White men! Date a woman with bi-racial kids?

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LadyDtoosweet

New York, NY

#1 May 2, 2011
* PLEASE DO NOT TURN THIS INTO A RACIAL BLACK VS. WHITE THREAD!! That is not my intent and PLEASE save any racist remarks for someone else. i deal enough with that on a daily basis.*

Hello all, I am new to this board and thought I would start a thread of my own after reading various opinions on other websites after googling "will white guys date a woman with bi-racial kids". My brief background: I am white, 35 years old. Recently divorced (husband was black). Have 3 bi-racial (BEAUTIFUL) kids; ages 16, 12, and 8.

I had a friend I worked with several years back. He knew I had kids but didn’t know they were bi-racial. Well once I got divorced, our friendship quickly went to more and eventually we were very close and in love, practically engaged.

Well the more he came around the house and spent time with me AND my kids he started acting strange. One day he told me that most white guys have a huge problem dating white girls that have been with black guys, especially those women that have children with the black guy. He told me that in white guy world is considered "cleaning up a black guys mess".

I couldn’t quite come to terms with that because if my kids were white why wouldn’t he be "cleaning up a white guys mess" if they are indeed cleaning up someones mess? He told me it's an issue because white guys can't go in public with my kids and atleast pretend they are his kids because they clearly aren't.

Needless to say, this caused a lot of problems. Through all of this, he always worded it as " other white guys think this way ". He always made it clear HE doesn't feel that way, it's just the general consensus with white guys.

Well after a while it became clear he DID feel that way and I couldn't take it anymore and we eventually broke up. He has made a few attempts to come back into my life, but I just can't allow it because he didn't only hurt me with his actions, but he hurt my babies.

I do love him alot, and I have no doubt he loves me... but I just don't think he will ever be able to fully 100% accept my kids' skin color, which breaks my heart. He was generally very good with my kids. Never treated them unfairly and certainly never gave them any notion that he had a problem with their skin color. He tried to keep it to himself but after a while it got more difficult for him and became more obvious.

I really just want to get some opinions here of some real men and how they feel about dating a white woman with bi-racial kids? Just as an FYI, I am not one of those girls that thinks she is black and tries to be or talk black. I am the most valley white girl most will ever come across. Not to sound snotty, but just to weed it out, I am attractive and it's not one of those "big girl" things either. They are always shocked to learn my babies are bi-racial. So it's not an issue of I think or want to be black. I would just like to know if I am wasting my time in thinking my options are open when it comes to dating any race. Or am I safer to just realize my situation is what it is and don't even look a white mans way because he will turn away once he finds out I was married to a black guy and my kids are black?
alzheimer granny

Ukiah, CA

#2 May 3, 2011
Lady... Your Kids come 1st. Keep that in mind and you can't go wrong. Whoever he is needs to know your children are part of you and you are a package deal. If that's not good for him, he's not good for You. Anyone thinking they are cleaning up your ex's mess is absolutely unacceptable. Good Luck to you.
Blow

Syracuse, UT

#3 May 4, 2011
Some white guys like being in a "cuck" situation. You may find some white dude who would love to clean up after a BBC bull has had his way with you.

But then again. You had the kids. Deal with them first before you indulge in your "selfish" needs of finding a man.
ThomasA

Gadsden, AL

#4 May 11, 2011
Any man you date will have the question in the back of his mind of what made you hook up with a person of another race in the first place. Was it revenge against your parents,your upbringing,an attempt to show the world what you could do, or maybe the lie that "have my babies and I will love and stay with you and take care of you" yea, right. Since there are children involved, your new man will have to deal with the old "Mr. Right" and family from the other side. Visitation,child support,college money and split family rules and regulations with teenagers will be a problem that will be hard to deal with. Are you going to raise the children as Blacks or look for someone to take the tokens in to turn them into White acting Black kids? Bringing Mulatto kids into the world has it's problems when your man bursts your bubble. Yep, riding down your street,people can say: " There's the Jones,the Smiths,the Wilsons,the Adams, and oh yes,the Oreos". I'm not picking on the kids. They can't be blamed for their parent's indiscretions.
Blow

Syracuse, UT

#5 May 12, 2011
"Yep, riding down your street,people can say: " There's the Jones,the Smiths,the Wilsons,the Adams, and oh yes,the Oreos".

If you are in Europe, they'll call them "Zebras".

“Im just a real good guy”

Since: Mar 11

Freesport La

#6 May 12, 2011
I know of a similiar situation that's working fine the saying is "love overcomes many obstacles" applies
here.If there is true love in the relationship it will work
LadyDtoosweet

New York, NY

#7 May 12, 2011
ThomasA wrote:
Any man you date will have the question in the back of his mind of what made you hook up with a person of another race in the first place. Was it revenge against your parents,your upbringing,an attempt to show the world what you could do, or maybe the lie that "have my babies and I will love and stay with you and take care of you" yea, right. Since there are children involved, your new man will have to deal with the old "Mr. Right" and family from the other side. Visitation,child support,college money and split family rules and regulations with teenagers will be a problem that will be hard to deal with. Are you going to raise the children as Blacks or look for someone to take the tokens in to turn them into White acting Black kids? Bringing Mulatto kids into the world has it's problems when your man bursts your bubble. Yep, riding down your street,people can say: " There's the Jones,the Smiths,the Wilsons,the Adams, and oh yes,the Oreos". I'm not picking on the kids. They can't be blamed for their parent's indiscretions.
WOW .. some very ignorant racist responses. I should have known most of the responses would come from the guys that are insecure and fear the old tale of the black man. And usually, those are the ones with the smallest d*cks that believe that stuff-- so go on with your "little" racist ignorant selves! I will find a man that loves me and my kids no matter what color he is and he will be man enough and secure in himself to not think twice about the color of my kids.
BoBEngland

Green Bay, WI

#8 May 12, 2011
LadyDtoosweet wrote:
<quoted text>
WOW .. some very ignorant racist responses. I should have known most of the responses would come from the guys that are insecure and fear the old tale of the black man. And usually, those are the ones with the smallest d*cks that believe that stuff-- so go on with your "little" racist ignorant selves! I will find a man that loves me and my kids no matter what color he is and he will be man enough and secure in himself to not think twice about the color of my kids.
Good luck Jiggar lover. I feel sorry for your future rap star gang banger kids.
ThomasA

Gadsden, AL

#9 May 12, 2011
LadyDtoosweet wrote:
<quoted text>
WOW .. some very ignorant racist responses. I should have known most of the responses would come from the guys that are insecure and fear the old tale of the black man. And usually, those are the ones with the smallest d*cks that believe that stuff-- so go on with your "little" racist ignorant selves! I will find a man that loves me and my kids no matter what color he is and he will be man enough and secure in himself to not think twice about the color of my kids.
And will your second choice work out as well as the first? These comments were not intended to be "racist" but just pointing out the situation you have caused yourself and your children . There will be others there at the trailer park that will enjoy the thrill of the chase and the eight second ride. Did you get your child support x three this month?
peace and love

West Branch, MI

#10 May 15, 2011
Bobengland..........are you serious? Blow..........zebras? What is with the harsh comments? What's wrong with biracial people and mixed couples? We are all different, what's wrong with being two different races and being together? Why is that bad?
peace and love

West Branch, MI

#11 May 15, 2011
BoBEngland wrote:
<quoted text>Good luck Jiggar lover. I feel sorry for your future rap star gang banger kids.
What makes you feel this way?
ThomasA

Gadsden, AL

#12 May 15, 2011
peace and love wrote:
Bobengland..........are you serious? Blow..........zebras? What is with the harsh comments? What's wrong with biracial people and mixed couples? We are all different, what's wrong with being two different races and being together? Why is that bad?
Nothing wrong with being together but think twice about having children. Are they Black or White? Officially they are mulatto and even with all the social progress American society has gone through,the public just has not quite got used to the idea yet. Your children will start life dragging a big anchor behind them. And true to form, your man is gone and left you and probally starting another menagerie somewhere else. Your bunch will be far down the totem pole.
Blow

Ogden, UT

#13 May 18, 2011
peace and love wrote:
Bobengland..........are you serious? Blow..........zebras? What is with the harsh comments? What's wrong with biracial people and mixed couples? We are all different, what's wrong with being two different races and being together? Why is that bad?
Hey. I said that is what they said in Europe, not me. Heard it first when I was stationed over in Europe. I think Europeans have a higher tolerance for "diverse" people than the predominant group in Utah does.

The woman should be sure of herself and raise her kids the best she can. However, due to the choices she made (father of the children), she made the choice for them to be teased and ostracized by the ignorant morons that exist in the world. Truth be told.
BoBEngland

Green Bay, WI

#15 May 19, 2011
peace and love wrote:
<quoted text>
What makes you feel this way?
Prison, Detroit, Philly, Baltimore, Houston, Chicago,drug dealers on the corner, rap music, NBA, NFL, the first 48, affirmative action, the urban dictionary, bullets flying in the city, it's the white mans fault, ACORN, Rev. Wright,ect....
GoddessMe

Norcross, GA

#16 Jun 23, 2011
There will always be people out there that will be ok with unusual situations. So yes, if you want a white man then you will be able to find one. However, you can see by the other comments you've had that there will also be a lot of men who will be insecure. This happens in the black community also. If an Afican American woman has biracial children, some Black men will have a problem dating her. But there are always exceptions. Good Luck
ThomasA

Jacksonville, AL

#17 Jun 24, 2011
GoddessMe wrote:
There will always be people out there that will be ok with unusual situations. So yes, if you want a white man then you will be able to find one. However, you can see by the other comments you've had that there will also be a lot of men who will be insecure. This happens in the black community also. If an Afican American woman has biracial children, some Black men will have a problem dating her. But there are always exceptions. Good Luck
You are on track. Having the extra heavy baggage will take a special person to accept and put up with social pressures from his community and family. It's no different than when American soldiers brought home war brides from Germany,France,Korea, and Viet Nam. Were they wrong?
Roark

Newark, NJ

#18 Jun 24, 2011
Blow wrote:
"Yep, riding down your street,people can say: " There's the Jones,the Smiths,the Wilsons,the Adams, and oh yes,the Oreos".
If you are in Europe, they'll call them "Zebras".
Nothing like tolerant morons/mormons. However your cult is also a racist cult.
David

Adrian, MI

#19 Jul 13, 2011
Ok here is the bottom line, and it's very simple. "White man's world" where he has all these issues is nothing more than a continuation of the rediculous shame he feels when other white people judge him for not staying "white".

That's what this stuff always comes down to. White peer pressure. It's just like regular peer pressure except it has that extra sense of being regarded as "unworthy" by other whites. And he values his worth in comparison to what white society and other whites think of him.

That is a form of low self esteem, which is why I always say that white prejudice is always ALWAYS a cover for white low self esteem. Whether it be by feeling insecure compared to a black man, or insecure about what other white people will think.
LadyDtoosweet wrote:
* PLEASE DO NOT TURN THIS INTO A RACIAL BLACK VS. WHITE THREAD!! That is not my intent and PLEASE save any racist remarks for someone else. i deal enough with that on a daily basis.*
Hello all, I am new to this board and thought I would start a thread of my own after reading various opinions on other websites after googling "will white guys date a woman with bi-racial kids". My brief background: I am white, 35 years old. Recently divorced (husband was black). Have 3 bi-racial (BEAUTIFUL) kids; ages 16, 12, and 8.
I had a friend I worked with several years back. He knew I had kids but didn’t know they were bi-racial. Well once I got divorced, our friendship quickly went to more and eventually we were very close and in love, practically engaged.
Well the more he came around the house and spent time with me AND my kids he started acting strange. One day he told me that most white guys have a huge problem dating white girls that have been with black guys, especially those women that have children with the black guy. He told me that in white guy world is considered "cleaning up a black guys mess".
I couldn’t quite come to terms with that because if my kids were white why wouldn’t he be "cleaning up a white guys mess" if they are indeed cleaning up someones mess? He told me it's an issue because white guys can't go in public with my kids and atleast pretend they are his kids because they clearly aren't.
Needless to say, this caused a lot of problems. Through all of this, he always worded it as " other white guys think this way ". He always made it clear HE doesn't feel that way, it's just the general consensus with white guys.
Well after a while it became clear he DID feel that way and I couldn't take it anymore and we eventually broke up. He has made a few attempts to come back into my life, but I just can't allow it because he didn't only hurt me with his actions, but he hurt my babies.
I do love him alot, and I have no doubt he loves me... but I just don't think he will ever be able to fully 100% accept my kids' skin color, which breaks my heart. He was generally very good with my kids. Never treated them unfairly and certainly never gave them any notion that he had a problem with their skin color. He tried to keep it to himself but after a while it got more difficult for him and became more obvious.
I really just want to get some opinions here of some real men and how they feel about dating a white woman with bi-racial kids? Just as an FYI, I am not one of those girls that thinks she is black and tries to be or talk black. I am the most valley white girl most will ever come across. Not to sound snotty, but just to weed it out, I am attractive and it's not one of those "big girl" things either. They are always shocked to learn my babies are bi-racial. So it's not an issue of I think or want to be black. I would just like to know if I am wasting my time in thinking my options are open when it comes to dating any race. Or am I safer to just realize my situation is what it is and don't even look a white mans way because he will turn away once he finds out I was married to a black guy and my kids are black?
David

Adrian, MI

#20 Jul 13, 2011
And the level of comments tell you something else.

The white race, and a lot of white people have a long way to go until they come to a mature level of truly judging people for more than what they look like.

That goes right back again to the heart of the matter. Your boyfriend is afraid of these ignorant people, like the ones posting in this thread... instead of standing up for himself and telling these bums to go f themselves.
CRASSUS

Green Bay, WI

#21 Jul 14, 2011
David wrote:
And the level of comments tell you something else.
The white race, and a lot of white people have a long way to go until they come to a mature level of truly judging people for more than what they look like.
That goes right back again to the heart of the matter. Your boyfriend is afraid of these ignorant people, like the ones posting in this thread... instead of standing up for himself and telling these bums to go f themselves.
Hey David. Go F yourself!

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