How to get rid of freeloaders/ moochers?

How to get rid of freeloaders/ moochers?

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good hearted girl

Somerset, KY

#1 Mar 21, 2010
Is there a polite way to get rid of someone who frequently mooches off someone? I have a "friend" that is also my neighbor and we rent from the same landlord. She doesn't drive, has no car and gets SSI and other government assistance.
I did offer rides to the store. Before I knew it she wanted to take her places a lot. Most of the time she doesn't offer gas money. She drinks like a fish. I drink only occasionally and she often bums drinks from me. She would cigarettes also I bet but I don't smoke.
On garbage pick up day she will set her trash out with mine but never offers to pay a dime on the bill. She complains about being broke a lot but yet can afford beer and cigarettes.
I had a close family member to pass away recently. She offered no help or comfort. Just said "don't cry, they're in a better place." Some friend, huh?
Please no mean remarks toward me. I'm just a good hearted girl who cares for others.
Any suggestions? Thanks.
C ME

Vilonia, AR

#2 Mar 21, 2010
If she asks for a ride or other things just tell her you work hard and money goes nowhere these days and you need help with the gas money up front. If she says she doesn't have it then tell her you have no gas or money to put gas in even if it is stretching the truth a lil'.
Dont blame you

Liberty, KY

#3 Mar 21, 2010
good hearted girl wrote:
Is there a polite way to get rid of someone who frequently mooches off someone? I have a "friend" that is also my neighbor and we rent from the same landlord. She doesn't drive, has no car and gets SSI and other government assistance.
I did offer rides to the store. Before I knew it she wanted to take her places a lot. Most of the time she doesn't offer gas money. She drinks like a fish. I drink only occasionally and she often bums drinks from me. She would cigarettes also I bet but I don't smoke.
On garbage pick up day she will set her trash out with mine but never offers to pay a dime on the bill. She complains about being broke a lot but yet can afford beer and cigarettes.
I had a close family member to pass away recently. She offered no help or comfort. Just said "don't cry, they're in a better place." Some friend, huh?
Please no mean remarks toward me. I'm just a good hearted girl who cares for others.
Any suggestions? Thanks.
I know just how you feel tell her to call A cab!
LILY

Mount Vernon, KY

#4 Mar 22, 2010
good hearted girl wrote:
Is there a polite way to get rid of someone who frequently mooches off someone? I have a "friend" that is also my neighbor and we rent from the same landlord. She doesn't drive, has no car and gets SSI and other government assistance.
I did offer rides to the store. Before I knew it she wanted to take her places a lot. Most of the time she doesn't offer gas money. She drinks like a fish. I drink only occasionally and she often bums drinks from me. She would cigarettes also I bet but I don't smoke.
On garbage pick up day she will set her trash out with mine but never offers to pay a dime on the bill. She complains about being broke a lot but yet can afford beer and cigarettes.
I had a close family member to pass away recently. She offered no help or comfort. Just said "don't cry, they're in a better place." Some friend, huh?
Please no mean remarks toward me. I'm just a good hearted girl who cares for others.
Any suggestions? Thanks.
SOUNDS LIKE THIS WOMAN IS TAKING avantage OF you and as long as you let her she will continue to do so,if its cutting into you pocket I would refuse to do for her and I would let her know that you can't afford to support her needs and habits, lots of times people take kindness for weakness, don't be a fool, the garbage thing is not much but think about it you do pay for it , but If you want to continue to be friends I would let that slide and let that be a way of helping her,and I would tell her that you don't have any beer, or gas money and can't afford to take her places for free
Gatotbait

Orlando, FL

#5 Mar 22, 2010
Dont blame you wrote:
<quoted text>I know just how you feel tell her to call A cab!
I had a neighbor that a moocher. I helped him quite a few times and it started to bother me. I did as you did, and told him to take a cab. Haven't had 1 request since. He took the hint. Good advice
Old Tea Bag

Indianapolis, IN

#6 Mar 22, 2010
The "kindness mistaken for weakness" thing happens a LOT. Someone gives another person a sob story then laughs at them behind their back when the story is believed and help is offered.

It sucks that this woman is a neighbor. Even if you tell her to go away, she won't go far.

Remind yourself as often as you have to that YOU DON'T OWE THIS PERSON ANYTHING. You have no obligation to do any of the things you do. SHE IS NOT ENTITLED TO YOUR THINGS.

Start by not offering ANYTHING. Nothing. Don't give so much as a light for her cigarette unless she specifically asks you for it. When she does ask (and she will) only give it if you really want to.

Temporarily give up drinking. If you don't have it, she can't mooch it. Eventually she'll go somewhere else for her freebies.

I'm not sure how the trash pickup thing works, but is there any way you could report her putting her trash with yours to the authorities? Maybe they could tell her to stop.
thought

Schaumburg, IL

#7 Mar 22, 2010
Your really not friends because friends wont use frendship for gain they pull their weaght and live on what they have also if you ewrea true friend you wouldnt be on here talking about her behind her back you would go to her tell her how you feel and work it out you dont want to do that because your ether afraid of her or you just dont like her ether way you need to go to her handle your problem you know what needs to be doneyou didnt have to ask others this is the reason i dont want friends i would tell them off
Your choice

United States

#8 Mar 22, 2010
I see her reasoning in posting on here and I do not believe she is talking about anyone, only seeking suggestions in how to handle this. Not everyone is an asshole by nature such as you seem to be! I had somewhat if the same thing happen to me, only difference is I opened my home up to a friend while he was suppose to be getting on his feet. I was told he would give me money for bills and keep up with his tidiness. Needless to say after the first month the help stopped. I gave him another month to see if things would change and they didn't. I then made him move out, which of course caused issues in the friendship, but sure has helped my wallet! Some people take anything you do for them for granted because they either feel like the world owes them something or they just flat out don't care. You need to out a stop to this now, because it won't get any better. Good luck!
POP3

Middlesboro, KY

#9 Mar 22, 2010
She has found a cash cow in you and as long as you keep handing it out it's your fault for not putting a stop to it. Learn how to say "No" and it will make you feel better about yourself for not letting her use you for a doormat. Call the garbage pick-up service and let them know what she is doing. Maybe they can tell you what to do. She is stealing from you and everyone she can. When she calls just tell her you're busy, then leave if you have to. She'll soon get the drift and let you have some peace.
Then, I will say, if she were really a friend she wouldn't be taking advantage of you like this. Get a caller ID and stop answering her calls. You owe her nothing.
thought

Schaumburg, IL

#10 Mar 22, 2010
Your choice wrote:
I see her reasoning in posting on here and I do not believe she is talking about anyone, only seeking suggestions in how to handle this. Not everyone is an asshole by nature such as you seem to be! I had somewhat if the same thing happen to me, only difference is I opened my home up to a friend while he was suppose to be getting on his feet. I was told he would give me money for bills and keep up with his tidiness. Needless to say after the first month the help stopped. I gave him another month to see if things would change and they didn't. I then made him move out, which of course caused issues in the friendship, but sure has helped my wallet! Some people take anything you do for them for granted because they either feel like the world owes them something or they just flat out don't care. You need to out a stop to this now, because it won't get any better. Good luck!
Sounds like you had the heart to help but only got used .However when you call someone a friend and dont go to your friend and work it out or break it off and insted go to everyone else to talk about the person its going to make it worse no friend likes that. the person who in her deal isnt her true friend she dont have a choise but to end it or keep being used if the so called friend saw these statements dont you think they would want to fight i think so and as far as me being a asshole mabe your rite its pircks like you that made me one but i dont care i have never had a friend and probley never will they all say my friend and when they have the chance they stab you in the back who needs it i help anyone who is trying and dont ask for anything and treat people like i want to be treated but i dont sugar coat life think what you want i plain dont give a rats ass. but i would still help you if i could thats the kind of man i am but i wont be used for long
uknowwhour

Mount Vernon, KY

#11 Mar 23, 2010
Your choice wrote:
I see her reasoning in posting on here and I do not believe she is talking about anyone, only seeking suggestions in how to handle this. Not everyone is an asshole by nature such as you seem to be! I had somewhat if the same thing happen to me, only difference is I opened my home up to a friend while he was suppose to be getting on his feet. I was told he would give me money for bills and keep up with his tidiness. Needless to say after the first month the help stopped. I gave him another month to see if things would change and they didn't. I then made him move out, which of course caused issues in the friendship, but sure has helped my wallet! Some people take anything you do for them for granted because they either feel like the world owes them something or they just flat out don't care. You need to out a stop to this now, because it won't get any better. Good luck!
Ihad the same thing happen to me try to be nice to someone and help them get back on their feet and they lie about helping with the bills and lied about how long they would stay,and about keeping my house clean,totally disrespected my house broke my things and had stangers and animals in my home ran up my bills, and never offered a dime when I told them they had to leave, and was pissed off at me after so much help I gave person
Daisey

London, KY

#12 Mar 23, 2010
Dont let this person take advantage of you [and thats what she is doing using you Put a stop to ita real friend dont use youGood Luck
good hearted girl

Somerset, KY

#13 Mar 25, 2010
Old Tea Bag wrote:
The "kindness mistaken for weakness" thing happens a LOT. Someone gives another person a sob story then laughs at them behind their back when the story is believed and help is offered.
It sucks that this woman is a neighbor. Even if you tell her to go away, she won't go far.
Remind yourself as often as you have to that YOU DON'T OWE THIS PERSON ANYTHING. You have no obligation to do any of the things you do. SHE IS NOT ENTITLED TO YOUR THINGS.
Start by not offering ANYTHING. Nothing. Don't give so much as a light for her cigarette unless she specifically asks you for it. When she does ask (and she will) only give it if you really want to.
Temporarily give up drinking. If you don't have it, she can't mooch it. Eventually she'll go somewhere else for her freebies.
I'm not sure how the trash pickup thing works, but is there any way you could report her putting her trash with yours to the authorities? Maybe they could tell her to stop.
Very good advice, Tea Bag. True, I'm not obligated to do any of these things, she isn't my responsibility. I've heard her complain and talk crap about others that won't help her, those in her own family. People like this think the world owes them. I'm about certain she talks about ME behind my back.
I bet she does mistake the kindness for weakness thing. She needs to be more independent and behave more maturely.
About the trash thing...well that's my own fault; I didn't know that would be the start of the never ending mooching.
Thanks for the advice.
good hearted gal

Somerset, KY

#14 Mar 25, 2010
thought wrote:
Your really not friends because friends wont use frendship for gain they pull their weaght and live on what they have also if you ewrea true friend you wouldnt be on here talking about her behind her back you would go to her tell her how you feel and work it out you dont want to do that because your ether afraid of her or you just dont like her ether way you need to go to her handle your problem you know what needs to be doneyou didnt have to ask others this is the reason i dont want friends i would tell them off
I disagree. First off, I'm not on here "talking about her behind her back." I've kept her name anonymous, I'm not calling any names or openly bashing anyone. I'm sure not afraid of her either, lol.
Just tired of being used. I never got so much as a word of sympathy or even a card when my loved one passed away. But yet she does things for the other neighbors.
My other friends don't do this, she is the only one.

I do agree when you said friends don't use friendship for gain, they will pull thir own weight and live on what they have.
Passer by

Hazard, KY

#15 Mar 25, 2010
I know where you are coming from, I also had a "friend" like that. I am a single mom of two that works my butt off to make ends meet. My so called friend lives off disability (for being over weight)has a free apt, food stamps, free medical insurance,no kids and her mom gave her a car free etc etc. Everytime I went around her she would always ask to borrow money. Yes it was only $20 or $30 but that adds up. I finally started telling her I didnt have it and finally just had to cut ties with her.
good hearted gal

Somerset, KY

#16 Mar 25, 2010
Your choice wrote:
I see her reasoning in posting on here and I do not believe she is talking about anyone, only seeking suggestions in how to handle this. Not everyone is an asshole by nature such as you seem to be! I had somewhat if the same thing happen to me, only difference is I opened my home up to a friend while he was suppose to be getting on his feet. I was told he would give me money for bills and keep up with his tidiness. Needless to say after the first month the help stopped. I gave him another month to see if things would change and they didn't. I then made him move out, which of course caused issues in the friendship, but sure has helped my wallet! Some people take anything you do for them for granted because they either feel like the world owes them something or they just flat out don't care. You need to out a stop to this now, because it won't get any better. Good luck!
You are correct, Your Choice. My intentions are not to bash anyone or talk about anyone; I'm just trying to figure out a way to stop this nonsense. After all, I CAN stand on my own 2 feet..I have my OWN car, pay my own bills and take care of things without anyone's help. It's my responsibility and I don't expect anyone to do it.
Oh yes some people thinks the world owes them. Things in this world are NOT free. It is childish and ridiculous if one whines and pouts about someone not helping them.
I also dislike the fact and it gets on my nerves she is interested in my life, wanting to know where I've been if I'm away from the house for an hour, shessh.
I agree, it obviously won't get any better. I'm planning on moving soon. Not because of her but looking for a bigger place.
I've learned a lesson from this for sure!
My condolences

Somerset, KY

#17 Mar 25, 2010
Passer by wrote:
I know where you are coming from, I also had a "friend" like that. I am a single mom of two that works my butt off to make ends meet. My so called friend lives off disability (for being over weight)has a free apt, food stamps, free medical insurance,no kids and her mom gave her a car free etc etc. Everytime I went around her she would always ask to borrow money. Yes it was only $20 or $30 but that adds up. I finally started telling her I didnt have it and finally just had to cut ties with her.
Sounds to me like she was one of those people that thinks the world owes them. Did she pay the loans back? Oh yes those small loans can add up quickly.
The thing is, this "friend" won a few thousand around Christmas..3 or 4K to be exact. Instead of using the money wisely she squandered it and spent it like crazy, just lasted 2 months.
But yet had LIHEAP to pay the electric bills during the winter when she could have allowed someone less fortunate who deserves the help get it, such as someone with kids and tries to make a living.
George Humpfleet

Corbin, KY

#19 Mar 25, 2010
That is why you never make friends with the neighbors! No matter what kind of neighborhood you live in avoid the neighbors like the plague! It is simply too easy for them to be knocking your door every day when you get home from work. It also helps to keep the shades drawn and avoid smiling when you go outside. If possible build a tall fence around the place and make the property look unfriendly to strangers.

One last piece of advice never ask a neighbor for anything so they won't feel like you owe them anything.
Lasselberger

Glen Burnie, MD

#20 Mar 25, 2010
Dump em all off in Kitchner
good hearted gal

Somerset, KY

#21 Mar 25, 2010
George Humpfleet wrote:
That is why you never make friends with the neighbors! No matter what kind of neighborhood you live in avoid the neighbors like the plague! It is simply too easy for them to be knocking your door every day when you get home from work. It also helps to keep the shades drawn and avoid smiling when you go outside. If possible build a tall fence around the place and make the property look unfriendly to strangers.
One last piece of advice never ask a neighbor for anything so they won't feel like you owe them anything.
Very good advice, George. I agree, it's not a good idea to make friends with neighbors. I've really learned my lesson and will remember this next time. True, too easy for them to be knocking on your door everyday after work. I've even been in the middle of cooking dinner and she's knocked on the door, expect me to drop what I was doing to take her someplace. The tension is building up because my family doesn't like it, understandably. Gonna have to draw the line. Sigh...

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