As his cancer worsens, 13-year-old Mi...

As his cancer worsens, 13-year-old Minnesota boy and his mother...

There are 258 comments on the TwinCities.com story from May 19, 2009, titled As his cancer worsens, 13-year-old Minnesota boy and his mother.... In it, TwinCities.com reports that:

An arrest warrant was issued Tuesday for Colleen Hauser, who failed to bring her 13-year-old son, Daniel, to a court hearing on whether he should receive chemotherapy against his wishes.

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Cpetr13

“Reality is better than truth”

Since: Jun 07

Indianapolis

#247 May 28, 2009
Great. Now show one documented case of ANY other treatment for lymphoma that has cured it. Right now, bucky, the only treatment that ha been demonstrate to work is chemo and radiation.
Pist wrote:
They should take Judge Rodenberg out and hang him in front of his family for his Nazi - terrorist decision. I hope young Daniel recovers by homeopathic nutrition which works and shows the this disgusting society of mindless, gutless sheep that we don't need a pharmaceutical CARTEL controlling them.

Cpetr13

“Reality is better than truth”

Since: Jun 07

Indianapolis

#248 May 28, 2009
Congrats on your remission status!
Why do these people, who have no clue about biology or medicine, think they can even approach this subject with any gravitas?
Mellers wrote:
<quoted text>
I'm celebrating 2.5 years of remission. Today. Do you think I'm a mindless gutless sheep because I knew that, as a Leukemia patient with a 92% success rate of beating chemo, that I'd walk away from that opportunity to seek something unknown, something that's not been shown to fight cancer?
You don't know anyone who's gone through cancer treatment, have you? If so, I'd really like to hear their response to you calling them mindless and gutless.

Since: Apr 09

Minneapolis, MN

#249 May 28, 2009
Cpetr13 wrote:
Congrats on your remission status!
Why do these people, who have no clue about biology or medicine, think they can even approach this subject with any gravitas?
<quoted text>
Boy, that sure is the question of the year. I don't think the doctors would have announced this kind of success that chemo and radiation has had on this disease if it wasn't true. It would be real great if all you had to do is crawl around and pick special weeds to cure cancer, but unfortunately that ain't going to work. I don't think there's any harm in providing yourself with the normal supplements while you're in treatment. You never know, those supplements might give you a bit of extra energy to fight the disease. To a point it's okay to try a bit of another treatment providing it doesn't interfere with the traditional treatment. But I don't understand for the life of me why someone would walk away from a 95% cure rate to try something that is unproven. Given the choice, I would choose to be sicker for the duration of chemo & radiation treatment and have a good chance of being permanently cured. I think these alternate treatments are more for those individuals who are likely not going to have a very good success rate with ANY treatment. I don't think for a minute that ANYONE, including a pharmaceutical company would opt for making a profit over curing someone of cancer. I think if hospitals/pharmaceuticals/doct ors, etc., wanted to make a profit there are plenty of other ways to make money on patients who aren't so ill.

Since: Apr 09

Minneapolis, MN

#250 May 28, 2009
Mellers wrote:
<quoted text>
I'm celebrating 2.5 years of remission. Today. Do you think I'm a mindless gutless sheep because I knew that, as a Leukemia patient with a 92% success rate of beating chemo, that I'd walk away from that opportunity to seek something unknown, something that's not been shown to fight cancer?
You don't know anyone who's gone through cancer treatment, have you? If so, I'd really like to hear their response to you calling them mindless and gutless.
Mellers, I don't think there's anything this week that makes me happier then knowing you have been made well. Leukemia was one of the first cancers I've heard of in my life. The first time I was a little five year old. Another little girl about the same age who lived across the street from us died from leukemia and the parents were devastated. The second time I really paid attention to leukemia is a story I read about a leukemia patient who was cured and survived. She went through hell and back with the treatment, but came out cured in the end. I am thankful to not have come across or hear about another set of parents who have lost a child with leukemia. I'm sure there must be some, but the fact you don't hear of many anymore is a wonder gift from God.

“We're all connected”

Since: Feb 08

St Paul, MN

#251 May 28, 2009
Fed up with bailing out wrote:
<quoted text>
Mellers, I don't think there's anything this week that makes me happier then knowing you have been made well. Leukemia was one of the first cancers I've heard of in my life. The first time I was a little five year old. Another little girl about the same age who lived across the street from us died from leukemia and the parents were devastated. The second time I really paid attention to leukemia is a story I read about a leukemia patient who was cured and survived. She went through hell and back with the treatment, but came out cured in the end. I am thankful to not have come across or hear about another set of parents who have lost a child with leukemia. I'm sure there must be some, but the fact you don't hear of many anymore is a wonder gift from God.
Your words inspire me. To be truthful, I had a "good" type of Leukemia, one that was relatively easy to beat, with a high success rate, which isn't common among Luekemias. But I was doubly-diagnosed with Crohn's, 1 of 3 in the world so far, and that led me to feel uncertain. But I trusted most of my doctors (one doctor I didn't trust and I switched) and I've been in good hands since. I've been extremely pro-active regarding my health, always checking in with all 3 doctors (general practitioner, Crohn's specialist, and oncologist) through any questions I had. Lots of work on my end, but I'm healthy and reasonably happy these days.

I'm writing a book about all of this. 3 years in the life of "Meller's Story"** which will end this November, to celebrate my 3 years of being in remission.

**Actual name of book has been changed to protect the poster of this post.

Since: Apr 09

Minneapolis, MN

#252 May 29, 2009
Mellers, if ever I am diagnosed with cancer (God forbid), I have you to look to for inspiration. You know something? I almost forgot that as a kid they thought I might have leukemia and thankfully didn't. The reason they thought I might have it is because I was getting bloody noses all the time - constantly actually. I'm glad I didn't have it, because back then, there was no chance of a cure.

Wow, a book! Good for you! I've often thought I had a book in me. I actually do, but I'm waiting to see what the ending should be. I might have to make up the ending, lol!

Cpetr13

“Reality is better than truth”

Since: Jun 07

Indianapolis

#254 May 29, 2009
As I see it, the kid had one chemo treatment, it made him feel weird, and his overindulgent parents decided that feeling weird was not as important as him actually curing the disease. There are people who cannot deny their kids anything they want; it's pretty sad.
Fed up with bailing out wrote:
<quoted text>
Boy, that sure is the question of the year. I don't think the doctors would have announced this kind of success that chemo and radiation has had on this disease if it wasn't true. It would be real great if all you had to do is crawl around and pick special weeds to cure cancer, but unfortunately that ain't going to work. I don't think there's any harm in providing yourself with the normal supplements while you're in treatment. You never know, those supplements might give you a bit of extra energy to fight the disease. To a point it's okay to try a bit of another treatment providing it doesn't interfere with the traditional treatment. But I don't understand for the life of me why someone would walk away from a 95% cure rate to try something that is unproven. Given the choice, I would choose to be sicker for the duration of chemo & radiation treatment and have a good chance of being permanently cured. I think these alternate treatments are more for those individuals who are likely not going to have a very good success rate with ANY treatment. I don't think for a minute that ANYONE, including a pharmaceutical company would opt for making a profit over curing someone of cancer. I think if hospitals/pharmaceuticals/doct ors, etc., wanted to make a profit there are plenty of other ways to make money on patients who aren't so ill.

Since: Apr 09

Minneapolis, MN

#255 May 31, 2009
Cpetr13 wrote:
As I see it, the kid had one chemo treatment, it made him feel weird, and his overindulgent parents decided that feeling weird was not as important as him actually curing the disease. There are people who cannot deny their kids anything they want; it's pretty sad.
<quoted text>
Believe it or not I know a parent who is like that. My husband. One time I suggested to him that we charge our almost 30 year old son for rent and when he was ready to go live on his own give it to him to start his life with. My husband's response was, "That would be mean." HUH? He is one of those kind of people who enables and I think it's just starting to come back to bite him in the butt. The son is now on his own, but making many bad decisions. My husband has also used some of that same behavior with my youngest granddaughter. I've gotten after him about it and he only says, "I know. I know." But he's incurable. He's a good hearted man, but that behavior has nothing but negative effects on a child. There have been many times I've wanted to say, "What are you, nuts?"

Cpetr13

“Reality is better than truth”

Since: Jun 07

Indianapolis

#256 May 31, 2009
There's a difference between being kind-hearted and being passively abusive. I'm not trying to slam your husband; I'm sure he is a decent person over all. But he needs to understand that there is a difference between parenting and being buddies with his kids--or grandkids. He probably needs to see a therapist to understand why he so desperately needs to be pals with his kids. Unfortunately, kids don't learn to make good decisions unless they are allowed to make bad ones and learn the consequences.

Actually, what I found fascinating was not that you wanted to charge him rent but that you wanted to return the money to him afterward. He should have been paying rent; it's what adults do. He should have had no expectations of seeing the money again either.

Here's hoping the grandchild will be less pampered.
Fed up with bailing out wrote:
<quoted text>
Believe it or not I know a parent who is like that. My husband. One time I suggested to him that we charge our almost 30 year old son for rent and when he was ready to go live on his own give it to him to start his life with. My husband's response was, "That would be mean." HUH? He is one of those kind of people who enables and I think it's just starting to come back to bite him in the butt. The son is now on his own, but making many bad decisions. My husband has also used some of that same behavior with my youngest granddaughter. I've gotten after him about it and he only says, "I know. I know." But he's incurable. He's a good hearted man, but that behavior has nothing but negative effects on a child. There have been many times I've wanted to say, "What are you, nuts?"

Since: Apr 09

Minneapolis, MN

#257 May 31, 2009
Cpetr13 wrote:
There's a difference between being kind-hearted and being passively abusive. I'm not trying to slam your husband; I'm sure he is a decent person over all. But he needs to understand that there is a difference between parenting and being buddies with his kids--or grandkids. He probably needs to see a therapist to understand why he so desperately needs to be pals with his kids. Unfortunately, kids don't learn to make good decisions unless they are allowed to make bad ones and learn the consequences.
Actually, what I found fascinating was not that you wanted to charge him rent but that you wanted to return the money to him afterward. He should have been paying rent; it's what adults do. He should have had no expectations of seeing the money again either.
Here's hoping the grandchild will be less pampered.
<quoted text>
I agree with you 100%. It's not like he doesn't perfectly realize what he's doing - he most definitely does because I've been on him for years about it. As far as collecting rent from the son and returning it to the kid when they move out, the deal was that the kid doesn't get to know what the actual intent was while the money was being collected for rent. It was an attempt at trying to suggest something the hubby might go for. It was something I suggested to the hubby to try and force him to instill some kind of lesson to the son about responsibility before he entered the REAL world. My husband's son is my step-son and I felt I had only so much power. Through the years it has been like pulling teeth dealing with a husband who refused (I say "refused" because hubby indeed knew better because I explained it to him) to do the right thing and a very spoiled son. Let me add, the hubby was like a fierce mother bear with her cub. It's rather amazing really that we got through it all with all of that conflict. I don't know if counseling would have done any better then what I tried to do through the years. As a former single parent, I personally have had experiences with so-called counselors that had more problems then I ever had. They needed counseling from me way more then I was going to benefit from any counseling from them. To me, that's good money chasing bad. It's not going to happen with the hubby anyway - too little time and too little money to waste on someone who just sits there and listens and offers nothing. I have walls in my house that will do the very same thing for free.

Since: Apr 09

Minneapolis, MN

#258 May 31, 2009
Ha! Let me add:

I have to feed a husband who REFUSES to eat things he's never tried. I've tried asking him why he won't at least try it and I hit a brick wall. When ever I've tried asking him why he doesn't like something I've been shocked to find out he never even tried it. His answer to not liking something has been, "I just don't!" No amount of coaxing could ever get a reason out of him. Bottom line, everyone has their querks and you either accept it or you don't. I'll take the hubby as he is because there's no changing him. He's a good and decent human being and very kind. It is the reason I keep him.

Cpetr13

“Reality is better than truth”

Since: Jun 07

Indianapolis

#259 May 31, 2009
Like any profession, you have good and bad practitioners. I've known people who have benefited greatly from therapy. But it's what you're willing to put up with that counts, ultimately.
Step-parenting shouldn't be any different than parenting; you're still an adult and they are living in your house. Parents should put up a united front, of course, but I've never understood the timidity about dealing with step-kids. At least he is out of the house now. Isn't he?
Fed up with bailing out wrote:
<quoted text>
I agree with you 100%. It's not like he doesn't perfectly realize what he's doing - he most definitely does because I've been on him for years about it. As far as collecting rent from the son and returning it to the kid when they move out, the deal was that the kid doesn't get to know what the actual intent was while the money was being collected for rent. It was an attempt at trying to suggest something the hubby might go for. It was something I suggested to the hubby to try and force him to instill some kind of lesson to the son about responsibility before he entered the REAL world. My husband's son is my step-son and I felt I had only so much power. Through the years it has been like pulling teeth dealing with a husband who refused (I say "refused" because hubby indeed knew better because I explained it to him) to do the right thing and a very spoiled son. Let me add, the hubby was like a fierce mother bear with her cub. It's rather amazing really that we got through it all with all of that conflict. I don't know if counseling would have done any better then what I tried to do through the years. As a former single parent, I personally have had experiences with so-called counselors that had more problems then I ever had. They needed counseling from me way more then I was going to benefit from any counseling from them. To me, that's good money chasing bad. It's not going to happen with the hubby anyway - too little time and too little money to waste on someone who just sits there and listens and offers nothing. I have walls in my house that will do the very same thing for free.

Since: Apr 09

Minneapolis, MN

#260 May 31, 2009
Cpetr13 wrote:
Like any profession, you have good and bad practitioners. I've known people who have benefited greatly from therapy. But it's what you're willing to put up with that counts, ultimately.
Step-parenting shouldn't be any different than parenting; you're still an adult and they are living in your house. Parents should put up a united front, of course, but I've never understood the timidity about dealing with step-kids. At least he is out of the house now. Isn't he?
<quoted text>
Yep, he sure is. Even with his decisions being less then ideal since - he has become engaged to a very nice woman with two kids. This relationship has made a world of difference in him. Before he acted like nothing more then a very spoiled kid that only cared about acquiring as many worldly goods as he could. I was afraid I would ever see him caring about anyone besides himself - but he really does. One thing he definitely knows is that I never played favorites with him (favoring my own daughter, we were a blended family). He even values my opinion. It would be great if dealing with a step-child would be no different, but it really is, in a lot of ways. He knows where I stand on the issues and that I will be here to stop hubby from helping him in ways he shouldn't - that is IF I know about them. There have been a number of times I haven't been told of the help he has received just since he left home.

Cpetr13

“Reality is better than truth”

Since: Jun 07

Indianapolis

#261 Jun 2, 2009
Unless you both have separate incomes and accounts, that has to stop. He doesn't have the right to use your joint funds without your knowledge, nor should he go behind your back. I presume he vowed to honor you, and that is not at all honorable. The kid has a fiancee now--let HER deal with his problems.
:)
Fed up with bailing out wrote:
<quoted text>
Yep, he sure is. Even with his decisions being less then ideal since - he has become engaged to a very nice woman with two kids. This relationship has made a world of difference in him. Before he acted like nothing more then a very spoiled kid that only cared about acquiring as many worldly goods as he could. I was afraid I would ever see him caring about anyone besides himself - but he really does. One thing he definitely knows is that I never played favorites with him (favoring my own daughter, we were a blended family). He even values my opinion. It would be great if dealing with a step-child would be no different, but it really is, in a lot of ways. He knows where I stand on the issues and that I will be here to stop hubby from helping him in ways he shouldn't - that is IF I know about them. There have been a number of times I haven't been told of the help he has received just since he left home.
Sarah D

Saint Paul, MN

#262 Jun 2, 2009
Fed up with bailing out wrote:
Ha! Let me add:
I have to feed a husband who REFUSES to eat things he's never tried. I've tried asking him why he won't at least try it and I hit a brick wall. When ever I've tried asking him why he doesn't like something I've been shocked to find out he never even tried it. His answer to not liking something has been, "I just don't!" No amount of coaxing could ever get a reason out of him. Bottom line, everyone has their querks and you either accept it or you don't. I'll take the hubby as he is because there's no changing him. He's a good and decent human being and very kind. It is the reason I keep him.
Well actually that would be easy to accommodate. Just make one simple dish for him that you know he will eat and then go full out on a menu for the rest of the family.

If he complains then give him the recipes for the food he'll eat and tell him he's welcomed to cook his own food if he doesn't want what's given to him.

That way no one is nagging him to eat something he doesn't want to eat and the rest of the family isn't being held captive to his limited menu.

Since: Apr 09

Minneapolis, MN

#263 Jun 2, 2009
Sarah D wrote:
<quoted text>
Well actually that would be easy to accommodate. Just make one simple dish for him that you know he will eat and then go full out on a menu for the rest of the family.
If he complains then give him the recipes for the food he'll eat and tell him he's welcomed to cook his own food if he doesn't want what's given to him.
That way no one is nagging him to eat something he doesn't want to eat and the rest of the family isn't being held captive to his limited menu.
LOL! Sara, actually I already feed the rest of the family a full-out menu. The rest of the member get exactly what each one of them wants - they're cats, lol!

Since: Apr 09

Minneapolis, MN

#264 Jun 2, 2009
Cpetr13 wrote:
Unless you both have separate incomes and accounts, that has to stop. He doesn't have the right to use your joint funds without your knowledge, nor should he go behind your back. I presume he vowed to honor you, and that is not at all honorable. The kid has a fiancee now--let HER deal with his problems.
:)
<quoted text>
Actually hubby cuts grass and saves that money in cash. If hubby sticks to his guns of no more money to him then the fiance will have to deal with his problems.

Here's another example of the son being spoiled to the point of not doing him any good:

One summer the son took on the responsibility of cutting grass for the church at a set amount of $$$. It ended up with the hubby doing the grass cutting and the son got the $$$ for it. I helped with it one evening so hubby could get home at a reasonable time. Who got the money? The son. Unbelievable, huh? Don't think I kept my mouth shut either. The son should have learned to be responsible with this grass cutting arrangement and the hubby completely atom bombed it - no lesson learned.

Cpetr13

“Reality is better than truth”

Since: Jun 07

Indianapolis

#265 Jun 3, 2009
You have more patience than I would have. That kid would have been in military school.
Fed up with bailing out wrote:
<quoted text>
Actually hubby cuts grass and saves that money in cash. If hubby sticks to his guns of no more money to him then the fiance will have to deal with his problems.
Here's another example of the son being spoiled to the point of not doing him any good:
One summer the son took on the responsibility of cutting grass for the church at a set amount of $$$. It ended up with the hubby doing the grass cutting and the son got the $$$ for it. I helped with it one evening so hubby could get home at a reasonable time. Who got the money? The son. Unbelievable, huh? Don't think I kept my mouth shut either. The son should have learned to be responsible with this grass cutting arrangement and the hubby completely atom bombed it - no lesson learned.

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