Things that are NOT to be said to Adoptees
Posted in the Rosenberg Forum
#1 Oct 24, 2009
Things Not To Say
Things that are NOT to be Said to Adoptees:
1. You're special because you're adopted.
2. You were chosen.
3. Your mother loved you so much that she gave you up.
4. You're lucky.
5. It doesn't matter.
6. You shouldn't be angry.
7. You shouldn't be sad.
8. You should be careful what you ask for -- you might get it.
9. By finding her, you're invading her life.
10. Why are you interested in someone who didn't want you ?
11. Why do you want to find someone you didn't ever know?
12. Ever since you started searching you have become obsessed.
13....but your adoptive parents love(d) you so much.
14....but you're hurting your adoptive parents
15. Babies don't remember anything.
16. You're being ungrateful!
17. You have no respect for your adoptive parents.
18. Get over it!
19. If she loved you, she wouldn't have given you away.
20. You're being over sensititve
21. Forget it and get on with your life.
22. Why would you want to find her?
23. It's the past, you can't change it.
24. You have no right to disturb her life.
25....but your adoptive parents really wanted you.
26....What's wrong? Weren't your adoptive parents good enough?
27. You're being selfish and disrespectful!
28. Didn't your parents do a good enough job?
29. How many mothers do you need?
30. Oh...you're one of them?
31. You adopted children should respect her privacy.
32....but you look like you come from such a good family.
33....but you don't look adopted.
34. Well, maybe that's the way it was meant to be.
35. If she didn't want you then, why would she want you now. You'll get rejected.
36. You might be opening Pandora's Box
37. You don't need to know
38. Your grandmother (grandfather, aunt, uncle, other family member, etc.) doesn't consider you "family" because you're not blood-related.
39. Ohh, your so lucky you could be someones love child.
40. What's it like being adopted?
41. You don't look like your family, are you adopted or something?
42. Get over it!
#2 Oct 24, 2009
Things that are NOT to be Said to Exiled Mothers
<>1. Forget about it (your baby) and get on with your life. My response was always, she is my life.
2. Leave well enough alone, s/he has another family now.
3. You did the right thing.
4. You will destroy/disrupt her/his life if you make contact.
5. You would have been unable to provide for your child.
6. It was better for the baby to have two parents.
7. Let sleeping dogs lie.
8. She has her own family now.
9. But you've had other children and you should be happy now.
10. Why don't you just let it go?
11. She was better off.
12. It's water over the bridge now.
13. If she needs you she'll come searching for you. You should'nt search for her!
14. You made the decision and you can't change your mind.
15. But you're not really her mother.
16. That was a long time ago. What's the matter with you?
17. She's turned out to be a nice person, so you should be grateful.
18. I don't know how you could do it... I could never give up my child.
19. If you really love her you will give her up, otherwise you are selfish.
20. No one will ever want to marry you with someone else's child.
21. There is no way you can work and care for your child properly. She will have to spend most of the day with a babysitter!!
22. Don't get too attached to the baby.
23. You're so lucky they send you pictures.
24. That's so nice of them to let you see him.
25. Aren't they afraid you're going to take her back?
26. How could you give away such a beautiful child?
27. You're confusing them by staying in their life.
28. What a wonderful gift you gave them (the adoptive parents).
29. Tell people to say that their child died.
30. You ae not the father you are just the sperm donor..
31. You have no right to be in his life anymore you have relinquished all rights
as a parent, no wonder his family feels so threatened.
32. I know how you feel.
33. It's not like you can't have other children.
34. At least he will be loved now.
35. "Thank you for giving me your daughter." She was NOT a gift!
Your joy was based upon my pain. Don't thank me for that!
36. You should be grateful he/she even speaks to you.
37. When she's crying on his birthday:"This is the price you pay for sin."
38. Get over it!
Things that are NOT to be Said to People Who Adopt:
1. How much did she/he cost?
2. Why did you go and adopt--couldn't you have your "own" child?
3. Did you buy that baby?
4. Maybe now that you adopted, you'll have "your own" child.
5. She/He looks nothing like either of you.
6. What are you going to do when she/he looks for their birthparent?
7. Do you know her/his "real" parents?
8. I sure hope he/she fits into your family!
9. Why didn't his/her real mom want him/her?
10. Don't even tell him/her they are adopted, they'll never know.
11. Too bad you had to adopt!
12. Whose fault is it you can't get pregnant?
13. You're doing these kids such a favor.
14. S/he is so lucky to have your family instead of his/her own.
15. An older child is damaged goods .
16. She's your daughter?
17. What about your own kids? What do they think about this?
18. She might come from a cursed background.
19. What are you going to do when you have kids of your own?
20. Do you think you love them as much as you could love your real kids?
21. You got kids the easy way you never even had to be pregnant.
22. What if the real parents come back and kidnap them?
If you have any suggestions to add to the listsor if you know any good ways to respond when someone says these things or if you have any comments, please e-mail us at [email protected]
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