It turns out the local authorities of Gallatin have designed a plan to improve the culture of their community. Sounds like a good thing, but as I investigated I discovered the diabolical scheme behind all this.
They hired a used car salesman name “Fast Eddie” to hold a seminar at the edge of the park. He sent out flyer’s to all the local neighborhoods with messages designed to attract the absolute stupidest of stupid. Sure enough, our buddy “Gallatin” showed up with bells on. Not only that, but he brought his local entourage of geniuses to share the experience.
Now the next part is almost unthinkable. There is a particular creek in Allen County that has extremely high levels of sulfur. It’s close to the Andrew Jackson Highway and I think the locals call it “Spit Creek” or something like that. Fast Eddie tells a story about this creek, claiming it has awesome magical powers. He goes on to explain how when the land around this creek was settled by pioneers in the 1800’s, they neglected to process the deed correctly. He went on to explain how in spring of this year the land would be up for grabs to the first ones who stake it out properly. He handed the eager group an orange stake, and wished them good journey.
“Gallatin” stopped by his cousin-siblings in Lafayette, rounded up even more reinforcements, and hauled some kind of trashy, 50’s “dome-trailer” up here to Allen County. They planted the stake, and parked the trailer right in the middle of the creek. Now they have all been rolling around, bathing in the creek, which has stirred the sulfur up even worse, which is the unusual odor I've smelled.
I don’t know how I’m going to handle this yet, but until I do I feel it is my duty to inform you of that which is most undesirable. Regretfully, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you…..
THE LEGION OF DUMB.