Our recommendation: Springboro voters...

Our recommendation: Springboro voters should say 'yes' the first time to school levies

There are 31984 comments on the Dayton Daily News story from Feb 5, 2008, titled Our recommendation: Springboro voters should say 'yes' the first time to school levies. In it, Dayton Daily News reports that:

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Really

Dayton, OH

#26311 Aug 6, 2013
Heart Burn wrote:
<quoted text>
Ahhhh, I love this time of year, filled with the sweet sound of crickets chirping.
Let's start by not adhearing to the by-laws or her own requests.

1) She's allowed a member outside the community to be pre-arranged and speak at a board meeting (I believe he was from Beavercreek).

2) Thrown 2 people out of a meeting for what she says was speaking outside the scope of the agenda, when the teacher negotiations were on the agenda for executive session.

3) Allowed someone not only to speak, but didn't stop them when they profused flat out racisim hate speak.(of course, he was a part of the Tea Party, wouldn't interupt him would she.)

4) Instead of keeping the renewal levy the same to relieve pay-to-play fees, she reduced the levy (thus keeping some lower-income kids from participating in activities)

5) Keeps trying to blow out the 2nd amendment by bringing religion into the schools.(Controversial issues is a tactic for teaching creationism in the schools).

Then there was trying to bring in a constitution class that she quickly backed out of having in the school thanks to public outcry.

Keeping in the vein of folding to public outcry the board came to an agreement with the teachers when the board was obviously gearing up for a strike (which some board members were left out of the loop on).

Finally, I would think that someone who had the interst of children first would, aside from getting rid of pay-to-play, do their best to keep Springboro out of the national media. Exactly how many lawsuits will we have to fund with our taxpayer dollars?

Really...
Really

Dayton, OH

#26312 Aug 6, 2013
Correction to above, 1st amendment, not 2nd.
poundsand

Dayton, OH

#26313 Aug 6, 2013
Hey REALLY, your complaints are petty.

How about addressing some of the specific results that this board has brought to us taxpayers?

-$6mm surplus
- lower P2P fees
- restored services for children
- raises for all the staff
- turned the TV cameras back on
- Zero-based budgets and efficiency plans
- Updated technology and curriculum
- Buses that run and roofs that don’t leak
- Putting children first, not SEA members

All done without the necessity of new tax revenues or the contentious levy campaigns that accompany those requests.

What don't you agree with?

Do you prefer the BAKER way?? With the school district continually fighting for more new money, emotionally blackmailing & bullying parents into voting for a levy by threatening to cut services, raise pay to participate fees, as well as a host of other onerous threats?

When you compare the above, it's clear DR. Baker and his crew didn't have a clue.
Really

Dayton, OH

#26314 Aug 6, 2013
poundsand wrote:
Hey REALLY, your complaints are petty.
How about addressing some of the specific results that this board has brought to us taxpayers?
-$6mm surplus
- lower P2P fees
- restored services for children
- raises for all the staff
- turned the TV cameras back on
- Zero-based budgets and efficiency plans
- Updated technology and curriculum
- Buses that run and roofs that don’t leak
- Putting children first, not SEA members
All done without the necessity of new tax revenues or the contentious levy campaigns that accompany those requests.
What don't you agree with?
Do you prefer the BAKER way?? With the school district continually fighting for more new money, emotionally blackmailing & bullying parents into voting for a levy by threatening to cut services, raise pay to participate fees, as well as a host of other onerous threats?
When you compare the above, it's clear DR. Baker and his crew didn't have a clue.
I guess you're right we just lucked into being "Excellent with Distinction".......

Really.....
Really

Dayton, OH

#26315 Aug 6, 2013
poundsand wrote:
Hey REALLY, your complaints are petty.
How about addressing some of the specific results that this board has brought to us taxpayers?
-$6mm surplus
- lower P2P fees
- restored services for children
- raises for all the staff
- turned the TV cameras back on
- Zero-based budgets and efficiency plans
- Updated technology and curriculum
- Buses that run and roofs that don’t leak
- Putting children first, not SEA members
All done without the necessity of new tax revenues or the contentious levy campaigns that accompany those requests.
What don't you agree with?
Do you prefer the BAKER way?? With the school district continually fighting for more new money, emotionally blackmailing & bullying parents into voting for a levy by threatening to cut services, raise pay to participate fees, as well as a host of other onerous threats?
When you compare the above, it's clear DR. Baker and his crew didn't have a clue.
And I guess it's better to have a surplus and make kids pay to play.(I don't recall having pay to play under to "old regeme", nor seeing us in the national news.)

Really..
Heart Burn

Atlanta, GA

#26316 Aug 6, 2013
Really wrote:
<quoted text>Let's start by not adhering to the by-laws or her own requests.

1) She's allowed a member outside the community to be pre-arranged and speak at a board meeting
So?
Really wrote:
<quoted text>2) Thrown 2 people out of a meeting for what she says was speaking outside the scope of the agenda, when the teacher negotiations were on the agenda for executive session.
And this is a big issue why? You’re showing why the majority think you all are petty.
Really wrote:
<quoted text>3) Allowed someone not only to speak, but didn't stop them when they profused flat out racism hate speak.

Hate speak and racism? hmmmm I don't recall your recollection of this quite the same...but then you are nit picking the entire premise of my question.
Really wrote:
<quoted text>4) Instead of keeping the renewal levy the same to relieve pay-to-play fees, she reduced the levy (thus keeping some lower-income kids from participating in activities)
She did this all by herself? If I remember correctly she was instrumental in getting the extraordinarily high Pay to Play fees instituted by the previous BOE members...those that you would tend to agree with, those high fees that were used to try and extort more money, unnecessarily, from community members...lowered considerably. And if the lower income kids are your real concern, why were you not crying from the highest hill tops when Baker, Colston, Miller et al instituted the highest PtoP fees in the area? I'm guessing you were not first in line to shake her hand, thanking her for decreasing the high PtoP fees with her children first budgeting proposals. Secondly on this topic...The Athletic Boosters should be instrumental in helping any child that can't afford to participate in activities. I'm sure you are busy trying to find out why they are sitting on nearly a half a million dollars in money that Dr Kohl’s was again instrumental in helping recover for the district...after booster officers allowed poor accounting practices exist for decades. Also are there not allowances for this in the policy. Can you name a single child that was refused to participate because of costs?
Really wrote:
<quoted text>5) Keeps trying to blow out the 2nd amendment by bringing religion into the schools.(Controversial issues is a tactic for teaching creationism in the schools).
This hurts who and how? Although I am not sure why this issue was proposed when it was...other than to be a distraction (played perfectly if you ask me) during contract negotiations...what was the big deal when you look at it in its entirety? If the nattering naybobs had left it alone it would have gone away quietly. It was the loud few that turned this into the issue it really never was. Own it.
Heart Burn

Atlanta, GA

#26317 Aug 6, 2013
Really wrote:
<quoted text>Then there was trying to bring in a constitution class that she quickly backed out of having in the school thanks to public outcry.
Public outcry for a constitution class? Gee wiz...go figure, a school offering a class on the constitution. Back in my day we called it History and Social Studies class. You better check the definition of outcry…lol You ever notice…it’s the same old players crying the same old tune every time with you all? Do you really see the public jumping on your band wagon of pettiness?
Really wrote:
<quoted text>Keeping in the vein of folding to public outcry the board came to an agreement with the teachers when the board was obviously gearing up for a strike (which some board members were left out of the loop on).
The teachers were not gearing up for a strike too? But I want to be sure I understand you ….So your upset that she voted with the rest of the board in giving everyone one raises? Really? Interesting.
Really wrote:
<quoted text>Finally, I would think that someone who had the interest of children first would, aside from getting rid of pay-to-play,
Your reaching here...pay to Play is here to stay, and not just in our district. You're trying to justify your hatred of her and her innovative idea of a roll back on the back of Pay to Play...that dog won't hunt. Unless you are going to give her the credit for reducing the high Pay to Play fees that Lisa Babb et al wanted in order to pass another levy. Remember when Babb did not want bussing reinstated? Did ya thank Kelly for that too? Which way are you going to have it today?
Really wrote:
<quoted text>do their best to keep Springboro out of the national media.
you want her to keep us out of the national media? With National Blue ribbon, excellent with distinction, tax roll backs, new buildings, quality teachers all getting raises, AND budget surpluses…I hope she keeps us in the national media. But if you’re talking about the controversial studies issue…It was those of your ilk that created the uproar over the non-issue. If you would have let her try this and it failed then you could have claimed a minor victory…but I still think this was nothing more than a distraction during negotiations. She played you all again beautifully. The national attention now is on how she is part of something new and different in budgeting public education.
Really wrote:
<quoted text>Exactly how many lawsuits will we have to fund with our taxpayer dollars?
Quit filing frivolous suits every time she sneezes…If you noticed she keeps on winning. And it is YOU all that keep us in the spotlight with your crying over non issues, really. You all throw the kitchen sink at her and with petty BS and she keeps on standing.

I ask again…what specifically has she done that warrants all this venom? How has she hurt the education process in this district? Has she stolen money? Cut classes? Cut busing? Cut sports? Anything big that has a real impact on the kids, community and district? Has she not got kids involved in outdoor extra curricluar activities? From where I’m standing we need about 4 more of her type on the BOE. For the good of the community, the district and the kids.

Right now…We are an example for the nation to follow don’t ya think? Check out that link I posted earlier.
poundsand

Dayton, OH

#26318 Aug 6, 2013
Again with the pettiness...

Pay to pay fees have been reduced by this board.

Being in the national news is a reason NOT to vote for someone??

Did you vote for Obama in his re-election despite all the bad publicity and negative news regarding his policies?

LOL
Really

Dayton, OH

#26319 Aug 6, 2013
Heart Burn wrote:
<quoted text>
So?
<quoted text>
And this is a big issue why? You’re showing why the majority think you all are petty.
<quoted text>
Hate speak and racism? hmmmm I don't recall your recollection of this quite the same...but then you are nit picking the entire premise of my question.
<quoted text>
She did this all by herself? If I remember correctly she was instrumental in getting the extraordinarily high Pay to Play fees instituted by the previous BOE members...those that you would tend to agree with, those high fees that were used to try and extort more money, unnecessarily, from community members...lowered considerably. And if the lower income kids are your real concern, why were you not crying from the highest hill tops when Baker, Colston, Miller et al instituted the highest PtoP fees in the area? I'm guessing you were not first in line to shake her hand, thanking her for decreasing the high PtoP fees with her children first budgeting proposals. Secondly on this topic...The Athletic Boosters should be instrumental in helping any child that can't afford to participate in activities. I'm sure you are busy trying to find out why they are sitting on nearly a half a million dollars in money that Dr Kohl’s was again instrumental in helping recover for the district...after booster officers allowed poor accounting practices exist for decades. Also are there not allowances for this in the policy. Can you name a single child that was refused to participate because of costs?
<quoted text>
This hurts who and how? Although I am not sure why this issue was proposed when it was...other than to be a distraction (played perfectly if you ask me) during contract negotiations...what was the big deal when you look at it in its entirety? If the nattering naybobs had left it alone it would have gone away quietly. It was the loud few that turned this into the issue it really never was. Own it.
So???

It voilated board by-laws. I guess bending the rules is something you look for in a leader (most times it's the only way some politicians get in office.)

Really..
Really

Dayton, OH

#26320 Aug 6, 2013
poundsand wrote:
Again with the pettiness...
Pay to pay fees have been reduced by this board.
Being in the national news is a reason NOT to vote for someone??
Did you vote for Obama in his re-election despite all the bad publicity and negative news regarding his policies?
LOL
Me voting for him didn't matter as much as everyone else who did to get him elected. Pretty bad when someone with his record couldn't be defeated.

(By the way, Isn't is pecular how Rubio doesn't want big government yet he used gov't provided student loans to pay for his college. He must want to slam the door before anyone else get's through.)

Really..
Heart Burn

Atlanta, GA

#26321 Aug 6, 2013
Really wrote:
<quoted text>
So???
It voilated board by-laws. I guess bending the rules is something you look for in a leader (most times it's the only way some politicians get in office.)
Really..
Yea...so? So that's it? That's the one thing she has done that has hurt the district, the community and the kids? And she did this all by herself? The other 4 BOE members stood up and said NO! But Kelly alone allowed this one speaker to speak? For once...try looking at the positives, the bigger picture. I noticed you ignored every single item I refuted and tried to tie her "leadership" ability to this one speaker speaking, that you say is against some by-law. What by-law did SHE exactly break by allowing a speaker address the BOE?

Your small mindedness is very tiresome...but I'll play along for now.

Give me something big she has done that has hurt the distrcit, the community and the kids. C'mon now, you hyave 3.5 years to go back on, you shyould be able to give us one big thing she has done that warrants all this venom.
Dumb Luck

Cincinnati, OH

#26322 Aug 6, 2013
Really wrote:
<quoted text>
I guess you're right we just lucked into being "Excellent with Distinction".......
Really.....
There's nothing right about the dumb luck of the SEA being unable to present to the public a "distinction" between professional educators and professional union scum bags for SURE.

Guess you still think you will just "luck" into the Threesome
Union Scum bags bringing a yes vote n the renewal levy. Not a chance...
Heart Burn

Atlanta, GA

#26323 Aug 6, 2013
Hey Really,

Try this link:

Heart Burn

Atlanta, GA

#26324 Aug 6, 2013
Making national news:

By Ben Velderman
EAGnews.org
SPRINGBORO, Ohio – It’s tempting to describe the financial turnaround that’s taking place in the Springboro school district as something of a miracle.

How else to describe the district’s dramatic reversal in fortune?

In the span of just four years, Springboro schools have gone from projecting a massive deficit of $28.7 million to planning for a surplus of nearly $7.2 million by 2017.

That’s a swing of nearly $36 million to the district’s benefit.

That’s unheard of during these tough economic times in which many U.S. school districts are cutting student programs, laying off teachers and raising taxes.

Here’s something else that’s unheard of: Instead of just stockpiling the extra money in the district’s bank account, Springboro school board members are preparing to give a portion of it back to taxpayers.

Last month, Springboro board members voted to place a five-year levy renewal on the November ballot that will actually cut taxes by 15 percent, which equals about $1.3 million a year. The levy would shrink the projected surplus by several million dollars, but the once-needy district would still be left with a tidy sum in reserve.

In a press release, Springboro school board President Kelly Kohls told taxpayers that if they pass the levy, the district “will be able to move forward without any type of levy for some time to come.”

It’ll be up to voters whether or not to accept the deal, though it’s difficult to imagine them turning it down.

It’s not just taxpayers who are reaping the benefits from Springboro schools’ improved financial condition. The district just agreed to a new contract with the local teachers union that gives many educators a 12 percent pay raise – through step increases and a base pay increase – over the next two years.

And even though the new contract also increases teachers’ health insurance contributions – from 15 to 20 percent – most teachers will still see their take home pay increase by about 10 percent over the next two school years, according to Kohls.
Springboro families are also getting in on the fun. Over the past couple of years, the district has cut various student fees by 50 percent and its “pay to play” fees for after-school sports by $200.

The district has also purchased new textbooks, added technology to the schools and made improvements to district buildings and grounds.
What kind of budgeting magic is allowing district leaders to do all this?

None, actually.

Springboro’s financial renaissance is the direct result of careful financial planning, coupled with tough votes that pitted reform-minded school board members against the local teachers union, school administrators and their fellow board members.
Critics of the current school board will say the turnaround is due to the additional tax revenue that’s being generated by a new natural gas pipeline – about $3.5 million a year, since 2012 – and the revenue that will come from the second pipeline that’s being installed.

While the first pipeline has certainly helped the bottom line, it’s not the driver of the district’s improved financial picture. And potential revenue generated by the second pipeline was not figured into Springboro’s most recent budget forecast.
‘Children First’ philosophy yields big results
The district’s turnaround started when Kohls joined the Springboro school board in early 2010 and began implementing a “children first” philosophy to K-12 spending.

At first, Kohls was the board’s lone fiscal conservative and her spending reform ideas were met with stiff resistance. But over the last three-and-a-half years, Kohls has won the trust of the community and is currently serving as the board president.
Just One Thing

Cincinnati, OH

#26325 Aug 6, 2013
Heart Burn wrote:
<quoted text>
Yea...so? So that's it? That's the one thing she has done that has hurt the district, the community and the kids? And she did this all by herself? The other 4 BOE members stood up and said NO! But Kelly alone allowed this one speaker to speak? For once...try looking at the positives, the bigger picture. I noticed you ignored every single item I refuted and tried to tie her "leadership" ability to this one speaker speaking, that you say is against some by-law. What by-law did SHE exactly break by allowing a speaker address the BOE?
Your small mindedness is very tiresome...but I'll play along for now.
Give me something big she has done that has hurt the distrcit, the community and the kids. C'mon now, you hyave 3.5 years to go back on, you shyould be able to give us one big thing she has done that warrants all this venom.
Just One Thing... that Kelly has pursued, allowing the SEA to bring harm to the district, is bringing the changes to policy to first reading in the business meeting. This should have been tabled and thrown out by the majority vote of board members in work session; but why did the other three board members remain silent? And why does this one action that came from the policy committee merit the political, religious, and character persecution, as played out by the Malone/Maney-Acts?
Heart Burn

Atlanta, GA

#26326 Aug 6, 2013
cont'd:

That promotion was made possible after voters sent two more fiscal conservatives – David Petroni and Jim Rigano – to the board in early 2012, giving reformers majority control.

That allowed the reformers’“children first” philosophy to be implemented in full force. And it’s yielding impressive results.

For example, the district no longer pays administrators’ portion of their retirement fund costs – a savings of $180,000.

The district also started requiring employees to help shoulder more of their health insurance costs. It also joined a health care consortium, which resulted in about $6 million in savings for taxpayers.

One of the biggest changes was the board’s decision to switch to a zero-based budgeting system. Instead of automatically increasing school budgets every year, Springboro leaders only provide schools with additional money if the principal or teachers can identify a specific need.

Union unhappy with smaller levy

Conventional wisdom suggests that Springboro
students’ academic performance must be suffering as a result of all these cuts. But the exact opposite is true.

According to Kohls, Springboro’s state test scores and ACT scores have both increased, while the percentage of students who need remedial help has decreased. Springboro schools continue to be honored by the state as “a district of distinction.”

These should be happy days for everyone involved with Springboro Community City Schools – but not everyone is celebrating.

Kohls tells EAGnews some members of the local teachers union and their community supporters aren’t happy with the board’s decision to ask for a reduced levy.

“They think it’s giving back money, and you never do that,” Kohls says, adding that she speaks only for herself, not the board.

She says labor leaders want the district to tax residents at the maximum amount so its bank account is flush with cash when the next teachers’ contract is being negotiated. That way, district leaders won’t have any reason for denying the union its financial requests.

“They always want more,” Kohls says.

A national trend?

Kohls believes school districts across the U.S. could enjoy a similar turnaround, if they’d practice similar financial and leadership principles.

At the core of the board’s “children first” philosophy is the belief that school employees’ compensation – from salaried administrators to hourly support staff – should reflect the community norms.

For example, if the average resident is paying 20 percent of his or her health insurance costs and receiving a 2-3 percent annual raise, that’s what school employees should be getting, too, according to Kohls.

“I won’t agree to a labor contract unless I can look my constituents in the eye and say ‘It’s fair,’” Kohls says.

That doesn’t jibe with school employee unions that are always demanding more, and willing to use pressure tactics to get it.

That leads to Kohls’ second recommendation for other school board members who want to replicate Springboro’s success in their community: Learn the power of ‘No.’

Since most school board members receive only a small salary for their long hours and hard and often contentious work, most are unwilling to stand up to bullying union members and endure their abuse.

They end up giving in to union demands, just to make the unpleasantness stop.

But if a community is serious about fixing its school budget, Kohls says residents and board members have to “stop automatically saying ‘Yes’ to funding a system that’s not working academically or financially.”

“It doesn’t take more money,” she adds.“It takes accountability.”

Great tenure Dr Kohls! A true leader that others will learn from.
Twp resident

Cleveland, OH

#26327 Aug 6, 2013
Really wrote:
<quoted text>
Let's start by not adhearing to the by-laws or her own requests.
1) She's allowed a member outside the community to be pre-arranged and speak at a board meeting (I believe he was from Beavercreek).
2) Thrown 2 people out of a meeting for what she says was speaking outside the scope of the agenda, when the teacher negotiations were on the agenda for executive session.
3) Allowed someone not only to speak, but didn't stop them when they profused flat out racisim hate speak.(of course, he was a part of the Tea Party, wouldn't interupt him would she.)
4) Instead of keeping the renewal levy the same to relieve pay-to-play fees, she reduced the levy (thus keeping some lower-income kids from participating in activities)
5) Keeps trying to blow out the 2nd amendment by bringing religion into the schools.(Controversial issues is a tactic for teaching creationism in the schools).
Then there was trying to bring in a constitution class that she quickly backed out of having in the school thanks to public outcry.
Keeping in the vein of folding to public outcry the board came to an agreement with the teachers when the board was obviously gearing up for a strike (which some board members were left out of the loop on).
Finally, I would think that someone who had the interst of children first would, aside from getting rid of pay-to-play, do their best to keep Springboro out of the national media. Exactly how many lawsuits will we have to fund with our taxpayer dollars?
Really...
Responses:

1) Hmm.... I didn't know about this. However I am aware of specific identities of certain teachers union supporters from outside the district who have been encouraged by SEA leadership to attend Boro board meetings so the greed-first applause level can be heightened.

2) Board sessions and executive sessions are separate from each other. Lisa, if you want to be on the board you'd better bone up on board policy!

3) "I (may) not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it"
- Voltaire

4) OMG get over yourself! The rollback wasn't just Kelly's idea. It was a group effort from the whole board, especially Petroni. The rollback is a tremendous idea. PtP fees amount to a few drops in the bucket. I don't know the exact figure but I'm aware the percentage of Boro athletes that have taken advantage of working off $100 of their PtP fees is relatively low. Lots of work could be done before school begins later this month, and to be perfectly frank, a lot of kids could stand to be eating less overpriced junk food.

5) If you'd shut your pie-hole and actually L-I-S-T-E-N you'd hear that Kohls and Rigano aren't pushing an agenda. They're encouraging parents in the district to speak up if they have issues with "controversial issues". BTW "controversial issues" isn't just about creationism-evolution. "Controversial issues" is a two-way street encompassing topics that range from abortion to immigration to euthanasia to global man-induced climate change.

P.S....So sorry to hear about your fear of TV cameras!
No were not so distinct

Cleveland, OH

#26328 Aug 6, 2013
Really wrote:
<quoted text>
I guess you're right we just lucked into being "Excellent with Distinction".......
Really.....
Now, the Star-Belly Sneetches
Had bellies with stars.
The Plain-Belly Sneetches
Had none upon thars.

Those stars weren't so big. They were really so small
You might think such a thing wouldn't matter at all.

But, because they had stars, all the Star-Belly Sneetches
Would brag, "We're the best kind of Sneetch on the Beaches."
With their snoots in the air, they would sniff and they'd snort
"We'll have nothing to do with the Plain-Belly sort!"
And whenever they met some, when they were out walking,
They'd hike right on past them without even talking.

When the Star-Belly children went out to play ball,
Could a Plain Belly get in the game...? Not at all.
You only could play if your bellies had stars.
And the Plain Belly children had none upon thars.

When the Star-Belly Sneetches had frankfurter roasts
Or picnics or parties or marshmallow toasts,
They never invited the Plain-Belly Sneetches.
They left them out cold, in the dark of the beaches.
They kept them away. Never let them come near.
And that's how they treated them year after year.

Then ONE day, it seems... while the Plain-Belly Sneetches
Were moping and doping alone on the beaches,
Just sitting there wishing their bellies had stars...
A stranger zipped up in the strangest of cars!

"My friends," he announced in a voice clear and keen,
"My name is Sylvester McMonkey McBean.
And I've heard of your troubles. I've heard you're unhappy.
But I can fix that. I'm the Fix-it-Up Chappie.
I've come here to help you. I have what you need.
And my prices are low. And I work at great speed.
And my work is one hundred percent guaranteed!"

(cont.)
Healthy Choice

Cincinnati, OH

#26329 Aug 6, 2013
in response to Heart Burn....

Check out the list of union school board candidates on the Board of Elections website. Where are the responsible citizens who will make the healthy choice of denying the Springboro Education Association another Tax and Spend addictive FIX in November?
Who will hold the Springboro Education Association accountabile for their agenda of de-VALUING our children first? Of what value is it to Springboro taxpayers to have INVESTED five years of engaged financial conflict with the union masters, and to win it all, only to lose it all to the union masters in November, because responsible citizens refuse to engage themselves in political battle at the polls?
No were not so distinct

Cleveland, OH

#26330 Aug 6, 2013
Really wrote:
<quoted text>
I guess you're right we just lucked into being "Excellent with Distinction".......
Really.....
Then, quickly Sylvester McMonkey McBean
Put together a very peculiar machine.
And he said, "You want stars like a Star-Belly Sneetch...?
My friends, you can have them for three dollars each!"

"Just pay me your money and hop right aboard!"
So they clambered inside. Then the big machine roared
And it klonked. And it bonked. And it jerked. And it berked.
And it bopped them about. But the thing really worked!
When the Plain-Belly Sneetches popped out, they had stars!
They actually did. They had stars upon thars!

Then they yelled at the ones who had stars at the start,
"We're exactly like you! You can't tell us apart.
We're all just the same, now, you snooty old smarties!
And now we can go to your frankfurter parties."

"Good grief!" groaned the ones who had stars at the first.
"We're still the best Sneetches and they are the worst.
But, now, how in the world will we know," they all frowned,
"If which kind is what, or the other way round?"

Then up came McBean with a very sly wink
And he said, "Things are not quite as bad as you think.
So you don't know who's who. That is perfectly true.
But come with me, friends. Do you know what I'll do?
I'll make you, again, the best Sneetches on the beaches
And all it will cost you is ten dollars eaches."

"Belly stars are no longer in style," said McBean.
"What you need is a trip through my Star-Off Machine.
This wondrous contraption will take off your stars
So you won't look like Sneetches who have them on thars."
And that handy machine
Working very precisely
Removed all the stars from their tummies quite nicely.

Then, with snoots in the air, they paraded about
And they opened their beaks and they let out a shout,
"We know who is who! Now there isn't a doubt.
The best kind of Sneetches are Sneetches without!"

Then, of course, those with stars got frightfully mad.
To be wearing a star now was frightfully bad.
Then, of course, old Sylvester McMonkey McBean
Invited them into his Star-Off Machine.

Then, of course from THEN on, as you probably guess,
Things really got into a horrible mess.

All the rest of that day, on those wild screaming beaches,
The Fix-it-Up Chappie kept fixing up Sneetches.
Off again! On again!
In again! Out again!
Through the machines they raced round and about again,
Changing their stars every minute or two.
They kept paying money. They kept running through
Until neither the Plain nor the Star-Bellies knew
Whether this one was that one... or that one was this one
Or which one was what one... of what one was who.

Then, when every last cent
Of their money was spent,
The Fix-it-Up Chappie packed up
And he went.

And he laughed as he drove
In his car up the beach,
"They never will learn.
No. You can't teach a Sneetch!"

But McBean was quite wrong. I'm quite happy to say
That the Sneetches got really quite smart on that day,
The day they decided that Sneetches are Sneetches
And no kind of Sneetch is the best on the beaches.
That day, all the Sneetches forgot about stars
And whether they had one, or not, upon thars.

Dr. Seuss
"The Sneeches"
1961

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