Beaten, Battered, and Abused

Beaten, Battered, and Abused

Posted in the Somerset Forum

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Desperate Housewife

Schiller Park, IL

#1 Feb 26, 2012
I am a mother of two who is being abused by my husband, both verbally and physically and I don't know what to do. If I leave I don't know how I will take care of my children, but I know leaving is for the best. I need some advice. Has anyone else been in this situation?
Angel

Schiller Park, IL

#2 Feb 26, 2012
You need to leave now! If not, the longer you delay the harder it will get. It is in your best interest and your childrens. If you don't have any family that can assist you then contact the Bethany House.

The transition will be tough, but a year from now you'll be so much better off and it will protect your children from long-term emotional problems.

Nobody should be in this type of situation. I was once in a controling relationship, where I was verbally and physically abused. I'm all for marriage, but these people rarely change.

My husband would cry every time saying he would not do it again, but nothing ever changed. I finally mustard up enough courage to leave and my life is wonderful now. I have a loving husband and my children are in a healthy environment.
Lesson Learned 1

Harrison, AR

#3 Feb 26, 2012
I have never been in this situation, but I can tell you that this is no kind of life for you or your children. I did grow up in an abusive home and at 51 years of age I still suffer from the effects of it. Don't just think of yourself in this matter think of the kids that live in the home too.

This is a decision that will effect the rest of your life. Do you want you and your children to live in an abusive home for the rest of your life or until it gets so bad that you have to get out? Or do you want to look at those children now and decide that they deserve to grow up in a healthier environment and that you aren't somebodies punching bag or a slut, bitch or whatever this man decides to call you? Think long and hard and think about it will effect your children when they become adults.

I hope when you are done thinging, you call Bethany House. I hope you make the decision that your love for your children and yourself make you realize that no man is worth putting you and your children through this. I hope you have the wisdom and self-esteem to get this man out of your life for good. Get government aide if you need it, do what ever it takes to get away from that abuser. I hope you can move on and live a happy life.
maybe

London, KY

#4 Feb 26, 2012
PLEASE call the Bethany House ASAP. They can Help!!!
Moonlight

Somerset, KY

#5 Feb 26, 2012
I too are a battered wife but for some reeson I think I subsconchusly like it? I cant live without him.
Lesson Learned 1

Harrison, AR

#6 Feb 26, 2012
Moonlight wrote:
I too are a battered wife but for some reeson I think I subsconchusly like it? I cant live without him.


Some women live with it so long that they begin to think that they deserve it and wait for it to happen again because the man they love has convinced them they are bad. Then after they beat them, these men do a complete 360 and treat the women completely opposite and baby them and make them feel like they can't live without them. Moonlight it's a mindgame this man is playing with you, he might treat you like a queen after he beats and bruises your body. But honey, you need to think about this, as time goes by, the beatings will get worse and more frequent, the less he will try to make it up to up and then there may come a day when the beatings will be so severe you will not survive. Nobody deserves to be hit, sure he makes you think he loves you and you think you can't live without him. He's a sick indivual and everytime he hits you he takes a little piece of your life away from you. Every bruise he puts on you, he takes a part of your dignity and self respect. You can't live without him? You're not living with him, get out and find out what living really is.
Get out

Vincennes, IN

#7 Feb 26, 2012
Get out now! Their is also a mission next to biglots that is open 24 hours.It costs nothing and they will help you.Your kids need their mom around.I have seen things turn out really really bad.Im praying for you.Take that step and don't be afraid too.
Plan Ahead

Campbellsville, KY

#8 Feb 27, 2012
Desperate Housewife wrote:
I am a mother of two who is being abused by my husband, both verbally and physically and I don't know what to do. If I leave I don't know how I will take care of my children, but I know leaving is for the best. I need some advice. Has anyone else been in this situation?
I've not been in your situation but know people who have. One thing you can do right away is to start putting back some money for when you make your exit. Write your checks for a little more, take out a little extra when making ATM withdraws, whatever you use for bill paying & making purchases for food or other stores, you can always put back a little at a time so that you have some funds when you leave. There are creative ways to save some bucks.
But DO get out if you & kids are in danger. And it sounds like you are. Because you may NOT get up the next time. It won't get better & may get much worse. Also when you divorce, he will have to pay child support & alimony to you. If you own your home or car or anything else, you entitled to part of it. If you have a car take it. Not too many judges will take a vehicle away from a mom of 3. Watch out for yourself. Do not let him guess what your going to do. Plan. Plan. Plan !!

Level 2

Since: Dec 09

Harrison, AR

#9 Feb 27, 2012
Desperate Housewife wrote:
I am a mother of two who is being abused by my husband, both verbally and physically and I don't know what to do. If I leave I don't know how I will take care of my children, but I know leaving is for the best. I need some advice. Has anyone else been in this situation?
Go to your local Department for Community Based Services and ask for some help, they should be able to set you up in a Safe Shelter until you can get on your feet and will assist in helping meet you and your childrens needs.
Duh

Mount Vernon, KY

#10 Feb 27, 2012
Desperate Housewife wrote:
I am a mother of two who is being abused by my husband, both verbally and physically and I don't know what to do. If I leave I don't know how I will take care of my children, but I know leaving is for the best. I need some advice. Has anyone else been in this situation?
Dumb azz.....if you really concerned about your kids, you wouldn't even be asking....you would have already left.
Desperate Housewife

Schiller Park, IL

#11 Feb 27, 2012
Thanks for all the advice. I do care about my kids--they are my life, but I feel so desperate because I didn't feelt that I had anywhere to go. Those of you who have been in my situation would know what I'm talking about. It's like the devil I know is easier to deal with then the devil I don't know. However, I must leave, nothing is going to change.

He tries to beat me down mentally and is constantly threatening me. He has hit me on several occassions and routinely graps me and holds me down aggressivly.

After he is done he does try to "buy" my affection. And he starts wanting to go to church. I pray for him, but I have to protect my kids first and I have to take care of myself.

One of the things that I fight against is that nobody at church thinks he could do this--he puts on a great show in public and he coaches youth soccer which makes him look like an upstanding citizen. Our paster thinks that we need counseling, but we have tried this and it hasn't worked. He plays the victim.

He plays the power game. He recently beat me up and went out and bought me a new car. I made a stupid mistake. I had a car paid for, in my name and he went out and purchased a car that I could never afford on my own and put it in his name only. He threatens to take my car away and punish me if I leave.

I don't know how I can get to work if I lose my car.

Please pray for me.
Desperate Housewife

Schiller Park, IL

#12 Feb 27, 2012
Moonlight wrote:
I too are a battered wife but for some reeson I think I subsconchusly like it? I cant live without him.
I know what you are saying, but in my situation there were red flags before we got married. I made a stupid mistake because I wanted a better life for my kids and me.
Desperate Housewife

Schiller Park, IL

#13 Feb 27, 2012
Get out wrote:
Get out now! Their is also a mission next to biglots that is open 24 hours.It costs nothing and they will help you.Your kids need their mom around.I have seen things turn out really really bad.Im praying for you.Take that step and don't be afraid too.
Thanks!!!
Lesson Learned 1

Harrison, AR

#14 Feb 27, 2012
Desperate Housewife wrote:
Thanks for all the advice. I do care about my kids--they are my life, but I feel so desperate because I didn't feelt that I had anywhere to go. Those of you who have been in my situation would know what I'm talking about. It's like the devil I know is easier to deal with then the devil I don't know. However, I must leave, nothing is going to change.
He tries to beat me down mentally and is constantly threatening me. He has hit me on several occassions and routinely graps me and holds me down aggressivly.
After he is done he does try to "buy" my affection. And he starts wanting to go to church. I pray for him, but I have to protect my kids first and I have to take care of myself.
One of the things that I fight against is that nobody at church thinks he could do this--he puts on a great show in public and he coaches youth soccer which makes him look like an upstanding citizen. Our paster thinks that we need counseling, but we have tried this and it hasn't worked. He plays the victim.
He plays the power game. He recently beat me up and went out and bought me a new car. I made a stupid mistake. I had a car paid for, in my name and he went out and purchased a car that I could never afford on my own and put it in his name only. He threatens to take my car away and punish me if I leave.
I don't know how I can get to work if I lose my car.
Please pray for me.


My first marriage my husband and I played a big part in the church. He was one of the biggest fakes ever created, we would no sooner get in the car and get the door shut until he would start cursing like a sailor and he was abusive to my family [myself, my daughter and I was raising my sister]. I felt I had nowhere to go.
But it got so bad that I felt that the very last thing I could do was stay. So I left.

The worst part of this and it will stay with me for the rest of my life [although I have long forgave everybody]. The church I attended was a family church, I had attended it from the time I was a baby. As soon as we seperated, I stayed home to try and get my feelings under control, but he ran to the church and started tell my family his side of the story. They bought it. My own family took his side, the only relatives I had on my side from my family church was my aunt [who has always been by my side] and my daddy's best friend who has always been there for me.

I survived, my daughter and sister and I are happier people because of it. It wasn't easy at first, it won't be for you. But you have to decide if you want to continue living you life this way or not. I am guessing you don't or you wouldn't be asking advise.

There is life after this. I am not saying that it will be easy, but you have to decide if you want to live in fear of being beat by some man or live in peace without him. It's your decision and only you can make it. Good luck on whatever you decide, but remember nobody has the right to lay a hand on another humanbeing for any reason. Everytime you let him get away with hitting you and if you have a son, you are telling him its o.k. and your son is seeing that hitting a woman is acceptable.
Sick Bastard

Gary, IN

#15 Feb 27, 2012
It makes me sick that so many men get away with abuse. Of course, Christ is against divorce, but the man is supposed to love the wife as Christ loved the church. If he is beating you, the only option you have is to separate or divorce. During separation the man has to prove that he has been delivered.

The only problem is that many women are so intimidated that separation won't work--they fear for their life. In our courts these men often get a slap on the hand and that is it.

One thing to be aware of is to document everything and take pictures. If you don't report the abuse you'll have a hard time using anything as evidence in the courts. They will say, "if you were so scared, why didn't you leave." However, any psychologist knows this statement isn't true. Most women in these situation are petrified. Many have hope that the person they love will change, but it rarely happens--research shows that it usually gets worse.
Posers

Gary, IN

#16 Feb 27, 2012
I know exactly what you are talking about when it comes to church. Many times my exhusband would put on a great show at church. He is charming and handsome--even quite at times. People see him as a "nice" guy. However, deep inside he is insecure and he uses intimidation as his weapon to feel superior.

When he leaves, change the locks, get an EPO, have the cops round in your neighborhood, have a family member stay over for added protection. Notify your neighbors, church, and friends. Have as much company over as possible, get an attorny and rock his world.

You deserve a good life. Make sure that you do the right thing during these proceding. You want to honor God in everything you do. I agree that God is for marriage and hates divorce, but if abuse is truly happening then you do not have to subject yourself or your children to this situation--it will not be good for your long-term emotional health.
Mamma Bear

Corbin, KY

#17 Feb 27, 2012
Desperate Housewife wrote:
Thanks for all the advice. I do care about my kids--they are my life, but I feel so desperate because I didn't feelt that I had anywhere to go. Those of you who have been in my situation would know what I'm talking about. It's like the devil I know is easier to deal with then the devil I don't know. However, I must leave, nothing is going to change.
He tries to beat me down mentally and is constantly threatening me. He has hit me on several occassions and routinely graps me and holds me down aggressivly.
After he is done he does try to "buy" my affection. And he starts wanting to go to church. I pray for him, but I have to protect my kids first and I have to take care of myself.
One of the things that I fight against is that nobody at church thinks he could do this--he puts on a great show in public and he coaches youth soccer which makes him look like an upstanding citizen. Our paster thinks that we need counseling, but we have tried this and it hasn't worked. He plays the victim.
He plays the power game. He recently beat me up and went out and bought me a new car. I made a stupid mistake. I had a car paid for, in my name and he went out and purchased a car that I could never afford on my own and put it in his name only. He threatens to take my car away and punish me if I leave.
I don't know how I can get to work if I lose my car.
Please pray for me.
If someone betrays you once, its their fault; if they betray you twice, its your fault. Eleanor Roosevelt

Level 8

Since: Sep 08

Location hidden

#18 Feb 27, 2012
Desperate Housewife wrote:
I am a mother of two who is being abused by my husband, both verbally and physically and I don't know what to do. If I leave I don't know how I will take care of my children, but I know leaving is for the best. I need some advice. Has anyone else been in this situation?
Call the Bethany House immediately -

“Not afraid to stand alone.”

Level 9

Since: Jun 09

Flat Lick Ky.

#19 Feb 27, 2012
Desperate Housewife wrote:
I am a mother of two who is being abused by my husband, both verbally and physically and I don't know what to do. If I leave I don't know how I will take care of my children, but I know leaving is for the best. I need some advice. Has anyone else been in this situation?
Leave now!!!!! If you do stay make sure neighbors and friends are aware of your situation.
timmothy 212

Shelbyville, IN

#20 Feb 27, 2012
Desperate Housewife wrote:
Thanks for all the advice. I do care about my kids--they are my life, but I feel so desperate because I didn't feelt that I had anywhere to go. Those of you who have been in my situation would know what I'm talking about. It's like the devil I know is easier to deal with then the devil I don't know. However, I must leave, nothing is going to change.
He tries to beat me down mentally and is constantly threatening me. He has hit me on several occassions and routinely graps me and holds me down aggressivly.
After he is done he does try to "buy" my affection. And he starts wanting to go to church. I pray for him, but I have to protect my kids first and I have to take care of myself.
One of the things that I fight against is that nobody at church thinks he could do this--he puts on a great show in public and he coaches youth soccer which makes him look like an upstanding citizen. Our paster thinks that we need counseling, but we have tried this and it hasn't worked. He plays the victim.
He plays the power game. He recently beat me up and went out and bought me a new car. I made a stupid mistake. I had a car paid for, in my name and he went out and purchased a car that I could never afford on my own and put it in his name only. He threatens to take my car away and punish me if I leave.
I don't know how I can get to work if I lose my car.
Please pray for me.
I'm no lawyer but I'm sure a judge would give you the car since the car he used to get the new one was yours--in your name and paid for--did you have it before you got married? Its a "SHAME" that a man or woman and kids has to go through this-its not right-He can't and don't LOVE you to treat you this way.After the divorce, give him the car--that won't make him happy I bet you.I wish you all the GUTS in the world!!!!You don't need luck--just guts. Go to Wal-Mart and get you a ball bat and just tell him--THE ABUSE IS OVER---PERIOD. Have a back bone for your kids--I would like to be in Somerset and see him hit you--I would try to break him of the habit--You hang in there Lady and get that help

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