Jailhouse Comedian for Sheriff!!

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Since: Feb 13

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#1
Apr 19, 2013
 
It is with great passion I feel driven to embrace society with new enthusiasm, and lead toward a better direction. So as a service to you, the good people of Scottsville Topix, I do hereby announce my bid for Sheriff!
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As Sheriff I will support smaller government. In fact, I would move to place the entire city council on house arrest for the duration of their terms. This should free up the budget a good deal.
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Next, taxes must be paid but all (except me, my cabinet, and the Mennonites). I’ll still have to collect taxes from everyone, but I’m not going to be picky about how it’s paid. This new policy should open up some interesting prospects and I can’t wait to see what ideas you genius’s come up with. Please, no danged bananas. I hate bananas.
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Finally my favorite subject, CRIME must be addressed. As we all know, you’re only guilty if they catch you, so as your Sheriff I will promise to reduce crime in your community. Better get you some firearms, while they’re still on the market.
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Feel free to call us if you need anything. We’ll take calls all day and leave the answering machine on all night long for emergencies. None of that Harlem stuff, either.
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So on Election Day vote Jailhouse for Sheriff. Remember, a vote for Jailhouse is an investment in your future!
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ShaBanG_{:
FBC

Scottsville, KY

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#2
Apr 19, 2013
 
People Puleeeze! I think that maybe BB should run for Sheriff! What a great debate!
Alfred, what do you think, good Sir?

Since: Feb 13

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#3
Apr 19, 2013
 
FBC wrote:
People Puleeeze! I think that maybe BB should run for Sheriff! What a great debate!
Alfred, what do you think, good Sir?
Splendid idea FBC. I 'll see if I can talk him into it.
Alfred

Westmoreland, TN

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#4
Apr 19, 2013
 
He would defeat you in a landslide, Jailhouse, but I doubt he would commit to politics. We will see.
FBC

Scottsville, KY

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#5
Apr 20, 2013
 
Oh, where is Miss E Font when you need her...she'll calm this Comedian down and put him back in his place!

“Dark Bike Riding”

Since: Jan 13

Pedaling Against Crime

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#6
Apr 20, 2013
 
I knew he'd end up making a fool out if himself, but I just didn't know it would be this bad. Still, we need to keep an eye on him. Jailhouse is determined and resourceful. No matter what he's up to, you can bet he plans to prosper from it.
anonymous

Scottsville, KY

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#7
Apr 20, 2013
 
The Mennonites pay taxes, just the same as the rest of us. That false info. about them not, needs to stop.

“Dark Bike Riding”

Since: Jan 13

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#8
Apr 20, 2013
 

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anonymous wrote:
The Mennonites pay taxes, just the same as the rest of us. That false info. about them not, needs to stop.
See jailhouse? You've already lost a vote. You need to stay out of politics before you start a war.
tinponyrider

Scottsville, KY

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#9
Apr 20, 2013
 
anonymous wrote:
The Mennonites pay taxes, just the same as the rest of us. That false info. about them not, needs to stop.
Just saying that the majority of the Mennonites do not gross enough money to be required to even file a tax return, so in turn they do not pay taxes. There are many non Mennonites that always get back three fold more that the pay it. Hummm, so how else do they pay taxes other than state sales taxes on non food items?

Since: Jun 12

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#10
Apr 20, 2013
 

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This is interesting. I have been reading some post apocalyptic fiction and the small town sheriff always gets killed early on.

Since: Feb 13

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#11
Apr 20, 2013
 
Killed?!? AS IN DEAD?!?!!
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Shazingers! I'm not in it for this!
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For the love of crime, why didn't anyone tell me this before?
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Hey you know what? I've changed my mind. I think I'm getting out of this Sheriff's race before someone gets hurt.
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See you losers later_{:

“Dark Bike Riding”

Since: Jan 13

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#12
Apr 20, 2013
 
Oh no Jailhouse! It’s too late to chicken out now because I have on announcement to make;
We’re both running for Sheriff, and anyone else that wants to join in!!
Here’s how we’ll pull this off, anyone who wants to throw their hat in need only to let us know by Wednesday night. Someone can be nominated with a motion and second (ask if you need details).
Friday night I’ll post a poll with all the names on it and we’ll let the Scottsville Topix Community decide!
We’ll tally up the votes the following Tuesday night and the Winner will be announced Wednesday the 1st of May.
This week is an opportunity to sell your case, so let’s see what you have, and may the best crime-fighter win!

24 Apr 2013 – deadline to enter race
26 Apr 2013 – post poll – race begins
30 Apr 2013 – race ends, votes tallied
1 May 2013 – winner announced

“Dark Bike Riding”

Since: Jan 13

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#13
Apr 22, 2013
 
First of all I would like to thank the Allen County Sheriffs Department and all emergency organizations in Allen County. This isn't Boston, but if we ever have a tragedy like the one last week, these are the people we will be depending on and we should show them that they have our support.

Now, on to the election. As your new Sheriff I will strike fear into the hearts of criminals. A fat guy on bicycle dressed up like Batman coming at you is scary, I don't care how you break it down.

I will run an efficient department, maintaining a professional image and working hard for the people we serve. After hours we WILL shake it up. You can bet your booty on that.

I will strive to work with other government branches for the common good of the Scottsville Topix community. I believe in this town and look forward to better days with all of you.

So when it comes time to vote, remember me, and rest assured that the Bicycle Batman will not steer you wrong.
So says THE DARK BIKE

Since: Feb 13

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#14
Apr 22, 2013
 
Oh puh-lease!
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That is the corniest thing I've ever heard. The only job you'll get at the Sheriff's Department is washing the police cars out back!
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These people don't want a geek for Sheriff, they want someone that's going to bring change. I'll paint this town colors it hasn't seen before.
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Vote jailhouse!
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Law with a laugh_{:
FBC

Scottsville, KY

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#15
Apr 23, 2013
 

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Jailhouse, I'd just stick to clinging to the inside of those prison bars instead of trying to run them from the outside. Hee hee hee

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#16
Apr 23, 2013
 
Oh, I'll win this race because people like me. That and there's really no competition.
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Bat-bubbles for Sheriff makes about as much sense as putting training wheels on a skateboard. You're going to fall off anyway.
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Besides, I don't know why you're on his side. You feel so strong about this why don't you run yourself? Oh yeah, that's right, you a GIRL.
I guess that say's it all.
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I don't give tickets to friends, so remember to vote Jailhouse for Sheriff...
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or else_{:
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My name is Jailhouse Comedian and I approve this message_{:
FBC

Scottsville, KY

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#17
Apr 23, 2013
 
Well now, that is a good idea, Jailhouse but I like to stay in the background...and I'm already commited to working on Team BB. Campaigning is soooo time consuming. Alfred and I will be out and about knocking on doors, etc. etc. We might even come by and visit YOU...
Alfred

Westmoreland, TN

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#18
Apr 24, 2013
 
No other contestants to enter the race?
Friday we'll create a poll and see who would win the Scottsville Topix Sheriff's race. More entries would be welcome, I'm sure.

24 Apr 2013 – deadline to enter race
26 Apr 2013 – post poll – race begins
30 Apr 2013 – race ends, votes tallied
1 May 2013 – winner announced

Since: Sep 11

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#19
Apr 24, 2013
 

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I'm entering this race and I will challenge anyone to a drinking contest to be imeditily followed by a cage match.
Yours truly
Future Sherriff
PS: Bring it on
Alfred

Westmoreland, TN

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#20
Apr 24, 2013
 
Oustanding Mr. Primate! So this gives the participants a few days to make a good pitch to the community. Excellent! May we have a clean contest and may the best man (or beast) win!

P.S.- There is still time, until midnight tonight, to enter to race!!

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