Married man whose divorce is not fina...

Married man whose divorce is not final is going around in public with new GF

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What do you think

Lexington, KY

#1 May 27, 2013
What do you think about a married man whose divorce is not final telling everyone he has a new girlfriend and says publicly he is in a relationship with this new person . Last time I checked, girlfriend is not the term one uses to describe the relationship between a married man and a woman other than his wife.
Word of advise to a woman who thinks she is so special, how the heck can a man pursue another relationship a couple of weeks after leaving a marriage that lasted for many years?
Think about it, if he can profess his love to his current wife at the beginning of the month and be telling you he loves you at the end of the month, I will bet ya he will do the same thing to you in the future. Ever heard of narcissism?
HassOle

Richmond, KY

#2 May 27, 2013
I am not saying I agree with the actions you describe.

However, it is unlikely that someone who is undergoing a divorce is doing so "all of a sudden" like a switch was flipped; it is far more likely that the marriage was dying and merely on life support for some time, even if one or the other party chose to conceal this fact from the other or one chose to ignore it til the bitter end.

Further, the process of dissolving a legal state of marriage takes time only due to the paperwork and the process involved. Existing in a state of mere legal marriage while clerks and judges take their sweet time to process paperwork that exists mostly for tax purposes doesn't mean that all marital and emotional commitments such as fidelity need to be considered. If the soon-to-be-ex-spouse was overly concerned with such things, they wouldn't be getting divorced in the first place.

It's regrettable and sad that people's marriages don't always work out. But it is necessary to accept it when it happens, rather than being overly concerned with what the other party is doing once the marriage is essentially and for all real intents and purposes over and done with.

Time to start moving on.
What do you think wrote:
What do you think about a married man whose divorce is not final telling everyone he has a new girlfriend and says publicly he is in a relationship with this new person . Last time I checked, girlfriend is not the term one uses to describe the relationship between a married man and a woman other than his wife.
Word of advise to a woman who thinks she is so special, how the heck can a man pursue another relationship a couple of weeks after leaving a marriage that lasted for many years?
Think about it, if he can profess his love to his current wife at the beginning of the month and be telling you he loves you at the end of the month, I will bet ya he will do the same thing to you in the future. Ever heard of narcissism?
Yep

Richmond, KY

#3 May 28, 2013
HassOle wrote:
I am not saying I agree with the actions you describe.
However, it is unlikely that someone who is undergoing a divorce is doing so "all of a sudden" like a switch was flipped; it is far more likely that the marriage was dying and merely on life support for some time, even if one or the other party chose to conceal this fact from the other or one chose to ignore it til the bitter end.
Further, the process of dissolving a legal state of marriage takes time only due to the paperwork and the process involved. Existing in a state of mere legal marriage while clerks and judges take their sweet time to process paperwork that exists mostly for tax purposes doesn't mean that all marital and emotional commitments such as fidelity need to be considered. If the soon-to-be-ex-spouse was overly concerned with such things, they wouldn't be getting divorced in the first place.
It's regrettable and sad that people's marriages don't always work out. But it is necessary to accept it when it happens, rather than being overly concerned with what the other party is doing once the marriage is essentially and for all real intents and purposes over and done with.
Time to start moving on.
<quoted text>
I totally agree. In most instances the marriage has been in trouble for years prior to one party actually leaving. The emotional end of the marriage happens long before the legal end. Once two people are separated and the papers are filed I see no problem with either of them moving on.
If I may

Corbin, KY

#4 May 28, 2013
What do you think wrote:
What do you think about a married man whose divorce is not final telling everyone he has a new girlfriend

There's a lot to be said for a new piece of tail.
Honest

Kansas City, MO

#5 May 28, 2013
If it's over, then it's time to move on.
Dont Sweat It

Chicago, IL

#6 May 28, 2013
It may sting a bit that he's moving on so quickly, but there really are no laws saying he can't. In fact, there are no laws in this state saying you can't just up & cheat on your spouse... This is a no-failt divorce state, and aduldery is only unlawful for military members bound to the Uniform Code of Military Justice.

You may not like it or agree with it, but that's less his problem now than it is yours. So why let it occupy your time and attention when clearly he no longer deserves either?

There are also no laws against you moving on with your life either. May be it's time for a girls' night out?
Gayle

Charlestown, IN

#7 May 28, 2013
I think I know the person or persons this is about and the marriage was over for awhile. He has moved and and you should as well
For Real

Lexington, KY

#8 May 28, 2013
I do not know if we are speaking of the same person or not. I do disagree with you though. In most circumstances, you would be correct. Marriages do not just crumble all of a sudden. I see your point. But in this case, here is the facts:

1. "He" was professing his love for his wife in March of this year ("he" is a close friend of my husbands and I heard it with my own ears,I've been in "their" home weekly, taken vacations with them, and "he" was at our home on almost a daily basis, trust me he gushed and bragged on her daily.)

2. "They" filed for divorce in mid March, and it WAS NOT because of another woman, it WAS all of a sudden an a shock to his wife. Now "He" has "girlfriend by the end of the March that he is "madly" in love with.

3. I just can't believe a person could be madly in live with their wife at the beginning of the month and madly in love with someone else at the end of the month.

4. To the Gayle: You said that you think you know of who I speak of and he has moved on and so should she. Trust me, "she" has no more use for the ex-husband to be anymore. Has she moved on? No, she is a normal person who is going to grieve over a marriage that ended as a person should, it is like a death. "She" doesn't want him back, or "she" would have taken him back when "he" begged her to take him back.

5. My advise to is the new girlfriend should speak to the ex-wife to be, of course "he" is going to tell you what he wants you to hear. I am sure "she" would tell you she has no interest in having him back. "Her" old troubles will be the new girlfriends troubles now.

Gayle wrote:
I think I know the person or persons this is about and the marriage was over for awhile. He has moved and and you should as well
Gayle

Winchester, KY

#9 May 28, 2013
Guess there are two sides to every story and people believe what they want. I don't think anyone is going to get over a marriage that lasted that long in just a month. If he has then obviously he was as invested as he led you to believe. You can tell a complete stranger you love them doesn't mean it's true. Actions speak louder than words and his was to file for divorce.
For Real

Lexington, KY

#10 May 28, 2013
Well said. I totally agree with you. There is no way to get over a marriage that lasted that long in only a month. Beware, if he led this wife to believe she was so special he will do the same to the next.

As a side note, the wife filed for divorce first. When he was served his papers he counter sued. He begged his wife back, but the events that had taken place made the marriage broken. His wife loved him, and still does, but she told me that she cannot live with a liar. If he is attempting to make his wife jealous or hurt with this new "love", it will not happen. He already broke her heart and now she must heal. She is healing as any normal person would, not looking for a love interest, she is morning the death of her marriage. Because just as you cannot bring a person back from the dead, neither can you a marriage that is dead.

Beware to the person who thinks they are so "special", his wife did too the first part of the month of March 2013 and by the end of the month, he was telling someone else they are so "special." Since my husband and her husband are best friends I am not talking to her or to him, but I told her I would always be her friend and I will. I feel terrible for her.

Beware ladies, if it looks to good to be true it probably is.

Gayle wrote:
Guess there are two sides to every story and people believe what they want. I don't think anyone is going to get over a marriage that lasted that long in just a month. If he has then obviously he was as invested as he led you to believe. You can tell a complete stranger you love them doesn't mean it's true. Actions speak louder than words and his was to file for divorce.
Meh

Richmond, KY

#11 May 28, 2013
Any woman or man that believes professions of love and adoration from anyone, be they recently separated or divorced or single for decades, without taking the time to get to know the person before placing such trust in them, is a fool anyway. If his new squeeze is taking everything he says as gospel after 1 month or even 3 months, she gets what she gets.

And people rarely solicit or accept the offered (but usually biased) advice of exes and soon-to-be exes or their friends and allies at face value. A person might put on the front of offering this info as a sort of public service, but it still comes off as the spurned parties trying to sabotage this guy because they are butthurt over his rapid reversal and his callously moving on.

We get it, you suspect (and secretly hope) that his new relationship will end miserably, and maybe you're right. Now do yourselves a favor and stop focusing any attention on it. You are doing yourselves a disservice, and your efforts here will ultimately have no real impact on the situation other than having wasted your time, living in the past.
Yep

Berea, KY

#12 May 28, 2013
Is his new girlfriend divorced or married?
For Real wrote:
I do not know if we are speaking of the same person or not. I do disagree with you though. In most circumstances, you would be correct. Marriages do not just crumble all of a sudden. I see your point. But in this case, here is the facts:
1. "He" was professing his love for his wife in March of this year ("he" is a close friend of my husbands and I heard it with my own ears,I've been in "their" home weekly, taken vacations with them, and "he" was at our home on almost a daily basis, trust me he gushed and bragged on her daily.)
2. "They" filed for divorce in mid March, and it WAS NOT because of another woman, it WAS all of a sudden an a shock to his wife. Now "He" has "girlfriend by the end of the March that he is "madly" in love with.
3. I just can't believe a person could be madly in live with their wife at the beginning of the month and madly in love with someone else at the end of the month.
4. To the Gayle: You said that you think you know of who I speak of and he has moved on and so should she. Trust me, "she" has no more use for the ex-husband to be anymore. Has she moved on? No, she is a normal person who is going to grieve over a marriage that ended as a person should, it is like a death. "She" doesn't want him back, or "she" would have taken him back when "he" begged her to take him back.
5. My advise to is the new girlfriend should speak to the ex-wife to be, of course "he" is going to tell you what he wants you to hear. I am sure "she" would tell you she has no interest in having him back. "Her" old troubles will be the new girlfriends troubles now.
<quoted text>
For Real

Lexington, KY

#13 May 28, 2013
I do not wish to "sabotage" anyone. In your own words, " Any woman or man that believes professions of love and adoration from anyone, be they recently separated or divorced or single for decades, without taking the time to get to know the person before placing such trust in them, is a fool anyway."

It is what it is.
Meh wrote:
Any woman or man that believes professions of love and adoration from anyone, be they recently separated or divorced or single for decades, without taking the time to get to know the person before placing such trust in them, is a fool anyway. If his new squeeze is taking everything he says as gospel after 1 month or even 3 months, she gets what she gets.
And people rarely solicit or accept the offered (but usually biased) advice of exes and soon-to-be exes or their friends and allies at face value. A person might put on the front of offering this info as a sort of public service, but it still comes off as the spurned parties trying to sabotage this guy because they are butthurt over his rapid reversal and his callously moving on.
We get it, you suspect (and secretly hope) that his new relationship will end miserably, and maybe you're right. Now do yourselves a favor and stop focusing any attention on it. You are doing yourselves a disservice, and your efforts here will ultimately have no real impact on the situation other than having wasted your time, living in the past.
Yep

Berea, KY

#14 May 28, 2013
If it is who I think they have lost their mind completely
For Real

Lexington, KY

#15 May 28, 2013
He has
Yep wrote:
If it is who I think they have lost their mind completely
Divorce

Richmond, KY

#16 May 28, 2013
wow this sounds like me, except my ex-husband did'nt beg me back. I asked him back. But now he is in a new relationship. we have been together for over 2 decades and as for me, it is taking time to move on with my life. It's very sad to go thru a divorce. Love is Love whether u are with your ex-husband or not. Divorce papers cant change LOVE.
Just a thought

Lexington, KY

#17 May 28, 2013
Sound like this man is baiting the new girlfriend like a fish hook. He most likely needs a person to split the bills with and make his life easier. If this is true the poor girl will figure out she was just a pawn in his chess game.

I had something like this happen to a friend of mine. It took her awhile figure it all out after the too-good-to-be-true prince charming act wore of. Her prince that turned into a frog ended up having her work 2 jobs just to try and get out of all the mess he put her in. Turns out he lied to her about so many things and she found out after it was too late.

Word of advice for anyone who wants to get in a serious relationship: Find out the financial status of your potential mate before you marry them. DO NOT take their word, ask to see their credit report.

This may sound rash, but, their bills will be your bills when you get married & his/her credit will matter to you once your married. Marriage is more than fairy tales & dreamland. It is a business partnership as well. If your potential mate is HONEST, they will share their financial obligations with you before you get married.

Run a criminal background check on the person. Go City Hall in Richmond and use their computer. It may be interesting what you find out.

Go to the vault room at the court house and see how many times they have been married and if they are telling you the truth.
Yep wrote:
Is his new girlfriend divorced or married?
<quoted text>
For Real

Lexington, KY

#18 May 28, 2013
I am sorry that you are going through this. I do feel badly for the soon-to-be ex wife I was speaking of. You are right LOVE is Love and a "normal" person would be grieving the death of their marriage, not off telling someone they love them less than a month of splitting with their wife.

Again, I feel for you and I am sorry.
Divorce wrote:
wow this sounds like me, except my ex-husband did'nt beg me back. I asked him back. But now he is in a new relationship. we have been together for over 2 decades and as for me, it is taking time to move on with my life. It's very sad to go thru a divorce. Love is Love whether u are with your ex-husband or not. Divorce papers cant change LOVE.
blah

Richmond, KY

#19 May 28, 2013
If it's over and the paperwork is pending, then that's really it. If dude decides to rush into another relationship, drop the L word, or jump the fence and turn gay, who cares? I'm guessing there's a reason for the divorce, so of course he's going to do stuff that isn't honorable or considerate of his ex. If not maybe he wouldn't be getting divorced. Personally I think anyone fresh out of a relationship or marriage should avoid rebounding like that, but it happens all the time so it's not exactly a shock to hear of it.
Well Said

Lexington, KY

#20 May 29, 2013
Very well said. I agree 100% with you.
blah wrote:
If it's over and the paperwork is pending, then that's really it. If dude decides to rush into another relationship, drop the L word, or jump the fence and turn gay, who cares? I'm guessing there's a reason for the divorce, so of course he's going to do stuff that isn't honorable or considerate of his ex. If not maybe he wouldn't be getting divorced. Personally I think anyone fresh out of a relationship or marriage should avoid rebounding like that, but it happens all the time so it's not exactly a shock to hear of it.

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