She won't leave him alone and he won'...

She won't leave him alone and he won't stop talking to her.

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cheating

Florissant, MO

#1 Mar 14, 2011
I find it hard to believe that nothing is going on....he might be cheating emotionally by calling the chick constantly late at night (what is that about???) Just seems sneaky.
Concerned

Florissant, MO

#2 Mar 14, 2011
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and 1/2 now. We recently moved from Arizona to Rhode Island. Shortly after we did he started speaking to a woman friend. It didn't bother me at first except that she would call him for every little thing. He calls her late at night and she texts him first thing in the morning and in the evening. I got her number and texted her telling her to leave us alone but she won't. She shortly thereafter changed her facebook relationship profile to complicated. Before my boyfriend I was married and my husband cheated on me. I have a lot of trust issues. I've asked my boyfriend to stop talking to her and to respect me wishes. He said he wanted to get married soon once we can afford it. I have asked him if there is anything going on and he repeatedly says no, I have nothing to worry about, he has no interest in this woman whatsoever. I asked him if he still wants to get married and he said yes. And with my ex husband our sex life became nonexistent. With my boyfriend it's still going strong and in some aspects has gotten better. I need help. One to know I'm not crazy for freaking out, and two, any idea how I can get this woman to leave our family alone.
Andi

Florissant, MO

#3 Mar 14, 2011
Either you trust him or you don't. This is what you really have to decide. If you do and he is truly just friends with her, you have nothing to worry about. If you don't trust him, let him go. Tell him how you feel about it and what you think her motives are. He will either be understanding and either eliminate or limit his contact with her, or he won't. If he refuses to be considerate to you, you know where you stand and what you need to do.
Looking

Florissant, MO

#4 Mar 14, 2011
You calling her to step off is not a good thing...she doesn't owe you anything...so you can't put the blame all on her. Your BF claims to want to marry you and yet, he's carrying on with this woman he just recently met. If he doesn't see anything wrong with it and refuses to stop it, then why should she?

This is less about you having trust issues and more about your boyfriend's somewhat suspect behavior.
hazel

Florissant, MO

#5 Mar 14, 2011
I would check his text messages.

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Crazy

Florissant, MO

#6 Mar 14, 2011
How did she get his phone number anyway? Why would he give his number to some random female? I hate to be the one to break it to you, but there is more than a friendship going on here. I can speak from my own experience. If he is texting her late at night and first thing in the morning, and always respndong back... yeah, open your eyes. He is having an emotional affair, and eventually those turn into physical affairs. If he truly cared about how YOU felt, he would stop talking to her and stop all contact with her. YOU need to nip this in the bud. If you act as a doormat, you are forever embedding in his head that this kind of behavior is totally okay with you. Does he always keep his phone with him? Meaning will he ever put it down, and let you pick it up and look through it? If he freaks out when you go to grab his phone, even if it is not ringing, you have an answer.
Crazy

Florissant, MO

#7 Mar 14, 2011
Been through it.. even though it was an emotional affair, sometimes those are worse than the actual physical affairs. They make more of a connection. She needs to find out what the story really is here. Obviously, he is not going to outright tell her. It is a really crappy situation. Sorry OP.
Something fishy

Florissant, MO

#8 Mar 14, 2011
Something's fishy in Rhode Island and it's not the water. Your BF is involved with this other woman, even if it's just emotionally. An emotional affair can be more dangerous than a strictly sexual one. He may say that he's doing nothing wrong but he may assume that by not having sex (yet) it's OK. Not! The way that I look at it, and other situations like this, is if there's anything your SO is uncomfortable to say or do in front of you then he/she is doing something wrong. Another point of pure honesty here. All men think about what sex would be like with the woman they know, especially if they are close friends. Usually this is harmless until there is a situation such as yours. If it's every single coworker or woman on the street that's 100% normal. My husband is honest enough with me to admit that he sneaks peeks at other women's breast's if they are wearing something that shows them.(actually he says that ALL men do) I'm not bothered by this, he's a man. I look at at handsome men, I figure it's the same thing. Do you believe that men and women can really be friends and nothing will ever happen? I don't. Which is fine if the man is not in a committed relationship. What your SO is doing to you is disrespectful and he obviously doesn't care that this bothers you. That should tell you something right there. Personally I wouldn't put up with this type of crap. If he is willing to treat you this way while you're dating and living together then how will he treat you once you're married? Not better I assure you. I hate to be the voice of doom but I'd rather be honest and tell you now then for you to be hurt more deeply later. Good luck!
Tracy

Florissant, MO

#9 Mar 14, 2011
wow...I could have written this 9 months ago. Sweetie, your bf IS cheating on you with this woman. Take it from someone who's been there. Just pick up the pieces and go back to Arizona before you have more time invested with this man. He's playing you for a fool.
Havana

Florissant, MO

#10 Mar 14, 2011
I would just sit back and watch don't pressure him because that will play into "HER" hands for him to be comforted by her as he feels you do not trust him. Now on the same hand I wouldif you have a joint cell account call the service provider and ask for a copy of the texts as you are reviewing the bill and want to see the actual usage or something like that. Read the texts and see if it is innocent if not just sit him down and say Honey I love you and I do trust you but you have to understand that your behaviour dis respects our relationship. This person seems to be infatuated with you and you will have to make a choice either you stop her cold turkey or we can not get married and you will loose me forever you need to make that choice. Itis very hard but you have to put him on the spot without showing jealousy or emotions try to disconnect yourself and get your life straight first to be able to live without him once you are secure the rest is easier. I am sorry you are going through this I went through a cheating husband and then cheating BF I finally found a great guy from the midwest and he wonderful. There is the right person for everyone just keep your eyes fully open.
Americana

Florissant, MO

#11 Mar 14, 2011
Frankly, I don't think it's an issue of "trust." The BF is simply too involved with a person of the opposite sex for it to be appropriate in a live-in BF/GF situation that is supposed to be leading to marriage. Is he technically "cheating?" Maybe, maybe not. He is he having an "emotional affair" with this woman? Again, maybe. I don't think the answers to those questions really matter that much. The point is he is way too connected to her for it to be a case of mere friendship. A BF, even a live-in BF, is, or should be, "allowed" to have a female friend. But he should not be calling her every night, nor, on a regular basis, late at night. Nor should they be texting back and forth all day starting early in the morning. That shows there is way too much intimacy between the two of them for it to be acceptable to what is supposed to be his partner in a monogamous relationship.
Americana

Florissant, MO

#12 Mar 14, 2011
Still less would I be interested in playing some sort of elaborate game in which I pretended to befriend this woman, or pretended to not care about her relationship with BF, or whatever. The ultimate goal is not necessarily to keep the BF at any cost, but only to keep him if the relationship with him is worth having.



Gut feelings, as have been posted, can tell us a lot. My gut feeling here would be that BF doesn't really care that much about your feelings. Nor does he care as much as he should about his relationship with you. He must know how you feel, even without your prior history. Would he like it if you were doing all of this with another guy? I doubt it. Yet he thinks it's OK for him to do it with another girl. Why is that?



Also, I wouldn't put too much stock in the sex thing. He might be overcompensating for his lack of fidelity to you (whether physical or emotional), by having more, and more ardent, sex with you than before. This might assuage his feelings of guilt, or might be designed to confuse you.
Americana

Florissant, MO

#13 Mar 14, 2011
you should just tell him how all of this makes you feel, and tell him that if it doesn't stop you will have to re-evaluate your relationship with him.
Sugar

Florissant, MO

#14 Mar 14, 2011
he is cheating. its not fair to you
Lucky

Florissant, MO

#15 Mar 14, 2011
My husband's ex called him right after the wedding, not even knowing he was involved with someone else. No drama, just told her she shouldn't call anymore. It worked. Wonder why your man hasn't thought of that? Im just sayin.....
stern

Florissant, MO

#16 Mar 14, 2011
Gut feelings, as have been posted, can tell us a lot. My gut feeling here would be that BF doesn't really care that much about your feelings. Nor does he care as much as he should about his relationship with you. He must know how you feel, even without your prior history. Would he like it if you were doing all of this with another guy? I doubt it. Yet he thinks it's OK for him to do it with another girl. Why is that?
Playboy

Moberly, MO

#17 Mar 14, 2011
Concerned wrote:
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and 1/2 now. We recently moved from Arizona to Rhode Island. Shortly after we did he started speaking to a woman friend. It didn't bother me at first except that she would call him for every little thing. He calls her late at night and she texts him first thing in the morning and in the evening. I got her number and texted her telling her to leave us alone but she won't. She shortly thereafter changed her facebook relationship profile to complicated. Before my boyfriend I was married and my husband cheated on me. I have a lot of trust issues. I've asked my boyfriend to stop talking to her and to respect me wishes. He said he wanted to get married soon once we can afford it. I have asked him if there is anything going on and he repeatedly says no, I have nothing to worry about, he has no interest in this woman whatsoever. I asked him if he still wants to get married and he said yes. And with my ex husband our sex life became nonexistent. With my boyfriend it's still going strong and in some aspects has gotten better. I need help. One to know I'm not crazy for freaking out, and two, any idea how I can get this woman to leave our family alone.
He is realy interested in her or he wouldn't be obsesive about you asking him to stop no big deal right?If he hasn't already bonked her he would givin the chance.Tell him ether it's you or her but three is a croud make a choice or move on girl quit wasting your time & find someone who wants you & only you ok.
guest

Maryland Heights, MO

#18 Mar 14, 2011
listen ladies you can easily tell if your man is cheating on you. First off when your man never lays his cell phone down, he ALWAYS has it by his side like its a million bucks then he got something in his phone that his scared of you seeing, which is HE HAS BEEN CALLING ANOTHER WOMAN. Secondly when your man never want to have sex and alwyas saying that he's tired.. NO! LAdys he ass is not tired thats a sign that he is messing with someone else. And another thing is, when you question him about where have he been and then he YELLS at you, that letting you know that his GUILT is bothering him. And last but not least whenever you find out who this chick is that he hurtful cheated with you on... PLEASE LADYS BEAT THAT HO ASS.. It takes two to have sex and kick his sneaky cheating ass to the curb his a dog!! ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT.. Dont let your man sweet talk you and act like he's not cheating because he is. Get you a man thats going to love you and appreciate you
Playboy

Moberly, MO

#19 Mar 14, 2011
Yes,I'm a man & for once I agree with you guest.Just hope & pray he didn't bring home a special gift for you to tell your Dr about.If he quits wanting sex it's a good ideal to quit having it with him ok.Dogs get flees & sometimes rabies!
Guest

Seattle, WA

#20 Mar 15, 2011
Ask for his phone read everything. Have him put it on speaker when talking to her. If he erases msgs and wont put it on speaker he has something to hide.

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