"Selfish, Hostile, and Standoffish"... Not so fast! New laws have just been passed by our dear Tea Party leader governor, and a few of them are as follows;
(1) No person shall interact with any person not part of his/her immediate family in any public place.
(2) No single/lone person shall enter upon, or approach within less than 1,000 feet of, any bar, tavern, or club. Under the new law, couples have first and sole priority at all bars, taverns, and clubs statewide. Violators will be arrested for criminal trespassing, as well as statutory stalking which carries a penalty of up to seventy-five (75) years in prison.
(3) No person shall become involved in any type of public display of affection (PDA) in any public and/or outdoor area. PDA includes but is not limited to hugging, kissing, hand shakes, and high fives. PDA is a felony punishable by up to eighty (80) years imprisonment. All persons, while out in public, are to maintain a minimum distance of eight (8) feet between themselves and all other people, including people part of the individual's group, family, or party.
(4) No adult male person shall approach within less than three hundred fifty (350) feet of any minor female.
(5) No adult person shall approach within less than thirty (30) feet of any adult person of the opposite gender in any public area.
(6) No person shall have posession of any camera, camcorder, or device capable of taking either still or motion pictures within the 21-county Northwoods area. The Northwoods Area is strictly private property and is under full protection of Federal Copyright. And for your info, the Northwoods area is the entire area covered by the following counties; Polk, Barron, Rusk, Taylor, Lincoln, Langlade, Menominee, Oconto, Marinette, Burnett Washburn, Sawyer, Price, Oneida, Forest, Florence, Vilas, Iron, Ashland, Bayfield, and Douglas.
(7) No person between the ages of ten (10) and sixty (60) shall reside or visit within the Northwoods Area. The entire Northwoods Area is a restricted retirement-only area. Violators will face charges of criminal trespassing.