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“Fighting Cancer”

Since: Aug 10

Location hidden

#193 Jun 28, 2011
I use to think all men sucked, until I sat down and decided to look within myself, and discover what were the actual reasons I could never find someone to be happy with, or who treated me with respect and decency.

I found out that I wasn't perfect. Yes. A shock, I know. But 100% true. It took me many months to decipher through who I thought I was and who I wanted to be. I also reflected on past relationships: how they came to be and how they ended up.

I then made a plan of action. Made promises to myself that I would never break, decided what I was willing to do to find and keep a decent man, and made a list of things I would never, ever compromise on.

I am now in the 4th month of a wonderful relationship with the most decent, caring, faithful, sweetest man I have ever met. He doesnít drink, do drugs, lie, cheat, steal, etc. I am so very lucky that I have found him (or that he found me)!!

Donít give up!!! Look within yourself for the answers. God bless all of you!!
WTFRUTA

Elgin, TX

#194 Jun 28, 2011
Whatever.

If you can bear the knowledge that this man chose to be intimate with someone other than his mate with whatever time he (supposedly) has left, than that's all you. Whatever virtue or strength you wish to attribute to your boundless forgiveness, or medical excuses you give for his behavior, such is still perceived and has been/will be used as a weakness by cheaters the world over, daily.

Your overlong blathering of justification reads like a recitation of whatever complex game you've played with yourself to make this okay, and while informative, is unnecessary to anyone but yourself. By outlining this on Topix for all to see, you've simply opened it to critique by those less forgiving, tolerant, desperate, gullible and/or self-delusional, and as such, you should expect viewpoints that differ from your own. Were it truly okay, perhaps you'd not be publishing your tale, much less defending your decisions to strangers.

If my opinion seems abrasive or un-Christian of me, so be it. I'm under no shared moral or psychological compunction to justify my views and opinions to you, and doubt it would matter, either way. Take them, leave them; whatever helps you sleep at night.

Me: I'd let such a cheater die alone before cheapening myself and being a doormat, whether his days are numbered or not.

“Why so Serious?!”

Since: Nov 10

Location hidden

#195 Jun 28, 2011
I hope no child or elderly person or anybody really ever relies on you for anything especially if they are already near death because you would be the first to throw them in a ditch the first time they disagreed with you or hurt you. I am glad you are not my caretaker or friend. With your kind of narrow-minded selfish self-preservation set so firmly in place nobody would be safe from your hard heart and vindictiveness. I bet you are perfect in every way and have never done a thing wrong in your life to anybody and I can see by your words that you have never truly been remorseful for anything you have ever done and just needed forgiveness and understanding. Cheating is no worse than murder or other forms of abuse. I would rather be cheated on than be beaten to death painfully.. Cheating is not ok, however, if she says that he is truly trying to make it up to her and she did mention that Creatinine problem, which I did take the time to learn about before posting here, That would mean he either has near non-working kidneys or no kidneys, since that is controlled by the kidneys, and can cause people in those situation to go "clinically" insane and behave crazy or murder people because the brain is literally poisoned and they get away with it should it be discovered that it was a Creatinine induced dementia? Then I pray the only thing he ever does to her is cheat. What would you do to an Alzheimer patient that forgot they where married should you be the one they are married to? I feel sorry for you and even if she did post for all the world to see, maybe you should still educate yourself before spewing your venom because unless your in a unique situation like this poor girl appears to be in, your just talking out your ass.. You have no experience and no heart. That makes you ignorant and pathetic.

Still Healing-Hurting, you have my prayers and I'm glad you two are trying to work it out given the struggle you both have apparently had to endure. You have a friend in me and you sound like you really need one. Peace <3

BTW WTFRUTA, no, you are under no obligation to be human and comfort to any other human in need for any reason. Keep all your sympathy for yourself because should you ever be alone in your last hours due to your "views" you will need them to pity yourself for no one else should give you what you are not willing to give in return just because it's a complete stranger so you don't have to get to know her and it doesn't affect your life so why not be an @zzhole. right? It's not like she is your sister or mother. Just a faceless door mat because you know everything and are always right.
WTFRUTA wrote:
Whatever.
If you can bear the knowledge that this man chose to be intimate with someone other than his mate with whatever time he (supposedly) has left, than that's all you. Whatever virtue or strength you wish to attribute to your boundless forgiveness, or medical excuses you give for his behavior, such is still perceived and has been/will be used as a weakness by cheaters the world over, daily.
Your overlong blathering of justification reads like a recitation of whatever complex game you've played with yourself to make this okay, and while informative, is unnecessary to anyone but yourself. By outlining this on Topix for all to see, you've simply opened it to critique by those less forgiving, tolerant, desperate, gullible and/or self-delusional, and as such, you should expect viewpoints that differ from your own. Were it truly okay, perhaps you'd not be publishing your tale, much less defending your decisions to strangers.
If my opinion seems abrasive or un-Christian of me, so be it. I'm under no shared moral or psychological compunction to justify my views and opinions to you, and doubt it would matter, either way. Take them, leave them; whatever helps you sleep at night.
Me: I'd let such a cheater die alone before cheapening myself and being a doormat, whether his days are numbered or not.

“Why so Serious?!”

Since: Nov 10

Location hidden

#196 Jun 28, 2011
I agree with you. We should all learn to be ok with ourselves before seeking a mate in my opinion. Too many people let their lust and their fear of being alone push them into unhealthy situations and too often children are the result and the victims. Too often people rush into incompatible relationships before they really get to know themselves and exactly what and who they are inside. Too often those combinations culminate in hurt so deep that they harden their hearts and then they miss the best opportunity of their lives for their perfect mate because they are jaded and angry and unforgiving. Nobody wins at times like that. Perhaps if people were more mature before shacking up or getting married then there would be less childish selfishness and less purposeful meanness in the world period. I purposely took a self journey for 5 years and remained alone just so I could get to know me.. Now like you I am blessed beyond measure with my perfect mate now. I love my life! 4 years strong into my marriage and it's like the day we got married still. I will hold you in my thoughts and prayers that you will be blessed for the rest of your days with your chosen mate. <3
julie40385 wrote:
I use to think all men sucked, until I sat down and decided to look within myself, and discover what were the actual reasons I could never find someone to be happy with, or who treated me with respect and decency.
I found out that I wasn't perfect. Yes. A shock, I know. But 100% true. It took me many months to decipher through who I thought I was and who I wanted to be. I also reflected on past relationships: how they came to be and how they ended up.
I then made a plan of action. Made promises to myself that I would never break, decided what I was willing to do to find and keep a decent man, and made a list of things I would never, ever compromise on.
I am now in the 4th month of a wonderful relationship with the most decent, caring, faithful, sweetest man I have ever met. He doesnít drink, do drugs, lie, cheat, steal, etc. I am so very lucky that I have found him (or that he found me)!!
Donít give up!!! Look within yourself for the answers. God bless all of you!!
WTFRUTA

Richmond, KY

#197 Jun 28, 2011
To each their own.

While family will always receive special dispensation and allowances in my sphere of care and concern, a spouse, on the other hand, is only family by mutual agreement. When that agreement is violated - by cheating, let's say - that agreement, in my opinion, is thereafter void. The violator immediately ceases to be admitted into my sphere of concern. There are few injustices I am so adamantly final about, and cheating is one of them.

Perhaps this situation has some unique twists that merited further consideration. Perhaps this woman has made the decision that is most fitting to her situation. My ability to take her at her word, or him at his, or my level of kindness (or lack thereof) should have no real bearing.

Nor does any over-reaching and haphazard assessment of me based on my levels of indulgence or pity toward those who are even further outside my sphere of care and concern.

What does matter to me is relaying the message that - for most situations *without* some supposed medical mulligan at play - indulging a cheater does nothing but encourage the behavior further, and demean the indulger.

People will make all sorts of excuses for infidelity. Those who cling to cheaters for whatever reason will likewise make excuses on the cheater's behalf. I've heard a great number of these excuses, and known many of them to be patently false, to include not a few that blamed various physiological/psychological conditions for the offending actions.(I have known of at least two cheaters who laughably claimed demonic possession as their excuse)! In this case, without more to go on but the words posted here, who can say how much of this particular tale is truth and how much is fiction, either fed to her by the offending mate, or conjured for her own peace of mind?

Skepticism isn't unreasonable, particularly given the tendencies and reputation of this particular venue of expression. If I exercise more skepticism than some, and in so doing have been overly abrasive, then that is my nature. While it may gain me no popularity points with the more tenderhearted of the Topix community, I've not found it to be a hindrance in any meaningful regard; rather, it has served as a valuable tool and a strength.

So you may save your pity and prayers for those more deserving, and I shall bear your disdain with little effort, having spoken my mind without reservation.
QueenKay

Albany, NY

#198 Jun 25, 2012
ShortKayke wrote:
<quoted text>
Point taken. But how exactly am I honestly supposed to believe that, when in all actuality never have I ever ran into a truly amazing guy who treats me worth a crap? I don't think all guys are bad, just think some of them could be a little more considerate.
maybe you just have really shitty taste in men :/
Briar Rabbit

United States

#199 Jun 26, 2012
ShortKayke wrote:
Why do guys say that? "We're not all that bad" hmm, bullcrap! There's no such thing as a good guy, there's only @$$holes pretending to be perfect. Everything is completely double standard with men! You ignore us, that's cool. We ignore you, 20 missed calls and 15 text messages later we suffer for you not answering our one call/text? Seriously. He blows you off for his friends...who gives a crap. You blow him off because of something that's actually more important, it's a big deal. And they wonder why we b!tch.
well Kayke I haven't been kissed in 5 years no sex in 10 I'll answer all your calls if you treated me like a wanted man

Since: May 12

Location hidden

#200 Jun 26, 2012
I wouldn't exactly say men suck....they just tend to read too much into things that aren't really there and overlook the facts that are right in front of them for them and all to see!
Briar Rabbit

United States

#201 Jun 26, 2012
NightLily wrote:
I wouldn't exactly say men suck....they just tend to read too much into things that aren't really there and overlook the facts that are right in front of them for them and all to see!
. Your right about that that is one thing I've learned over the years I now take one day at a time appreciate it and everyone in it like this is the last day of my life. Rick Pitino said one thing in an interview that really stuck with me since 1994 always stay in the present moment at the end of the day make sure you reflect and understand the portrait you have painted and be ready to sign your name to it proudly if you can't, paint a good one the next day that you are proud enough to sign as a masterpiece!
hear here

United States

#202 Jun 27, 2012
I say that there's not an inch difference between them all, other than that, majority of them, are selfish pigs!!!! Off with there head!!! The one on there shoulders, not the one they think with....Hee Hee Hee!!
Briar Rabbit

United States

#203 Jun 27, 2012
hear here wrote:
I say that there's not an inch difference between them all, other than that, majority of them, are selfish pigs!!!! Off with there head!!! The one on there shoulders, not the one they think with....Hee Hee Hee!!
so hear here wants satisfaction with only the small head. Well my small head can think for itself for about 4 hrs then he wants to take a break. I'm trying to train him better!
NYLady

Bloomingburg, NY

#204 Nov 24, 2012
Men are such abusive,stupid,jerkoffs..and now they are using dating sites to lie and see how many women will sleep with then and woman are falling for this...ALL WOMAN wake up dating sites are for all these losers to get laid.
NYLady

Bloomingburg, NY

#205 Nov 24, 2012
julie40385 wrote:
I use to think all men sucked, until I sat down and decided to look within myself, and discover what were the actual reasons I could never find someone to be happy with, or who treated me with respect and decency.
I found out that I wasn't perfect. Yes. A shock, I know. But 100% true. It took me many months to decipher through who I thought I was and who I wanted to be. I also reflected on past relationships: how they came to be and how they ended up.
I then made a plan of action. Made promises to myself that I would never break, decided what I was willing to do to find and keep a decent man, and made a list of things I would never, ever compromise on.
I am now in the 4th month of a wonderful relationship with the most decent, caring, faithful, sweetest man I have ever met. He doesnít drink, do drugs, lie, cheat, steal, etc. I am so very lucky that I have found him (or that he found me)!!
Donít give up!!! Look within yourself for the answers. God bless all of you!!
4 months, ya wait 5-10 years always on their good behavior in the beginning WTF!
NYLady

Bloomingburg, NY

#206 Nov 24, 2012
julie40385 wrote:
I use to think all men sucked, until I sat down and decided to look within myself, and discover what were the actual reasons I could never find someone to be happy with, or who treated me with respect and decency.
I found out that I wasn't perfect. Yes. A shock, I know. But 100% true. It took me many months to decipher through who I thought I was and who I wanted to be. I also reflected on past relationships: how they came to be and how they ended up.
I then made a plan of action. Made promises to myself that I would never break, decided what I was willing to do to find and keep a decent man, and made a list of things I would never, ever compromise on.
I am now in the 4th month of a wonderful relationship with the most decent, caring, faithful, sweetest man I have ever met. He doesnít drink, do drugs, lie, cheat, steal, etc. I am so very lucky that I have found him (or that he found me)!!
Donít give up!!! Look within yourself for the answers. God bless all of you!!
WTF all men are angels in the beginning wait 5-10 years then talk this crap!!!
Good man

Duluth, GA

#208 Nov 24, 2012
Treat women with respect always
In my circle, too many times women pick second best
They are a quality lady that want Mr right, and fails to see the full picture
I shake my head and always want
to know why???!!!
A man

Lexington, KY

#210 Nov 24, 2012
Too much drama. That's why guys act like jerks. Keep it simple ladies. We don't like complicated women
Rain3571

Jamaica, NY

#211 Apr 17, 2013
I hate to say that all men are bad but damn it just seems that for the most part they are very double standard and selfish...it just seems like all women complaint about the same things....they don't want to help their women with the children, the chores, ect. They usually just want someone to be their surrogate mother to do everything. Except now they can have sex with them too. Men should grow up already...sometimes it is just too ridiculous. Women believe me, we all go thought the same trash!
Thoughts

Richmond, KY

#212 Apr 18, 2013
When the only place you ever going fishing is a septic tank, don't be surprised when all you reel in are turds. And if your bait sucks, it won't matter where you fish; you'll not catch any keepers.

...

Nearly every woman I've known that's ever made the blanket-claim that men (in general, or all of them) suck or are cheaters or assholes, upon closer examination, have had some serious problems in their selection process.

Gals who want instant gratification and/or lack patience will rush in blindly and wonder what went wrong after the fact. Some are far too desperate and will take whatever they can get with almost no time spent getting to know someone. Others keep picking men from the same limited selection in their little areas or circles, so of course they're all going to be more or less the same.

Many women are attracted at either the conscious or subconscious level to certain traits that go hand in hand with sucky ones. Like the dangerous or superfun party guys? Well buckle up, cause you're probably gonna get a future convict, a substance abuser, or a cheater. Like superfit gym freaks? Have fun, cause dude's gonna be selfish as hell, possibly overly aggressive or even abusive, and should your looks ever slip, he'll probably leave you, or just cheat. Lives with his momma? Enjoy your unmotivated, broke-ass spoiled brat.

These parallels aren't going to be the case 100% of the time, of course. But they will be accurate enough percentage of times to warrant a little consideration.

It's both short-sighted and ridiculous to assume based on your own limited and jaded experiences that good men aren't out there, simply because you've lacked the vision or skill or the range to find and keep one.

The one thing all of your failed relationships have in common you.
true

New York, NY

#213 Apr 18, 2013
Have you all thought that you females are just as bad as men wanting that free ride or free high their is a lot of us that work our a$$ off and get treated like sh$t and when we stop giving we are no good men so before you say something about us look in the mirror and ask your self do I deserve him !!!
Guys and Gals

Richmond, KY

#214 Apr 18, 2013
true wrote:
Have you all thought that you females are just as bad as men wanting that free ride or free high their is a lot of us that work our a$$ off and get treated like sh$t and when we stop giving we are no good men so before you say something about us look in the mirror and ask your self do I deserve him !!!
There's good and bad on both sides.

Biggest problem is, people don't take the time to get to know someone, truly know them, before getting emotionally invested.

Gone are the days of long courtships and taking it slow; now everyone rushes in, and later wonders "how did I miss that he/she was a liar, a bum, a pillhead, an abuser, or a cheater?" Well, you might have noticed the warning signs, if you'd known the person for more than a week before sleeping with them, or more than a month before moving them in! Or what's worse: Dumb guys and gals that DO notice the signs, but figure they can "change" that person, or "help" them. Dumb.

Slow down. Use your heads. If you keep coming up with losers, then you're looking in the wrong places or for the wrong things. If you're in a bad relationship, admit that you screwed up and picked a loser, ditch them, and move on. Learn from it. Don't repeat mistakes of the past, in method or in giving undeserved "2nd chances." Good ones are all over the place; there's no reason to settle for a dud.

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