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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Feb 11, 2013
DEAR ABBY: Valentine's Day is approaching, and I wanted to write concerning those of us who are single by choice, by circumstance, because of the death of a spouse or divorce.

This holiday was set aside to celebrate love and lovers, but it can be a lonely time for people who find themselves without a significant other. Valentine's Day is so commercialized that one is bombarded by ads for gifts, candy, etc., from every angle, which only enforces one's aloneness. The message is subtly sent -- but received loud and clear -- that an individual without a partner is worthless.

I would like to urge your readers this year to include those who are alone through divorce or widowhood in their celebration of this day. Make it a day on which they too can feel special, loved, and a part of things rather than isolated, forgotten and alone.

And don't stop there. All holidays can be lonely for those who have lost loved ones. Include these people in your holiday plans. You will be blessed by sharing, and they will be uplifted to know someone cares.-- SOLO IN TEXAS

DEAR SOLO: Thank you for your letter. Readers, if you're feeling down because you don't have a special valentine, the surest cure for the blues is to do something for someone else. Call someone who's alone to say, "I'm thinking about you."

If you know someone who's in a nursing home, take some flowers. Put your discarded items in a box and call your favorite charity. Donate some blood. Listen to your teenager. Tell your parents you think they're great. Forgive an enemy. Send a donation to a food program that benefits the needy.

And if you love someone, tell him or her now; please don't wait until next Valentine's Day to be a sweetheart again.

DEAR ABBY: I have had an embarrassing problem ever since grammar school. I bite my nails and cuticles until they bleed. If the pain is severe, or I see a piece of cuticle hanging, I stop until it heals. But then I start up again. How can quit this ugly habit?-- MANIC IN GRANDVIEW, MO.

DEAR MANIC: You have a problem that I'm told is shared by one in 12 adults. There is more than one solution for it, and the common denominator in all of them is motivation. Some helpful suggestions submitted by readers in years past:

(1) "What helped me to finally stop at age 45 was that I sat down and tried to figure out why I kept biting my nails. I finally realized it was because I couldn't stand the feel of a rough nail catching on the fabric of my clothing.

"Now I keep emery boards, from coarse to fine, beside my favorite chair, in my purse, in my glove compartment and by my bed. If I feel a snag, I immediately smooth the offending nail. It has eliminated my need to bite."

(2) "My high school teacher included some interesting lessons in personal hygiene in his biology class. One day, he asked us to scrape under our fingernails and look at what we removed under a microscope. Seeing face to face what had collected under there was enough to stop me from biting my nails. I haven't chewed them in nearly 30 years."

(3) "What stopped me was a job I landed as a teenager. I became an usher at a movie theater. My job required wearing a uniform, including white gloves. Not long after I landed the job, I noticed I had nice nails. The gloves were what did it."

(4) "Finally, when I was in my 30s, I asked my doctor to suggest a cure. He talked to me about obsessive-compulsive disorder and prescribed a low dose of a very safe drug used by people with O.C.D. In three weeks my nail-biting stopped for good."

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#2 Feb 11, 2013
1 So, why not do this on every holiday?

2 It's a habit just like any other. 4 solutions? Abby you are a super genius.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 Feb 11, 2013
1 Oh cry me a river! Lets just do away with the holiday altogether since it hurts the single persons feelings...Boo hoo! Lets get rid of all the other holidays too since christmas leave out wickens and quanza leave out everyone.

2 Bitter apple, spray it on your fingers and you will stop putting them in your mouth.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#4 Feb 11, 2013
LW1: "The message is subtly sent -- but received loud and clear -- that an individual without a partner is worthless."
That's the message you get? You must be looking real hard, cause I don't get that message at all. The message I get is "alright suckers. Time for the holiday we created in toderto sell more cards and candy. Bust out the wallet if you expect to get some lovin."

"I would like to urge your readers this year to include those who are alone through divorce or widowhood in their celebration of this day. Make it a day on which they too can feel special, loved, and a part of things rather than isolated, forgotten and alone."
You want me to take them out to a romatic dinner with me and my wife? I thihnk that might ruin the mood or should I only apply this rule to divorcees who are into threesomes?

LW2: Wow. I can't believe so many losers had to write about this. And I can't believe she did the research to find those letters
PEllen

Chicago, IL

#5 Feb 11, 2013
RACE wrote:
1 Oh cry me a river! Lets just do away with the holiday altogether since it hurts the single persons feelings...Boo hoo! Lets get rid of all the other holidays too since christmas leave out wickens and quanza leave out everyone.
2 Bitter apple, spray it on your fingers and you will stop putting them in your mouth.
I bit my nails from age 3 or 4 until late December 1976. On December 5 my husband and I decided to separate. Two weeks later I realized I needed a manicure. Never did figure out the connection between the two events and me and my shrink did work on that one at teh time.Haven't bit them since.
I shall not regale you with the 1950's strategies my mother and grandmother used on me to get me to quit- unsuccessfully.

In the fullness of time, etc etc
PEllen

Chicago, IL

#6 Feb 11, 2013
I am married to the least romantic male on the planet.No amount of hinting makes a dent. If I have to as outright for a Valentine, it takes away the charm
NBD- we will be married 29 years next week.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#7 Feb 11, 2013
L1: "I would like to urge your readers this year to include those who are alone through divorce or widowhood in their celebration of this day" What? No. that's as out of line wit the meaning of theholiday as sending flowers to your mother-in-law.

L2: I quit biting my nails cold turkey the summer of 2001. Then 9/11 happened, and i bit them again the following week. But not since then! What got me to stop? A sweet boyfriend LOVED having his back scratched -- very soothing to him. He said he even paid his younger siblings when he was a kid to scratch his back for him. He asked me to stop biting so I could scratch his back, so I did. I don't know why it was that simple to stop.
cjzag

San Jose, CA

#8 Feb 11, 2013
L1: Oh for goodness sake!! Actually I think someone lonely being "included" on VD would only make them feel worse and make them realize they are the recipient of someone's pity. No thanks.

L2: Bribery!! That's what worked for me. My cousin paid me for every nail that grew enough to be visible from the palm side. Worked a treat :)

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#9 Feb 11, 2013
LW1: Stopped reading at Valentine's Day.

LW2: Hmm, one would think that there are as many ways to quit as people who bite their nails.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#10 Feb 11, 2013
L1: "The message is subtly sent -- but received loud and clear -- that an individual without a partner is worthless." Seriously? Grow up. Make your own plans.

L2: Ha! So timely for me. I bit mine as a kid until a teenager and then started back up this summer with a vengance. I think it was the stress of the Java class plus trying to get my SIL packed and squared away at school.

I'm going to Texas for a girls' weekend in 2.5 weeks and I want them to look nice by then, so I started painting them with clear polish last week. Works like a charm.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#11 Feb 11, 2013
L1: If I start sounding like this, please guys... be gentle but honest with me.

L2: I bit my nails as a kid and quit cold turkey when I was around 14, had one relapse and then quit again. Now I bite the skin around my nails sometimes. If I catch myself, I stop, but I mostly do it while watching TV when my hands aren't DOING anything.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

#12 Feb 11, 2013
cjzag wrote:
L1: Oh for goodness sake!! Actually I think someone lonely being "included" on VD would only make them feel worse and make them realize they are the recipient of someone's pity. No thanks.
L2: Bribery!! That's what worked for me. My cousin paid me for every nail that grew enough to be visible from the palm side. Worked a treat :)
Well if VD stands for v enereal d isease, then you are right on point.
Sam I Am

Nashville, TN

#13 Feb 11, 2013
1. Oh do be quiet. Maybe if you weren't a permanent guest at your perpetual pity party, people would invite you out more. Get out there and get in the game instead of waiting on everyone to drag you along.

2. Find something else to put in your mouth.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#14 Feb 11, 2013
L1: It's a choice people. You don't have to include anyone. I never really cared about Valentine's Day. But does it hurt to send a niece or a nephew a card? A friend or relative who you know feels a bit left out? Just b/c it doesn't bother me doesn't mean it doesn't bother someone else.

And jwm, you don't sound threatened or desperate -- you have a relationship that recently ended. It's normal to be sad about things you would have done that now won't happen. But oh, the plans you can make now and the possibilities are endless!!

L2: Well, there you go. Even more from the peanut gallery. This LW should be set.

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#15 Feb 11, 2013
PEllen wrote:
I am married to the least romantic male on the planet.No amount of hinting makes a dent. If I have to as outright for a Valentine, it takes away the charm
NBD- we will be married 29 years next week.
I'm married to one of the most romantic men I know, but we both despise the commercialized holidays. Neither of us was much on them before we met, and my years in a Hallmark Shop just intensified it for both of us. Screw commercial holidays.
There are many romantic gestures/actions throughout the year, not on the day stores decide we should buy a crapload of stuff. We ignore them, and our 27th is coming up this spring. We celebrate our own special occasions in our own ways.

Happy Anniversary PEllen!

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Garden City, MI

#16 Feb 11, 2013
1- Dammit, Jammers.

2- Take up smoking.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#17 Feb 11, 2013
Toj wrote:
And jwm, you don't sound threatened or desperate -- you have a relationship that recently ended. It's normal to be sad about things you would have done that now won't happen. But oh, the plans you can make now and the possibilities are endless!!
Heh. As of a few minutes ago, my V-Day plans are set - I'm seeing the counselor I found for the first time.
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#18 Feb 11, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
LW1: "The message is subtly sent -- but received loud and clear -- that an individual without a partner is worthless."
That's the message you get? You must be looking real hard, cause I don't get that message at all. The message I get is "alright suckers. Time for the holiday we created in toderto sell more cards and candy. Bust out the wallet if you expect to get some lovin."
That's the message I get, too. If you go out for dinner, expect all of the good restaurants to be crowded and the prices doubled. Valentine's day is a Hallmark holiday, invented to separate you from your hard-earned cash. If you love someone, you can show them any day of the year.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#19 Feb 11, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
1- Dammit, Jammers.
It wasn't me, I promise!

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#20 Feb 11, 2013
I'm saving myself for Carolyn Hax.

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