile of rat turds if they were in your door way. I would add to this list of imaginatory professions for you but sorry to say even the internet hat limitations of space (unlike your physical state.) You are truely entertainment here but as usual to ignorant too realize and too low self esteem to care. Play on Julian....

“Master o Public Administration”

Since: Oct 10

St. Marys, GA

#89 May 25, 2013
Or, I truly have that little respect for any of you A-holes or your opinions on a damned thing.

Kingsland, GA

#90 May 25, 2013
Flip Flop, just make sure the stage is handicap accessable and weight rated or Julian will put you on the AC List. I would hate to see the contest dismissed over a technicality.

Kingsland, GA

#91 May 25, 2013
As for respect Julian, we can see you have none for your self or family. No better a plea then to ask the general populace to find your drunk brothers where abouts then seen in your dads obituary. That was classic. Another was no respect for organization. I like hearing how you single handidly shut down the Lions Club with your outbursts and antics. Rather then address stupidity they felt it was best just to shut down then to deal with you. Truly Sad, Truly Sad.

Oxford, GA

#92 May 25, 2013
Moreno Jay wrote:
Or, I truly have that little respect for any of you A-holes or your opinions on a damned thing.
then find another forum to post your opinions on. Try talking to yourself. You seem to like the company.
flip flop

Kingsland, GA

#93 May 25, 2013
Moreno Jay wrote:
What is a foremat? Does it have anything to do with ritual circumcision?
You silly meffer. You of all people point out that I hit two keys at the same time and misspelled format?

Julian, I truly wish that Misty had finished the job she started. And I bet secretly, you do too, you miserable blob of sh!t. I know you hate being locked in your body.

Kingsland, GA

#94 May 26, 2013
Jay’s Mail Bag

Before we begin, we have a major announcement. Our star has unveiled his new profile image! Yosemite Sam - described by his creator, Fritz Freleng, as “extremely violent and belligerent…the largest voice and the largest ego "north, south, east, and west of the Pecos."’

Jay hits the rusty nail on its dull head again! Well done! Now to your cards and letters:

Zelda from Anustown asks “Jay seems a bit obsessed with feces. Did he suffer from toilet-training issues as a child?”

Jay replies that he enjoys lively debates regarding human waste: "If I aver that shit stinks, they will produce an odorless, fossilized, coprolite from a Neanderthal cave and proclaim me a liar." "So ESAD"

Bobby from Chicago writes,“Jay has an impressive physique. How did he get so massive? Does he have an exercise regimen or does he just eat 24/7?”

Jay says “Don't own sweats. Never have.” So we can assume it’s the latter technique, Bobby.

Lidia from Rotsville says “Is Alex real or just a figment of Jay’s fevered imagination?”

According to our hero,“She is Anti-Jay. She is Nanzilla. She is Jorge. She is a shapeshifting, virago, Commie-Lib, B! She ignores me the way vampires ignore a good dousing with holy water.”“The bitch's latest persona is "The Pampered Chef."

Apparently, Lydia, she is a chimerical and omnipresent creature conjured up during one of Jay’s gluttony-induced psychotic episodes.

Bill from Mold writes “I’m confused. Jay says he’s not running for office and then posts “Indeed. In fact, I'm thinking of using "Back off, A-holes" as my campaign slogan” What’s up?

Don’t worry, Bill. Jay’s confused too so you’re in good company.

Kelly from Littleman says,“I love Jay’s acronyms! Does he plan to have BFD ESAD on his headstone?”

E.G.“Do you promise that your foul, misanthopic ass will never darken their doors again?” and “So I missed a letter in misanthropic. BFD. ESAD.”

What a great idea, Kelly!

Meanwhile, Jay’s fans can find more of his wit and wisdom on his Facebook page. There he trolls other people pages in search of friends, posts photographs and news items and continues to amuse all. Sometimes he gets a bit confused between things like flowers and birds…but this just adds to the hilarity!

“On closer inspection, the shot on the left is probably not the same shot but can y'all make out the hummingbird in the dead center of the shot on the right? Would you believe that the measured diameter of that flower the hummingbird is perched behind is only 2.75 inches? I saw no nest but it keeps returning to that same perch.

Well, I'll be damned! I just moved that shot to a program where I could enlarge it. The dark spot in the middle of that flower where he perches is really the green calyx on the back of the flower. I promise you he was sitting there when I first focused it. The little sucker must have flown while I was waiting for autofocus. I'll catch him next time. Ironically, he is about that same size and color.”

(Oddly enough, for a man of such towering intellectual prowess, Jay remains unable to grasp the meaning of “irony”)

Check back soon all you Jaysters and Jayettes and don't forget to stay tuned "As Jay's Mind Turns"!

Kingsland, GA

#95 May 26, 2013
There's just nothing better than a good Soap-scrubbing, is there Jay? You're all washed up and all you can say is "Or, I truly have that little respect for any of you A-holes or your opinions on a damned thing." Thanks, Soap!

Kingsland, GA

#96 May 26, 2013
Charlie wrote:
There's just nothing better than a good Soap-scrubbing, is there Jay? You're all washed up and all you can say is "Or, I truly have that little respect for any of you A-holes or your opinions on a damned thing." Thanks, Soap!
Our boy Jay has no come back. He has been thoroughly Soaped. I will be tuning in tomorrow for the latest episode.

Since: Dec 11

Kingsland, GA

#97 May 26, 2013
I find it interesting that Mr. Moreno has chosen a "Looney Tunes" character as his avatar. But I think Foghorn Leghorn more closely represents his persona.


Kingsland, GA

#98 May 26, 2013
I just love the writing, Soap. You sound so much like a person I know, so I will have to call my friend and find ou. (friend - someone J has none of) Just keep up the good writing. I know old fatass likes it too, lol.

Kingsland, GA

#100 May 26, 2013
That's right, Jay...everyone's Alex. As you said "She is Anti-Jay. She is Nanzilla. She is Jorge." I'm sure she's also one of your neighbors, the pope and the bald guy at the post office too. I'd tell you again to seek professional help but it's too late: you're too far gone. Along with all of the other obvious signs of mental illness there's the fact that you spend most of your life on an internet forum where everyone is disgusted by you. Your constant need for negative attention is sick, you poor miserable excuse for a man.

Kingsland, GA

#101 May 26, 2013
Moreno Jay wrote:
If you are a sane conservative, she also writes some incredibly entertaining stuff for us. Check it out.
You do know that most of your so-called "friends" on Facebook are members of the Earthkeepers, don't you, Jay?
As far as Jackson goes, you posted on Facebook "I saw my old friend Gordon Jackson in Walmart this afternoon. He's looking well these days. Living in Woodbine. Happy as a clam at Brunswick newspaper where he is getting 7-8 Camden stories published every week. Enjoyed the chat. Good seeing you, Gordon!"

Gordon's best friend is Jerry Brandon. That's right, Julie - people talk to you and then have a damned good laugh later. You sad, weird old man.

Kingsland, GA

#102 May 27, 2013
Hello Jay-fans! I bring tidings of great joy. Realizing that his community is in need of a source of reliable incoming cash-flow, our hero has turned his considerable talents to the field of tourism.

Those who know and love Jay rejoice! Surely his brilliant scheme will lift St. Marys to a level of affluence and fame never before seen in Camden County. Who would have imagined that the solution to our economic woes could be so simple? Just plant a few wildflowers on a vacant lot and voila - instant international celebrity-status!

Already the throngs amass to see this wonder of creativity and nature.
According to Jay "Thirty minutes ago, some folks in a white Toyota pulled up and sat there for a good five minutes admiring the flower patch. Y'all come. It's still not in peak bloom, but it's getting there. Some of the early blooming lance leaf coreopsis is already setting seed but he smaller and more colorful plains coreopsis is just beginning to peak."
Eat your heart out, Grand Canyon! Seethe with jealousy, Mount Rushmore! Take that, Liberty Bell!

And here the good citizens and elected leaders thought that a charming southern town, rich in history with an envied position on the Intracoastal Waterway was a potential draw. Silly, silly people. An empty lot, a few pounds of seeds and a lurking psychotic with a zoom lens was the answer all along.
The Joint Development Authority, Economic Development Authority, Convention and Visitors' Bureau and the Welcome Center have been informed that their services are no longer required. On a state level, all such bodies will be abolished shorty as the race begins to locate vacant lots and buy wildflower seeds.

Meanwhile our star wrestles with The Evil Editing Demon who transforms his babbling words into misspelled babbling words.

"Okay, that clinches it. After I posted, I realized that although I had typed "your cigarette pack", it had been changed, I assumed by a software glitch, to read "you're cigarette pack." Hence, the correction in the next post. Now, in the original post, it has been changed back to "your." Those of you who don't believe that someone has the ability to come in and screw with what you have written - or art least what I have written - are wrong."

When not pursuing his hobbies - eating, slander and being offensive - our Jay spends his time stalking small creatures.
"When I almost sneaked up on that hummingbird successfully, as soon as he saw me through he leaves of the maple tree I was using for cover, that thing took off like a shimmering green bottle rocket fired horizontally."

(This just in. An email from Arborist in Kingsland saying "Hang on a minute here. Jay's a 350 lb guy in a motorized wheelchair. Ain't no maple tree big enough for him to hide behind."
Arborist, I'm just Jay's PR flack. He writes, I report.)

And now today's Blast From The Past. "I'm a rather shy and reserved fellow of a serious demeanor sometimes mistaken for unfriendliness." http://jayforfourforfourormore.blogspot.com/

All hail our beloved "shy and reserved fellow." We leave you with these immortal words from Jay: "Absolute honesty, integrity, and fair, impartial, and courteous treatment of all citizens."

(Note from Jay's Senior Adviser: please stop spewing your drinks through your nose onto your keyboards. It's messy and our star needs you to be able to read his posts. Without constant attention, he will expire).

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