The perfect storm
Posted in the Smyrna Forum
#2 Mar 5, 2013
Scene: Sofa Kingís apartment in his Momís house. His Mom is down in the basement with him because he saw a spider and started screaming. She was taking a nap at the time but knew that he wouldnít stop screaming until she killed the spider:
Mom: Theodore (Sofaís real given name), why have you been so whiny and even more girly than usual lately?
Sofa King: Iím not whiny Mommmy. I never whine. Quit saying that I whine. You know that Iíve never whined and I hate when you say that I whine. If you say I whine again I will hold my breath until I faint.
Mom: Oh of course you donít whine Theodore. Mommy was just kidding. Now tell Mommy whatís wrong sweetie.
Sofa King: Well Mommy, there is this bad man name on topix who is always teasing me and he says that Iím whiny too. I keep trying to make him look stupid but it always backfires and I wind up being the one who looks stupid. He said that he slapped this woman because she had become hysterical and the only way to make her snap out of it and come back to reality was to slap her. It sounded kind of like when that awful little girl asked me if I wanted to be her boyfriend and I started to scream hysterically and put my hands over my ears and was jumping up and down and you ran into the McDonaldís playhouse and slapped me. I stopped and you made the little girl go away and helped me to get back to my quiet place, the way Dr. Curanut showed you.
Mom: Of course I remember Theodore. Now whatís going on?
Sofa King: Well I started to call this bad person some horrible names because he slapped this woman. I never get one over on him Mommy and I thought this was my chance to get finally get even for all of the horrid names he calls me. You know how upset I get when the other kids call me names Mommy. But when I say that heís a bad man and call him names to get even, he still calls me names and makes fun of me. And then everybody laughs at me even more than they did before and thatís just not fair Mommy. Itís just not fair. Iím a good boy, right mommy? They should hate him and like me, right mommy? But everyone still likes him more than me. Heís a very bad man Mommy and somebody has to tell all the other people Mommy.
Mom: Of course heís bad Theodore. Do you want me to tell everyone heís bad and youíre good?
Sofa King: Can you Mommy? Can you tell everyone that Iím the good one and he is a bad person?
Mom: Of course I Can dear. Now come on, itís time for dinner. Youíll feel better after your barrel of KFC, a couple of pizzas and a couple of gallons of grape Kool Aid.
Sofa King: Ok mommy but donít forget. You promised to get that bad man for me.
Mommy. Yes Theodore. Now go wash you hands and put on Mr. Bibby.
#3 Mar 5, 2013
Icouldusesomehel ps mommy. Ok, listen up you bullies. I want you to stop picking on my son Theodore. Heís a good boy and youíve all been picking on him. Heís very sensitive and I want your bullying to stop. If it doesnít stop Iím going to call all of your mothers. Believe me, if I tell Lighteredknotís, Ericís, Grob Hahnís and General Robert E. Leeís Moms, youíll be sorry. So just leave Theodore alone. Heís a very ďspecialĒ boy and youíre all very lucky that he even lets you play with you. Now I want all of you to apologize to Theodore for the horrible way you treat him.
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