Broken hearts, broken system

Broken hearts, broken system

There are 5 comments on the Newsday story from Jul 13, 2008, titled Broken hearts, broken system. In it, Newsday reports that:

Unlike in most states, during a divorce in NYone side must be deemed at fault, a rule that can add time, expense and anguish to the process This story was reported and written by KATIE THOMAS and staff writers ...

Join the discussion below, or Read more at Newsday.

D Peapol

Merrick, NY

#1 Jul 13, 2008
Not sure how old each of the writers at newsday are at covering NYS divorce lawas; also not sure if any have been divorced with kids, but I can say this: The current fault system saved my family!! My wife wanted a divorce becasue I was "no longer there" for her emotionally. I would not allow it becasue of my 2 children. I waited it out & showed her a ton of information on the downsides of destroying the family unit, etc. She later aggreed to join me in counseling which lasted for months. We have never been so happy before in our 11 year marriage. And most importantly, our children are happier too. Oh, and by the way, my wife did have an affair while she filed for divorce agauinst me 2 years ago & the lawyers couldn't do anything to protect the children & me (the innocent), but the current NYS laws did (as well as my patience & perseveriance)!!

I'm not much of a religious man, nor a counselor, but open lines of communication will help a failing relationship. If any laws are to be re-worked, then clarify the grounds, protect the innocent (children) & make sure the judges have done everything in their power to try & save the family unit, even if it means a year in counseling together & less award$ for the one in the marriage that is looking to destroy the bond/family.

D People - Suffolk County
The Divorce Coach

Mahwah, NJ

#2 Jul 13, 2008
The previous commentary is but one example of the THOUSANDS of cases in NY where UNILATERAL NO FAULT DIVORCE is not welcome by the PURCHASES/USERS/LITIGANTS of this system. This Unilateral no fault divorce, is welcomed and encouraged only by the Juudiciary, the lawyers and those litigants who seek to divorce their spouses for no reason other than they want out. Perhaps there is a paramour, perhaps there is a midlife crisis, perhaps they are just bored.

If someone has a valid reason to divorce, to breakup a family and cause massive destruction to children and interfamiliar relationships - they can using grounds under NY's current law.

If both parties do not wish to be married any longer, they can very simply with a 6-8 weeks uncontested divorce - no need for even court appearances.

The UNILATERAL NO FAULT DIVORCE proposed only benefits those who have no grounds to end their marriage and the Judiciary and Attorneys who do not wish to hear the drama of peoples lives.

If you will notice with Christy Brinkleys recent divorce - grounds were litigated and BECAUSE of Peter Cooks wrong doing or rather THE EMBARRASEMENT TO HIM - he settled. Instead of Ms. Brinkly having to pay her philandering husband, whose sexual exploits might have given her a sexually transmitted disease, millions more dollars, she only had to pay him $2.5 million - yes, he did the wrong and in NY, you get to pay the person who did the harm.

So, rather than report on the fabrication that UNILATERAL NO FAULT DIVORCE is a good thing - perhaps report on the truth of the state of litigants in the Matrimonial System.

Perhaps Newsday might have spent any amount of coverage as the other papers did on the trial of former Judge Garson from Brooklyn who now resides in prison for fixing divoce cases.

A few of those case in front of Garson, were Long Island people - perhaps ask them if Unilateral No Fault is a good idea.
excuse me

Holbrook, NY

#3 Jul 13, 2008
D Peapol wrote:
Not sure how old each of the writers at newsday are at covering NYS divorce lawas; also not sure if any have been divorced with kids, but I can say this: The current fault system saved my family!! My wife wanted a divorce becasue I was "no longer there" for her emotionally. I would not allow it becasue of my 2 children. I waited it out & showed her a ton of information on the downsides of destroying the family unit, etc. She later aggreed to join me in counseling which lasted for months. We have never been so happy before in our 11 year marriage. And most importantly, our children are happier too. Oh, and by the way, my wife did have an affair while she filed for divorce agauinst me 2 years ago & the lawyers couldn't do anything to protect the children & me (the innocent), but the current NYS laws did (as well as my patience & perseveriance)!!
I'm not much of a religious man, nor a counselor, but open lines of communication will help a failing relationship. If any laws are to be re-worked, then clarify the grounds, protect the innocent (children) & make sure the judges have done everything in their power to try & save the family unit, even if it means a year in counseling together & less award$ for the one in the marriage that is looking to destroy the bond/family.
D People - Suffolk County
Open lines of communication would be great - provided both parties are SOBER and emotionally present. If one party has a drinking problem and cannot admit it then how can people stay together if that person comes home drunk and menacing? It would be great to keep the family together but it is not always possible because no relationship is going to be better than BOTH parties are willing to make it. I definately recommend therapy but there is no point if one or both parties are under the influence of substances.
Never quit trying

New York, NY

#4 Jul 14, 2008
Excuse me, Excuse Me, but you should have tried harder to get him sober. I hung in there & fought for 3 years & finally got through to my husband. Life is now good!! My children may have seen worse in the unknown future & my husband who I love could have killed himself. Sorry you couldn't make it work.

I agree with D-Peapol!!
Mary Richmond

Albany, NY

#5 Jul 17, 2008
If we were to understand that >50% of marriages end in divorce, it would take several years before any one couple would be seen in the hollow halls of family court. Typical divorcing couples settle outside of the court system.(This could be understood as No-fault divorce, where both parties agree to a reasonable settlement, including custody.)

The majority of those couples who find themselves in Family Court are there for a reason. If a couple enters the system with a family offence petition, protective orders and issues with child protective services (CPS) than, accountability would be an appropriate response. Unlike the criminal system, there is no presumption that a crime has been committed. Coercive control and emotional abuse does not rise to a level of a crime. Family Court often does little or nothing to hold these perpetrators accountable. Infact, instead the rewards, including custody, are given to the person who has the most capital, often the man, irregardless of the facts in the case. The system of family law is ripe for unethical and unscrupulous practice. No-fault divorce law would legitimize the poor practice of those lawyers and judges who have been profiting from victims for years.

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