New York Primary Election Sept 14: Will you vote?

Created by Top Mod2 on Sep 13, 2010

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Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#17807 Jan 27, 2013
McDingleberry wrote:
<quoted text>
Don't Shave That Hair!!! I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting. No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my butt-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my buttcheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.
I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.
I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my butt of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My butt was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.
Little did I know.
I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two buttcheaks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.
This could only be written by a public assistance obama urine drinker, I mean who has the time to display such perversion?

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#17808 Jan 27, 2013
McDingleberry wrote:
Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic poo- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.
Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my butt off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my butt cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."
Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my butt at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for butt-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my buttcheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.
As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your butt having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony. TIL keep that ass hair!!
Now I know why you voted for obama, you really do like to take a bite out of an obama shit sandwich every day. Bon appetite!

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#17810 Jan 27, 2013
In the morning conservative posts are usually judged with positive considerate ratings by the productive members of society, however, by the afternoon that changes because all the lazy ass obama supporters stirring from a nights stupor of alcohol and drugs are at their food stamp computers posting their wrath against any insinuation that they get up off their lazy asses and work for their welfare. White trash, black trash, it's all the same obama trash.

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#17811 Jan 27, 2013
McDingleberry wrote:
Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic poo- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.
Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my butt off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my butt cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."
Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my butt at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for butt-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my buttcheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.
As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your butt having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony. TIL keep that ass hair!!
I must ask the readers, do you think there are actually three or more people who think the above vile perverse dung is funny as indicated by the judging? Or do you think that the dweeb author rated himself?
Retard from Utica

Corinth, NY

#17812 Jan 27, 2013
MacDaddyobama wrote:
<quoted text>
I must ask the readers, do you think there are actually three or more people who think the above vile perverse dung is funny as indicated by the judging? Or do you think that the dweeb author rated himself?
I think he's a GREAT author !

You, on the other hand....is about as queer as an inbred redneck can get !
Yup

United States

#17813 Jan 27, 2013
Sure am

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#17814 Jan 27, 2013
Retard from Utica wrote:
<quoted text>
I think he's a GREAT author !
You, on the other hand....is about as queer as an inbred redneck can get !
I believe you, what else would a moron think.

Since: Dec 12

Location hidden

#17815 Jan 27, 2013
The liberties of a people never were, nor ever will be, secure, when the transactions of their rulers may be concealed from them.

Patrick Henry

Since: Dec 12

Location hidden

#17816 Jan 27, 2013
When the federal government spends more each year than it collects in tax revenues, it has three choices: It can raise taxes, print money, or borrow money. While these actions may benefit politicians, all three options are bad for average Americans.
US Congress

Utica, NY

#17817 Jan 27, 2013
obama vomit wrote:
When the federal government spends more each year than it collects in tax revenues, it has three choices: It can raise taxes, print money, or borrow money. While these actions may benefit politicians, all three options are bad for average Americans.
Average Americans have no say in this matter; the congress will handle this, thank you.

Since: Dec 12

Location hidden

#17818 Jan 28, 2013
US Congress wrote:
<quoted text>
Average Americans have no say in this matter; the congress will handle this, thank you.
Only the average citizen who doesn't do his due diligence on the charector of the person he votes for and then never expresses his concerns to that elected official on matters that are important to the circumstances of himself and his family That is why we have the congress we have today, a nancy pelosi who says "We have to pass the bill to find out what's in it" You get the government you deserve, and unfortunately, we all have to suffer your stupidity.
McDingleberry

Brightwaters, NY

#17819 Jan 28, 2013
Hingle McCringleberry wrote:
The liberties of a people never were, nor ever will be, secure, when the transactions of their rulers may be concealed from them.
Patrick Henry
I see your Henry and raise you a Dingleberry
A cleanasshole is a healthyasshole. McDingleberry

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#17820 Jan 28, 2013
McDingleberry wrote:
<quoted text>
I see your Henry and raise you a Dingleberry
A cleanasshole is a healthyasshole. McDingleberry
Vile skunk, you don't even have the rudimentary intelligence to create your own nom de plume. How boring.
Reality Check

West Babylon, NY

#17823 Jan 28, 2013
Hingle McCringleberry wrote:
The liberties of a people never were, nor ever will be, secure, when the transactions of their rulers may be concealed from them.
Patrick Henry
The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter

-Churchill.

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#17824 Jan 28, 2013
Reality Check wrote:
<quoted text>
The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter
-Churchill.
Thank God, we are a Republic.

Since: Dec 12

Location hidden

#17827 Jan 31, 2013
Charlie Reese is a former columnist of the Orlando Sentinel Newspaper.

What you do with this article now that you have read it... is up to you.
This might be funny if it weren't so true.
Be sure to read all the way to the end:

Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table,
At which he's fed.

Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.

Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for
peanuts anyway!

Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.

Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries
Tax his tears.

Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass.

Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore.

Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid...

Put these words
Upon his tomb,
'Taxes drove me
to my doom...'

When he's gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.
Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax (currently 44.75 cents per gallon)
Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Personal Property Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service Charge Tax
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Sales Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Nonrecurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, & our nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.
cant be

Utica, NY

#17828 Jan 31, 2013
Hingle McCringleberry wrote:
Charlie Reese is a former columnist of the Orlando Sentinel Newspaper.
What you do with this article now that you have read it... is up to you.
This might be funny if it weren't so true.
Be sure to read all the way to the end:
Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table,
At which he's fed.
Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.
Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for
peanuts anyway!
Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.
Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.
Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.
Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries
Tax his tears.
Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass.
Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.
When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore.
Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid...
Put these words
Upon his tomb,
'Taxes drove me
to my doom...'
When he's gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.
Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax (currently 44.75 cents per gallon)
Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Personal Property Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service Charge Tax
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Sales Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Nonrecurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, & our nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.
Way too much time on your hands.

Since: Dec 12

Location hidden

#17829 Jan 31, 2013
cant be wrote:
<quoted text>
Way too much time on your hands.
Time is like a river flowing, what you see in front of you you will never see again, I didn't write the column, I denoted that Charlie Reese of the Sentinel did, btw, his last column I believe.
McDingleberry

Central Islip, NY

#17830 Feb 1, 2013
So here is my story of what happened to me last night. I'm sitting at my computer and I hear my dog start screaming like it is being attacked by a scorpion/narwhal. The dog fly's through the doggy door running like a mad dog. I then notice something is attacked to his butt, maybe a scorpion or some bug? My dog finally slows down enough to where I can get a good look at it, it was the infamous dingleberry.

After holding my dogs tail up to get a good look of this piece of crap, I figure that I will probably have to pull it out manually so he doesn't get this crap on our carpet. So I go and get a paper towel and grab a hold of his tail, my wife heard all the commotion and came down to what I'm sure looked to be a odd sight. I quickly explained the situation and she held the dog so he wouldn't get away.

So then I started to pull, oh no this was no a simple dingleberry that it seemed that it was. This thing felt it had a anchor inside of my dogs anus. So I give it a good tug and my dog starts wimpering (I would too if I was in this situation). The thing starts to move. Now I have a hold on the piece of string, but as I pull I have to grip HARD on this piece of string and it starts to come out. However to my surprise I realize the true cause of this dingleberry.

My dog has these rope chew toys, and I guess he had swallowed some of the yarn that comes off of the chew toy. So I'm thinking crap, this could take a while.

So I'm there pulling, the dog is whimpering and the massive yarn starts to come out, and its a HUGE piece. The thing keeps getting bigger! After pulling for a couple of minutes the huge piece finally starts to windle down and comes out more easily. After about 8 inches and like 5 minutes of my dog whimpering, the dingleberry is released from my dogs butt. Im standing there holding this 8 inches of poo covered yarn while my dog is running around as happy as can be. Damn you dingleberries!

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#17831 Feb 1, 2013
McDingleberry wrote:
So here is my story of what happened to me last night. I'm sitting at my computer and I hear my dog start screaming like it is being attacked by a scorpion/narwhal. The dog fly's through the doggy door running like a mad dog. I then notice something is attacked to his butt, maybe a scorpion or some bug? My dog finally slows down enough to where I can get a good look at it, it was the infamous dingleberry.
After holding my dogs tail up to get a good look of this piece of crap, I figure that I will probably have to pull it out manually so he doesn't get this crap on our carpet. So I go and get a paper towel and grab a hold of his tail, my wife heard all the commotion and came down to what I'm sure looked to be a odd sight. I quickly explained the situation and she held the dog so he wouldn't get away.
So then I started to pull, oh no this was no a simple dingleberry that it seemed that it was. This thing felt it had a anchor inside of my dogs anus. So I give it a good tug and my dog starts wimpering (I would too if I was in this situation). The thing starts to move. Now I have a hold on the piece of string, but as I pull I have to grip HARD on this piece of string and it starts to come out. However to my surprise I realize the true cause of this dingleberry.
My dog has these rope chew toys, and I guess he had swallowed some of the yarn that comes off of the chew toy. So I'm thinking crap, this could take a while.
So I'm there pulling, the dog is whimpering and the massive yarn starts to come out, and its a HUGE piece. The thing keeps getting bigger! After pulling for a couple of minutes the huge piece finally starts to windle down and comes out more easily. After about 8 inches and like 5 minutes of my dog whimpering, the dingleberry is released from my dogs butt. Im standing there holding this 8 inches of poo covered yarn while my dog is running around as happy as can be. Damn you dingleberries!
Touching story, and now you can register that new democrat to vote.

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