Bristol, VA

#1 Dec 12, 2012
I have a mass inside my right testicle and according to the Doctor there is a 90% chance that this mass is cancer.


It's a lot more frightening than it sounds and as someone currently strapped into this weird ride through cancer land I can tell you that though the experience is not one I would necessarily buy tickets for I've certainly experienced far more dreadful things. For example the time I got crabs from a Mcdonald's cashier or the time my dog died when I was 12.

OK that's bullshit. It actually is one of the most intense and bizarre things I have ever experienced and my mind is still in the process of making sense of the fact that next Wednesday one of my testicles will be sliced into pieces, examined by oncologists, and thrown into a dumpster. That's weird.

The truth is that I've never paid much attention to my balls. outside of occasionally horrifying myself by holding a hand mirror near them they've been something that I've intentionally ignored for most of my life. Last month when I noticed that one of them was bigger than the other I ignored it because I figured it would get through whatever it was going through and return to it's regular size.

It didn't.

So two days ago I went to a physician to get a physical and upon feeling my swollen testicle he immediately sent me to a urologist who gave me an ultrasound and immediately scheduled a ball snipping for this upcoming Tuesday morning. The procedure takes one hour and they put you into some kind of sedated state called "twilight" I'm quite looking forward to this and I'm going to see if they'll let me take a recorder in to document the experience. I'm pretty sure they won't.

The good news is that this particular form of cancer, if this is what I have, is the most treatable. There is a 90% cure rate if it hasn't spread and an 80% cure rate if it has. So if some asshole was making you pick which cancer you wanted this would be at the top of the wish list.

There are three certainties in life: old age, disease, and death. These things are as natural and normal as the sun coming up but our culture treats them like a malformed incest child born in some manor in the 1800's. We shove them deep into our cultural basement and act shocked and terrified when they inevitable manage to break down the door and limp through our evening parties.

So please don't stress out about this. I will gladly receive your prayers, positive energy, and love blasts but the last thing I need is for this temporary bump in the road to send fear waves through anyone. This shit is unfortunate but par for the course if you happen to be consciousness trapped inside of meat. The cool thing is that In less than a week I will be a testicular cyclops floating on a nice narcotic ocean with a brand new scar and hopefully some new information that I can share with you guys
classy lady

Knoxville, TN

#2 Dec 12, 2012
I wil be praying for you. I don't know you but God does.

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