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21 - 40 of 191 Comments Last updated Feb 27, 2011
Smarty Ass

Lexington, KY

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#32
Sep 1, 2008
 
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN): This is a group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVEN: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR: A pooper who does not realize that you're in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. TURD BURGLARS have been know to cause premature pinchage, which inevitably causes you to pinch one off in the middle.

CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE: This is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert all potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.

UNCLE TED: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
someone

Brownsville, TN

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#33
Sep 1, 2008
 

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Smarty Ass that is the funniest thing I have read in a long time, you had me laughing until I cried.
Good Mom

AOL

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#34
Sep 1, 2008
 
Oh my goodness this is funny!
cool hand luke

Memphis, TN

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#35
Sep 2, 2008
 
singlebutloved wrote:
<quoted text>
I'm a walmart pooper. go in and wait until there arent any feet under the adjoining stalls. if you can't wait that long, wait for the neighbor in the adjoining stall to flush. try to coincide your dump with their flush to camoflauge it. then wait until all the old feet disappear that can match your noise with your shoes. out of kindness make sure no one else is waiting for a stall before you exit. you dont want them to run into a wall of fumes. leave quickly.
and i thought i was the only person who thought like that when i take public dumps!!!! I hate it when your at your job and your gettin ready to blow it out and someone walks in, dam you know they know the dumper by looking at the shoes...LOL
winnie the poop

London, KY

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#36
Sep 2, 2008
 
To poop or not to poop that is the question.

“One Day at a Time”

Since: Aug 08

Franklin KY

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#37
Sep 2, 2008
 
Im so glad we have 3 bathrooms at work!!!
poopcorn

London, KY

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#38
Sep 2, 2008
 

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Here is a funny trick to play on someone when you are pooping in public. Take a chocolate candy bar in with you. Hold it in your hands until it gets melted chocolate all over your hand. Reach under the stall and ask your neighbor for some toilet paper.

“One Day at a Time”

Since: Aug 08

Franklin KY

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#39
Sep 2, 2008
 
poopcorn wrote:
Here is a funny trick to play on someone when you are pooping in public. Take a chocolate candy bar in with you. Hold it in your hands until it gets melted chocolate all over your hand. Reach under the stall and ask your neighbor for some toilet paper.
Have you tried this? What happened?
Drop a deuce

Versailles, KY

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#40
Sep 2, 2008
 

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It seems every morning before leaving the house a poop just busts through my guts. I damn near kill myself trying to get to the bathroom. It really sucks when I am running late. Im not a quick pooper, My poops take a minimum of 15 mins
Bobbi Jo

Somerset, KY

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#41
Sep 2, 2008
 
poopcorn wrote:
Here is a funny trick to play on someone when you are pooping in public. Take a chocolate candy bar in with you. Hold it in your hands until it gets melted chocolate all over your hand. Reach under the stall and ask your neighbor for some toilet paper.
You are SO ate up! That's so funny I just about pooped! I'd love to do that at Wal*Mart.
poopcorn

London, KY

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#42
Sep 2, 2008
 
SMS75 wrote:
<quoted text>
Have you tried this? What happened?
Yeah but i've only done it to friends. I am always playing practical jokes on them. I always disguise my voice when i do it. It totally freaks them out. I've done it to one girl several times and she still has no clue it is me.
ANanny

AOL

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#43
Sep 3, 2008
 
poopcorn wrote:
Here is a funny trick to play on someone when you are pooping in public. Take a chocolate candy bar in with you. Hold it in your hands until it gets melted chocolate all over your hand. Reach under the stall and ask your neighbor for some toilet paper.
Oh my goodness I am still laughing from that one. Don't know if I would ever get the nerve to do something like that but it sure is a funny one.

“One Day at a Time”

Since: Aug 08

Franklin KY

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#44
Sep 3, 2008
 
bump it
flushing

London, KY

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#45
Sep 3, 2008
 
Okay, what about the 'left behind' turd, that you get the blame for???
I hate it when I go into a bathroom to 'pee' and there is this turd that was left as a lil gift.. You flush the toilet and it 'still' wont go down, so when you walk out of the stall, it looks as though you were the one to leave it!
ISmellit

AOL

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#46
Sep 4, 2008
 
Well, my family and I went to LCRH to visit a friend today, and when we went in the door we all could smell it! Not on the floors with patients mind you, on the first floor lol. I think someone had pooped in public once again.

“One Day at a Time”

Since: Aug 08

Franklin KY

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#47
Sep 4, 2008
 
flushing wrote:
Okay, what about the 'left behind' turd, that you get the blame for???
I hate it when I go into a bathroom to 'pee' and there is this turd that was left as a lil gift.. You flush the toilet and it 'still' wont go down, so when you walk out of the stall, it looks as though you were the one to leave it!
Yes! I hate it when this happens. Or when you try to flush it and it overflows into the floor...makes you wish you didn't have to go.
floater

London, KY

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#48
Sep 4, 2008
 
flushing wrote:
Okay, what about the 'left behind' turd, that you get the blame for???
I hate it when I go into a bathroom to 'pee' and there is this turd that was left as a lil gift.. You flush the toilet and it 'still' wont go down, so when you walk out of the stall, it looks as though you were the one to leave it!
one time i was at a party. Well, i got pretty drunk and sick. I had to crawl to the bathroom and i stuck my head over the toilet to throw up and there was a turd staring back at me. I threw up all over the place.

“One Day at a Time”

Since: Aug 08

Franklin KY

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#49
Sep 4, 2008
 
floater wrote:
<quoted text>
one time i was at a party. Well, i got pretty drunk and sick. I had to crawl to the bathroom and i stuck my head over the toilet to throw up and there was a turd staring back at me. I threw up all over the place.
I don't care who ya are, that was funny!
ANanny

AOL

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#50
Sep 4, 2008
 
I have gottan a kick out of reading a lot of these. And it's so funny how we all (me included)worry about if someone is going to hear it, smell it or know it lol, just keep in mind.... We all do it.

“One Day at a Time”

Since: Aug 08

Franklin KY

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#51
Sep 5, 2008
 
ANanny wrote:
I have gottan a kick out of reading a lot of these. And it's so funny how we all (me included)worry about if someone is going to hear it, smell it or know it lol, just keep in mind.... We all do it.
So true! It drives me nuts when ppl act like they don't.

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